Authors Note:
Here it is ... the FINAL chapter ... full of fluff of course so if you don't like that you might want to skim ...
Chapter 49: No time like the present.
Instead of a long Jumper ride we ended up with a short hyperspace jump. Once I was transferred to the Daedalus infirmary I let myself switch off and slept practically the whole way home.
Doctor Beckett let me go to my quarters instead of the infirmary when we arrived back in the city. It was cowardly but I begged off the debriefing with Doctor Weir and Woolsey on the pretext of needing to recover from the effects of operating the TED and the Wraith weapons. I don't think I fooled anyone but I didn't have to attend the meeting so ... mission accomplished.
"Sabina, you awake?" John called me on the radio. I hadn't been sleeping but I was still feeling grouchy enough to not let John off the hook too easily.
"Well if I wasn't I am now," I pointed out, glancing tiredly at the clock. It was only mid afternoon in a day that had seemed endless.
"Good," John said. "Meet me at the five star room."
"John?" I tried to respond but he'd closed off the channel.
Grumbling about arrogant Colonels I dragged myself up and dressed haphazardly in whatever I could lay my hands on. I walked down to the nearest transporter slowly, still feeling a little like my mind was disconnected from the rest of me. Within minutes I was standing outside the door of the room John had shown me a lifetime ago.
"You're here," John appeared suddenly at the door and pulled me quickly inside.
"Are you gonna start yelling at me?" I asked tiredly. "Because if you are, I have to tell you I'm really not in the mood."
"I wasn't planning on doing any yelling," John told me, "so unless you do something deliberately to provoke me you should be right."
"Good to know," I strolled around the room aimlessly, touching things here and there. "Why are we here then?"
"I thought you might want to talk about what happened," John admitted. "This place is far enough away that people won't hear you yelling at me."
"Why would I yell at you?" I asked, genuinely puzzled.
"Because I gave you the order to kill over one hundred civilians," John replied, not pulling any punches.
"You had to, I understand that," I excused him. "When it comes down to it I have to believe that none of them were civilians – it's not the first time I singlehandedly took out a Hive ship and when I did it before it didn't bother me that I'd killed thousands of Wraith." I turned away, glancing sightlessly out the window. "I won't lie and say I'm not upset that in the end it was me who killed all those Wraith, human or otherwise, but I'll accept it eventually and I will get over it."
"You had me worried when we were in the Jumper," John admitted.
"I had me worried too," I admitted. "I used up everything I had when I activated the device, put more into it than any other time I've used the mental stuff to do something," I glanced over at John before turning back to the window. "I don't know where I got the reserves to follow that up with the Hive weapons ... I wasn't myself."
"I want you to talk to someone else about this when you feel ready," John requested in a firm tone that told me it wasn't an idle suggestion.
"I'll talk to Teyla," I promised him. "I usually do when I tangle with the Wraith in some way ... she understands on a level no one else can."
"You have the Wraith gene in common," John commented, seemingly happy with that as the plan. I nodded wordlessly and the room descended into silence for a few moments.
"I know I almost threw my life away trying to go back for that device," I finally broke the silence to say. "But I'm glad we don't have it anymore. All that power shouldn't be in one person's hands ... if I could do what I did with just a thought ... and I suspect I could have worked out how to do a lot more ...," I broke off with a troubled sigh. "It wasn't what the Ancients intended when they designed it."
"I would have carried you out of there if I had to," John admitted.
"I don't know what I was thinking," I admitted. "Well obviously I wasn't thinking." I looked at him curiously – he's stretched out on the bed and was watching me pace around the room. "Speaking of thinking, can we agree I've done enough so we can talk about us?"
"You want to talk about that now?" John asked in surprise.
"No time like the present," I pointed out. "You said you weren't sure you'd ever understand why I followed you to the Hive ship in the Dart – is that still true?"
"I was angry when I said that," John admitted. "I did think about it after and I realised you were right – it shouldn't have been any different because it was you trying to save me instead of the other way around."
"I thought about what you said," I walked to the window and stood looking out at the ocean. "You were right too – I do hold people at a distance, even you. You know what my biggest fear is?"
"Losing someone you love?" John guessed correctly.
"Losing you," I returned. "If something bad was gonna happen to you I would rather just be there and have it happen to me too so I wouldn't have to go through the pain of still being here without you."
"I wish I could promise you nothing bad was ever gonna happen," John said softly.
"I know you can't do that," I smiled sadly. "I realised something during the time we've been apart lately ... even if someone came and told me right now that something would happen to take you away from me I would still want to be here."
"And yet you're keeping something back." John smiled when I turned back to him in surprise.
"Since I was ten," I told him softly, 'I never had anyone who loved me. I never had anyone to love. I tried when I was first in foster care but they didn't seem to want that from me. Now I'm here and you want that love, and not just that but so much more from me ... I never learned how to give that much."
"You never learned how to accept it either," John pointed out sadly. "It bothers me when you talk about your past because I want to fix it and yet I know nothing ever can."
"You've gone a long way to fixing it" I countered, "but I still find myself looking for reasons outside of myself for why we're together. When you look for reasons you can always find something that seems to support your argument." I moved back to where I'd left my jacket, slowly removed the scroll I'd found in Otho's Tower office and wordlessly handed it to him.
"What's this?" John asked curiously, unrolling the scroll slowly. "This is in Ancient," he said, frowning in confusion.
"I found it in Otho's office," I admitted. "It documents how the Ancients seeded the families that would become the royal court with the ATA gene so they'd be able to use the city to protect their people."
"What does that have to do with us?" John frowned as he looked at some of the family tree diagrams that were easily recognisable.
"The Ancients seeded those people with the gene," I reiterated, "and then they made sure the gene would be carried down -"
"By arranging advantageous marriages," John completed my sentence. "I know – I was there too."
"The arranged marriages only began when the ATA gene started to become diluted,'" I corrected. "Before that, they didn't need to arrange the best matches because the gene did it for them."
"Are you trying to tell me you think our ATA genes are somehow making us want to be together?" John looked at me with an incredulous expression. "I thought we discounted that theory months ago!"
"Otho measured both of us," I reminded him. "Our genes were stronger than they'd seen in twenty generations. I checked - that puts us back in the times when they didn't need to arrange the matches."
"So what?" John almost scoffed. "An Ancient gene isn't gonna explain all the reasons why I find myself so attracted to you! I love your beautiful brown eyes – should I discount that because it's genetics that gave them to you? I love that you're smart enough to keep me on my toes. Oh wait, that's just genetics too!" John ran a hand through his hair, almost glaring at me in frustration. "What is there about any of us that can't be traced back to the unique combination of genes that makes us who we are?"
"I hope you love that I can take a whole bunch of random facts and turn them into an irrational picture" I quipped, sitting down on the bed beside him, "because I do that all the time ... and I'm pretty sure there aren't any genes I can blame for that."
"It amazes me how you did something like put together all the clues that pointed to there being a telepathic device and then actually found it, but at the same time miss other bigger pictures that are just staring you in the face," John said , looking at me with a baffled expression. He stood and went to the windows, looking out at the ocean, I guess waiting for me to say something.
"Did you mean it?" I asked out of the blue.
"Did I mean what?" John frowned at my apparent chance of topic.
"'The Passionate Shepherd to His Love' – did you mean it?" I reiterated.
"Ah," John replied with a smile. "I guess that's your way of telling me you didn't miss a thing." John turned from the window and glanced towards me. "Yeah I meant it – I want you to 'come live with me and be my love'."
"Before that day you just threw a remark in here and there – usually flippantly – I wasn't sure if you were serious," I explained. "After that day I couldn't pretend anymore and I got scared. You were right – I was trying not to rely on you too much just in case someone took it away. If we were living together I wouldn't be able to pretend that this isn't the most important thing in my life."
"And now?" John asked hopefully.
"Now I'm thinking living together would be kind of nice," I admitted, getting up and joining him at the window. "Not to mention convenient!"
"I'll take that as a compliment," John laughed.
"We need to find new accommodation though," I reminded him. "If I'm sleeping in the same bed as you every night then I'm gonna need that bigger bed we talked about."
"I already asked Elizabeth if I could have this room," John admitted. "Not that I was presuming anything ... just that I didn't think I should ask you unless I had somewhere for us to actually live."
"I love this place," I threw my arms around him exuberantly. "This is so cool!"
"I love you," John held me close, running his hands down my back before pulling me into him. I put my hands behind his neck and pulled him down to me, kissing him passionately as I tried to press myself closer.
"We should really try out this bed again first," I said between kisses. "Just to make sure it's ... big enough."
"I completely agree" John lifted me into his arms, turned and dropped me onto the bed. I laughed as he dropped down beside me and stretched himself out. "So far so good," he pronounced. "Are there any other tests you think we should do?"
"I can think of a few," I rolled over on top of him, pulling at his shirt, desperate for some skin to skin contact especially after so many days apart. "The mattress has to be ... firm enough," I rocked against him, smiling when I discovered that at least something in the room certainly was.
John rolled us both over, aligning us in exactly the right spots. He kissed his way down my neck, grabbing my shirt and rolling is slowly up my body. "It's gotta have a good view too," John said, leaning up to admire the view of me that he'd acquired for himself.
Things progressed at a frenetic pace until the moment when we finally got back together in every sense of the word. We paused, smiling at each other in welcome.
"We need to check out the ... noise too," I shifted slightly, smiling as John reciprocated with a move of his own. We did everything possible to shake that bed, moving hard and fast against each other, until we'd given everything we had.
"Did it pass?" John muttered a few minutes later, after our heartbeats had returned to normal.
"I think so," I replied. "Although I was kind of ... distracted at the end there. We might have to repeat the tests a few times just so I can be sure."
"I'd be more than happy to help," John pulled me closer and I felt his smile before he pressed a kiss into my shoulder. "First though I think we should retest the bed for sleeping in."
"I could sleep," I rested my head on his chest, yawing deeply as though to prove the point.
I drifted for a time, thinking about how we'd started out at the beginning of the road, taken a few scary detours along the way, even turned around and headed back the wrong way. Despite all that I felt we'd made some real progress on our journey together. It was enough for me right then, and more than I'd ever thought possible.
"Stop thinking," John grumbled. "You're keeping me awake."
"Sleeping ... right," I yawned again and finally relaxed enough to drop off. I didn't know it but John smiled at me fondly before doing the same.
The End.
Authors Note:
It's done ... sniffs dramatically ...
Thank you to everyone who reviewed - posting something is more stressful than I would have thought and the comments of a loyal few kept me going when I was doubting that this thing was even any good ... and now for the predictable question ... should I take this into Season 3? I hate being held for review ransom when I'm reading a story which is why I stick to my posting schedule even when I don't get reviews ... having said that though it's be nice to hear, now that the story is finished, whether people enjoyed it ... and whether you can be bothered to continue reading if I do go on with Season 3.
The one issue I have is that the series for me is stuck at the point where they're stranded in space with 24 hours of power left and Dr Weir unconscious in the infirmary ... I really need to know how that gets resolved to plan out my whole season 3. We are still being subjected to Season 3 reruns (I think - could be first runs actually) and even though I tried to buy the episode from Amazon they wouldn't let me because only people in the US can purchase them at the moment ... (grumbles after deleting a number of curses from the end of that sentence). September 3rd is the date for season 4 release here so I might have to 'spoil' the first episode by reading the transcript on Gateworld unless someone has another solution.
I have a couple of light stories already written that are set after Season 2 but before Season 3 continuing Shep and Sabina's journey. I'll post the first one in a week or so.
That's all I've got (I know - shut up already!) ... until next time ...