The Decepticons' Day Off

Chapter Two: Starscream's Big Mistake

"Megatron sir, I want to see the lions!" Starscream yelled over the sound of the workers and visitors of London Zoo screaming in fear as Megatron blasted them with his Fusion Cannon.

"All in good time, Starscream!" Megatron was enjoying this far too much. Though he didn't seem to understand the concept of "not drawing attention to himself".

"I wish to visit the petting zoo. As do Ravage and Laserbeak," Soundwave droned. His "pets" sat next to him, both with their optics fixed upon the silver tyrant, who was currently kicking through a ticket booth.

"Hahahahahaaaaaaa! That'll teach you, pathetic flesh-beings! Never again will you charge the Decepticons entry to the zoo! Mwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Megatron they're gone," Starscream said.

"Oh, right, of course." Megatron straightened up and brushed dust off his arms. "Lions you say, Starscream?"

"Yes sir."

"Very well. Off we go then."

"But sir, I wish to visit the petting-" Soundwave began in protest.

"Oh fine, you over-grown cassette player-"

"Who listens to CASSETTES anymore?" Starscream butted in, pulling an iPod out of his storage compartment. He only had it because it made Soundwave cry.

"Shut up Starscream. Soundwave, you may visit the petting zoo with Ravage and Laserbeak. We shall rendezvous at the monkey cage in precisely two Earth hours. Move out!" He pointed dramatically in the direction of the lions.

"I can't believe you're treating this like a fucking battle," Starscream mumbled.

"Shut UP Starscream!" Megatron yelled, hitting the seeker on the back of the head.

"Sorry sir."

Ravage cocked his head inquisitively then looked to Soundwave.

"Lovers' quarrel," the Communications Officer explained.

"SHUT UP SOUNDWAVE!" Megatron roared. Starscream was bent double with laughter.

Soon enough Megatron and Starscream seemed to have forgotten about their little tiff (as always), and were observing the proud lions from the safety of the other side of the cage. The lions were sleeping quite soundly, resting on boulders or clumps of grass. One particularly lazy lion had fallen asleep on his back, his head lulling from side to side and his tail imitating the motion. Megatron found himself transfixed.

"Tail goes left… tail goes right… tail goes left… tail goes…"

"Megatron sir!"

"…right… tail goes-"

"MEGATRON, YOU DOLT!"

"OH, WHAT IS IT YOU IMBECILE?!?"

"Sir, you've been doing that for an hour."

"What of it?" Megatron asked, managing to tear himself away from the fascinatingly lazy creatures in the cage before him.

"I'm bored," Starscream moaned.

"So?"

"Um… requesting permission to see the Reptile House sir," said Starscream, doing a rather good impression of Soundwave.

"Request approved," Megatron growled, turning back to the lions.

"Right. I'll see you later, sir."

"Tail goes left… tail goes right…"

Starscream sighed and marched over to the Reptile House. He should have never let Megatron watch The Simpsons on YouTube…

"Maybe Prime was right… maybe his IS a TINY bit mad… just a little… maybe…" he thought as he entered the cool dark room filled with glass tanks housing snakes and lizards.

Starscream had been disappointed by how lethargic the lions were, as he had heard that they were mighty and vicious creatures. He had thought that the snakes would quench his thirst for violence. He thought wrong.

"Move, damn you!" he yelled, banging the glass tank holding a sleeping Boa Constrictor. The glass cracked, but the snake didn't move.

Then a thought pierced Starscream's logic circuits like a bullet. The animals were so lazy because they had been imprisoned by the humans. Surely, Starscream thought, if they were released, violence would ensue. Animal against animal… Lion against alligator… Yes… That would be most amusing indeed… It was perfectly logical.

---

Megatron heard the damage before he saw it. He had been watching the lion's tail when a loud crash sounded throughout the zoo. The sound of shattering glass filled his audio receptors. Then, he heard an all too familiar high-pitched cackle, followed by a dry of:

"NO, YOU FOOLS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT EACHOTHER! GO! KILL! COME ONNNN!"

"STARSCREAM?" Megatron called. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!?"

"NOTHING, SIR!"

"IT DOESN'T SLAGGING SOUND LIKE SLAGGING NOTHING!"

Then he saw it. First one small yellow python slithered around the corner, followed by some more snakes, followed by a group of lizards. And then Megatron was thrown off his feet as an army of reptiles cascaded down the path towards him, hissing and growling and making a variety of other noises.

"STARSCREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!"

"I'M NOT DOING IT!"

"YES YOU ARE, YOU SLAGGING FOOL! YOU HAVE FAILED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! AGAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!"