Confessions

When the end of the week came around it was time to go to the market to get us humans our necessities, and we had to make a stop at the blood bank to pick up Gretchen, Andrew, and Caleb's blood supply. Jane usually went with one of the other girls but since I was new she wanted to show me what needed to be done.

When we entered the market it was very crowded and one could get lost very easily. I had to hold on to the back of Jane's shirt so we wouldn't get lost as we made our way through, occasionally stopping at a booth and buying something. I had never seen so many people moving around near each other and it made me somewhat claustrophobic. I think that was what spurred my idea, my very stupid and unplanned idea. I thought to myself as we continued to walk that one could get very lost here, could get confused and maybe end up somewhere else. No one could ever attempt to run while living in the town because you were closely watched. There were vampires in the market but none who were told to specifically look out for a runaway. They were on their way to get their errands done; they weren't concerned with a measly human. I slowly began to inch my way away from Jane.

I knew that she might get in trouble, and I knew that I would be in even worse trouble if they caught me, which they probably would. I was too scared to walk any faster than a slow walk as I moved away from here inch by inch. She did not seem to notice and when I was a safe distance away to be able to turn my back, I started to walk faster. I made it to the city limits; I was maybe a half a mile away from the woods when a shock of electricity surged through my body.

I collapsed in agony. I didn't know who was causing it or where it was coming from since there was obviously no electric fence anywhere near me. The electricity continued to go through me, the pain was so tremendous, and I was on the verge of passing out when a hand grasped me and pulled me away, back toward the city. The electric surge stopped but my muscles felt like wet noodles. I looked up to see who had helped me and when I saw who it was I wish I hadn't. It was Caleb. What was he doing here? I thought to myself. I just looked back down, still unable to move. I didn't care, he would even be doing me a favor if he just killed me right here and now for running away, but he just grasped my arm roughly and pulled me up with little effort.

"What are you doing?" he hissed into my ear. I didn't even bother to reply. He knew exactly what I was doing, what I HAD been doing.

"Do you have a desire to die? Do you just go around provoking vampires and trying to die by electric shock?" he asked as he hauled me away. I was slowly getting control of my legs as he pulled me back to the market place. When I was able to walk I steadied myself, and when I tried out the movement of my arms and the rest of my body I stopped dead in the middle of the market. I felt something else, something that I had been feeling every night after I had awoken from my dreams. I felt the presence near me. I looked around, trying to see if anyone was looking at me but only Caleb was. He grasped my arm and was hauling me away again, but I shook my arm free because when he touched me the feeling grew stronger. I just stared at him. He tried to grab me again but I backed away. He grabbed me against my will and basically dragged me through the market. I was wondering where we were going when I saw Jane not too far off, looking around frantically. When we were in front of her, her eyes grew wide with fear.

"Lose something?" Caleb asked. "Next time you come here, you might want to put a leash around her. She tried to escape. Did you not explain the chip that is lodged in her spine that is set to go off if she tries to go out of the city limit?"

"No, I-I-I forgot," Jane managed to stammer.

"Well don't let it happen again, understood?" was all he said and then he blended into the crowd.

I looked at Jane apologetically. She showed many emotions on her face, but she finally settled on compassion for some reason. "Well let's hope you learned you lesson. To tell you the truth I always thought they just told us that to scare us but now I know it's true," was all she said. She went back to shopping and I obediently followed. I did not want to try and escape again, no matter how bad I hated living with the parasites. We went to the blood bank last so that it wouldn't spoil on the way back to the house. We walked quickly, not wanting to linger and get yelled at for being late.

When we arrived I half expected to see Gretchen waiting for us, ready to yell and then laugh at me for trying to run away. It was so stupid really. Was living here so bad? I asked myself. I knew my answer right away though. Yes, it was bad. Today was our day off, so I went to my room and took out the paper and pen I had found a few days ago. I wrote a special little note for my late night visitor and when it was time to go to bed I carefully laid it on the chair. When I awoke that night from my dream the candle in my room was lit and it made the blue eyes that were staring at me even brighter. I knew I should have expected to see him, but I was still shocked that he had actually agreed to what I had asked of him. We just stared at each other for a few minutes until he finally spoke.

"You are a very angry person aren't you? I mean who else would write 'Whoever the Hell this is either show yourself or get the hell out of my room and stop watching me sleep'?"

I almost had to laugh at my words. I was angry when I had written them, angry and somewhat freaked out at the possibility at one of THEM sitting in my room watching me sleep! I did not answer him. Instead I just stared and looked for the explanation that I think I was entitled to. Minutes passed and I still was not getting an explanation so I cleared my throat, hinting at him to say something. When he still remained silent I knew I was going to have to say something even though I dreaded to.

"So are you going to tell me what the heck you have been doing in my room or are you just going to sit there? Some of us actually have to work tomorrow morning while others sit around on their lazy butts and do nothing," I said, glaring at him.

He laughed. LAUGHED! I wanted to go break his trachea so he would no longer be able to laugh, talk, swallow…. "I have never met anyone like you. Most people are too scared to talk to us and let alone talk to us like that. You on the other hand, the first day you were here, disobeyed two vampires and spit in one of their faces. I must admit that takes guts. So does trying to run away." I almost felt somewhat proud of my actions but he still had not answered my question.

I cleared my throat, hoping he would get on with it and answer me. He looked at me for a few minutes before finally talking. "I had come downstairs to get something to drink when I heard you breathing too heavy for someone who should be sleeping. I went to see what the matter was and when I came into your room you were very restless. You looked like you were having a nightmare and I was almost tempted to go over and wake you up but I didn't know how you would react to that. After a few minutes you woke with a scream. I was going to leave after you had fallen asleep… but then you started to cry. You sounded so hurt and upset. I ended up staying in your room until morning, even though you had fallen back asleep. I don't know why I did this, though. I guess it was just fascination," he said with a puzzled face.

I brought my knees up to my chest, a habit that I usually did. I just looked down at my knees, feeling weak and insecure. It wasn't the fact that he had been in my room watching me, but that he had seen me completely fall apart, he had seen me in my moment of weakness.

"What had you been dreaming about? What do you dream about at night that makes you have the look of fear on your face every time you wake up?" he asked softly. I did not answer him. He wouldn't like to hear what I had to say and I did not feel like sharing my dream and most vivid childhood memory with this monster. He was still a monster in my eyes. Maybe he was not the ones who had killed my family, but he was like them. He had probably done the same thing to another family, which therefore made him just like all the others. They were all the same to me; cold, dead, and the killer of all life and happiness. I knew that if I tried to tell him I there would be a chance that I would fall apart again.

"You don't have to tell me if you want to. I just thought that maybe you would like to talk to someone. I noticed that you don't talk very much to the other girls. In fact, you hardly talk at all," he said in his sweet, luring voice. Who could resist such a voice? It was evil and beautiful all at the same time. He was right. I hardly ever talked unless I had to now. That was part of the reason to why I told him what my dreams were about, but the other part was because I wanted to share this secret with someone. I had never even told my brothers about the dream; I did not want to burden them with this. So I told him what had happened that night, what my first dream had originally been, and then I told him about the new dream that haunted me. He just sat there, listening to what I had to say, and he even showed concern and sadness. When I was done, we just sat in silence for a few minutes. I knew he was probably trying to absorb what I had just said.

"We aren't all like that," he whispered. He could tell from my look that I did not feel that way. "Some of us were turned after the takeover. Some of us did not have a choice. We were chosen if someone liked how we looked or they liked our personality, or they just wanted to change someone to have company."

I wanted to say to him "Oh what a pity. Life must be so hard for you now," but I held my tongue. He knew nothing, and he never would. "I'm sorry for what happened to your family. I truly am. And I am sorry for the way things are, but I did not make them that way. Don't blame everyone you meet for what happened to your family and don't blame yourself. Just live with the memory that they loved you, because if you don't, your memories will haunt you forever and hate will consume you," and with that he got up, put the candle on my dresser, blew it out, and was gone. The conversation was over, and I was left confused. I did not know whether I should try to do what he had said, to try and forget everything except for the good memories; that I should try and enjoy things and not be so hateful. Even more confusing…I kind of wanted him to come back tomorrow night for some reason.

I tried to shove this out of my mind, but the more I thought about our conversation and how easy it was to talk to him, the more I wanted to do it. I wanted to have someone to share my thoughts with; someone who I knew would never tell my secrets. That someone could be Caleb, even if he was a parasite, and with this last thought going through my mind I fell asleep.