Chapter 16: Edward's Return

I waited anxiously at the Cullen house. When would Edward come home I wondered. Alice had said that Edward hated himself. She hadn't explained anything further. I didn't press her. I knew Edward – he would punish himself relentlessly over what had happened. I wanted to talk with him so badly. I wanted to reassure him that everything was okay. But was it? I wasn't so sure. The only thing I knew for certain was that something had changed in him last night. The fact that he had to leave without any explanation was proof enough of that. My heart sank. I wondered how long it would take for Edward to get over this. How long until he and I were back to normal? I shook my head sadly. How long didn't matter – I would wait as long as it took.

Alice glided down the stairs. She looked excited, but apprehensive as well. Her eyes met Esme's then. I knew some unspoken communication was happening between them. I sighed – I hated being left out. Alice smiled at me.

"He's decided finally..." she began.

My heart stopped. Please let the next words out of Alice's mouth be "to come home". Please. Return to me Edward. I need you. I love you. Being apart from you...I'm not whole without you in my life. I held my breath.

"Edward is coming home. I see him talking on the phone to Carlisle in the next few minutes at the hospital." she finished her thought.

I let out my captured breath. My heart began pumping again. I could feel absolute joy and relief now. Edward was coming home! I had to talk to him. I had to help him through whatever it was he was going through. Suddenly, a wave of nervousness passed through me. Would Edward know to expect me here? Should I leave? Would he want to speak with Carlisle at home first about what happened? Doubt began to flow through my mind. Maybe I should go. Edward will see me when he is ready. I voiced my concern to Alice.

"Maybe it would be better if I wasn't here?" I asked her staring at the floor.

I heard Alice sigh. "Bella...you belong here." she answered sincerely. I had no doubt that she meant that in every possible way. Edward, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and all the others, they really were as much my family now as Renee, Charlie, and Phil were. I smiled at Esme and Alice. They both stood gazing at me - warm smiles on their achingly beautiful faces.

"Thank you..." I murmered.

Thirty minutes passed with excruciating slowness. Alice began to fidget. This was not normal behaviour for a vampire, I noted amused. She was always so excitable. I looked at her, raising my eyebrow. Her eyes went blank. Then she turned her eyes to mine.

"He's almost here..." she said with an edge of excitement. Thirty seconds later, I heard the front door open. I let out a gasp. My heart was racing now. I wanted to run to him. I wanted to fly into his arms. But I stood frozen. I couldn't move. I had to see his eyes. Would Edward be okay? Would he want me to go? I shook the questions out of my head. I was thinking too much.

My mind registered movement. Esme had moved to him, and was holding him tightly. I could see Edward's arm around her now, and he was apologizing.

"We were so worried!" Esme said in a motherly tone.

"I'm sorry Esme." he said sadly. I could hear the regret in his voice that he'd hurt his family by leaving without an explanation. Even though I now knew his intentions were not permanent, he had hurt his family by not coming home, or talking to them about it first.

Alice looked at Edward, and he nodded. Alice was thinking something, and Edward had answered whatever question she had asked in her mind. I looked at Edward now. My eyes sought his. His brilliant amber eyes shone fiercely. His blazing golden eyes held my gaze, and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck raise. The awkwardness in the air was so palpable.

I was suddenly aware that Edward and I were the only two people in the room. Where had Esme gone? Alice? She was here just a minute ago. It was just us. Had the others left to give us privacy? I didn't know, and I didn't care. I just wanted to have Edward tell me that he was okay, and that everything would be alright. Sadness filled his eyes now, and I saw his lips open.

"Bella..." he said. His voice was so musical, so tantalizingly sweet. "I'm sorry for..." he began.

I wasn't listening. As soon as I heard him whisper my name, I was aware that my feet were moving. I held my arms outstretched for him. Everything faded in my vision except for Edward. I ran to him as fast as I could, and for once did not trip. Not even my clumsiness could stop me from reaching the love of my life. Not now. I jumped onto his perfectly hard body. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my body tightly to his. My legs wrapped around his waist. Edward caught me, and held me up as my emotions took over. The tears began to fall. I didn't care. I didn't try to stop them. I pressed my head against Edward's shoulder, and sobbed. All my recent doubts seemingly disappeared as I found myself in Edward's arms once more.

Edward didn't speak. He let me cry in both relief and happiness for a few minutes. Once my emotional response was spent, I pulled away from his shoulder and looked into his beautiful eyes. I felt myself blush now – embarassed by my own behaviour. Edward smiled lightly as my cheeks coloured pink. I was elated by his smile. Such a simple thing, but it meant so much to see Edward smile now.

"Hi..." I whispered with a sheepish smile.

"Hi." he returned in breathtaking tones. He chuckled then. His smiler grew wider now. He put me down, and took my hand in his. I looked down at our hands...and shivered as I felt his icy cool fingers against my pale skin.

"Bella...we have to talk." he said drawing his hand away from mine ever so slightly.

I sighed. I knew we needed to talk. But I couldn't let go of his hand. My fingers wrapped around his tightly now, unwilling to let go.

"I know. But not right now." I replied meekly. Edward arched his eyebrow at me now, his expression confused.

So many thoughts were running through my mind now. What would Edward say? Why had he left? What had happened that night? Would he ever allow himself to be intimate with me? Would I ever feel those hands on my breasts again? Would Edward even trust himself to go that far again, even though he'd already proved that he could? Why were Edward's eyes so dark that night? I wanted to know the answers to all these questions. I was sure I would eventually find out most, or all of those answers at some point. But those questions were secondary. There was one thing I wanted to hear more than anything.

"Edward...? Tell me you love me..." I whispered in a voice so small that only he could ever possibly hear it. My heart began to race now. Please Edward, tell me that you still love me. Let me know that you still feel the same about me as I do towards you. I didn't have to wait long for his answer.

"I love you Bella." he replied. "You are my life..." he added.

My world made sense again. Edward was back, and he loved me as I did him. Some things were unsettled, however. I knew he wanted to talk, and that was alright. We did have to talk about the things that had happened, and the changes in our relationship. I could deal with that. I could deal with anything, as long as Edward was in my life, and we would be together. The thought made me happy.

"Edward..." I began. "I know we have a lot to talk about." He nodded as I spoke. He began to speak, but I raised my fingers to his lips. He stopped speaking, and cocked his head to the side. Now that he was silent, I continued.

"Edward...last night...and today. You don't know. You just don't know. I thought..." I trailed off, wincing slightly at the memory of how I felt when I thought Edward wasn't coming back. Edward looked so sad now. His eyes held an aching sadness that he'd hurt me. I groaned at myself. This wasn't what I wanted. I sighed, frustrated with myself.

"Ugh! Edward...I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. Its just..." I frowned now. How could I say what I needed without making Edward feel guilty, or sad? I just wanted him to know a bit how I felt, so that he could know what I needed. I stopped, and started a few times, and then gave up trying to explain why I needed him to do what I wanted him to do. I took a deep breath, annoyed with myself. Finally, I decided to just say what I needed without explanation.

"Hold me Edward." I said whisper soft, and gazed at his perfect face.

Edward nodded to me, and immediately understood. I felt his arms wrap around me, and he guided me to the couch. He sat on the couch, and I leaned against him. I relished the coldness of his hard body next to me. I closed my eyes then, as I felt his hands running through my silky dark hair. We didn't speak. No words were necessary...