"I know why the heart gets lonely -- Every time you give your love away -- And if you think that you are only -- A shadow in the wind -- Rolling round but when you go and let somebody in -- They might fade away."

Sheryl Crow – I Know Why

Dawn came much too early, but with it a new atmosphere had descended over the small campsite. Sango and Miroku fell into an easy silence as they broke camp and the monk felt a peace he hadn't felt in a long, long time.

It lasted until he caught sight of Sango languidly stretching the kinks out of her back and then watched her bend to retrieve her bedroll. Miroku's hand twitched and his eyes followed the smooth curve of her bottom, accented by her kimono.

Old habits reared and without thinking he reached out and stroked his hand over her ass. Sango froze and whirled.

The responding slap threw Miroku off balance and he fell on his backside. His mischievous gaze met Sango's narrowed, angry eyes and he couldn't help himself, he laughed. Sango watched him for a moment, uncomprehending as he rolled on the ground, laughing so hard tears came to his eyes and suddenly she felt her own lips twitch into a smile. She giggled, placing her hands over her mouth and suddenly she was laughing as well.

Sango sunk to her knees and wrapped her arms around her midsection fighting to breath between guffaws. They would both stop for a moment and then they would catch each others eye and be thrown into galls of laughter again.

It was a good ten minutes before either of them could speak.

"I thought you told me you were no longer the man I used to slap silly?" She said with a grin. He grinned back and shrugged elegantly.

"So, I lied. My dear Sango, you will always be able to slap me silly and I will most likely be forever powerless in the face of your ire."

She shook her head, stood, and offered him a hand up; he took it, his mischievous grin still firmly in place. She pulled and he regained his feet, not letting go of her hand. She looked up to find him unbearable close and her heart started to thump wildly in her chest.

Gods, but he is handsome, she thought. His smile slipped and he groaned her name just before his lips descended on hers.

She whimpered when his tongue parted her soft folds and ran gently along the seam of her full lower lip. He murmured something unintelligible and his arm slipped seductively around her slim waist so he could pull her closer. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, testing and tasting, sucking lightly on hers and letting go, only to slide languidly against the length.

Sango felt her body flare as her nipples became painful hard and a slow steady throb clenched her womb. Her fingers twisted convulsively in the fabric of his purple robes, pulling him closer still.

When one hand moved slowly up her abdomen to brush the underside of her right breast she gasped. He pulled away to breathe and his eyes half lidded were storm tossed as he gazed at her. Miroku took a steadying breath and rested his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry, Sango. I never seem to have any self control when it comes to you no matter how hard I try."

Sango met his eyes squarely watching the swirl of emotion dance in their depths. Regret and longing where the most identifiable, emotions she was certain were mirrored in her own. She sighed and moved her hand to caress the red mark she had left on his cheek.

"Miroku, why do we always seem hurt each other?" He sighed and enfolded her into his arms. Her head came to rest on his chest; his chin atop her silken crown.

"I don't know, taijiya. I've no easy answer for you. I can only tell you that their will never be another for me, as long as I remain on this mortal coil, and I wish with all my heart that things were different."

She sighed. "You're never going to tell me why you left, are you."

Miroku stiffened and tried to pull away but her arms tightened around him.

"No…please…I-I want you to…" She was going to say that she wanted, no needed him to stay, but her pride would not let her beg. He seemed to understand because he relaxed against her.

Sango closed her eyes. So many turbulent emotions surged through her and she knew, as sure as she breathed, that she was not going to be able to hang on to him forever. She had decided that she wanted whatever he could give her for as long as they had, pride be damned.

Her heart; well she would worry about that later.

Lord Toyotomi scowled at the image of the beautiful woman and the monk as he claimed her mouth in a parody of lovemaking. He felt his own cock tighten and in a fit of ire he kicked over the jade basin and sent it skidding across the hardwood floor.

It hit hard but luckily, didn't shatter. A darkly amuse voice sounded in the chamber.

"That was childish."

The petulant Lord scowled again and stalked over to his futon.

A woman lay there, naked. She was young, not a day past fourteen winters, and she stared at the ceiling with wide unseeing eyes, moaning every so often.

Lord Toyotomi's scowl turned into a lustful grin as the drug he had given her took affect. She moaned again and brought her hands up to caress her naked breast, kneading and pinching the tight nipples between her fingers.

Toyotomi's grin faded and he looked away.

"You promised me the taijiya and yet as they journey here, she and that blasted monk grow closer. I want to taste her sweet purity before she fulfills her purpose. I want to drink her sweet virgin blood as it coats her thighs after I have driven into her. I will taste it."

The amused voice was back.

"Childish…after all this time. Why does it matter if you take her chastity? You can not keep her." Suddenly the voice grew cold. "Do not think of betraying me Lord Toyotomi. The consequences would be…unpleasant."

A shiver traveled down the shogun's spine and he scowled. He hated, after all these years, that the bastard could still frighten him.

"I do not wish to keep the taijiya, but I will have her before she is sacrificed. She is…stunning and so deliciously strong. I will have her…and she will break for me."

Suddenly a loud moan brought his attention to the woman withering on the bed. She had her hand between her sticky thighs and tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Hurts..." she murmured. Lord Toyotomi grinned and stroked his cock as he watched her desperately seek her release. To know that he had heard this young servant girl confess to another servant that she had never touched herself like this before was an incredible turn on.

The drug he had given her when he had lured her to his chamber was one of his own design. A few sips and it not only render the subject insensible, it heighten sexual desire to the point where it was painful.

Sometimes he would administer the drug and watch the girls cry in frustration as the pain grew and no relief came and sometimes, like today, he would decide to be benevolent and take the pain away.

Today his lust and anger bubbled just beneath the surface and he crawled over the girl. He roughly removed her hand spread her legs and thrust his harden cock into her. She cried out in pain and thrashed as blood trickled down her thighs.

"No…no…" she moaned. He growled, pinched her nipple tightly, and started to move hard and fast, punishing her.

He knew that the pain she was in must be immense and the thought simply drove him to push harder. As he fucked her he imagined that she was the taijiya and when his release came he arched his back, driving the girl into the futon with its power.

The girl was still mumbling and crying beneath him when he crawled off of her and left her without a backwards glance.

His guests were drawing closer and he had preparations to make.

InuYasha watched Kagome out of the corner of his eye as she assisted Riko in tending the wounded.

His scrutiny unnerved her and although she gave no outward sign, he could tell by her scent. Plus, she was ignoring him, something she only did when she was nervous…or annoyed with him.

He watched her with hooded golden eyes, predatory eyes. He still couldn't believe what she has almost admitted to Tatsuo this afternoon and he half wondered if he'd imagined it. InuYasha sniffed the air and caught her unique scent.

She really had no idea how good she smelled to him or how he her scent was permanently entrenched in his senses. He knew hers better than he knew his own, better than he knew Kikyo's, better even, than his own mother's.

Four short years he had known her and she had done what none could claim, she had become a part of his soul.

He could tell her moods simply by the changes in her scent and right now her scent was telling him that her almost confession really had been the unvarnished truth.

Kami, she was in love with him.

He frowned and inadvertently bared a fang. One of the patients yelped and scurried away from him, but he paid him no mind. All his focus was attuned to Kagome and the revelation that caused his gut to clench in tight convulsions.

She couldn't love him, not Kagome. She was too…good, much too good for the likes of him. But Kami, how she wished she wasn't.

He scowled, hadn't Kikyo taught him his lesson? Even she, with all her compassion, could not bind herself to him while he remained a hanyou.

What made Kagome any different? His scowl deepened and he heard Kagome sigh; a moment later she was standing in front of him tugging on his hand.

"Come on, InuYasha. Let's get some air."

He allowed her to lead him outside and was surprised when she laced her fingers with his instead of letting go. They didn't speak as she led him to the outskirts of the village towards the orchard that bordered the lonely graves of Sango's fallen people.

She stopped beneath a blooming cherry tree and pulled him down to sit with her by the trunk.

"You want to tell me what's bothering you?" She asked, not unkindly. He scoffed.

"Keh, I'm fine." She sighed.

"InuYasha let's not do this tonight, okay? You were scowling like you wanted to gut someone in there. If it's about what Tatsuo and those idiots said and did today, try not to let them get to you. Most of the people in the village know better and don't care if you're a hanyou. They know you're brave and loyal and a damn good man to have on their side when things go wrong. You can't let fools like Tatsuo get under your skin."

He fought to suppress his grin and looked away. He could always count on Kagome to protect him and the warm feeling he always got when she rushed to his defense filled his weary heart.

He took a deep breath and captured her eyes with his, trying to look deep into her soul.

"Actually I haven't thought about Tatsuo since him and those assholes walked away."

A furrow creased her brow and she gazed at him with puzzled eyes.

"Then what…" He cut her off.

"I've been thinking about what you said to Tatsuo." Kagome flushed red and pulled her hand out of his.

"Oh, you mean when I…"

"Yeah," he said. She fidgeted.

Silence descended as she searched for something, anything to say. She hadn't meant to tell him about her feelings, but now that they were out in the open she had to admit it didn't frighten her as much as she thought it would. Nineteen was a long ways away from fifteen, and maybe it was time to stop dancing around her hanyou and simply take a chance.

"I meant it," she said. So softly he wouldn't have heard her if he'd been human.

He shifted, nervous. "I don't know if…" She seemed to understand and took his hand again, joining their fingers.

"I know, don't worry about it right now."

He growled, low and she met his amber gaze, surprised.

"I don't deserve you. I never have." He then did something that took her completely by surprise. He kissed her.

Kagome's brain short circuited as he moved his lips over hers nipping the delicate skin of her lower lip and soothing it with his tongue. She gasped and he took advantage of her parted lips to plunge his tongue into her hot mouth, running the length across hers and sucking lightly on her lower lip before plunging back in.

She groaned and weaved her hands into the lapels of his hitoe and she felt his arms lock around her slim waist.

She moaned and pushed her tongue back against his, running the tip over his fangs only to shudder when he sucked lightly on her invading appendage. Kagome felt like her body was on fire and when his hands skimmed under her sweater and cupped her cloth covered breasts she arched into his touch.

"InuYasha," she groaned. He grunted and ran a trail of kisses down her jaw line and paused to suck lightly on the pulse point of her neck. She mewled and her hands slipped beneath his robes to rub lightly over his chest.

When her knee inadvertently brushed the growing bulge under his hakama he suddenly stilled and pulled away from her, breathing heavy. When she tried to pull him back to her he held her gently but firmly away from him. She frowned, confused.

"InuYasha?"

He closed his eyes, collected himself, and opened them.

"I'm sorry Kagome. I shouldn't have done that." She looked away and wrapped her arms around her torso, suddenly cold.

She didn't say anything for a moment and suddenly she laughed. It was full of derision. She shook her head and looked at him, sadness and anger in her gaze.

"I should have known."

He blinked. "Should have known what?"

"I should have known that you…never mind…it doesn't matter. I'm going back to help Riko." She stood up and in a moment of panic he grasped her hand, staying her. She sighed deeply and met his gaze.

"Wait Kagome…you don't understand." She frowned and gently but firmly, removed her hand from his.

"I get it InuYasha. In fact, I understand you better than you understand yourself. You want me, but you don't want to want me. Even after all this time you can't…." Her voice broke and she closed her eyes. Once she felt she wouldn't embarrass herself by bursting into tears she opened them. "Why can't you take what I'm offering you and be happy? Why can't you allow yourself too l-love me…the way I love you?"

"Kagome," he whimpered. She shook her head.

"No InuYasha…just no. I've been waiting for you…for too long. You need to make a decision or…"

He felt his ire spike and growled. He didn't like ultimatums.

"Or what, Kagome?" She smiled sadly.

"Or else you are going to lose me," she whispered and walked away. He watched her go until she disappeared into Riko's hut.

He stayed beneath the cherry tree unable to go back into the hut with her but unable to leave the village and run until his turbulent emotions subsided.

He wanted to love Kagome the way she wanted him to, the way she needed and the longer he sat there the colder he became.

He wanted to be the man the Kagome needed but he was afraid that what she wanted and what he could give her were worlds apart. He knew one thing though. She couldn't leave him. He couldn't allow her to leave him, because without her, nothing made sense.

Love her the way that she loved him, Kami that was almost laughable, because deep down, in places he didn't like to think about, he loved her with a fierceness that was frightening in its savageness.

No, loving her wasn't the problem. The problem was they he loved her too much and he was afraid. His love brought death. His mother and Kikyo had learned that the hard way.

His love brought death and he would let Kikyo drag him to hell before he damned Kagome to such a fate….even it if it meant losing her forever.