River was alone in the kitchen next morning as Jayne stepped quietly down into the galley. She was concentrating so much on stirring the hot oatmeal Kaylee had put on that she didn't hear him moving up close behind her until she felt his breath on the back of her neck. Her hand strayed towards the knife block, but she stopped it, turning instead.
"How come you locked me out?" he asked, trapping her against the counter. "And ya changed the code."
"I forgot." She glanced up into his face but just as quickly dropped her gaze again.
"What, that ya locked me out or didn't tell me the new code?"
"Just needed to be alone."
"River, if there's something wrong … if I've done anything …"
"Nothing."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
"Just needed some time."
Voices in the corridor announced Hank and Zoe arriving for breakfast, and River took the opportunity to wriggle past him to go and sit at the table, her hands clasped tightly in front of her.
"Look, if I've done something wrong, tell me," Jayne hissed.
"Nothing wrong. Bad dreams."
"Bad dreams?" Hank echoed as he followed Zoe into the dining area, Ben on his hip. "You want to know about bad dreams? Eat too much cheese." He shuddered. "Worse kind, cheese dreams."
"Well, since we don't get cheese that often, I don't think we need to worry." Zoe smiled at him and walked to the counter.
Hank sat down, arranging his son in his lap. "What kinda bad dreams did you have, honey?" he asked River.
She managed a smile for him. "Being chased."
"I have them too. Usually it's something big and hairy." He glanced up. "Oh, hi, Jayne."
"Huh," the big man grunted, slopping oatmeal into a bowl and sitting down.
"What? No cheery greeting this morning? No sunny hello, a song and a joke?"
"Wanna be eating your breakfast through a straw?" Jayne growled.
"Jayne," Zoe warned.
"Just saying."
"Well, don't."
Jayne glared at her, almost as if he was about to speak, to argue, but instead he stood up. "Ain't hungry anyway. Not for this crap." He tossed the bowl into the sink where it broke into half a dozen pieces.
"Better clear that up," Hank said softly, this time not baiting, just concerned. "Mal might not like you busting up the crockery."
With ill-grace Jayne grabbed the pieces and tossed them into the bin. "Happy?" He strode out of the galley, not even giving River a second glance.
"What's going on?" Hank asked the young woman.
"Nothing."
"Didn't look like nothing."
She pushed her chair back and got to her feet. "I'm going to work on my garden." She smiled brightly and ran.
"Zoe …" Hank looked at his fiancé.
"People argue, dear."
"But that? It ain't like either of them."
"No."
---
Jayne leaned in the infirmary doorway. "Doc, can I ask you something?"
Simon glanced up from the readings he was studying. "Mmn?"
"You spoken to River lately?"
"What?" The young doctor's brow furrowed a little. "Talked to her? Of course I've talked to her."
"I mean, like yesterday."
"Well, probably." Simon shrugged. "I've been a little busy."
"Hope okay?"
"It's just a cold, but I don't want it to develop into anything else."
"Nope, sure you don't. That little girl don't need it."
"No." Simon put the readings down on the counter. "So far she seems fine."
"Sure Kaylee's glad to hear that."
"She is." He ran his hands down his face, trying to wipe away the tiredness. "You don't know how exhausting having children is until you actually have any. And they're sick."
"Guess not."
Simon sighed. "So what is it about River?"
Jayne started guiltily. "She just seems … not right."
"How much not right?"
"Not her normal self."
"Well, since it's difficult to know what her normal self is, I'm not sure I can comment." Simon smiled.
"I mean she ain't … I don't know, doc. Just feels wrong."
"Do you want me to talk to her?"
"Would ya?"
"Of course. She is my sister."
"Be grateful."
"Leave it with me."
"Thanks, doc." Jayne headed for the cargo bay and his weights.
Simon stared after him for a moment, trying to fathom how much it had taken the big mercenary to come and ask for help. He mentally promised Jayne that he'd find River in a little while, try to see what the problem might be, if indeed there was one over and above the fact that his sister was still crazy, then turned back to his results and promptly forgot all about it.
---
The strawberry plants were flourishing, and the vegetable bin was coming along nicely. The soil was moist, well-nourished, and there was no sign of weeds. There was really nothing to be done, yet River spent over an hour checking each plant minutely, removing a total of five leaves and adjusting the lights to aim one third of a degree higher.
Then there was nothing left to do. She knew Jayne had gone to the cargo bay, was even now lifting weights, trying to get to that state of emptiness where there was only the repetition, the concentration of breathing in as the weights descended, breathing out as he strained to lift them back, the slight increase in his heart rate, the sweat trickling down his skin. She could feel him reaching for it, and wanted to go out and touch him. It wasn't his fault. She leaned back on the strawberry bin, feeling his frustration, his inability to understand what she was doing, why she was behaving the way she was.
She so wanted to tell him. Except she didn't know either.
She closed her eyes to try and reason things better, feeling her body relax as she skimmed the consciousness of the people on board Serenity …
"Why're you hiding?" the unicorn called in a voice she recognised. "Ain't gonna hurt you."
"You'll spear me with your horn and I'll bleed into the snow." She made her voice bounce from the mountains, filling the glade so he couldn't find her.
"Why'd I do that?"
"I don't know."
"Then come out. We can play. You like to play. You can ride me, and I'll take you to the wide plains and show you the 'verse."
"Come out and play …" Another voice echoed through the landscape, and her breath caught in her throat.
"Who's that?" she asked.
"Why don't'cha come and find out?" the unicorn asked, pawing at the frozen ground until it oozed red.
"Want to wake up now," she whispered, her hands clasped in front of her belly. "Now."
---
"River, honey, are you okay?" Freya asked as the young woman stepped out of her garden. She was sitting in the yellow armchair in the common area, Jesse in her arms.
"Shiny."
"Only you look pale."
"I fell asleep." She tilted her head a little. "A crick in my neck."
"I get them," Freya said, grinning. "This little one tires me out." She laughed. "I must be getting old."
"Not old."
"Tell that to my bones."
"I will." River managed a smile. "If you're waiting for my brother he's in with Hope."
"I know. He wanted to check Jesse over, see how she's doing."
The psychic moved forward, going down onto her knees to look into the baby's face. "She's perfect," she murmured.
"I know," Freya said, ever the proud mother. "I can't believe I have two such beautiful children."
River nodded, watching Jesse sleep, her little fist pressed against her cheek. "Perfect."
"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"Wrong?"
"Well, Jayne's going around the place shaking his head like a wet dog with fleas, and you're giving everyone the jitters. I'd say there was something wrong." She tried to see into the young woman's eyes. "Did you and Jayne fight?"
"No."
"Then how come he's out there wearing out those dumbbells?"
"I … I've had a bad day."
"And it's not even noon."
"Then a bad day or two. That time of the month."
"Ah." Freya nodded understandingly. "I've had them. Admittedly, not at the moment, not since I'm still breastfeeding this little one, but I can recall days like that. Mal learned not to leave sharp objects around." She paused a moment. "So you think you might need to apologise to Jayne?"
"I …"
"Please. It'd clear the air. Otherwise Mal might get involved, and that could get messy."
River's lips twitched. "Okay, Momma."
"You know, sometimes I do feel like I have a helluva lot more than just two children on this boat."
"You're Mrs Reynolds. You're supposed to."
Freya laughed. "I suppose. So go and apologise."
"I will." River stood up, then leaned over and kissed Jesse on the forehead. The little girl's hands opened and closed as she dreamed.
"She likes you," Freya observed.
"I love her."
"I know."
For a moment River just gazed at the baby, then ran out into the cargo bay.
"Moonbrain?" Jayne sat up on the bench, his T-shirt drenched in sweat, the aroma of sheer male physicality filling the large space.
"Jayne, I …" Suddenly she was tongue-tied, her good intentions melting under his gaze. She ran up the stairs to the shuttle, closing the door.
"Chuan liu bu xi," he muttered, shaking his head as he lay back down, flexing his aching hands before beginning another set.
---
That night, as Jayne sat on the bed and removed his boots, he didn't watch her, at least, not overtly. But his hunter's instincts told him that she was watching him, like a wild animal waiting for him to pounce.
"Moonbrain, you gonna tell me what the problem is?" he finally asked, looking up at her standing in the corner.
"No problem. Nothing."
"Must be, otherwise you'd be here with me, not over there looking like you're trying to blend into the metal."
"I'm fine."
"You didn't eat a bite of supper."
"Wasn't hungry."
"Girl, you'll waste away to nothing."
She took a step forward, her eyes flashing in the semi-darkness. "Not a girl."
"Okay. Not a girl. But you're still my River." He paused. "Ain't you?"
She stared at him. "Hungry," she whispered, but it was difficult to tell whether she meant she was or it was some other appetites of Jayne that she was referring to.
He decided to take it the easy way. "Want me to get you something?"
She nodded slowly. "Please."
"I think little Kaylee put a plate away for ya. You gonna come to the kitchen, or –"
"Bring it here."
"Okay." He stood up, and immediately the shuttle seemed smaller than usual. She stepped back again, nestling into the bulkhead. "Won't be but a moment."
He smiled, trying to project calmness, rationality, and not the worry that was inside him.
"Thank you," she said. "And I'm sorry."
"Ain't nothing for you to be sorry for," he heard himself say. "Just had a bad day, I guess."
"Bad day," she echoed.
"I'll grab you that food."
Stepping outside in his socks, he closed the door and waited for a moment. Sure enough he heard the sound of the lock being engaged. He shook his head. Maybe someone needed to talk to her.
Someone not him. Maybe Freya. He made a mental note to mention it in the morning as he headed for his weights yet again. Had to do something to work out the knots, since being out in the black meant he couldn't go out and kill something.