Clean, accentless version, for those of you who can't quite take an entire nine pages of Gin-speak. I can't. XD I wrote it out like this and changed it on the suggestion of a friend.
If you do review, please review the version you read, or, if you read both, tell me which you prefer. I've never done a story quite like this before - neither firstperson Gin, nor the narrator actually telling the story to one specific person. Tell me if you think I succeeded.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, any of its characters or locations, and I certainly don't own Gin's accent.
If he is the one to defeat Aizen, though, I will forgive Kubo anything and everything I have ever hated him for. Period. Who agrees?
The Snake in the Snow
[Somehow, you were always out of my reach]
It's funny, ain't it, how things never seem to go your way?
I've noticed that. I've been watching you for that long it's impossible to miss.
Although even back then, right at the beginning, I knew. You weren't so lucky as people like me – if I could be classed as lucky – or your illustrious brother, or even Hisagi, the model student of your time.
I'd seen you in the Academy in passing, when I'd walk through to spy on Captain Aizen's 'hopefuls' – Momo, Izuru and Renji. I'm not sure what it was about you that drew my interest, but interested I was. Though I was a Lieutenant and you were just a student, in the normal class at that, both of us were from the Rukongai. I thought that perhaps there might be a connection there… Somewhere.
Then he came along. Lord Byakuya Kuchiki. He took you into his family without word or warning, against the laws and expectations of the Seireitei. I'd never had any interest in noble affairs beforehand, so the matter confused me somewhat until my Captain remarked on just how much you resembled Byakuya's deceased wife – Lady Hisana. A Rukongai girl, too.
It was then that I started to realise you might be out of my reach.
Time passed, and I took over the Captainship of Third Company just as your brother succeeded his Grandfather in Sixth. This put me in a rather unusual position – technically, I was of equal standing to your brother, but my birth – as it were – made me barely worth his attention. But you… What was I compared to you? Worthy of a title, at least.
I would come and talk to your brother on occasion, testing the waters, just idle conversation to see how far I could go without being termed insolent. When you were there, you would look at me with fear in your eyes, and never spoke to me, not once. You saw me as an enemy, a frightening man to be avoided at all costs. Perhaps I was. But I wished that, just once, you would meet my eyes.
"Hmm? Is your sister not with you, Captain Kuchiki?" I asked, walking up. He glanced up at me once, then continued walking.
"She has been sent on an assignment to the human world," he responded levelly, clearly not wanting to speak to me but not wanting to appear rude.
"Oh?" I asked, my interest piqued. I knew that he kept you from assignments, and had barred you from a seated position, all to keep you safe. You didn't know that, though. You thought he hated you. "Where'd she get sent?" He gave me a cold look.
"Not that it is any business of yours, Captain Ichimaru… But she has been assigned to and area of radius one ri in Southeastern Karakura town." I raised an eyebrow. That was Japan, a suburb of Tokyo if I remembered correctly – when I had been living, I had lived in Osaka.
It was then that I remember that Captain Aizen had been baiting that area with Hollows. There was something there he wanted – the Hōgyoku. Was he trying to use Rukia to get it?
"…Ah, right. Sorry, pokin' my nose in your business." I rubbed the back of my head in what I hoped was a rueful gesture. "See you 'round, Cap'n Kuchiki." He scowled after me as I left, but I don't believe he ever really hated me all that much.
When you were brought back, I was more than a little upset. You sat in your cell despondently, not moving, not bothering to appeal. You did not ask for help. You did not fight back. You had changed form the Rukia I had known.
I kept my distance. Partly on Captain Aizen's orders, partly because I did not wish to see you so sad. You had hurt the Ryoka boy – Ichigo. I found it hard to believe that it was this alone that caused your sadness, so when they first broke in, I went to meet him. I even got the go-ahead from Captain Aizen to do it.
"Hmm? This won't do," I remarked, watching the Gatekeeper open the gate. I had been stood there for several minutes listening to what appeared to be a rather one-sided battle, and was beginning to regret getting there earlier than planned. The Ryoka boy did talk so.
At least the gatekeeper seemed surprised – although not as surprised as he did when Shinsō took his arm off. But he had failed rather miserably, so it was deserved – and Captain Aizen had forbidden me to let the Ryoka boy in that way. "You're a gatekeeper," I continued "A gatekeeper's job is to guard the gate." He screamed, and made the Ryoka look on in what could only be described as complete shock, seething, and the shocking resemblance to Kaien was instantly obvious. Perhaps his soul had reincarnated in the boy. That would be cruel fate, for you to meet him twice, and hurt him twice.
The fear the other Ryoka showed was strangely satisfying, although you'll probably hate me for thinking that. Nobody had feared me in the Seireitei for decades. I was only ever the evil one, the one with the strange smile.
It was somehow refreshing, to be feared again.
"Wh-what did he do?" The Ryoka boy demanded, looking on in total shock. The Gatekeeper fell to his knees, still managing to hold the gate up with one hand, which was rather impressive. Stupid, but impressive.
"Oh? You can still hold open the door? No wonder you're classed as one of the best," I remarked, not moving. "But you still failed as Gatekeeper." He started to spout some sort of honourable nonsense, most likely taught to him by little Tōshirō, who was a stickler for that sort of thing. "No, you misunderstand," I informed him cheerily. "A defeated Gatekeeper doesn't open the Gate." He seemed unable to grasp this simple piece of information. "A defeated Gatekeeper… Dies," I finished, raising my sword to do said job. The Ryoka boy flew in at a speed that could almost be classed as Shunpo, blocking Shinshō quite effectively. We broke apart, and the cat – was it Yoruichi? – gave him a talking-to over even attempting to fight me, which I found quite amusing.
"Who the hell do you think you are, foxface?" The Ryoka boy demanded, aiming his sword at me. My smirk deepened.
"That is Captain Gin Ichimaru!" The cat told him, trying to turn him back.
"We won fair and square!" Ichigo continued, heedless of her warnings. "Who the hell gave you the right to just show up and attack him, huh? If you think you're so good, fight me!" I sighed at his antics. "I'll rip you apart!" He growled, taking up a fighting stance. I decided to humour him, since he was a very amusing boy.
"You're an interesting boy," I remarked. "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Hell no," he growled.
"Ichigo! Quit playing around!" The cat demanded. He turned and started to harangue her, and I sighed softly. Time to put an end to their little game.
"So you're Ichigo," I remarked. "I was wondering if you actually existed." I turned away. Distance always impressed. "Well, then I certainly can't let you pass."
"Where the hell are you going?" He demanded. "You gonna throw that little short sword at me, huh?" I felt Shinsō's rage – he had always despised being belittled for his unreleased state.
Calm down, I told him. You'll get to prove your point soon enough. "It's not a short sword," I told the Ryoka boy, aiming it at him. "Shoot to kill! Shinsō!" The release command was hardly necessary, angry as Shinsō was, and the attack had the desired effect. Even if his sword managed to prevent him taking damage, both he and the Gatekeeper were thrown back out into the Rukongai quite unceremoniously. Shinsō was still seething at the insult even as he withdrew back into his normal state. His friends ran over to him, before turning back as the gate started to close.
"Bye," I told them cheerily, waving at them as the gate was almost closed. He glared at me, the hatred clear in his eyes, but fear not evident. Either he wasn't afraid, or he was good at hiding it.
I turned and walked away as the gate slammed shut.
After establishing that your brother would not be trying to save you – and having to drag an angry Kenpachi away from him when he became angry with that decision – and setting Captain Aizen's plan in motion by making little Tōshirō suspicious of me at the meeting… Not that he needed much persuasion… I set about tracking the progress of the Ryoka. I could not even dream of trying to save you myself – such an act of betrayal would have made Captain Aizen cull me there and then. I was no fool – I knew I was disposable.
So, whilst Captain Aizen concentrated on moving up your execution date, and plotting and carrying out his 'death', I set to work. I dropped hints that made there way to Kenpachi about the Ryoka boy's strength, that he had survived even one of my attacks. I kept the sewers cleared, but made sure that Renji would know, one way or another, about the Ryoka boy's destination. Both were things I could give him to make him stronger. From one of the most powerful Lieutenants, to what could in some ways be classed as the weakest Captain, both were experiences I knew would strengthen him. And if they killed him, well, he wasn't worthy to be your saviour, was he?
There was very little I could do about Kurotsuchi, although I knew that the prospect of another Quincy and a Ryoka with strange powers would draw him to them like a moth to a flame. Still, I stayed in the background, quiet and calm, and watched them. Every time a Ryoka fell – first the Quincy, then the boy with the strange right arm – I made sure they were captured, not killed. I even enlisted Tōsen, the third party in our dance of deceit and death, to make sure of the fact with the Quincy. I believe simply the force of him releasing his zanpaku-tō was enough to knock the poor boy out. I have always disliked Tōsen. I disliked him more than even little Tōshirō disliked me, no mean feat, especially during those days. Still, desperate times called for desperate measures, and at least if I told him it was Captain Aizen's wish, he would do it.
Up to a point, my scheming and guidance worked. But there were always rogue elements. I had to break Izuru out of his prison after his spat with Hinamori – not that said fight had been a surprise, the boy believed in duty more than he believed in breathing, and breaking him out of his cell was as good a way as any to draw little Tōshirō out. Renji had also somehow got it into his head that he could defeat Byakuya. Stupid, foolish and ridiculous. He had only recently achieved Bankai, and it was large, unwieldy, slow and still weak. He was, as Byakuya so eloquently put it, the monkey who reached for the moon. The stray dog who barked at stars. But I did know that Byakuya, in his own strange way, cared for Renji, and wouldn't let him die.
You didn't know that, though.
I had only one little setback that I wasn't certain I could handle.
It was when your execution was moved up one more day, and the Ryoka boy still wasn't ready to face Byakuya – let alone stand in the way of Captain Aizen, something I wasn't certain he would ever be able to do – that I became wary. So, as my supposedly dead Captain scoured the records of former Captain Urahara with avid interest, I used his distraction and the chaos without to slip away, and go and see you as you were led to your execution on the Sōkyoku hill. I was well aware of the displeasure of the guards as I walked up to you. I didn't care. I also wasn't entirely certain what I planned to do.
But letting you die wasn't an option. Did you truly have to be executed in such a manner? Captain Aizen always had a backup plan. I had options. I just wasn't sure which ones I dared to take.
"Good morning," I greeted pleasantly. Your head was bowed, penitent and weary, as though Izuru had struck you with his zanpaku-tō's Shikai. "How are you… Rukia?" It irked me that even the simple act of me saying your name was enough to make you shudder inside. I could see it written plainly, all over your face. You radiated hatred and repulsion. I was… Saddened by that.
"Gin…" You murmured. "…Ichimaru!" Your head snapped up to meet mine, full of hatred still, the fierce, quietly simmering hatred of someone who wants to end something, but is powerless to do so.
"Such bad manners," I teased. "You have a rude mouth." I chuckled. "As always." You had never held much respect for authority, save for with your brother, who scared you. "It's not 'Gin'. It's Captain Ichimaru. Keep that up and your brother will scold you." You never knew that I was teasing. I suppose my voice was always so mocking, nobody ever realised. I wasn't the best at it, either, really.
"I'm sorry… Captain Ichimaru," you murmured. I sighed. As if it made a difference when you were being led to your death. Perhaps you wanted any favour you could get. You knew the Ryoka boy would come, knew he would face your brother. You thought that he would lose, and die like Kaien, cut at the hands of a Kuchiki blade.
But I had known Byakuya for over a hundred years, since we both passed through the Academy. And I knew that if he had the option to save your life without compromising his honour, he would take it. Just let the Ryoka boy become strong. That was all he – and I – needed. For him to achieve Bankai. For it to be strong enough to defeat a Captain of a noble house.
"Heh, did you think I was serious?" I asked. The guards were still glaring at me, and I smiled cheerily at them, which made them glare some more. It was an amusing game to play. "I won't tell him," I continued, not that he would care in the least what you called me, especially after what was due to transpire. "We're friends, aren't we?" I finished. You looked at me with wary eyes.
"What…?" You replied. The idea of being friends with me was never something you would even consider. You hated me. Still did. What was it you thought I was… A snake? Yes, a snake, slowly wrapping around your neck, choking the life out of you.
Strange how nobody ever thought anything bad upon Captain Aizen.
"What are you… Doing here?" You asked, seemingly perplexed, just like your guards. I smiled.
"Oh, nothing important," I lied. "Just thought I'd take a walk and… Tease you a bit." You frowned. You still didn't believe there could be anything good in me. Well, maybe there wasn't, maybe there never would be, not the way I am now. But as Tōsen – foolish, ridiculous Tōsen – had said, to rebuild anew you first had to break down. And you were breaking me. You still are. The cracks are more visible now, though, than they were then. And I was still too cowardly, then.
You looked away from me. Remembering. Your eyes still reflected displeasure, hatred, and terror. You were scared of me – stupidly, paralytically afraid. I didn't remember you ever having been so afraid of me before, but perhaps you had just hidden it. "What's wrong? You seem distracted," I asked, attempting to sound concerned but failing. It would sound foreign in my voice, concern. I'd spent so long building up my mask that it was almost impossible to break, even now. Even for you.
"Forgive me," you murmured, head down. At least you didn't add a title on the end. I wasn't certain if it was some subconscious act of defiance, but it reassured me slightly.
The slightest flicker of a reiatsu in the distance reminded me of one of my reasons for visiting you. Outside of the Repentance Cell, the various spiritual pressures from the entire Seireitei would have overwhelmed your repressed senses, but I could still tell.
"Oh, I almost forgot," I started. "It seems he's still alive. Renji, that is." You looked up at me in total shock, but there was hope in your eyes. At last, something of who you had been was returning.
"What?!" You exclaimed, titles, names, everything forgotten in the face of the fate of your friend. I seized on that, trying to bring who you were back. That old fire, the defiance that I'd found so fascinating.
"So… He'll probably die soon," I continued. "Poor Renji. And all because he tried to save you." There – something, in your eyes. At least you were angry now. Angry at me, mostly, but it couldn't be helped.
"I don't believe you!" You exclaimed. "You're lying! Why would Renji…"
"Are you afraid?" I cut you off. Pulling, tugging at that spirit that was threatening to be buried by the despair and acceptance of death. I wanted that fire back. The old you. The you that pulled me in to dangerous levels. The you I would give anything to save. Because the pathetic, accepting doll that you had become meant nothing whatsoever.
"Of… What?" You asked softly. I stepped closer – you had never let me get even this close to you before. It thrilled me – and chilled you to the core.
"You don't want Renji and the others to die, do you?" I clarified. "When you fear for the lives of those you care about… Doesn't the thought of death suddenly become more terrifying?" I was taking a risk, telling you that. I had always been afraid of death, for lots of different reasons. But telling you the finality behind it, letting you glimpse even that little part of me, it could lose me everything. Even my life. But I wanted you to see – see that I felt the same way as you. Show you that the fear was acceptable, if you overcame it.
Not that I had done much to overcome it. I had bowed to Captain Aizen's will and word, even though I had always seen him for what he was. I'd hidden my fear behind my permanent smile, instead making others fear me. But those that saw through my mask had such power over me, if only they knew it. They just didn't use it, if they knew.
Your noise of shock cut right through me. I met your eyes, and I knew that you understood what I was telling you. For the first time, the only time, there was a connection between us. You, being led to your death, and terrified of leaving the others to an unknown fate. And I, a puppet looking up at his master, in wait for his strings to be pulled, expendable, at constant risk of death, and willing to risk everyone he loved hating him just to keep them alive.
Neither of us could bear the thought of dying.
But more importantly, the old you was back. The fiery you. The vicious, defiant you who would challenge the sky for taking something from you. The you I wanted so badly to save.
"Why don't I help you?" I asked, my voice a low whisper.
"What?" You whispered. I was even closer now. My blood was racing. I could see you breathing faster, but it could just have been from the fear, or even the shock of the offer. But I would do it. I would cut your chains and take you away from everything-
Then I felt it. The angry pulse of a reiatsu that should have long since disappeared. My Captain. He was angry, and angry at me. My betrayal. I had been so close… But with that one action, all my will disappeared. All my resolve crumbled into nothing. I was only a fly in the face of his power. I could take you and run, run away as far and as fast as I could, but where would it get me? He would find us, he would take what he wanted, then he would wreak a bloody and brutal revenge upon me until I begged for the death he would give me. And you would still die. So I straightened up.
"C-captain Ichimaru! What are you saying?" One of the guards demanded. What, indeed, I wondered to myself. I couldn't offer you that. I couldn't offer you anything.
I was going to have to break you again. And you were going to hate me for it.
"Just kidding," I replied, even though it pained me to say it. I patter your head – a touch that teased me as much as you. "Goodbye, Rukia. I'll see you at the Sōkyoku." I could see it in your eyes, in your face, in the way you moved, the exact moment when you shattered into pieces. It was before you fell to your knees and screamed in despair. It was the second I broke the contact our eyes had held. I had given you something – a window into my own soul, and a way out of death – then yanked it viciously away.
It took all the willpower I had to keep my smiling mask in place as I walked away from you.
But at least it was you, wonderful, defiant you, who had held my gaze, and understood our shared pain without words.
Captain Aizen's displeasure was something to be greatly feared. I had known this for a very long time, since even before he had become a Captain. He had no need to wrap me in illusions for me to believe in his power. Those who stepped on to his bad side felt the pain for it. This I had known. Yet still, I had believed, if only for a few precious moments, that I could defy him.
He was going to show me how wrong I had been. I knew it. It was becoming a tight knot of fear, twisting and coiling within my stomach, wondering what he would do to punish me for my wavering of faith. I was afraid. So very afraid. Even more afraid, perhaps, than you had been, after I had been forced to crush you into little pieces outside the penitence cell.
But from that, you rose, like a phoenix from the ashes. You had risen enough to shout at the Ryoka boy for trying to save you, even if it was with tears in your eyes and a smile on your face. A phoenix like that which would be your executioner.
I'm a little upset that I wasn't there to see it.
By the time I got to the Sōkyoku hill, they were all there. Even you. Especially you. You seemed so small, so fragile, held in Renji's hands as you were. But your eyes still burned with fire.
Captain Aizen would put it out.
His strength, as I knew, as so few others realised, was that of a demon, not a man. Perhaps it was fitting, then, that he could use the demon arts, the Kidō, to such a masterful degree. I watched, with a masterful effort going into maintaining my mask. I could do nothing. But at least I had saved you from yourself. At least I had done everything I could for you and you friends, however little that was. At least I had tried. But I doubted you would see that in me. You would, I knew, see only the fox, the deceptive, cunning enemy who only wished to hurt. You had looked into my eyes and seen my true self. We had been so very close, as I touched your head, leaned in close, if only for a few seconds. But the distance between us was so large, so monstrous, that nothing I said or did now would be able to bridge it.
I was waiting for the blade to fall. For my punishment to come. For Captain Aizen to remind me of my place.
"Kill her… Gin," he ordered. That one order sent my whole body numb. That was my punishment. For thinking I could save you, I would have to kill you. It would be my blade that ended your life. I hesitated, if only for a second or two, fleeting moments, but Captain Aizen saw them. His power, and that which he held over me, was crushing.
I was so very afraid to die at his hand.
"…Sure thing," I replied, apparently at ease with it all. "Shoot to kill, Shinsō!" My sword's spirit laughed at my weakness. But my aim was not quite true, this time, and not even Captain Aizen noticed that, had Byakuya not appeared, my sword's Shikai would have struck the dirt, rather than your flesh.
My fear didn't matter any more, you see. No matter that he would likely kill Rangiku, my only friend, as well as me. No matter that someone else would finish you. I simply couldn't do it.
I should have relied on your brother, I suppose. No matter what happened to him, he would always come running. It was because of Hisana, I gathered. Because you were a part of his family now. He loved you, if not how he loved his wife but as the sister you were. He would never let you die. He was not afraid to die. He never had been.
Was I weak, for being afraid?
Rangiku held me prisoner, Hisagi held Tōsen – his face was set, bitter at being used. But I could only look at you. You were worried for Byakuya, for the way Aizen had left the Ryoka boy nearly in pieces on the floor, for Komamura, who should have been killed, but wasn't. Despite all that, just once, you looked at me, and I thought I saw understanding in your eyes. I might have been making things up, trying to make myself feel better for the total, utter betrayal of you that I had committed, but I thought I saw it, at least.
Hueco Mundo was cold. Las Noches was cold. Everything was cold without those chance encounters. It was only after you were forced out of my life that I realised how much you had filled it, for someone I saw only rarely, and who saw me as a snake.
So when you came with the Ryoka boy who was now a Substitute Soul Reaper, Ichigo, I instantly paid attention. Captain Aizen ordered the Espada to their rooms, but I was not stupid enough to believe that they would actually follow those orders. So I kept an eye on things. I spent a lot of time at the corridor controls – the fourth Espada, Ulquiorra, actually caught me there once. But he wasn't hostile to me like the other Espada was, didn't hate me for being a misfit, an outcast, Captain Aizen's supposed pet. He, too, saw something of the truth, although he never knew it all. He simply didn't understand emotions enough. Perhaps Inoue opened his eyes a little on that one, but still, even now he doesn't really understand.
He still supported me over Captain Aizen, though.
Despite all my watching and precautions – somewhat like the way I had guided them through the Soul Society, now I guided Ichigo and the rest through Las Noches – I could not do enough. In my despondency I had failed to account for the ninth Espada, Aaroniero's, ability to absorb the appearances and abilities of others. As such, a battle you should have won was hampered, and I thought you were going to die. I truly did. The fear was paralysing, gripping me like a claw, a horrific repeat of the execution games all over again.
With this in mind, I asked Ulquiorra nicely if he would mind distracting Ichigo for me – strangely, he had no objections whatsoever to this – and went to fetch you.
I don't know what made me think I could defy Aizen now, when before I had failed so miserably. But I had determination on my side, at least. This time, my resolve would not dissolve at the hint of his anger. This time, I would not turn back.
I'm not sure if he thought you dead or not. Aaroniero made it clear that it was likely you were, even if he died in the doing of it, and I think Ulquiorra might have told Ichigo you were. But I could feel your life, the smallest, flickering flame pulsing with a cold, quiet determination. You would not give up. You were not the doll you had been before. You were at the peak of what you had the potential to be – powerful, brave and unafraid.
I ran.
"Rukia," I muttered, cutting the dead form of Aaroniero away without hesitation and catching you as you fell. For the first time, I was holding you in my arms. I thought you were unaware, until your eye slowly opened.
"Gin… Ichimaru," you managed, weak, weary. "So I… Die now… Is that… It?" I said nothing. I'm not sure if that worried you or put you at ease. I stood, not feeling the backlash from Captain Aizen just yet, and ran at my highest speed to Orihime.
She was being attacked by two Arrancar whose names I didn't know, nor cared to.
"Out," I snapped at them, my face no longer wearing its happy mask, but twisted instead into an angry scowl. My eyes were opened, but narrowed dangerously.
They fled at the sight of me, terrified out of their minds.
"L-lord…" Orihime started, surprised, and I put you down on the sofa.
"Heal her," I demanded. "Now! Quickly!" she nodded and swiftly did as asked. I felt Ulquiorra's reiatsu clash with Ichigo's, felt Grimmjow moving angrily, and noted Captain Aizen's total lack of interest. He hadn't noticed.
"Wh-what are you going to do with her?" Orihime asked as she healed you, worried. I looked down at you – your eyes were closed now, your body unable to cope with both staying alive and staying awake.
"Take her away," I replied, more honest than I had been in a long time. "As far away as I can get, and as fast as I can." I knelt beside your prone form. "And then I'm going to tell her the truth." My hands brushed over the shield that was rejecting the spear's damage. "And then I'm going to send her back to the Soul Society." The overwhelming flash of reiatsu that marked the climax of Ulquiorra and Ichigo's battle whited out my senses for a moment, and likely everyone else's, too. "And take whatever else might happen," I added in the barest whisper. The shield disappeared; you opened your eyes to look at me, and Captain Aizen's rage cut through me like a white-hot iron. He was so angry, it almost hurt.
"Captain Ichimaru?" You murmured. I understood that for what it was. It was not you being afraid of retaliation. Because you used my title, you acknowledged that I was no longer an enemy of the Soul Society.
"We'd better run, Rukia," I replied, picking you up. "Else your friend Orihime here will have wasted her time." Inoue herself stood back, worried.
"…Take care," she murmured. She was torn, too – stronger because of Ulquiorra, but afraid for Ichigo. I hoped she'd make the right choice, but doubted that I would be around to see it.
I sped across the sands of Hueco Mundo, leaving Inoue to Grimmjow, Ichigo's fate already decided by Ulquiorra – who was obviously disgusted enough by his weakness to leave him alive to get stronger. He would provide a challenge similar to Byakuya – one which I did hope he would rise to meet, but wasn't overly concerned about right then. Escaping Captain Aizen's wrath was priority number one for me.
I shielded my reiatsu as best I could and stopped within a cave, putting you down onto a ledge that would serve as a bed. You sat up, fully healed by Orihime. I thought I saw that same understanding in your eyes, that connection we'd felt outside the Penitence Cell, before you were led to you death, just before I'd broken you into pieces.
I don't know if I was right or not.
"…I suppose it was," you murmured softly. "Fear destroys people, doesn't it? I know that."
"A bit," I agreed, looking idly at my fingers. "You gotta learn to cope with the fear, though. Never could, me. Always had to give in." You looked up at me.
"You didn't give in this time," you remarked. I smiled sadly –I remember you telling me that you realised how much more different I looked with my eyes open and the smirk gone. That I seemed somehow vulnerable, in need of protection.
"I did," I replied. "I just ain't shown it yet." I glanced at the entrance, worried for Aizen appearing. "Better get you to safety, hey? Else Cap'n Aizen'll start killing things. Won't be pretty, that."
"Come with me," you asked. I think you surprised even yourself by holding out your hand. "…Captain Ichimaru." I looked over at you.
"…Nah," I replied. "Can't do that. Else he'll follow you, see?" I sighed softly. "I'll get you back the way you came in. you can't come back, got it? Else he'll destroy you. You were s'posed to die. I wasn't s'posed to interfere. Not a good combination, is it?" I moved towards you, but you pointed your sword at me.
"You are coming with me, Gin Ichimaru," you told me fiercely, "else I shall be the one dragging you by your ear." I raised an eyebrow. "Don't make me release my zanpaku-tō," you threatened.
"Scary," I remarked idly. "Don't think it'd be wise, though. I'm not exactly best friends with the guys on the other side, right? Little Tōshirō's there, for one. He hates me. Hinamori wants to strangle me. Oh, and Ranny. Can't forget Ranny."
"She'd be well entitled to strangling you in Momo's place," you muttered. "Just come, Gin. Tell them what you told me." I chuckled.
"Whoops… No time for that now," I remarked. "Better get going." I grabbed you up and confiscated your sword in one swift motion, and was moving once more. "This is personal, y'see," I remarked as we ran. "I betrayed him… Twice now, kinda. He's not gonna let it stand."
"Then come back," you growled, angry now. "Stop being a stupid, stubborn mule." I reached the open gate back to the human world and pressed your sword into your hand as I set you down.
"Don't try and follow me," I warned, pushing you through the gate and turning back towards Las Noches.
"Gin!" I heard you exclaim, as you fell through back into the human world with a noise of thwarted anger.
He met me halfway back with a blast of pure spiritual energy that knocked me to the ground. I was afraid. There was no point in denying that. I was scared out of my mind. Senseless, witless. The knowledge that I was going to die was eating at me like a cancer. But I had done it for you. That was enough, wasn't it? I told myself it was. I believed it was.
"You crossed the line, Gin," he growled at me. "I was willing to overlook you playing games with them, but you've betrayed me. I have no use for traitors." I laughed weakly.
"Kinda like the Soul Society," I remarked. "Guess I don't have the option to appeal, ne?" His sword hit the ground mere millimetres from my face.
"Jokes and smiles won't get you out of this," he told me in a soft voice. "You've known for long enough what I do to those who cross me."
"Well, Cap'n, technically none of 'em have died yet," I pointed out, somewhat weakly. "I mean, you let the Visoreds live, and Urahara's still-" a point-blank Byakurai to my face shut me up somewhat aptly. The pain was immense, but I refused to cry out. I had to master this fear, the one thing that had put my life on his strings to begin with. The fear of dying.
"The punishment fits the crime," he told me. "Kin." I was effortlessly restrained by his spells.
"So, eh, I guess this is a pretty bad crime?" I asked, somewhat pointlessly. He pulled his sword from the ground and aimed it at the centre of my face.
"I told you that jokes and smiles would get you nowhere," he reminded me. "Silence, else I will cut out your tongue."
"Seems to make little difference, seeming as I'm going to die anyway," I replied. "I won't miss it once I'm dead, ne?" The point of his sword hovered dangerously close to my mouth, but, strangely, I wasn't afraid. I was going to die… But nobody else was. You were safe. Rangiku was safe. This was… In a way, just what I wanted. The only one who was going to suffer was me. That I could handle. That I could deal with. Suddenly, dying wasn't all that terrifying. And he had no strings left to pull to bend me to his will.
"I'll make sure you die slowly," he promised. I smiled slightly, a reminder of the mask I had worn before.
"That's nice of you!" I remarked. "Letting me live a bit longer. Always the kind-hearted Captain, mm?" He made an angry noise, now becoming aware of what I had realised. I wasn't his any more. Even if it meant my death, he couldn't break me, control me, any more.
"A shame," he remarked. "I thought you had potential."
"An' a lot of people thought you were a decent guy, and look where that got them," I reminded him. His anger was like a furious beast, hurting me more than the after-effects of the spell, or the binding. His spiritual pressure was so crushing I could hardly breathe.
"Goodbye, Gin," he told me. I closed my eyes. I was not afraid, but it was becoming harder to fight the pain. I was embracing the darkness. It wasn't like I would be losing all that much, anyway – I'd just end up back in the living world. Maybe I'd live a bit longer there this time than last time. Then I could play the game all over again when I ended up back in the Rukongai, a different person than before, and ace their academy all over again. He's just like that Captain we once had, they'd say. And I wouldn't even know that I was simply wowing them all again, and I'd be in awe of that captain who'd achieved the feat before me.
I laughed at myself for thinking it. Shinsō told me I was an idiot.
Maybe I am, I replied. Maybe I am. I wanted to wrap my hands around his hilt and slam my Shikai through Aizen's chest – something I had never even considered before. But I couldn't break the binds. That was a shame. I would have liked to go out with a bang.
"Sōkatsui," Aizen snapped. Two close range, high-strength kidō were about as much as I could take and stay conscious. The last thing I heard before I passed out was your voice.
"Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!"
"Funny, isn't it?" You remarked. "This time, I get to save you." I groaned in pain and put a hand on my head. It ached. Most of me ached.
"…Rukia?" I managed. You made an amused noise.
"No, it's the Easter bunny," you replied sarcastically. "Of course it's me, dunce. Who else would want to save a reject like you?" You poked me. It was supposed to be a joke, but went down about as well as my teasing outside your cell.
"…I would ask if I'm dead… But I guess that's a stupid question, ne?" I remarked. You chuckled.
"Well, you nearly did die," you informed me. "Aizen was pretty swift with his sword. He didn't get both your soul chain and soul sleep, though, so Captain Unohana was able to save you. It was a good job she was in Hueco Mundo, though, else she'd never have made it in time."
"Oh… Joy…" I murmured, opening my eyes ever so slightly. The light was blinding, so I quickly shut them again, and that made you laugh. That was twice you'd chuckled in my presence. The only two times. So you weren't afraid of me now.
"Um… I'm afraid the war's over," she added, sounding a little rueful. "We had to defeat him then and there, else you were a goner. Uh, it took me a while to convince a few people, but we did get him in the end!"
"He dead?" I asked. There was a pause – I suppose you shook your head, before realising I wasn't up to vision at that point.
"No," you filled in. "We managed to cut his soul chain and soul sleep, so he's sitting in a secure cell without powers at the moment." I sighed softly.
"Fittin'," I decided. "Anyone dead?"
"Nope," you told me, sounding pleased about that. "But Uryū – you should've seen him! Aizen practically took his arm off but he kept fighting! It was one of his arrows that got his soul chain, actually. Guess that Soul Reaper hatred isn't for nothing. Oh, and my brother was rather badly hurt when he killed Zommari, but he made it in time to help."
"…So people did die, then," I murmured. "Is Ulqui still with us? That kid was alright." You paused. Perhaps you weren't used to thinking of the Arrancar as people, like I was. I wouldn't blame you.
"Oh… Um… I'm not sure," you replied, clearly thrown. "Ask Ichigo." You put one hand on mine – this touch not fleeting, perhaps the longest you had ever willingly had contact with me for. I did not count my carrying you – I was not thinking of such things then. "When you get better." There was a pause, and I inched open an eye to see you grimacing. "Captain Hitsugaya wants to put you on trial. Captain Unohana said that if he went anywhere within a three ri radius of you until you were better he'd be very sorry, but after that… I don't know." I sighed softly.
"Don' really matter," I told you. "They can say what they want. I'm not afraid."
"Not any more," you agreed. I felt you kiss my hand, and sighed ever-so-softly. I had never expected anything of the sort. "Get well soon, 'kay? So I can beat you up properly for being such a jerk. Rangiku's in the queue, too."
"Yeah… I'll try," I replied with a slight smile. "Tell Ranny she'd better not get on Cap'n Unohana's bad side. I'd hate to see that. She can keep little Tōshirō at bay, too, for that matter." You laughed, softly this time, and moved my hand from my forehead to down at my side.
"Get well soon," you repeated. "Or else." I heard you get up, and risked the light again just to watch you leave.
I thought I was dreaming.
I still thought I was dreaming when, once I had healed, I was not held to be all that guilty.
I was convinced I was dreaming when they made me Captain again.
It was only when Byakuya told me that I could have you, on the condition that if I hurt you I would pay in blood, that I realised I couldn't be dreaming. Because even in a dream, he would never have said something to me like that. Because the idea of having you was beyond my wildest dreams.
And even when I did, you never stopped intriguing me, with your fierce fire, you determination, and your sheer strength.
I guess that's why I fell in love with you, Rukia.
Besides, I kinda like the way Rukia Ichimaru sounds, don't you?
A/N - Rukia Ichimaru does have something of a ring to it, doesn't it? ^^ Reviews appreciated.