The Decepticons' Day Off
Chapter Three: Soundwave's New Pets
"I hate you," Megatron stated when Starscream finally found him twenty minutes later. He was buried under a pile of picnic benches in the Elephants' feeding area.
"I hate you more," the seeker retorted. He stood with one foot on the bench strewn across his leader's chest, with no intent of helping the Decepticon Lord to his feet. A smirk was plastered across his face and his hands rested on his hips.
"Not possible. Because I hate you more than… more than… Optimus Prime!"
"Well, maybe you should just go and marry Prime then!"
"Maybe I will! It's certainly better than putting up with you!"
"Good!"
"Good!"
"And you'll have ugly, ugly Sparklings by the way."
Megatron was about to shout at his Air Commander when Soundwave magically appeared next to them. Wearing a hat. A hat with a happy monkey on it.
"What are you two fighting about now?" he asked.
"What is that?" Starscream and Megatron asked in unison, staring at the hat.
"What?"
"That." Starscream pointed to the hideous smiling monkey perched atop the Communications Officer's head.
"It's a hat."
"It's terrifying. I think it wants to eat me," Starscream said. "It's looking at me…" he added, moving around Soundwave. Sure enough, the odd hat's eyes followed him.
Megatron managed to struggle out from under the pile of wooden furniture and stumbled to his feet.
"For once, I have to agree with you Starscream. This… "hat" is certainly scary. And…" Megatron's gaze wandered down to Soundwave's hand. In it was nestled a creature he had seen twenty minutes ago. And he was not happy to see it again.
"Soundwave…" he sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"Yes sir?"
"What is that?" he pointed to the blue mech's hand and both Soundwave and Starscream looked at the creature in it.
"It's a yellow python. His name is Banana," Soundwave replied innocently.
"I - What?" Megatron spluttered. Starscream laughed but was quickly silenced by a slap to the back of his head. "Are you… intending to keep this…Banana?"
"Affirmative."
Megatron sighed. He hated this trip already.
"Very well. Just keep it the slag away from me."
"Put it in his bed," Starscream said immediately. Megatron slapped him again.
"I have more," Soundwave said.
"What do you mean… more?" Megatron asked. It was then that he noticed Ravage sitting under a tree to his left. Laserbeak was perched in one of the branches. Next to Ravage stood… "What the slag is that thing?"
"It's a giraffe. Her name is Alice."
"Alice?"
"Alice."
"Right."
"And this is Pippin," Soundwave said, reaching into his storage compartment and withdrawing a ferret.
Megatron stared at "Pippin" in utter disbelief.
"And where exactly are we going to keep these things?" he managed to ask quite calmly. Soundwave shrugged.
"We should get a giant tortoise too," Starscream said. Megatron slapped the seeker yet again.
"Would you STOP that?!?" Megatron replied with another slap. Starscream shuffled off to sit on a wall and sulk.
"I have also acquired a lamb. Her name is Lucy." He pointed to the young creature standing on shaky legs next to Ravage. It bleated feebly at Megatron.
"Soundwave… how many animals did you "acquire" while I was being chased by an army of reptiles?"
"Just these four."
"Oh, ONLY four," Megatron said sarcastically.
"I could get more if you'd like."
"No, no… I think we have enough…"
"Affirmative."
---
After returning to their hotel to dispose of the animals (Alice had posed the most difficulty), the three Decepticons strolled along the South Bank. They were going to meet Thundercracker, Skywarp and Shockwave and go for dinner. Soundwave had insisted in bringing Banana with him. Megatron hadn't been happy. Starscream had laughed. Megatron had slapped him.
The yellow python was currently curled around Starscream's right wing. The creature seemed to have taken a liking to the seeker, who seemed to have taken a mild interest in Banana as well. Megatron was NOT happy.
He stormed ahead of his Air Commander and Communications Officer, occasionally kicking a small child to make himself feel better. He grumbled when he saw the long road stretched out ahead of him. It was riddled with street performers and children. Two things he actually hated more than Starscream.
"What do you mean, dance?" he heard Soundwave say. He turned around to see the blue mech and Starscream surrounded by a group of eager-looking children. Megatron sighed.
"They think you're street performers," he said. Starscream grinned evilly.
"Hey kiddies, wanna see a thing called a "Null Ray"? It's really cool!" Megatron had to admit that not all of Starscream's ideas were entirely stupid.
Somehow, Soundwave managed to persuade Starscream NOT to shoot the foul little fleshlings, and the group continued in their long walk. Even the street performers were looking at them strangely. Megatron shot one of them, a clown, with his Fusion Cannon, just to get the message across that they weren't here to mess around.
In short, someone called the police, Megatron and Starscream drew their weapons, and the policemen ran away. Along with every other human in the area. Humans sure were cowardly, Megatron thought.