Craig wondered what Ashley was thinking, wondered if she was mad at him even though none of this was his fault. But he'd become used to her blame, and deserved a lot of it. He'd always taken the blame.
Paige was sniffling, wiping her nose with the back of her hand, pushing her blond hair out of her eyes. She'd left the locked door and came back over to him, and he looked at her warily, not sure what she would do.
"With your dad," she said, and he could still hear the drunken slur to her words, "did you feel like it was your fault?"
"Uh, yeah. Kind of," He wondered how she knew about his dad. What did she know? Who told her? Ashley, maybe? Maybe it was just common knowledge. That was weird, how one person's misery and broken down life could just be common knowledge. Maybe it was the end of grade nine when he'd come into school with that cut and bruised eye, and everyone knew his father had done it. Of course everyone knew.
"I feel like it's my fault with Dean. I mean, hey, I asked for it. I got what I asked for," He heard the brokenness in her voice.
"No. It wasn't your fault. When people hurt you it's not your fault, they just want you to think that. It's them. It was my dad, you know? I didn't make him hit me, he just did it. And whatever this Dean guy did, he did it. You didn't make him do it," He took her hand in his, patted the top of it. When he looked at her her eyes were this emerald green through the tears.
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right. But no one gets it, no one understands that I feel it's my fault. It's all twisted,"
She sat on the arm of the chair he was sitting in , and he could feel the heat from her. She was still worked up, still wiping tears away. He knew what Dean had done.
"I know, Paige. It feels lousy. There's all these boundaries, and people cross them all the time. My dad hurt me all the time, and he had me thinking it was all my fault. That hurt, too. It wasn't. I know it wasn't, now. But it's taken, like, years to realize it. Don't let Dean take away all these years from you,"
She slid from the arm of the chair into his lap, and he slowly put his arms around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder. Sniffled.
"I guess you're right. I know you're right. But it's only like, my head knows it, you know? The rest of me still blames myself,"
"Yeah, I know," She leaned toward him and he slowly closed his eyes, felt her lips against his. He could feel the tears on her cheeks. She pulled away, and her face was too close to his for him to see her clear.
"Sorry, Craig. I shouldn't be here doing this, kissing you, hurting Ashley. It's just, it seems like you're the only person who could understand,"