Hell hath no fury like a woman Chapter 8, a naruto fanfic

Disclaimer/Legend: See first Chapter

"Dynamic Entry!"

'Oh god no, anything but that…'

Naruto prayed to every omnipotent being he knew (and a few others he had made up on the spot) that those shouts were coming from this imagination. Possible result of some minor cranial traumas or Kisame's latest cooking experiment. But this wasn't the case when Naruto spotted the tell tale green of spandex, the blinding light of the sun reflecting off polished teeth, and finally the dances of eyebrows that badly needed to tweezed.

'Tsunade hates me; I must've done something so bad that even I don't remember it.' Naruto thought as the self dubbed 'Green Beasts of Konoha' landed in front of him.

"I see you are exactly on time my youthful student!" Maito Gai shouted as he gave Naruto a thumbs up, which Lee mirrored.

'This is just a dream; no way can this be happening to me…" Naruto repeated in his mind as he tried to not take in the sight that was created when Lee and Gai were within fifty meters of each other as he laid himself down on the ground.

"Gai sensei! Is lying on the ground a sign of one's youthfulness?!"

"Hmm?" Gai muttered as he pulled himself out of one of his many patented poses to see what his disciple was talking about. There, lying on the ground between the two, laid Naruto. The young man laid there, knees tucked into his chest, biting at his thumbnail while he seemed to stare into nothingness.

"Naruto, are you okay?" the older man asked, honestly worried about the young man's' health, as he shook his shoulder.

After a minute, Naruto's eyes lost their glazed look as they regained their focus. A moment later he sat up and spoke…

"That has to be one of the worst nightmares I ever had in my life."

"What would that be Naruto-kun?" Lee asked; his curiosity piqued.

"That you and Gai were going to be my taijutsu instructors."

"But Naruto, I am your taijutsu instructor. Tsunade-sama herself appointed me herself." Gai added from the side.

"So this isn't a dream?" Naruto asked, praying that it was.

"Nope, I brought Lee-kun here to assist me in your assessment today. Though he won't be able to assist me if he has to take care of a mission or something of equal importance comes up."

Naruto looked at Gai for a moment before he sighed in defeat. "When do we begin sensei?"

Gai flashed a smile and plopped down on the ground, gesturing for the others to do the same. Once Naruto and Lee were situated he began to question the man who would be his pupil for the next month.

"Now Naruto, I imagine you know why Tsunade-sama has asked me to train you for the next few weeks?"

"She said something about how my Taijutsu skills suck." Naruto said as he paraphrased the Gondaime's words.

Gai nodded in acceptance. "Well she didn't exactly term it like that to me, but after a review of your fight with Neji's uncle; I could see what she means. So I'll be blunt with you; your Taijutsu skills are an abomination to all those who claim to be a ninja. I have seen academy students who shown better promise than you. I honestly believe you only won that match by chance…."

Naruto listened to Gai rant on about his skills for several minutes, his self-esteem dropping with every comment. After what seemed like an eternity Gai stopped talking. 'Seems like the beast does need to breathe' Naruto thought to himself as he waited for him to start again.

"Now I can understand how you're lacking skills, from the lack of instruction at the academy due to your 'condition', also your placement with Kakashi didn't exactly promote growth as he can be classed as a Ninjutsu specialist as well as your other teacher. Do you understand so far?"

Naruto nodded in affirmation.

"Now Naruto, you will come into situations where you could not use Ninjutsu or it would be unwise to do so. You remember the confrontation between Lee and Sasuke at your first Chuunin exam right?"

Naruto nodded once again in confirmation.

"In a fight with someone who can predict what Jutsu you're going to use, be it from experience or a bloodline, it would be most unwise to use it, no? Now you saw the result of that fight, Sasuke was clearly outmatched. What I'm trying to say is broaden your repertoire, learn flexibility."

The older man was about to speak once again but Naruto felt the need to interrupt him…

"So you're saying if I got my taijutsu up to par would help my ninja career in the long run?"

"Pretty much."

"Why the hell didn't you say that in the beginning?!" Naruto yelled as he smacked Gai upside the head, much to Lee's disbelief.

"You could've saved my time and yours if you said that from the beginning, I'm not an idiot you know!"

Gai just sat there looking stunned while he rubbed the side of his head. From what Kakashi told him, Naruto tended to be a bit dense. He could tell now from his observations that the obstinate brat was gone, replaced with a young that desired to grow. Letting a small smile crack his face, he jumped to his feet, scaring Naruto with his sudden action.

"Yosh! Naruto, you are truly one who is at the peak of their youthfulness! I would openly weep but since we can dawdle on time, we should begin your training!"

"Okay, what should we do first" Naruto started to say, obviously struggling to finish, "Gai-sensei?"

"We will start your training with a simple spar so I can see what you need improvement in. Now before you begin I want both of you to go full out. Lee I want to see if you have kept up with training since you left my team; and Naruto it wouldn't be fair to you to judge your skill if you weren't trying hardest."

Lee and Naruto nodded in understanding as they walked towards the center and gotten into the Taijutsu stances they preferred. Lee with his usual Goken while Naruto had a stance Gai could not recognize. Both men just stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. All was silent in the training ground, till a bird decided to leave its

roost with a shrill call. Naruto used that moment to press his attack, charging Lee with a palm strike to the chest, which failed horribly; forcing him to go on the defensive.

Gai just stood on the sidelines watching as the spar progressed, making a mental checklist as he observed the spar. 'Naruto's form is extremely rough but not as bad as I have been told, with a little work he would be on par with most Chuunin.' Gai winced as he saw Naruto catch a fist to the chin. 'Both seem to be going slower than they usually are, I don't think they're trying their hardest. Almost as if they had forgotten something…' Gai thought to himself for a moment before the answer came to him.

"Lee! Naruto! Drop your weights, its holding you guys down!" Gai shouted, figuring that was holding the two back from going all out.

"Yosh!" Lee exclaimed as he pulled off the weights from the various points on his body.

"I'm not wearing any weights!" Naruto shouted before he was interrupted by a kick that sent him sailing through the air.

'This isn't going to end well' Gai thought to himself as he watched Naruto do an impression of a pinball across the training ground.

Across town at the local green grocer…

Kisame walked through the store, placing various items in the small basket as he carried. He was a man on a mission, for tonight he was going to show his skill in the kitchen once more. He had a plan; he was going to combine the favorite foods of his three favorite roommates.

Stalking through the aisles, Kisame spotted the last ingredient needed in his quest, but there was an obstacle of the most devious nature. For there, standing before the

tomatoes he needed was the embodiment of all male fears. The one, the only, and may god have mercy on the poor soul who gets caught in her bed if anything Ibiki told him was true, Anko Mitarashi, and man was she squeezing the hell out of those poor tomatoes he needed.

Now Kisame was in a pickle, he needed those tomatoes, but to get to them, he would need to get within sight of the eccentric special jounin. He knew about her from the various bingo books of the major hidden villages. She was known as a Kunoichi with a love for blood that would rival a shark; and had enough ruthlessness to put him to shame. Then there were the stories that Ibiki guy told him; something about her needing a man, and to never be caught alone with her if he could help it, the one thing Kisame couldn't avoid in this situation.

Now taking a position hidden behind a display of watermelons, Kisame thought of a plan. There was the one that involved a water bunshin, but that was thrown out when he realized that day's weather, it was hot and dry, not good for pulling moisture from the air. This also killed the plan of using the mist technique. Then it struck him, he was thinking too hard. This wasn't a situation that needed higher level techniques, he could use a simple henge and his control was good enough that he could perform it without letting a chakra pulse go off.

Forming the hand seals and thinking the name of the technique, he performed the henge. It was a simple one, involving smaller changes to details. The first was the fact he was no longer blue, the second change was the hiding of his facial markings. Resulting in him appearing as a run of the mill jounin. Personally he thought he would be able to sneak by the famed succubus.

Walking as calmly as he could, he passed Anko, who didn't even look up from shopping. Releasing the breath he didn't even realize he was holding, he began the task of picking the ripest tomatoes; unaware that his actions were being watched by a certain woman.

He was sure that he had enough for dinner that night when he noticed something was wrong. Anko, who was standing no more than three yards to the right of him, was missing. Thinking that she must've left when he wasn't paying attention, Kisame visibly relaxed, cheering inwardly at the uncomfortable situation that was diffused with such little work. Then he felt a presence behind him. One that made his danger senses go into overdrive. But it wasn't the feeling that comes from knowing death may be waiting around the corner. No it was the sense that he was about to get in a predicament so bad, that no one would be able to save him.

Turning around slowly, trying to find the quickest escape route possible around the edges of his sight, trying to ignore the smiling woman who was staring up at him.

"You new around here big boy?" Anko asked in voice that made Kisame shiver, whether from fear or something else, he didn't know.

"I…I've been around for awhile."

"Well that's funny, from what you're wearing I can see that you are a jounin, but want to know what's weird? I don't recognize you, and make sure to personally get to know all new jounin in our ranks. If you ask me something is fishy."

Kisame was sweating bullets under her scrutinizing gaze. 'She knows I'm under a henge, I don't know how, but she does and she's grinning.'

"You wouldn't be doing anything fishy would you?" Anko asked with a grin that showed more teeth than Kisame thought possible.

Now Kisame was looking over the aisles trying to get the attention of the old man who owned the place. He was so enthralled with his search he didn't even hear the 'Kai' or noticed he was blue again. It was a low whistle that brought his attention back to the matters at hand.

"Would you look at that, I thought you were cute before but I must say the blue skin and those marks really do something for you." Anko said as she reached to stroke his gill marks.

Kisame was in full blow panic mode now. If she touched those marks, he would be putty in her hands; unable to resist whatever she had planned for him, but all was not lost. There, walking in front of the store was a girl, one with four pigtails and bright blonde hair. Temari was his savior and she didn't even know it yet.

"I'm sorry miss but I see one of my roommate's friends walking by and I planned to invite her to dinner tonight." Kisame practically yelled out as he scrambled to the entrance, avoiding her touch and dropping a large amount of bills into the owners lap, enough to pay for what he bought five times over, as he dived outside the door.

Once outside he quickly caught up to Temari. Finally slowing to match her pace, finally matching it stride for stride. It wasn't till after a minute passed that she noticed someone next to her. Turning her head to the side, she saw Kisame walking next to her and raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

"Just keep walking and whatever you do, don't look back." Kisame said through his teeth as he kept walking.

Temari, being your typical person, did exactly what she was just told not to do. Turning her head slightly, she could see Anko slinking towards them, obviously staring at Kisame's rear.

"We're being followed." Temari said, amused with the amount of swearing Kisame was saying under his breath.

After another minute of swearing and taking small glances behind him, Kisame decided it was time to high tail it out of there. But he might as well invite Temari like he told Anko he would. He may have been a coward when it came to her, but he would be damned if he

became a liar. He quickly rambled out something that sounded like an invite to Temari while making the hand seals for a Shunshin; disappearing before Anko finished her pounce.

"Well poo, he looked like he would be fun…"Anko pouted, as she looked in the direction she assumed Kisame left.

"Anko, I think you scared him. How are you ever going to find a decent guy if you keep scaring them away?"

Anko just looked at Temari for a moment, going into supreme poutiness mode, before disappearing herself, leaving the chuckling blonde behind.

A few hours later at the Konoha General Hospital…

Sakura walked down the sterile halls, seemingly on autopilot. She had just finished her shift but her mind was thinking about the mission she was given while having a discussion with Inner Sakura.

'I can't believe I still have to work at the hospital! I mean Tsunade-sama said this was a mission of a most important matter! The time I'm wasting here could be time getting to know Naruto!'

Inner Sakura was nodding with every statement, but this time she was the more controlled one. She knew why Tsunade made Sakura continue with her job. This was a secret mission after all…

'I bet all those other hussies are planning to do something while I'm here listening to old men complain about kidney stones!'

I.S. finally decided to interject for a moment.

'You know that's not true. Ino has to run the flower shop and Tenten has to watch her parent's place.'

'That leaves the Temari, the two from Sound, and Hinata and Hanabi.' Sakura growled out.

'Bah, Temari is a nice person along with Tayuya, even if they're a little outspoken. Kin and Hinata would be twins if they were both Hyuga, they're shy and meek; and Hanabi is… well she's just Hanabi.'

'Hinata meek? Hah, I think you forgot the beating she gave Kiba a few years ago.'

I.S. had forgotten about that, she remembered Kiba saying something about Naruto, and then it was just a blur of fists followed by the girlish screams. It wasn't a pretty sight.

'And Hanabi? She's turning into a tramp like that sensei of hers. She wouldn't even try to love Naruto, most likely deciding to tie him to a bed and have her way with him! When it should be me doing it!'

Inner just stood there dumbfounded after hearing that last sentence. That was something she would have said. She was never supposed to be the voice of a reason; she was the embodiment of all the things Sakura repressed! Something was messing with the ways of the universe. Leaving I.S. to figure out what was going on. Ignoring the lewd but impressive fantasies that weaved around her; she took an assessment of what happened in the last couple days.

First thing she did was look at her host from within. Nothing seemed to be out of order aside from some minor bloating and cramps. Topped off with some hormones out of balance causing mood swings and irrational lines of thinking. Glancing at a calendar that even she had no idea was behind her; she saw today's date, marked with a red dot. 'Oh' I.S. thought as realization hit her. It was that time of the month, and with Sakura being a medic; she had the ability to compress the effects into a short time. Meaning she had a week's worth

of sexual hormones coursing through her system; resulting in a situation that needed immediate diffusing.

'Listen, we got to go about this with tact. We need to show Naruto we really care about him and just don't want to screw him.'

'But…'

'No buts! Now pay attention. It looks like the interns are having an argument about something again. Gai probably dropped off Kakashi again.'

Sakura pulled herself from the inner conversation to see all the female interns of the hospital were having an argument on who can clean up the patient in the room next to them. Something that was quite common Kakashi was brought in. Personally she never got the fuss. She had finally seen Kakashi without his mask, and she wasn't impressed. He was a pretty boy.

'Sasuke was a pretty boy and you girls had it for him.'

'Oh shut up, I was young and stupid. We also saw him six years ago and I don't know about you but an ass bow doesn't do it for me.'

'You have a point there…'

With inner silenced for a bit, she turned to the nurse that watched the spectacle next to her. Sakura instantly recognized her. Her name was Matsumi and she had been working at the hospital before Sakura was born and had helped her greatly when she was an Intern. She was someone you could joke around with one minute and suddenly save someone the next. Safe to say, she was a friend of Sakura's.

"Hey Mats, Gai drop off Kakashi again?"

"Don't know; kind of makes you wonder about those two though. The way they interact seems to hint at something else. Probably lovers, especially the way Gai prances about

screaming about 'youth'." Matsumi said, surprising Sakura in her ability to hold a straight face.

Somewhere else…

A silver haired man shuddered for a moment before going back to stirring a pot…

Sakura couldn't help but giggle when she heard that. It even made sense in some strange way, she had never seen Kakashi with a woman and the porn obsession could just be a cover. While thinking about that, she noticed he interns were going to settle their problem with a round of Janken.

"Oh wait a moment Sakura,' Matsumi said as she looked through the papers on the admissions desk after realizing the nurse who was running it was part of the crowd competing. After a few minutes of searching she found the form. "Okay, the patient who was brought in a little while ago is named fishcake."

"Who the hell names their kid 'fishcake'?"

"Don't ask me. The form says Naruto." Matsumi stated.

"Well Naruto is a type of fishcake…Wait a minute… Naruto!" Sakura yelled as she noticed a victor has come forth as the other interns grumbled about their bad luck.

"Naruto Uzamaki, brought in to have injuries from a spar treated, extent of which currently unknown…" Matsumi read from the form, before realizing Sakura was nowhere to be found.

The winner of the Janken match was a young intern named Ikue. She had started working at the hospital when one of her friends suggested it. Well didn't exactly suggest it, but mentioned it as a way to see hot naked men. And would you believe her luck, in less than a month she saw Kakashi without his clothes and now this blonde Adonis. Now she had a chance to personally treat and clean him up.

Biting back a squeal at the thought of touching those muscles among other things, she prepared to enter the room; only to stop when she heard the sound of medical tape being pulled from a roll. Turning around slowly, she saw a smiling Sakura staring back at her with an odd gleam in her eye.

"Sakura-senpai?"

Sakura felt proud of herself for taking the initiative for once. She had taken down Ikue with little struggle and a large amount of medical tape. She got off pretty light for what she wanted to do to her Naruto, and that tape would hurt like a bitch to pull off. Letting a small chuckle pass her lips at that thought, she slipped into Naruto's room.

Once there, Sakura couldn't help but stare at his unconscious form. She had seen him naked at the hot spring, but she never got the chance to really look at him. Something she planned on fixing. Slinking towards his bed, she took in his form. One thing she noticed was that was stripped down to his underwear. But he hadn't been cleaned up, a sign that no one from the hospital did it. 'Most likely it was Gai; probably did it to make it easier for us.'

Sakura looked closer, carefully taking in all of Naruto's features. The seals that covered his form, to the way his muscles seemed to twitch unconsciously under his skin, then there was his face. Sakura couldn't help but stare at his face. It was a vision of masculinity; it was tanned as the rest of his body, a strong jaw line that must've been hidden from his pudginess in his youth. Then came the whiskers on his cheeks, she always wanted to touch

them since she saw them back when she met Naruto in the academy, a secret she would've taken to the grave years ago.

Now she didn't have to worry about that. It was just him and her in the room. So she gave into temptation and dragged a finger tip along one of them. She could feel the groove of the whiskers along with something that tickled the tip of her finger. Looking closer she saw spots all over Naruto's lower face that shined in the sun. It took her a moment to realize that it was stubble. She couldn't believe Naruto had actually grown up.

Smiling at memories of the past; especially those from the time at the academy and the formation of team seven as she pulled a clump of grass out of Naruto's hair. She never noticed it before but his hair had a funky feel to it. It wasn't exactly silky as she would have thought; it felt like she was petting a long haired cat. 'But enough dawdling on that, I need to find out what wrong with him so I can fix it. Then he'll be so happy that he'll offer to take me on a date which will lead to others then…' Sakura rambled on, much to I.S.'s amusement as she got to observe Sakura's fantasies.

Realizing that she was mentally rambling, Sakura began to work on figuring out what was wrong with Naruto to warrant him being placed here. Performing the seals for the jutsu used for medical scans, and slowly traced them over his limbs, making a mental list of his injuries as her hand passed. So far the total was up to twenty small fractures, several tears in the muscles of his legs, and one pulled tendon. Heaving a small sigh, she made a new set of signs and began the task of patching up her teammate. Sakura enthralled with her task, that she didn't know she was being observed…

Tsunade walked down the halls of the hospital, smiling at several of the workers as she passed. She could honestly say she enjoyed her job. Being Hokage had its perks of course, but it didn't hold a candle to being a medic Nin. The knowing fact that she could save or end a life with a simple small manipulation of her chakra scalpel still amazed her to this

day. But now was not the time to think about things like that, she had a blonde idiot she needed to check up on.

She really didn't want to check up on him, but she couldn't refuse. A crazed man in spandex tends to be very convincing when he wanted to be. But she could let that slide, it may have been a time of peace between the Shinobi nations, but the war on paperwork was still going on strong, and any excuse to be able to get out of the office even for a short while, was welcomed by her.

Leaving us to find her walking down the hall, towards the admissions desk for that floor; hoping to find out what her little idiot got himself into. Once there she noticed something most unusual. All of the nurses and the interns seemed to be missing, nix that; they weren't missing. Just crowding around the entrance of one of the rooms, trying to peek at its inhabitant.

'Looks like I found Naruto's room' Tsunade thought to herself as pushed through the crowd, giving all of the girls a small smirk as she went. Finally making it to the door, she slipped in silently inside and used one of Jiraiya's favorite jutsus as she observed her student's work.

The process started out slowly as Sakura began her work. She started with the hard things first; the setting and mending of fractures. Using as little force as possible, she set his bones back in place and reinforced the fractures with chakra braces. Sakura could have completely mended the fractures with healing chakra as was common in the field, but it wasn't necessary here. Even the most advanced medical techniques couldn't replace the effects of natural healing.

Wiping the small amount sweat from her brow, she began to heal the tears in Naruto's muscles. Once again focusing medical chakra into her hands, and began to rub them down

Naruto's arms. Sakura tried to focus into her work, but her mind began to drifting to other things, like the feel of Naruto's muscles under her touch. Her body went into autopilot as she went into full blown erotic fantasy mode…

Sakura found herself back at Naruto's home. It must've have been dusk if the sky was any indication. She felt a warm breeze caress her face in manner like lover, bring the scent of the forest with its touch. Letting herself go to the feeling for a moment to get a better look of her surroundings. She was standing outside of his outdoor bath. A mist surrounded the onsen, thick enough that she couldn't see ahead of herself.

Sakura was confused, how she did get here and why did she only have a towel on? Now Sakura could be called naïve at times, but she wasn't an idiot. She knew there was something off about this, she just couldn't figure out what. Even so, she wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. After sending out a small chakra pulse to sense if she alone, she slid into the warm water.

She relished the feeling of the water as it settled around her, soothing and warm. So enthralled with the feeling, she didn't realize that she was no longer alone. Settling into a nook to the side, she let loose a small sigh only to hear another one come from across her, startling her.

She called out, hoping for an answer. "Hello? Is there anyone there?"

Sakura waited a moment before calling out again, only to be greeted with a small splash somewhere in the mist. Now she was getting scared. It didn't help her that the presence of the dense mist brought back memories of the Zabuza encounter, nor the fact she couldn't even see through the water.

Holding the towel to her chest, she prepared the exit the onsen, only to feel something brushing against her leg, followed by a small chuckle come from below her. Glancing down, she spotted that familiar blonde hair and squinty eyes. The feelings of fear in her chest soon turned to anger. Grabbing a fistful of hair she heaved the trickster up till he was eye level with her, Naruto whimpering the whole way. It didn't occur to her there was the possibility that he would be naked.

"Sakura, Jesus Sakura, let go you're actually hurting me!" Naruto muttered out, to no avail.

Sakura just scowled at him, before trailing down his naked torso. She could feel the blush coming stronger as she looked lower and lower, only to be disappointed to see the good stuff still under the water. Raising her view back to his face, she couldn't help but smile at his pout. It was just too cute to ignore.

"Well buster, you scared the hell out of me. How do you plan to make up for it?"

The only answer she got from Naruto was a face splitting grin before he escaped her grip and dove into the water.

She looked at the surface of the water before as she yelled. "Don't think you're getting out of this Naruto!"

She just stared at the water, till she felt something grab her ankles, causing her to fall back. She didn't even notice the small tuft of hair that appeared between her legs before sinking below the surface. Then she felt it, that touch that was soft yet hard, cool but made her hot. Sakura had bit her lower lip, lest a low moan would escape as Naruto continued his soft ministrations. Losing herself, she heard only one thing…

"I don't think that proper etiquette for a medic, Sakura." A voice full of mirth said from all around.

"I don't think that proper etiquette for a medic Sakura."

Sakura couldn't help but groan as the real world surrounded her. Then she realized her situation. One, she had a hand in Naruto's boxers. Two, her other hand was in her own shorts, touching herself. Three, she wasn't the only one in the room besides Naruto anymore. Looking back towards the origin of the voice, she caught sight of a heavily blushing Tsunade looking back at her.

Letting a small squeal that would make Hinata proud, she quickly removed her hand. Not realizing what the other held. The glazed eyes of Tsunade would give her a clue though. That and the sight of a small nose bleed from the older woman. The Hokage wasn't even looking at her anymore. Following her sight, she saw Naruto lying in bed, naked as the day he was born. And as luck would have it, Naruto decided to choose this moment to return to the land of the living.

Naruto slowly came to, aching in ways he never knew existed. There was that, as well as the fact he felt a breeze over his lower regions. Opening his eyes slowly, to give his eyes a chance to adjust to the light, he saw a strange sight. Standing before him, were two of his precious people, both were blushing but the older one had a nose bleed. Glancing at both of the women, he had to let the question that was plaguing him be known.

"What the hell hit me?"

Tsunade just stared at the young man, trying to keep her eyes trained on his face, lest her line of vision drifted lower…

Sakura was having the same problems as her master as she stared at her old teammate. Looking to her side at her master, she realized the woman was thinking something; something pleasant if her deepening blush could be used as an indicator.

Now it was a three way stare off. Sakura was crimson as lewd thoughts crossed her mind, Tsunade was following suit with the added thought of age gap be damned, and Naruto? Well Naruto was chilly. The silence continued for minutes longer before it was broken.

"Sakura-chan, why am I naked, and why are my boxers in your hand?"

Sakura looked at the object she had been holding since she realized Tsunade was in the room with her. Seeing that she was indeed holding his boxers, she did the first reasonable action that came to mind. She threw them over her shoulder in an attempt to hide the evidence. She didn't even the notice the group of hands that shot through the crack in doorway that grabbed them before they hit the ground, or the ear piercing squeals from outside that followed.

Next she did the next reasonable thing in her mind. She slugged him with all her strength to prevent him from asking more questions. Thankfully she didn't kill him, just knocked him unconscious, which also served to break the awkwardness of the situation. Glancing at the unconscious man who as of now will be the center of all her fantasies from this point on, before looking at her teacher for a way to explain the situation.

Tsunade looked at the boy for a moment before finally speaking. "Well, now that I can say the situation is sorted out, you can explain to me what the hell was going on before I got here? Actually never mind, you can tell me later after I check up on Naruto."

Sakura just nodded as she edged towards the doorway slowly as Tsunade began her own set of checkups on Naruto, occasionally mumbling things to herself as she worked. Seeing that the woman had her attention elsewhere she tried to open the door as quietly as possible, only to feel the soft yet firm grip on her shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going Sakura?"

The girl could only gulp as she prepared herself for the grilling that was soon to come.

Elsewhere…

Temari stood before the Naruto's house once again, knocking on his front door when she heard it. It sounded like a stack of explosive notes going off all at once, followed by a shockwave that rivaled a volcanic eruption. After a moment she could hear muttered cursing come from behind the closed door, before it opened to reveal Kakashi, covered in red goo.

"Why hello Temari," Kakashi said as he picked a red strip from his mask. "What bring you around these parts?"

Temari looked like she just witnessed the result of a massacre, but then the smell of tomatoes and herbs hit her. It wasn't blood; Kakashi was covered in food, a soup or stew by the looks of it. Heaving a sigh of relief, she answered the masked man.

"Kisame invited me to dinner Kakashi-san."

"Hmm…" Kakashi mumbled as he rubbed his tomato stained chin, "I believe Kisame mentioned something about you coming to dinner before he asked me to watch his stew so he could take a nap."

Temari nodded and was about to tell Kakashi what had happened when she heard the tell tale sound of a messenger bird. She watched it as it glided down from the air and perched atop Kakashi's head before pulling a strip of meat from his hair. While this was funny in its own right, the fact that Kakashi didn't seem bothered the least little bit made her giggle.

Kakashi stood there for a moment before he reached up and untied the message from the bird's leg. Reading it silently, he finished and destroyed the note with a small Katon jutsu before turning to his sole audience member.

"It appears Naruto will be late for dinner it seems…"

"What? What happened to Naruto? Is he okay?" Temari asked voice full of worry for her not quite boyfriend.

"Mah, mah," Kakashi said as he waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. "He just got a few scrapes from his spar with Gai. I'm sure he'll be home later tonight."

"I don't know…" Temari started to say before she was interrupted by Kakashi once again.

"Relax kiddo, I'm sure he's okay, but there are other things that are more important to worry about right now. Like hiding the evidence of my blunder before Kisame wakes up."

"Before who wakes up?" A voice rumbled out from behind Kakashi.

Turning ever so slowly Kakashi came face to face to something he never really wanted to see. The embodiment of physical pain, version 1.0, aka Angry Kisame.

"Well Kisame you see, a young woman wearing a red hooded cloak came to the door and asked for directions to her grandmother's house…"

Back at the hospital…

Naruto woke once more in pain, but now it seemed to be focused around his face. Groaning as the world came into focus, he looked around the room. Realizing that once again, he was in the hospital, he did the first rational thing that came to mind. He was plotting an escape. Saying that he didn't like the hospital was the same as saying a vampire didn't like the sun. It was just an obvious truth.

Everything in the hospital irritated him. It always had a smell of sickness and injury that was covered with the scent of disinfectants. The rooms were bright white but had no sense of life to it. All of this added to Naruto's displeasure. But first things first, he needed to find his clothes or something to hide his shame. After a quick scan of the room, he sighed at the loss of another set of clothes before putting on a hospital gown. Once

that was done, he walked to the window and opened it. Seeing that he was in the clear and the night was sufficiently dark, he leapt towards the roof of the closest building.

While Naruto had experience in straining oneself after recovery, he wasn't prepared for the pain that shot through his legs as soon as he hit the rooftop. Gasping in pain, he bent over before he realized he wasn't alone. Looking around, he noticed three figures standing around him. Anbu he noted, recognizing Kuma from earlier, only now she was joined by two others. The smallest one, obviously female if her hips and bust were any indication, wore a panda mask. While the other's mask was just blank and seemed to stare intently at him.

Forgoing the pain, Naruto gave the three a wide grin before speaking.

"Hey guys, anything I can help you with?"

The three Anbu stood there for a moment before Kuma took the initiative.

"Why yes there is Namikaze-san, there is something you could help us with? It involves a special mission that was given to my associates and myself. You see this mission was a supposed to be simple. All we had to do was watch a certain someone so he wouldn't get himself hurt."

Naruto began to chuckle nervously, he didn't expect to be under guard when he escaped but apparently Tsunade had other plans...

It was fifteen minutes later before Kuma managed to stop yelling at him for being an idiot and jumping down five stories when he had fractures in both of his legs. Once the screaming stopped, 'or she needed to catch her breath?'Naruto thought to himself before interrupting her. He was tired and he wanted to sleep in his own bed. 'Time to use some of the ole charm' he thought as he began to speak.

"But Kuma-chan…" 'That's right, draw out the chan' "I'm fine, really. Just need to go home and get some sleep."

"Namikaze… Don't think you can flirt your way out of this." Kuma deadpanned as her partners nodded in agreement.

'Shit, if this keeps up, they'll drag me to Tsunade. Then I'll really be in trouble. It's going to take an act of the gods to get out of this now.'

And as if the gods themselves heard his prayer, the wind began to pick up. It started to slowly caress Naruto's form before gusting up, causing his hospital gown to reveal his shame to the Anbu. Resulting in two stuttering officers with a third that seemed to stare a bit too intently.

While having the decency to blush, Naruto couldn't let this chance escape. The gods gave him a distraction and he was going to use it. Throwing the three a quick glance, he turned and bounded across the roofs in the direction of his house, wincing with every step of the way.

Kuma just stood there dumbfounded, her mind trying to reboot from what she had just witnessed. Looking to her side, she could see that Panda was in a similar state as she, while Zero kept looking at a book then to one direction. It wasn't till a minute later she realized that their target had escaped, and one of them had to tell Tsunade-sama that they failed in their mission. Thinking quickly she decided to let one of the others shoulder the task.

"Panda, since you are the rookie of the team. I've decided that you will be the one to tell Tsunade-sama that we have failed. Any complaints you would like to voice before we leave to report?"

"So big…"

Kuma couldn't help but draw her hand down her mask as she looked at the other female. Anbu were supposed to be professionals, and not get worked up over non important things such as a man's impressive equipment…

Shaking her head to clear her mind of such thoughts, she turned to the sole male of the trio. He was acting a bit stranger than usual. He kept muttering to himself as he leafed quickly through some book. It was a bit disconcerting for Zero to show any emotions.

"Zero?"

The masked man looked at the book one last time before answering his captain.

"He's…he's the chosen one!"

"Zero, what are you talking about?"

"He's the chosen one. From the good book." Zero said, acting as if he figured out the meaning of life.

"What book?" Kuma had to ask, eyeing said book Zero held like his first born child.

"Why the book of Wang captain."

"What?" Kuma deadpanned, not believing what she was hearing.

"But it's true captain. He appears exactly as the hero of this story. Here, take a look for yourself," Zero said as he handed the "gospel" over.

Raising an unseen eyebrow at her subordinate, Kuma glanced down at the open page, only to avert her eyes lest the images portrayed forever be burned into her mind. The "good book" as Zero called it, was piece of literature so lewd and depraved it would make Jiraiya shudder. For it was the work of his competitor, the infamous and lesser known female voyeur, Takana Wang. The world renowned author of the 'Yaoi Paradise' series.

Feeling a migraine start to form, Kuma handed the book back and removed her mask. Looking at her male subordinate, she knew she had to have the 'talk' with him and explain that the book was a piece of fiction and should not be taken seriously. Even if the main character had an uncanny resemblance to Namikaze, right down to the slight bend in his…

Naruto jumped from branch to branch as he made his way home. He could see the trees thinning out ahead, signaling that he was close to home. Picking up his pace, he made one final leap, landing right at his front door. After taking a moment to feel for any unnatural shifts in the air to see if he had been followed, Naruto opened the door and made his way to his room. Once there, he quickly removed the hospital gown and put on a clean pair of underwear before flopping down on his bed, unaware he was once again not alone as a pair of blue green eyes watched him from the other side of the bed.

Temari laid across from Naruto trying to stifle the nose bleed that was threatening to erupt when she awoke to the sight of a naked Naruto not three yards in front of her. Add to that he was now lying next to her snoring lightly. Allowing herself a moment to smile at his soft features, she scooted closer to him, only to have him flop on his side, one hand landing on her right breast.

Biting back the urge to slap him for his wandering hands, she looked at his face again. He seemed to be asleep, meaning that the grope was surely unintentional. Checking once more to make sure he was still sleeping, she scooted further over so that she could lie against his chest while she slept. Shifting to a more comfortable position, she quickly fell to the grasp of sleep.

Once her breathing had become slow and even. A lone blue eye opened and gazed down upon her sleeping form. The owner's face grinned slightly before closing and a slight mumble followed.

"I guess a guy can get used to this eh Kyuu?"

From the end of bed, a small fox seemed to phase into existence. While it had the ability to speak, it chose not to. Instead it gave his host a lupine grin before it turned and left the young couple to their slumber.

Sakura trudged her way back to the apartment that Ino and her shared. When Tsunade told her they were going to have a talk, she meant it. First it started about her improper actions, then somehow it go to the point she had actually admitted to what the fantasy pertained. Then it winded down with an exchange of tips and skills from master to pupil in the art of wooing men. How it got to that point Sakura didn't know, but she was sure that the sake Tsunade was steadily imbibing at the time had lowered her master's inhibitions.

Shaking the memory of her 'discussion' with Tsunade, Sakura began her ascent to the second floor apartment. If luck was on her side, Ino would be asleep so she could get cleaned up before heading to bed herself. But as luck would have it, Ino was laying on the couch, channel surfing, as Sakura opened the door.

Stopping her search for anything worth watching, Ino glanced at her roommate/friend, taking a note of her flushed and tired features.

"The hell happened to you?" Ino so eloquently asked.

"Work"

"You worked yesterday, didn't look like that when you got home. What made today so special?" Ino asked, now hugging a throw pillow to her chest.

"A certain someone was admitted, making the staff turn into giggling puddles of fan girls." Sakura said as she removed her shoes and hung her keys up.

Ino looked up at the ceiling in thought, trying to figure out who would usually make that happen before an answer came to her.

"Kakashi?"

"For once it wasn't Kakashi-sensei," Sakura replied as she flopped down next to Ino.

"Well Kakashi is the only person I could think of that could do that."

"It was Naruto, Ino."

The effect of what she said had an instantaneous effect. First Ino perked up, the seemed to go into a daydream, followed with a full body flush. If she wasn't so tired, she would find it humorous. But she was tired, and the memory of her encounter was still fresh. She needed sleep after a few minutes of personal time.

"Ino I'm heading to bed. Make sure to turn off the television before you go to sleep." She said as she got up, only to be stopped by a firm grip on her arm.

"Where do you think you're going Sakura?" Ino asked, a Narutoesque grin on her face, "You can't sleep. I know what you nurses have to do to a patient during an exam. I…need…details! You are going to tell me everything, right down to fantasy you probably had when you were feeling him up under the excuse that you were checking for injuries…"

Sakura just stared at her friend, the idea of sleep happening any time soon disappeared like a snow flake in spring. Shifting a bit to make herself comfortable, she began to tell her tale…

A/N: I'm not dead yet! While I apologize profusely for my lack of updates, it was for good reason. Basically real life came up. I gave up one addiction for another, it's not smoking though. You will take my cigars from me when I'm good and dead! (Here's a clue it involves moogles and cat girls) and I have started the hell know as house renovations. While this chapter wasn't as long as I would have liked, I'll view it as a teaser for what's coming up. The clues to the following chapters? The girls begin to make their moves, why does the color blue turn Anko on, and what Itachi does on his days off… So be sure to stay tuned, and finally as always, be sure to read and review. Until later folks.