The Decepticons' Day Off
AN: I'm going away for New Year's as of tomorrow until the 4th of January. So that means no updates for this or my other fics for a while.
Chapter Five: Skywarp's Really Stupid Idea
"It's a stupid idea," Starscream said bluntly. The Air Commander folded his arms across his chest and turned his head away indignantly.
"Fine, be like that! Just because you know you get horny when you're pissed…" Skywarp retorted, resulting in a low "Ooooohhhhh…" from Thundercracker and Shockwave, who were watching the two seekers squabble while eating popcorn.
"Shut up!" Starscream hissed. "I do not!"
"Yeah actually you do," Thundercracker said.
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! We are not going to a fleshling house party! I don't care if a girl you like is going!"
"WHAT IS THAT INFERNAL RACKET?" Megatron screamed from the bathroom. "I'M TRYING TO TAKE A BATH!"
"IT WAS STARSCREAM'S FAULT!" the three other Decepticons called.
"STARSCREEEAAAAAMMMM!"
Instantly Starscream's face fell down into the core of the Earth and his optics grew wide with terror.
"SORRY MEGATRON, SIR!" he screeched in his high-pitched voice.
"YOU'D BETTER BE!"
"Better run, Screamer," Skywarp said with a grin.
"Shut up. If I go down, I'm taking all of you with me," the Air Commander snapped.
"What could you possibly so to us, Starscream?" Shockwave drawled.
Starscream cocked an optic ridge. Calmly, he reached into his subspace and pulled out his new companion, Banana the yellow python, and held it out for Shockwave. Instantly, the purple mech's single yellow optic began to blink over and over and he flailed his arms wildly above his head.
"H-how does it move if it has NO LEGS?!?" he wailed, running out of their hotel room.
"Wow," Thundercracker stated as he looked at the open door which led to the corridor. "We should really get him to talk to someone about that."
"Nah, it's funny," Skywarp said.
"I'm just glad Soundwave took his new pets out to the park," Thundercracker said as Starscream placed Banana on his wing, her favourite place to sleep.
All three seekers jumped as the door to the bathroom was flung open with such violence, that it really should have fallen off its hinges. Out stepped Megatron, a towel around his waist and another wrapped around his head.
"Um… sir?" Starscream said, looking to the towel on his leader's helm.
"What is it?" Megatron snapped.
"No offence, but… don't fleshling women do that? You know, to their hair?"
"Silence!" Megatron yelled, slapping Starscream hard in the face.
"Just because your helm's gone grey…" Starscream mumbled, receiving yet another slap.
"Anyway, what are we doing tonight?" Megatron asked as Starscream went to sulk in the corner.
"Me and TC wanna go to a party, but Screamer's being all boring and doesn't want to go!" Skywarp moaned.
"Hmm… a party… that Starscream doesn't want to go to?" Megatron asked. Starscream groaned mentally. He knew what was about to happen.
---
"I can't believe I'm here," Starscream mumbled. "This was a really stupid idea."
"Shut up, Starscream," Megatron grumbled.
"But this place is dirty, look at it! It's full of squishies!"
Skywarp gasped suddenly.
"Crystal Rainbow Sunshine!" he yelled, running away from the group of Decepticons and waving his arms like a maniac.
"What did he just say?" Megatron asked.
"It's the name of the girl he likes. It's not her full name either. Her full name is Mary-Sue Crystal Rainbow Sunshine Utterly Fabulous and Brilliant."
"I think I need to find her and murder her," Starscream drawled, powering up a null ray. He could tell he was in for a long night. This human's house reeked of … human-type things. He didn't like it. There were squishies everywhere he looked, and they were all completely intoxicated. That meant they were falling off and over each other as they attempted to "dance" and seduce members of the opposite sex, possibly the same sex in some cases.
"I need a drink," Megatron growled.
"Hey, why do Shockwave and Soundwave get out of this?" Starscream asked as he followed his leader. He hated being around Megatron, but he hated being around filthy fleshlings more. At least Megatron was a mech, not some bag of bones and flesh.
"Because I found Shockwave curled up in the hotel lobby muttering about things without legs, and Soundwave is looking after his Cassettes and his pets," Megatron drawled, chugging down a bottle of some unnamed alcohol.
Starscream smirked. Everyone knew that Megatron couldn't handle his booze. Soon the Decepticon lord would be a slobbering intoxicated mess, and then Starscream could kill him and take his rightful place as leader of the Decepticons. It would be easy to pin his death on one of these foul fleshlings.
"Drink," Megatron stated, shoving a strangely shaped blue bottle into Starscream's hands.
"No thanks," Starscream said, cringing at the sight of the human-made filth.
"I said DRINK!" Megatron screamed. The silver tyrant threw down an empty bottle, making it smash on the floor. Starscream jumped.
"Okay, okay!" the seeker said.
---Three Hours Later---
Thundercracker was, to put it lightly, quite bored.
Skywarp was off trying to eat that Mary-Sure girl's face, and he hadn't seen Megatron or Starscream in about an hour and a half. It was late, and the house was starting to smell like an odd combination of humans' vomit and congealed milk. So far, the humans had smashed a window by throwing a Television at it, overturned almost all the furniture, and written obscene messages on the walls in whipped cream. About a quarter of them were lying in recharge mode on the floor, mostly in a large pile at the bottom of the staircase, and some had ventured out onto the streets of London to wreak havoc elsewhere.
Sighing, the blue seeker worked his way through the pit of tangled humans and into another room. Perhaps Megatron would be in there and then he could beg to go back to the hotel.
He wished he hadn't.
It was truly a sight to behold. On a sofa in the corner of the room, Megatron sat with Starscream on his lap. The red seeker was obviously smashed, as he was giggling and whispering to Megatron. The silver tyrant actually seemed to be enjoying it as a smirk spread across his face.
Thundercracker stood and gaped at the two Decepticons, his mouth wide open in shock.
Slowly, Starscream's fingers traced their way up to Megatron's helm, clutching it firmly. He straddled the Decepticon leader's hips and smirked seductively as he rubbed the silver mech's helm.
"You know, Megatron… there's something I've always wanted to tell you…" he said, bringing his face far too close to Megatron's for Thundercracker's liking.
"And what would that be?" Megatron asked. His voice had suddenly grown husky, and, Thundercracker hated to note, quite… sexy…
Starscream's hands wandered all over Megatron's body, making the Decepticon leader moan with pleasure. Finally, he settled his hands back up on Megatron's helm and brought their faces even closer together.
"…Your head looks like an upside down bucket! HAH!" Starscream screeched loudly before passing out on top of Megatron.