Chapter 14: Waking up

My mind was an ocean of endless dark. I was vaguely aware of a light struggling against the infinite blackness before me. Relentless, it focused itself into the tiniest pinprick of light. From there, it grew steadily. It worked hard against the inky haze in my head, but it was definitely gaining ground. Things were becoming more clear now. I was asleep, but on the verge of waking I realized. I felt the familiar cold arms cradling my body gently. Those icy arms...so strong, but yet so gentle with me. I could stay here forever.

My mind was working again. I was trying to put together the pieces in my head now. Something had happened. Something bad. I felt a jolt through my system. Edward had seen me, and had left. My memory shifted now to the phone call with Alice. I could see myself through my mind's eye losing control – falling into despair. Edward had left? My heart stuttered now. I felt the arms close around me even tighter. I recalled Alice's panicked voice on the phone. "Stay with me Bella...!" she'd said. I felt an ice cold finger on my cheek. I smiled. Realization dawned on me then. Edward hadn't left! He was here now, and holding me as he always did. My eyelids snapped open immediately. I had to see his beautiful face. I had to apologize...

As soon as my eyes adjusted to the light, they ran up to the face of the beautiful vampire holding me tightly, and caressing my cheek.

"Alice?" I whispered in surprise.

She smiled sweetly at me, still caressing my cheek. I closed my eyes, overwhelmed at her light touch. I heard her shift slightly, and then I felt her hands in my hair now...running through my dark locks. Her eyes – they looked so powerful. Her gleaming amber eyes were filled with concern and love for me. As my eyes opened, the concern was replaced with happiness.

|She didn't say anything for a minute or so. She just continued holding me with her one hand, and continued to run her fingers through my hair. I had to admit, it felt good. I felt completely at ease now. I knew I should be frantic with worry now. Where was Edward? I had to find him. I had to...

Alice put her soft cool hands on my forehead. I closed my eyes as the coolness radiated over my face. Alice's soft musical voice broke the silence.

"I'm sorry... I wasn't watching. I should have seen..." she apologized. Regret filled her eyes now. She always blamed herself when something happened. It was ridiculous, I thought. She couldn't be watching everything at every second of the day. I took her hand in mine. She smiled amusedly as my warm soft hand entwined with her hard icy palm.

"It's not your fault Alice. It was mi-" but then I felt her other hand on my lips.

"Shhhhh" she cooed. "The past doesn't matter. What matters now - is the present, and ultimately the future..." she explained. I didn't reply right away. I just let Alice hold me. Her stone arms were what I needed right now. It wasn't Edward, but it was a cold and icy embrace. That was what I was used to, and what I needed more than anything right now to keep me calm. I closed my eyes again, loving the closeness of Alice. She really was more than my best friend, I realized.

"I love you Alice..." I said softly, surprised at the intensity of my feelings for her. I cuddled against her cool body now...my face buried on her shoulder.

Alice didn't say anything right away. I could imagine her grinning now at my admission. Finally she spoke. It sounded like the voice of an Angel.

"I love you too Bella. We all do. " she whispered into my ear. I wondered if that still included Edward.

Alice had filled me in on what had happened since I blacked out. She'd come over, and snuck into my room. She'd found me on the floor, and put me in bed. I must have blacked out, but my vitals were still good. I had no doubt that Alice's keen senses would be able to correctly ascertain my condition. She held me all night, trying to soothe me through my nightmares, and waited until Charlie had gone to work. Around 730 am she had called Charlie, and said that she had stopped in to check on me this morning before school, since I hadn't been feeling well while she was talking to me the night before. She said I still was really sick, and had asked Charlie to call the school and let them know that I would not be in school today. Charlie did not doubt Alice at all.

I had woken up at 9:00 am or so, and it was now 9:45. I was dressed, and now all Alice and I had to do is figure out what to do next. Alice was thinking now. I couldn't take not knowing any longer.

"Alice...does Edward hate me?" I asked her in a whisper.

Alice's eyes were wide with shock, and she put her hand to her mouth as she gasped.. Her face looked horror stricken as well. She cocked her head to the side after a few seconds, and something clicked in her head.

"Bella! Is that why you were so emotional last night? You think Edward hates you?!" she asked in awe. I simply nodded slowly. Understanding dawned on her delicate features.

She ran to me and put her arms around me. If vampires could cry, I'm sure she would be crying now. She was really and truly upset at my revelation. She kissed my forehead, and gazed at me once more, sadness filling her eyes.

"I had no idea Bella." she said as she shook her head. She smacked her forehead lightly. "Why oh why didn't I see this?!" she said exasperated. I was confused now.

"No Bella...Edward definitely does not hate you..." she said softly. I felt better immediately. Edward didn't hate me? He didn't care that I'd given into my wanton desires, and was pleasuring myself? I let out a slow breath. But if he didn't hate me, then why did he leave? I had to find out from Alice.

"If he doesn't hate me...then why did he leave?" I asked her confused.

Alice's golden eyes studied my face for a few seconds. They opened wide again.

"Bella...did you think Edward left, and was not coming back?" she asked me in a voice filled with wonder.

"Yes..." I squeaked out.

Alice closed her eyes then. She let out a sigh. She was frustrated with herself I could tell.

"I'm sorry Bella. I never for a moment thought that was what you were thinking. I knew you were upset that Edward had to leave, but how you could believe that he hated you and was not coming back..." she trailed off.

"But why did he leave Alice?" I asked again.

"He left..." she began. "...because he hates himself." she finished. She sighed once more...

A/N: Next Chapter – Edward Returns. Stay tuned. ;)