Thanks to MissingCanceledShows for betaing
Chapter 3: Watching, Waiting, Wondering
House hobbled down to the cafeteria at 11:30 on the dot. He wasn't one for being on time, but this was important.
At 11:45 Cameron and Wilson walked in talking and laughing.
According to hospital grapevine - which was wrong most of the time, (he started half those rumors he knew they weren't true) Cameron and Wilson were friends.
Cameron and Wilson, in his opinion, were, if anything, fuck buddies. Not friends, not buddies, not even after-sex-lets-have-a-drink type of people. They were like him and Cuddy. Only as far as he knew Cameron wasn't trying to get pregnant.
Wilson needed someone to hang onto and Cameron ate needy for breakfast. They were the little lost puppies she brought home with her and loved.
Wilson paid for Cameron's chicken sandwich and House took a bite of his Reuben.
One good thing about being with Cuddy: She had gotten the cafeteria ladies to stop putting pickles on his food.
"Does it bother you that he's staring at us?"
"Not really." Wilson shrugged. "I mean, it's been almost a week. Aren't you used to it by now?"
"Yes, but it's still a little creepy."
"Just ignore it."
"I am" Cameron assured him. "I just wish that he would either leave us alone or have the courage to come over here and ask us what's going on."
"Well rumor is that we're sleeping together and finding comfort in each other."
"Really? Last I heard I was sleeping with you to stick it to House good."
"I heard that you were sleeping with me and becoming my replacement House."
"Jimmy, I hate to break it to you, but it wouldn't have surprised any of the hospital staff if you and he came out as a couple. If they think I'm your replacement House they think we're in a relationship."
Wilson stared at her for a full minute his mouth dangling open.
"Don't tell me that shocks you. You go through wives and girlfriends like candy and he has relationship issues, and you're his only friend. And you put up with him."
He shrugged. "I guess I never thought of it like that."
"He's still watching us." Cameron mused. "If he keeps this up I'm going to go over and say something obnoxious to him."
"I have a better idea." Wilson's eyes were dancing. "Want to give everyone something to talk about?"
"Aren't they already talking?"
"But them talking won't piss House off."
"Jimmy-" Her voice was hesitant. Amber was barely gone – but it wasn't her place to argue with what he was ready or not ready to do. Plus, the whole hospital already thought they were together. What did it matter?
Cameron shook her head. "All right. Something to talk about."
He moved over to her side of the table and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Cameron reciprocated with her head resting against him.
"Is he still watching?"
"Yep."
Wilson leaned down and kissed her forehead. House looked up and met her eyes. She waved.
Wilson laughed as House stood up and strode off, bumping into an intern and making him burst into tears on his way out.
"Well, that was interesting."
"I'm sorry Lisa."
"But – but -"
"You're not pregnant honey." Her best friend of twelve years shook her head. "I ran and reran the test three times." She sighed. "You should look into IVF."
House won't go for artificial insemination though. The only reason he agreed is because he can have sex with me.
"Babe, it's not the end of the world."
"Yes it is. I'm – seeing a guy Beth."
"And what do you mean by seeing." Beth sighed and sat down to stare at her friend.
"We have sex, and every once and a while we go out for drinks." Lisa admitted.
"Casual sex?"
"He agreed to help me get pregnant for the sex. He probably won't go for IVF."
"Lisa! What were you thinking? There are sperm banks you could go to." She paused when Lisa looked down.
"You're getting attached, aren't you? This isn't about the baby or the sex. You like him."
"No!" Beth stared at her friend until she glanced down and knotted her hands together. "I can't have him Beth, it doesn't matter."
"You can have anyone you want, you're Lisa Cuddy and you kick ass."
"Beth-"
"No. you listen to me. You're not a quitter, remember?"
"I don't know-"
"Be the Lisa Cuddy I know you are. If you like him babe, you have to fight for him."
"It's been a rough few weeks at the hospital Beth."
"All the more reason to be strong and fight for him."
Lisa shot a teary eyed smile at her friend. "I'll think about it."
"So tell me, how exactly did you meet Alice?" They were back at the restaurant – this time for lunch on Thursday.
"What do you mean?"
"You told me that Alice was Jacob's aunt but-" James paused. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
"No." Allison shook her head. "You just caught me by surprise is all."
She took a sip of her coffee and leaned back.
"I met Jacob when he was two. He'd been in foster care for seven months. His mom became addicted to heroin shortly after he was born, and eventually DCFS took him away. Alice learned of her sisters' child when she died. She was determined to get him and adopt him. She contacted DCFS, and they eventually sent her to our social worker. By the time she had gotten through all the tape surrounding even just a visit with Jacob, he was dead. The only visit she ever got with him was at his funeral."
There was a harsh laugh followed by a soft sigh.
"It's funny how many hoops Alice had to jump through while we were living with the devil incarnated. I met Alice a Jacob's funeral. Had a panic attack when everyone had to go up and leave a rose on his coffin. I didn't want to go near it. Alice calmed me down, and about a year later she found me again and we started keeping in touch. I couldn't live with her, because there was no way that she could have controlled me back then, and she treated me more like a younger sister then a daughter, which was what I needed. I didn't want to be babied. For a while we lost contact, and then when I was adopted by the Cameron's I told them about Alice. And about Jacob. They found her for me."
"And the rest, as they say, is history." Alice's voice started James, who looked up. She was holding two plates which she set down on the table with a smile.
"Really?"
"Of course. I came over for a visit and was immediately taken in by this little girl with her too big dark clothes with chains and bright blue hair and fake nose ring."
Allison laughed and buried her head in her hands.
"Don't remind me."
"Blue hair?" James repeated in disbelieve.
"And pink, red, green, orange, silver, black. Did I forget anything?"
"Purple." Allison said wistfully. "That was a fun color."
"Fun?"
"Really James? What's more fun then purple hair?" Allison replied playfully. "I was a demon child and one of the few things I could control – I couldn't blare music, couldn't paint my room, could barely hang things on the walls – I found an outlet for my artistic thoughts."
"I won't argue with you. Just eat your cheeseburger." Alice disappeared as another patron waved her over.
"Grease on a bun!" Allison cheered, picking up the bun and taking a bite.
"Grease on a bun?"
"That's what I call it." The burger was, James realized, dripping grease. It looked disgusting.
"Take a bite." She encouraged. "Trust me on this."
James did and stared at her in surprise. It was good, he would give her that, but it wasn't something he had ever seen her eat before.
Food in the cafeteria was usually salads or sandwiches. Something light and healthy. The cheeseburger he was holding was definitively neither of those.
"Everyone always harasses me about my eating habits. I'm just used to home cooked meals of matzo ball soup, gefilte fish, latkes, falafels. Or having burgers from Alice's."
"Spoiled."
"I am." She acknowledged with a grin.
"And guess what? I don't care. I used to make dinner for myself all the time when I was younger. And for Jacob. One of Ron's punishments was not feeding us, so there were days I would go without food or just be eating bread and drinking water. The Cameron's wouldn't let me in the kitchen to make dinner for everyone unless someone helped and someone else did clean up. Basically for everything I did for the family, someone had to help me. If I made dinner they thanked me. When I did the laundry Mom gave me money. At first I thought they were insane and ridiculous. Or maybe a little crazy. I never got paid for doing what was expected of me before."
"What you do with the money?"
"I saved it."
"For what?"
"The first seven months I was pretty sure that they were going to send me back and stop fostering me. And I was done with the system. If I went back I was running away."
"Where would you have gone?"
"I just wanted to get out. When you have to run, you run. There wasn't a set goal in mind. I've always wanted to go to Iceland. Just because of the contradiction. Still haven't been. What about you?"
The change of topic surprised James.
"What?"
"Where have you never been that you've always wanted to go?"
"Peru."
"Peru?" Allison asked voice slightly skeptical.
"When I was in high school we were forced to do a three month project on a place that the teacher picked for us. Mine was Peru. Three months of learning about the place you think I'd never want to go, but I do."
House and Cuddy were in Cuddy's house this time. No matter how many times Cuddy walked out on him or House told her they were done, it never happened.
They needed the little comfort that came with sex.
Today House had shown up tipsy and high on Vicodin.
It burned Cuddy a little because she knew the reason he was drunk.
Wilson and Cameron were 'something'. No one knew what really. The hospital grapevine had called them friends, but apparently they had put on a little display in the cafeteria.
No one was sure if it was real or if they were trying to stick it to House.
It really didn't matter right now though because it just meant that they got to have sex more. And right now that was all she was going to get from House.
That would change though, she was positive.
This time it was Wilson who called her at an odd hour in the morning, his voice hoarse.
"Coffee?"
"No. I just – I just needed to make sure-"
"That someone was still there." She finished quietly.
"Yeah." The relief was evident in his voice.
"Right after Jacob died I used to wander around and make sure everyone in my house was still breathing. Every time I saw a gun I looked for the nearest escape route. Ross used to hunt every once and a blue moon when his friends would call him up. I made him stop going because I was afraid that he would get shot. And I couldn't handle that. So instead every time one of his friends called and invited him hunting he would take me and Ian to a hockey game."
"Ian?"
"Foster brother. He was adopted too. He's my big over protective obnoxious brother by two months, three days and four hours. Are you sure you don't want me to come over?"
"No." Wilson admitted freely. "But I'm going to have to eventually deal with this by myself, right?"
"Wrong. I'll be over in twenty minutes."
The dial tone greeted Wilson's ear before he could protest.
There are ways to deal with losing someone you love.
Holding onto a pillow that smells like them, wearing an old shirt of theirs, sleeping with the lights on bright because there is less of a chance of falling into a heavy sleep and dreaming of happier times that will force you to wake up crying.
There are nights when the only thing to do is go out to strip clubs or call services that House used regularly. Every person that passed on the street with the same hair or a shirt that had been worn before by a loved one was examined closely, looking for a sign of recognition, a realization that there was a mistake identity. Because they couldn't be dead. They were loved them too much.
It was when the realization finally hits that you suffered the worst.
The stages of death and dying as by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross were different then the ones Allison experienced.
She didn't live through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
There is no set standard for grief. Grief was characterized by various stages to help people understand it, Grief was classified and made to seem simple and not messy so people knew what to expect. If someone lashed out, they were at the anger stage and really meant nothing by it at all. Death was wrapped up and presented in pretty flowers and hugs of sympathy. That wasn't what people needed, they needed love and understanding. Someone to say I know what you're going through, but it will get better. And because it happened to me, I know I'm right.
Wilson had accepted death by the time that it knocked on his door. And fallen into a small depression. Dealing with death every day did that to you. It made you numb to everyone's pain. Even your own.
Comforting people through death was almost three quarters of Wilson's job.
Allison had gone through stages:
Acceptance. Anger. Anger. More Anger. Depression. Anger.
That was about it. The tears hadn't come for years. There had been tears at the funeral, tears as she held his still body. She had wandered around numb for awhile after that. And then once, everything had come crashing down and hit her.
With Wilson, he had found acceptance. The stages of grief he had hit at different times while Amber was still alive and fighting as well. Any anger he had felt had been directed at House.
Using the key that she had been given weeks ago Cameron opened the door and stepped into Wilson's apartment.