It had been nearly two weeks since his suspension and his first meeting. He had been attending them regularly and in some ways, with each day that went by, he was learning new things from the group, as well as Janine. He was exactly excited about going to them, still thinking to himself and trying to explain to others that he didn't have a problem, but he went and usually didn't put up a fight.
He had talked to Janine about his behavior at his first meeting, and they seemed to get along as far as the meeting went, but every time he saw the brown-haired younger woman, she intrigued him in some way or another. She was fascinating to Jeff and she got under his skin more than any other person ever had. It drove it him crazy to no end, and partly, he had to admit she was more of a reason he was probably still going to the classes, aside from him still wanting to return to his dream job.
He had to call the office in Stamford, Connecticut weekly, to check in with his boss. Things were going well, despite his absence from the company, another bitter pill for him to swallow. He knew no matter how many pills he would pop on a daily basis, he could still go out and entertain a crowd just as well, if not better, than anyone else on the roster.
The pills; he was stilling taking them, but even he noticed he had cut back a good bit. They hadn't talked about recovery or giving them up in his meetings, which he thought was odd. He figured that is why he was even attending meetings, but instead, he was still taking them and Janine had asked about them since their first meeting.
He actually was to the point of where he resented taking them on a daily basis. But usually the urge was to great for him to resist and he would take just enough to get by, to where the cravings and urge wasn't as severe. He was beginning to think he wanted to give them up, but he didn't have the slightest clue as to how to go about it. He couldn't just flush them down the toilet or hid them into a drawer somewhere. He could give them to Matt, but he knew that would start an even bigger fight then what was already ensuing between the two brothers..
He and Matt hadn't talked much since their huge blow up over two weeks ago, and he knew he had upset his brother more than he ever had before. He wasn't about to kiss anyone ass; that just wasn't Jeff. He just figured things would have died down before now to where they would at least be back on the same page they were before. But, every time he saw his brother around the house or at their father's place, he still saw the disappointment and the hurt lying beneath his brothers huge brown eyes. A sight he couldn't bare to look at for too long, and usually resulted in him leaving the room and going for a long drive somewhere for a few hours to erase the memory.
He rolled onto his side and almost immediately his eyes caught sight of the brown pill bottle laying on the dresser just mere inches from his grasp. He sighed, trying hard to fight the urge and the temptation of taking anymore. He had somehow survived all morning and part of the afternoon without taking any. An accomplishment he was proud of, and frankly, he was tired of letting everyone and himself down.
He knew Matt wasn't home, which left him alone, in the big house all by himself. He wasn't sure how he could occupy his time and try to fight the urge any longer, but the important thing to him was, he was fighting and that was a start. At least to Jeff, it was a start.
He sat up on the bed, and wiped his clammy palms on his jeans before catching his head in his hands. He didn't know how much longer he could hold on. He was sweating and starting to get irritable and angry, feelings he didn't like one bit. He normally wasn't an angry or resentful person, but being without his medication, it had pushed him to a limit he hadn't noticed was there before. In his drugged induced states, he had never allowed himself to feel that way, unless the pills made him. And he couldn't remember the last time he had actually felt angry or resentful without the pills. A signal to him he had been on them too long and maybe it was time to part ways and start fresh.
He stood and began pacing the room, wondering if he should try calling his father. He wanted to talk to someone; anyone would do right now. He knew Matt was out taking care of some last minute things before he had to catch a red-eye that night to Dallas, Texas. He hated being alone, but he enjoyed the quiet at the same time.
He picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number before resting the ear piece between his shoulder and his ear. He continued to ring and ring into his ear, until he could take no more and hit the 'talk' button once more, realizing his father probably wasn't home.
He sighed and his eyes rested upon the end table beside the bed once more, this time his eye caught the red folder he had received from his last meeting. With shaky, uneasy hands he picked it up and opened the folder to the first page where a phone number and her name popped out at him, almost begging him to pick the phone up once more. He sighed and eyed the pill bottle once more before releasing a loud grunt in the empty room.
He picked up the phone and dialed the number, almost hoping she wouldn't pick up. He felt his nerves swim within, wondering what the hell he would say to her and not even sure if she would accept talking to him.
"Hello." came a husky, female voice from the other end.
"Um, can I talk to Janine please?" he asked, finally finding his voice.
"Je- Is this Jeff?" she asked, her voice filled with shock.
"Uh, yeah, it is. I'm sorry if I interrupted you or..." he started, before she cut him off.
"No, no. It's fine. Is everything alright?" she pondered.
"Well, yeah. It's just... I don't know. Can you meet me somewhere, like the Mexican restaurant in town?" he asked, almost shocked the question even came out of his mouth.
"Jeff, I don't think that's a good idea." she said lightly.
"Janine, please." he urged further, his voice falling almost below a whisper.
The line went silent for a second, as Jeff pressed his ear to the receiver even more wondering if she had hung up on him. The sweat was pouring from his forehead even more now and he used the back of shirt to wipe some of the perspiration away.
"Jeff, I don't know." she finally said, causing Jeff to take a sigh of relief that she was still on the other end.
"Janine, honestly it isn't like that. It's just I haven't taken anything today, I'm uneasy, I'm sweating like a pig..." he said, causing them both to share a laugh.
The line went silent again, as Jeff collected his thoughts before saying anything else. He almost hoped she would agree to their meeting so he wouldn't have to say much else, but somehow, he knew it wouldn't be that easy.
"I don't know what to do, Janine. I tried calling my father, my brother isn't home. And you said if we needed you at any time to give you a call. I uh..." he said, before trailing off, not wanting to admit the thoughts that were racing through his head.
"What is it, Jeff?" she pressed, hearing the urgency in his voice.
"I need someone right now or I'm gonna down this bottle and honestly, for the first time in years, I don't want to." he admitted as he sat on the edge of the bed, his body feeling even more shaky and slightly dizzy.
"Give me 20 minutes, Jeff. I'll be there." she answered. "Oh, and Jeff?"
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Bring the pills with you. Every last pill that you have in your possession." she said, hanging up.
He sat on the bed for a few minutes after she hung up, staring at the phone, wondering if he had heard her correctly. He shook his head and grabbed every last pill bottle he could remember hiding throughout the house and threw them into his leather pouch he had carried with him at all times. He slipped his shoes on before grabbing the keys and racing out the door.
He didn't want to even think about popping any while he was driving. The urges were taking over more and more with each passing second. He pushed the button on his key chain and watched as his trunk flew open. He hesitated briefly before tossing the bag into the trunk and slamming it shut.
He had to get help, and today was just as good a day as any.