Chapter 7.
It's the evening of October 31st. In the Gryffindor girls' dormitory, Lily, Lou and Mary are getting ready for the party, and Kelly is watching them, disgruntled.
Jess suddenly barges into the room, treating the door with such a force that Lou pokes herself in the eye with her mascara.
"I'm going to the party!" declares Jess.
"What? Who with?" Kelly looks like she's about to cry.
"Sirius. He just asked me in the Common Room." Jess and Kelly make sounds like a pair of dying seals, and Mary, Lou and Lily determinedly avoid each other's eyes - admittedly easier for Lou, who's still squinting.
"This isn't fair!" says Kelly. "You're all going to Slughorn's party and I'll be left alone."
"Why don't you ask someone who's going without a date to take you? Remus or someone?" asks Jess.
"He's taking Peter," smirks Lou, delicately wiping her injured eye.
Kelly and Jess round on her, positively salivating at the gossip-potential of that statement. "Like a couple?" breathes Jess.
"Don't be stupid," says Kelly, "Even gays don't go for short and dumpy."
Lou screws up her face, subduing laughter. "Some people have this thing. It's called a personality - have you heard of it?" she says. "Although actually, he's taking him because Peter wasn't invited, and that's what friends do."
Kelly and Jess look at each other, wondering if they should be offended, but then seem to decide that finding Kelly a date is a better use of their time.
"Will you take me?" asks Kelly, after scanning her mind for boys who're going alone.
It takes Lou a moment to realise who she's talking to. "What?"
"To the party. Like Remus is taking Peter."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because that's what friends do?"
Lou laughs, tempted to say no, but her kindness gets the better of her. "Go on then."
Kelly squeals, and sets about finding some clothes.
Lily wanders over to Lou's cubicle. "Are you okay?" she mutters.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I saw you…crying."
"What?"
"When Jess said about going to the party with Sirius."
Lou looks confused for a moment, and then bursts into laughter.
"Why are you laughing?"
Lou struggles to catch her breath. "I…poked myself. In the eye…with my mascara!"
Lily smiles. "You're sure?"
"It's kind of hard to miss an accidental-almost-eye-gouging. Why would I be crying, anyway?"
"Well, because Sirius asked you."
"And I turned him down."
"I know, it's just -"
"- so why would I cry?"
Lily sighs. "No reason."
A couple of hours later, the girls walk down to the Common Room, where they're met by James and Sirius - Remus and Peter having gone on ahead. Sirius' eyes widen when he sees Lou - she's wearing a bright pink cowboy hat, a strappy top of the same shade, tight black jeans and knee-length boots, obviously Colour Charmed to be the same shade as her hat and top. He determinedly looks away from her, though, and sees Kelly.
"Hey, Kel, I didn't realise you were coming, too! Who's your date?"
"Lou," she says, as the group of them make their way out of the Common Room.
Sirius grins. "James! We've got lesbians! Actual, real-life lesbians!"
Lou hits his arm playfully. "Shut it, you," she says, falling into step with him.
"You've got terrible taste in girls," he says with a smirk.
"Says the boy who's on a date with her clone."
Sirius bursts into laughter.
They reach the party, and are welcomed by Professor Slughorn into his office, which he has magically expanded into a large room, and has even added a balcony.
Once they're inside the party, many of their little group split up and move across the room to speak to people they know. Lou turns to Kelly and grins. "Fly, my pretty!" she says, with a wave of her hand. Kelly looks confused, and quickly makes her way across the room.
Remus walks up to Lou, smiling, and squeezes her arm. "I hear you're joining me in - what did James call it? - gaying it up tonight."
Lou laughs. "Maybe we should have just swapped dates? Then we'd have less gay jokes to deal with."
Remus looks doubtful. "I don't think that anybody would for a moment accept that you were on a date with Peter and that I was here with Kelly."
More laughter.
Lou wanders the party, talking to people, occasionally dancing. After an hour or so, she's quite bored, and starts looking for somewhere where she can drink her Firewhiskey. She sees James and Lily dancing, close but awkward, and smiles, before heading out to the balcony.
A little while later, she is sitting alone, taking surreptitious sips from her bottle and gazing at the darkening sky.
"Hey," says a voice, and she looks up to see a stressed-looking Sirius standing above her. "Can I sit down?"
"Of course," she says, moving up a little so he has more room.
"I think you've found the most private place in this whole party."
"That's what Regulus said."
"You've been talking to my brother?"
"Well, he was talking to me. At me, really. In hindsight, I think he might have been trying to seduce me."
"Want me to curse him?"
"Why would I deny myself the pleasure?"
Sirius laughs. "Are you planning on drinking all of that?"
Lou looks at him thoughtfully, before pushing the bottle into his hand. He takes a large gulp.
"I'd stay away from that Regulus, if I was you. Dodgy family."
"Yeah, I've heard that all the Blacks are maniacs."
"Apart from his older brother. He's pretty cool."
"Really? I thought he was the maddest of the lot."
"Mad and cool aren't mutually exclusive."
Laughing, Lou snatches the bottle from his hand and takes a drink.
Sirius stops, listening hard. Before Lou can ask what's wrong, he takes a cloak that she vaguely recognises out of his pocket, and covers himself with it. He disappears.
Suddenly, Jess is standing on the balcony. "Hi, Lou," she says. "Have you seen Sirius? He seems to have disappeared on me."
Lou tries not to laugh. "Erm, I think I saw him earlier," she says, thinking quickly. "Said something about a headache. He's probably gone to bed."
Jess tuts. "I suppose I'd better just enjoy the party then. I'll see him tomorrow. But you'd think he could have told me he was going. I mean, I am his date."
Lou tries to arrange her features into something resembling sympathy, and Jess walks away.
"Thank you," mutters Sirius.
"Are you going to get out from under there? I hate talking to invisible people."
"No! She might come back. You can get under if you like, though." He lifts up the side of the cloak closest to her.
Lou laughs and slides under it. They wrap the cloak close around them. "Did you steal this from James?"
Sirius looks offended. "He offered it to me. He guessed I might need to disappear tonight, hide from Jess."
"What were we thinking of," Lou asks, "Bringing those two?"
"At least yours doesn't try to grope you," says Sirius. "Does she?" There's an undeniable hopefulness to Sirius' question, and she hits him, smiling.
A few moments of comfortable silence - and drinking - pass.
"What's all this about, anyway?" asks Sirius, gesturing at Lou's outfit, but accidentally brushing her with his hand.
Lou raises an eyebrow. "They're called breasts, Sirius. Many women have them." She grins. "And here I was, thinking you understood girls."
Sirius blushes slightly. "I meant the outfit. The colours."
Lou shrugs. "I like colours. Bright colours."
"They suit you."
She grins, taking off her hat and placing it on his head. "Suit you, too."
"You didn't want a quiet life, did you?"
Lou doesn't have to ask what he's talking about, but it's a long time before she answers.
"No," she says softly. "I wanted…options."
"You think I'd stick by your side all night if you didn't want me to? You think I'd force you to act like something was going on between us?"
Lou shrugs. "I think everyone would believe something was going on. I don't like being talked about."
"So you turn up to the party, fluorescent and on a date with another girl?"
"It's different."
"How?"
"Everyone expects me to be fluorescent by now. And as for Kelly -"
"- you'd rather people thought you were a lesbian than on a date with me?"
"I didn't want to have to deal with all the bitchy, jealous girls. I didn't want everyone to go on about it and try to make it into something more. If I'd come with you, it'd only be helping out a friend, but other people would make it seem like so much more. I couldn't be bothered."
She sighs, leaning into him, and he instinctively slips his arm around her shoulders.
They sit, talking, drinking, laughing, deep into the night.
During a lull in their conversation, they realise that they can no longer hear noises from the party. Puzzled, Lou extricates herself from the Invisibility Cloak, stands up - a little unstably - and looks into Slughorn's office. She laughs.
"Sirius," she says. "They've gone! The party's over!"
Sirius stands up, leaving the cloak on the floor, and moves to stand beside her. Slughorn's office, which seems to have only minutes ago been thronged with talking, dancing people, is now empty and dark. He rattles the door handle, but the door doesn't open. He takes out his wand. "Alohamora," he says, to no effect. Lou is laughing still, and Sirius joins in.
Lou walks over to the edge of the balcony, and leans over its wall, looking at the moonlit grounds.
"Mind you don't fall," says Sirius, walking to her and holding her arm.
"I'm not that drunk," she says, moving away from him. "Look, I can walk in a straight line!"
She staggers across the balcony and stumbles into his arms, laughing. He laughs too, but quickly stops when he catches her eye.
She stands up straight and they're close, too close. He's still wearing her hat, looking ridiculous. She takes it off his head and puts it back on her own, but he takes it off again and drops it to the floor beside them. She looks at him, questioningly. Sirius takes a deep breath and presses his trembling lips against her mouth.
She's surprised, at first, but she shrugs, laughs, and starts kissing him back, burying her fingers in his hair. He pushes her against the wall of the balcony, their bodies pressed against each other.
He pulls out of the kiss, and uses his thumbs to touch her face - her soft cheeks, her full lips. He smiles. "We should do this more often," he says.
"What, get drunk and snog on balconies?"
"Yeah. Well, maybe the drink and the balcony could be optional. And maybe we could do other stuff, too."
"Sirius Black, are you being inappropriate with me?"
"No, I didn't mean, although I wouldn't…oh, shut up," he presses his finger against her lips, to stop her from laughing at him. "I meant, we could be something more. Like a," he pauses, unsure as to whether he should use this word, "a relationship?"
She pulls away from him. She picks up her hat and jams it on to her head, and picks up the Invisibility Cloak, placing it into his arms.
"Lou?" Sirius is confused. "I don't understand."
"I don't want a relationship with you," she says in a strained voice.
"But you kissed me."
"I would have thought that you of all people would know that a drunken kiss and a relationship are two entirely different species."
She walks to the side of the balcony, and climbs over the wall.
"What are you doing?"
"That window's open. If we can get into the school, we can use the cloak to get back to Gryffindor Tower."
She edges along the wall and slides a leg into the open window. "Are you coming?"
"Er, okay," says Sirius, climbing over the balcony wall with considerably less finesse.
When they're both inside the empty classroom, Sirius lights his wand and looks at Lou. "Please talk to me," he says.
"We've been talking all night. What do you want to talk about?"
"Don't avoid the subject."
"What subject, Sirius? We got drunk, we kissed. How exactly is that something new for you?"
"I like you, Lou."
He takes her hand in his. She notices that he's shaking, and softens a little.
"Can't we just forget this happened?"
"Why? Is it because of my reputation? D'you think I'm not serious?"
"I don't know. It's not that."
"Than what is it? I care about you."
"I can't let myself care about you. If I care about people, they disappear, or they let me down."
"I'm not your parents. I'm not going to get killed by Death Eaters. I'm not going to suddenly decide I don't want you around."
"You can't promise that." She touches his face, with a hint of regret. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I can't have a relationship."
"But if you don't let yourself be close to people, then the bad people have won."
Lou smiles bitterly. "But at least I won't get hurt."
"Are we still friends?"
She kisses his cheek softly. "I hope so."
They wrap the Invisibility Cloak around themselves, and begin their journey back to the Tower.