The Decepticons' Day Off
Chapter Four: Thundercracker's Really Bad Joke
"Hey Starscream… there's a snake on your plane…" Thundercracker snickered when he saw the grumpy seeker. The Air Commander shot his wingmate a death glare.
"That's a REALLY bad joke," he spat. He put his hand up to his wing to allow Banana to curl himself around it. He quite liked the snake. Only because it scared the shit out of Megatron though. Starscream had already decided that if Megatron grew too attached to any of the animals Soundwave had "acquired", he would kill them in front of his leader. Oh, that would be so much fun.
Right now, Starscream was particularly pissed off with his leader. For the Decepticon Lord had just called him a "whiny little glitch" when he "threw a hissy fit" because he didn't like Chinese food. It was greasy. He didn't slagging like it.
"Hello Starscream," Skywarp said.
"Hello Skywarp." Well, that had gone relatively well, Starscream thought. Next was Shockwave. The seeker turned to look at the purple mech. "Hello Shock-"
"SHUT UP! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" Shockwave screeched. He pointed to Banana, who was looking at the Decepticon with great interest.
"Oh, I forgot. You don't like animals, do you?" Starscream sneered. Well, he might as well make himself feel better by picking on someone else. He lifted the yellow python up to Shockwave's face and laughed manically as the purple mech's single yellow optic began to flash over and over as he shrieked in panic.
"Wow, that's like… the only cool thing you're ever done," Skywarp gasped when Shockwave ran away screaming like a Sparkling. Starscream smiled. He'd actually just earned a bit of respect from his wingmate.
"Oi, Starscream. Go and buy me some vodka, for some reason that fragger won't serve me. He thinks I'm a fleshling child in a costume," Megatron spat. "Oh, hello you two," he said to Thundercracker and Skywarp. For some reason the fact that the pair of seekers were both wearing "I heart London" T-shirts didn't seem to bother him.
"Why should I have to do it? Can't Shockwave do it?" Starscream whined. Megaton slapped him.
"Stop whining and do it," he snapped, handing Starscream a bundle of notes.
"How much booze do you want exactly, oh great and powerful alcoholic Lord of the Decepticons?"
"As much as you can get with that, now just go before I melt you down for scrap!"
Starscream rolled his optics and walked into the shop. So much for respect.
---
"This is boring," Starscream said half an hour later.
"Silence, Starscream. PUSH ME HIGHER!" Megatron commanded loudly.
"Megatron, these swings were made for fleshing children. I think they're going to break soon."
"ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!?"
"YES!"
"YOU FRAGGER! I'LL HAVE YOU MELTED DOWN FOR SCRAP!"
"Well, I see nothing's changed in the last day," Skywarp stated flatly as he, Thundercracker and Soundwave watched their superiors have a cat fight.
"Ah, they'll sort it out. They always do," Thundercracker said. He downed a bottle of Smirnoff and threw the empty bottle at a small child. "That's a five pointer, I got him in the head."
"Affirmative," said Soundwave.
"I can't believe we're in a PLAYGROUND…" Skywarp moaned.
"I can't believe Shockwave hasn't called Megatron yet. He's been missing for like half an hour. Do you think he's finally dead?" Thundercracker said.
"He might have walked into the Thames or something. He's pretty fucking retarded," Skywarp suggested as he withdrew some more bottles of human alcohol from his storage compartment.
Starscream had begun to push Megatron again. His exacerbated expression was priceless.
"If Megatron says "Wee" I'm leaving," Soundwave stated.
"Fair enough," Thundercracker replied. Skywarp grunted and tossed another bottle. This time it hit a puppy.
"Three points," Soundwave said. "Torso."
"Awesome."
"Can we GO NOW?" Starscream moaned from across the playground.
"Oh fine," Megatron snapped. He got off the swing, slapped his Air Commander, and strolled over to the other Decepticons. "We're going," he said.
"FINALLY," Thundercracker groaned.
"Who said that?" Megatron asked, his red optics flaring dangerously.
"Starscream," the three Decepticons said hurriedly.
"But I'm over here!" the seeker called from the swing set.
"Yes but I don't like you," Megatron said. Starscream looked like a hurt puppy, much to the amusement of Thundercracker and Skywarp.
Suddenly Shockwave appeared. He ran into the playground, his optic still flashing and with his arms flailing wildly in the air.
"Megatron! Megatron sir!" he cried. The Decepticon leader rolled his optics and sighed.
"Why are you still alive?" he asked.
"I tried to call you a million times but your commlink's turned off!" Shockwave cried as he caught up to the Decepticons.
"Yes it is, because I didn't want you to call me."
Starscream appeared at Megatron's side, laughing. Megatron slapped him simply because he couldn't be bothered to step forward to slap Shockwave.
"What did I do?" the Air Commander cried.
"You existed," Megatron said bluntly. "Let's go," he said. "I want to get some slagging sleep."
The Decepticons returned to their hotel. As soon as they entered the huge room they were sharing, Shockwave shrieked and ran away.
"Oh, I almost forgot these things were in here," Starscream giggled when he saw Alice, Lucy and Pippin.
"THEY HAVE FOUR LEEEEEGGGGGGSSSSSSS!" they heard Shockwave scream as he ran down the corridor. Skywarp shrugged and shut the door.
"He'll find his way home," the seeker said.
"I bloody well hope not," Megatron grumbled. "There is a reason I left him on Cybertron."
"THEY HAVE FUUUUUUURRRRRR!" Shockwave cried.
"Primus, he's loud," Starscream moaned. He placed Banana on top of the TV before lying on his bed.
"Ravage, Laserbeak, Rumble, Frenzy eject. Operation: Feed pets," Soundwave said.
"Must you do that NOW?" Megatron grumbled.
"Affirmative."
"ARGH!" Megatron growled, slapping Starscream.
"Oi!"
"Shut up."
"Hmph."
Starscream got up and went onto the balcony, grumbling about how he should be leader of the Decepticons.