All things Twilight belong to the fantastic Stephenie Meyer.
Songs for Thought:
Tears Don't Fall - bullet for My Valentine, Eclipsed - Evans Blue, Imaginary - Evanescence
Chapter Nineteen - Catching Up
I sat with Bella as she slept, her rhythmic breathing was comforting to me as I sat in the darkness contemplating my next move. I couldn't leave her like this. I knew that she would still become one of us because as soon as I came into contact with her I saw it. I just wasn't sure how to convince the rest of the family.
I was sure that if Esme could see how she looked right now it would break her heart. Carlisle would be able to see the physical effects immediately and poor Jasper would feel every ounce of despair that still seemed to have a tight grasp on her.
I had seen a change in her since the little time I had been here, and I knew she still loved Edward because she called his name in her sleep. I felt lost, the only two things I could see in my mind at this time were of Bella becoming a vampire, and Rosalie. I wasn't quite sure what Rosalie was doing but she was changing decisions consistently. She was up to something but I hadn't figured out what yet.
Charlie came down early that morning, he looked tired and pained. I gently moved Bella onto the couch so she was lying down and headed into the kitchen.
"Morning, Charlie." I said trying not to startle him.
"Morning, Alice. Do you want some breakfast?" he asked as he headed toward the fridge.
"Sure, do you need any help?" I asked as I watched him move around the kitchen. I was hoping he would give me something easy to do seeing as I no idea how to cook anything edible.
"No, you go ahead and take a seat, I'll whip us up something."
I smiled and watched him as he worked. He would steal glances at me occasionally and I was wondering if he wanted to talk, I thought I would get the ball rolling, I had questions I needed answered. I heard Bella's breathing pattern change, she must have woken up. But I took a risk and made the decision to carry on, I think she needed to hear what Charlie had to say as much as I did.
"How bad was it, Charlie?" Bella had told me she had struggled but I knew she was playing it down. That was evident from her appearance alone.
Charlie sighed. "Real bad."
"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left." This was going to be hard to hear, but I needed to hear it. I needed ammunition in case my family questioned me, and I was curious as to how much Bella had candy coated it for me.
Charlie kept working on breakfast and pulled some plates from the cupboard as he turned off the eggs. He pulled the toast from the toaster and placed them on the plates. Followed by the eggs. He turned to me, his face held the pain from all of the months we had been gone, I felt my insides crawl. He placed the plate of food in front of me and took his seat across the table.
"I've never felt so helpless," He began, he pushed the eggs around his plate before looking at me again. "I didn't know what to do. That first week — I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, or move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."
He paused briefly as he ate some eggs. My entire body felt numb, she had shut down completely, given up. How could we have believed it would be okay?
"She snapped out of it though?" I asked patiently, trying to urge him to continue.
"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one . . . if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave—and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here . . . and she did seem to get better at first . . ."
This was worse than I had ever imagined and the pain that was being emitted as he described this to me was painful. It seemed that even he was playing it down a little, it was almost as if the memory of it was too agonizing to relive.
"But?" I needed to hear the rest.
"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered questions when someone asked her a direct question. But she was . . . empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things—she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out—she was avoiding everything that remind her of . . . him."
Well there it was, my worst fears were just confirmed, and it wasn't necessarily the words themself, it was the hesitance to say Edward's name, it made it crystal clear that they had avoided the subject completely, but the thought of him alone pushed her over the edge to where even Charlie couldn't say it out loud. I held my tongue and let him continue.
"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her—the littlest things would make her flinch—and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something."
"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling."
"It was the night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in her sleep . . ."
Charlie shuddered and I felt my body do the same. She still had nightmares about Edward leaving, she still suffered everyday whilst we continued on normally. I had never felt so guilty in my entire life, I had smiled, laughed, and gone on with my life when we left here. Admittedly, Edward was suffering, which was probably more than I could ever imagine, especially considering what Charlie and Bella had been going through since we left. This was a bigger mess than I ever thought possible. I heard Bella sighing in the living room. She had obviously made an effort to hide her pain from Charlie.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie." every one of my emotions was visible in my voice.
"It's not your fault." he explained and I knew that the statement pointed the finger of blame to my brother. "You were always a good friend to her."
"She seems better now, though." I said this knowing that things weren't that much better but that there was an improvement since the time Charlie had just described.
"Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier." Charlie said and then contemplated his next words, I saw a glint of something behind his eyes.
"He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed that direction, anyway."
A quite sigh appeared from the living room, it was almost inaudible to my ears, but something told me that Bella could see through her fathers words, just as I could. This was a message for Edward to stay away, he was hoping that this would prove that Bella was moving on. I let him continue.
"Jake's old for his years, he's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too—takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know,"
"Then it's good she has him," I said knowing that this was Charlie's lifeline, this was his way of coping. Jacob was making Bella smile and act similar to her old self again, it was only natural he clung on to this with both of his hands.
Charlie let out a large sigh almost in defeat, I realized he'd wanted me to argue with him, to defend my brothers actions, he wanted a way to come straight out and tell him to stay away. Apparently the lack of opposition, brought out the honesty behind his words.
"Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know . . . even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal, Alice, and it . . . it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone . . . left her, but like someone died." Charlie's voice cracked at the end of the sentence and he lay his head in his hands.
I could feel the sobs building in my body but I fought to keep control. I hated that we had done this. I couldn't place all of the blame on Edward, he thought he was doing what was best. I knew better and I let him do it, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Emmett all knew this was wrong but we let it happen, we didn't try to stop him. We just let him make this decision. Even with Carlisle's talk of letting us all make our own decisions, we should have known this was different.
"I don't know if she's going to get over it—I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."
"She's one of a kind." I said in agreement, Bella was certainly different compared to most humans, and her pain was just as intense as Edward's. Charlie was more insightful than I'd given him credit for, Bella was constant and she would never get over it. There was more than love between her and Edward, you would have to be a fool not to see it.
"And Alice . . ." Charlie paused. "Now, you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you, but . . . I'm a little worried about your visit will do to her."
"So am I, Charlie, so am I." I was worried, I knew that if I left, Bella would probably break apart again and I wasn't sure I could have that on my conscience. Although I was going to use all of my effort to end this stupidity. "I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her." he said attempting a weak smile.
"I hope you're right."
Charlie continued to eat and I continued to hide the food in the napkin I had been given with my plate. I sat in silence contemplating what to do, I knew that Charlie would be hesitant at Edward's return but I was sure that it would eventually be fine.
"Alice, I have to ask you something." Charlie asked awkwardly.
"Go ahead," I was sure I knew what was coming.
"He's not coming back to visit, too, is he?" Charlie sounded like he was holding back his animosity towards my brother, he was attempting to mask his voice.
"He doesn't even know I'm here. The last time I spoke with him, he was in South America."
"That's something at least." Charlie had an edge to his voice. "Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."
I couldn't let t his go, I let him freely place all the blame on Edward, but I couldn't let him assume he was painless.
"I wouldn't make assumptions, Charlie." I said with a little bit too much ice in my tone.
Charlie smiled at me apologetically and pushed his chair out from the table, he picked our plates up. He headed towards the sink and I held the napkin closer to myself, out of his view. He started running the water to do the dishes and I successfully threw my napkin in the trash.
I could hear the spring in the couch moving as Bella attempted to awaken officially. She yawned loudly. I smiled to myself, she was a terrible actress, but it's because I knew better.
Charlie looked at me briefly, he was silently asking me to keep our conversation to ourselves and I nodded in agreement. I knew Bella had heard most of it but I wouldn't bring it up, unless she wanted to talk about it.
I could hear Bella stretching and groaning. I smiled again. She was over doing it.
"Alice?" she called sweetly, I could hear the graininess from her near drowning lacing the word.
"I'm in the kitchen, Bella." I called just as sweetly.
"I'm heading out, you two catch up. I'll call you later." Charlie said as he kissed Bella on the forehead and headed towards the door. Bella busied herself making her breakfast and her eyes would occasionally flicker toward me, almost like she was making sure I was still there.
"We started talking and I told her what the family had been doing since we left. She seemed genuinely interested that I had pursued the information we had gotten last spring, from James. She listened intently as I told her about the asylum and the record and the death certificates. I left out Angel and New Orleans for now. I told her about Rosalie and Emmett's honeymoon, she was surprised that they had taken another one. We spoke about everything but Edward. I wasn't sure how she would take that conversation, I needed to speak to my family before anything was said. I also avoided the topic of my leaving. I had decided it would be easier to spend a couple of days with her before making a decision. It only seemed fair. She was actually starting to pick up a little bit of color and her eyes had some life in them. I wouldn't have the strength to steal that from her yet. She deserved a little bit of a silver lining, however short lived.
We sat on the couch talking all day, and I hadn't realized it was dark outside until I heard Charlie's cruiser pulling down the street. He came in looking exhausted, I could have thrown my arms around him right then and there. He headed to bed not long after getting in, he would be attending the funeral early the next morning and I knew that he just wanted the day to be over. I couldn't blame him.
Bella and I watched old movies on the couch until she fell asleep. I laid her down and covered her with a blanket. She had been calling Edward's name again and shivering because of the temperature of my skin so I headed over to the recliner. I had time to mull over everything that I had heard in the last two days.
Bella and I were as close as ever, we knew that she had grown attached to us but this was like coming home to a long lost sister. She was so cheerful in my presence, and my heart had lightened in hers, I missed Jasper terribly and decided I should probably try and call him. I knew that there was a chance he wouldn't get any reception that far out into the wilderness. I didn't even know if he had found Carlisle and the others.
I pulled out my phone and looked at it. There was no harm in trying and at least this way I could leave him a message so he would know what was going on. I got up and crept into the kitchen so I wouldn't disturb Bella. I dialed in the number and waited.
The dull sound of the beep sounded in my ear and I sighed.
"Jasper, honey, it's me. Bella's fine. It's a long story that I really don't want to leave on your voicemail, but she's fine. A little shaken up and happy to see me. I miss you terribly. Call me when you get this. I love you, bye."
I flipped the phone shut and pocketed it. I hoped he would be able to relay the message to everyone before they did something stupid.
I watched Rosalie's decision making for a while but she still couldn't decide on one specific thing, so I tried to ignore it. She was trying to decide whether or not to go after Jasper and the others to see if they'd heard anything.
I dressed as the morning approached, I hated the feel of the sweats I was wearing, I wore them whenever I stayed at the Swan's, it looked less suspicious to Charlie. I didn't stay often but it was something I had seen the first time I stayed here when Bella got back from Phoenix, I stayed to help her when she needed to go to the rest room during the night. Edward had been frustrated at my presence but it was Charlie who had suggested it.
I heard Charlie moving around upstairs before the dawn had even considered making an appearance. I sat still in the recliner and leaned my head back and to the side and feigned sleep, there was no pointing in hindering him with mindless chatter on such a sad day. I heard him tiptoe down the stairs, Bella woke at his footsteps but stayed still, just listening as Charlie tip toed to the door.
As soon as he was out I stood up. "So, what are we going to do today?" I asked, I brought this up to stop the looks similar to the ones Bella had been throwing at me yesterday morning. I knew it was because she feared my departure.
"I don't know—do you see anything interesting happening?"
I smiled and shook my head, I'd checked last night and the day was pretty uneventful. "But it's still early."
Bella grinned at me and began working on her routine around the house, I followed her watching. I would help when she needed it but mostly she told me she was just enjoying the company. So we talked. I questioned her about school and the people there but she really had trouble telling me anything. She told me that she hadn't really spent time with any of them. I knew then how bad things had gotten, when Charlie said it had been like night of the living dead he hadn't been exaggerating. Bella, it seemed, had been walking around clueless for the last six months.
She was scrubbing the bath tub and I was propped on the door jam when the doorbell surprised me. I couldn't believe I had missed that. Bella looked at me with just as much confusion. Then I recalled the circumstances of my previous 'blind spots.' I couldn't see the wolves, that's what all of this was about, they were causing my blindness.
"Hold on!" Bella shouted past me as she got up from the floor and approached the sink to rinse the cleaning agent from her hands and arms.
"Bella, I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I'd better step out."
"Guess?" Bella asked in confusion.
"If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it's most likely Jacob Black, or one of his . . . friends."
Bella stared at me incredulously and then the realization registered in her features. "You can't see werewolves?"
"So it would seem." I said, now I had figured it out, it aggravated me. I couldn't understand why I couldn't see them.
The doorbell rang again twice, the noise ran down my spine like nails on a chalkboard. It was definitely a wolf, that would account for the impatience.
"You don't have to go anywhere, Alice. You were here first."
I laughed at that, her loyalty was flawless, but I knew the outcome of coming face to face with one of those mutts. "Trust me—it wouldn't be a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a room together"
I kissed her cheek quickly and fled out through Charlie's window. As bad as the outcome would have been if I had stayed, I couldn't quite shake the nagging feeling I had left her in danger. I ran through the woods, now would be a good a time as any to hunt, I wasn't sure when the opportunity would arise again.
I ran freely through the woods trying to catch the scent of the deer that I knew freely roamed the area. A swirling in my mind slowed me down and slowed to a stop. I lay my hand on a tree for support and let the vision come willingly.
It was Edward, he was on a plane heading towards. . . Italy? I saw him standing in front of a group they were older vampires and I knew their faces. The were the Volturi, I felt my hand rise to my throat as Edward began to speak, he was pleading them to kill him pleading for death. He looked paler than he should and completely drained. The sadness that surrounded him made my heart ache. His body was in a defensive stance but his eyes betrayed him, the agony of the moment shrouded him. The vision ended and I pulled myself together. What had happened? What was he thinking? Did he find out about Bella?
I had to get back to Bella, she could be our only hope, we had to find him before he got there. He wasn't in Italy yet, but it wouldn't be long.
YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME, Thank you for all the alerts and Reviews. Okay I'm going to go ahead and work on that second chapter for you :)