Disclaimer: I do not own TWILIGHT or CITY OF ANGELS.
Edward Cullen
"I think I might've seen a few panties droppin' on the floor with that last song you sang, man," laughed the saxophonist in the band we play with on the weekends at the local jazz bar. Garrett sat on a barstool, his elbows resting on the edge of the bar, hard liquor in one hand, and a hot dirty blonde on his lap, with a grin that stretched from ear to ear as his other hand lay on her thigh. Kate was nipping at his ear and whispering into it, making him shutter with just the simplest touch.
"You're such a gentleman, Garrett," I chuckled as I went to pick up my jacket to make my way home after a three-hour set at the Smoke Lounge. It was closing time, though some of the regulars and the remaining guys from the band still lingered to make plans for the next night.
I love this place. This is like my home away from home. My family is my number one priority and no one comes before them. But this place helps me to express myself through my music, to stretch my legs out and release all the week's tension from work.
My wife is the best, though. I don't know what I would do without her. Tanya has been nothing but supportive from the very start. She's my own personal cheerleader when it comes to my music. And the fact that she's incredibly beautiful and good to the core helps a lot too. So now, I'm headed home to my lovely wife and our silly, beautiful daughter, Bianca, and spend the rest of the weekend with my girls.
I called out a 'good night' to the fellas and headed out towards my Volvo, when I felt my phone buzzing in my right pocket. As I reached for my keys to open the door, I took out my phone and noticed that Alice was calling me.
What is Alice doing calling me at 2:30 in the morning?
"Alice, what are you doing up so late?" I answered without a greeting, tired and ready to go to bed. "It's two-thirty in the morning."
"Edward! Edward! Where are you?" Alice asked frantically. I can hear Jasper in the background trying to soothe her. Suddenly I go into panic mode as well.
"Alice, what's wrong? What happened?" I answered while rushing to plunge the keys into the ignition.
"I just had a dream Edward. You need to get home right now!" Alice sobbed on the line.
"Oh Alice, you scared the crap out of me," feeling a bit relieved, I held on to my chest and felt my heart pumping inside of me. My dear sister Alice. It's been suspected that Alice has been blessed, or cursed with the ability to see the future. And it's been known for some of her visions to come true. But for the most part, some were so far-fetched, that I personally didn't rely on that as much as others did, though it does come in handy when it comes to the weather. But right now, I'm too tired to have to deal with one of her crazy dreams. Jasper really needs to reel her in sometimes because she can take these visions and blow them out of proportion. "I'm leaving the club right now and heading home..."
"Edward, you have to get home right now. Tanya and Bianca are in trouble. I tried calling the house but no one answered and I'm afraid that I might've been too late in reaching them," Alice's voice cracked in panic of what she saw.
Already out of the parking lot and down the street to get home, I had a nagging feeling that whatever Alice saw was true this time and as I was currently pushing 30 miles over the speed limit, I couldn't calm my heart down which increased its beats doubletime.
"What did you see Alice?" I asked when I immediately didn't need her answer as I saw a tower of smoke floating into the clear night sky a few blocks from where I was. It was in the same area where my house was at and I secretly and selfishly prayed that it was someone else's house that smoke was escaping from.
"Flames," Alice answered nervously, solidifying my fear. "We're leaving right now. We're headed that way right now. I'm gonna call Dad..." is all I heard as the phone slipped from my hand, my fingers still pretending to hang onto the phone. My eyes widened as I quickly approached the burning building that was my house. Even though I had arrived in record time, suddenly time felt like going in slow motion. I'd forgotten how to inhale and exhale as I watched the south east side of my house going up in flames, where my bedroom was, where Tanya would be sleeping tonight.
Please let Tanya not be there. Please.
I screeched into the driveway of my house, running out of it, leaving my car on and the door open. Running towards the front door, I ran into it, attempting to knock it out of my way, only to be met by an excrutiating pain on my right arm. But the force was enough to open the door as I entered and took a quick look around the living room. The fire seemed ready to take over the left side of the house, melting everything in sight and burning everything to a crisp. Looking for any signs of my family, I gave up on the first floor and sprinted up the stairs four steps at a time. Coming to halt as I appeared at the hallway, I had to make a quick decision on which side to go to first: to the right, to Bianca's room, or to the left where Tanya slept in our bedroom. Deciding to get to Tanya first, since the fire violently threatened to destroy the left side of the house, I ran towards my wife in hopes that she'd already gotten out.
Crouching down on the ground, I ripped off my buttoned-up shirt, and wrapped it around my hand to twist the door handle. Pushing the door, I hurriedly ducked as a wave of flames threatened to take my head off, the smoke hitting my face suddenly causing me to cough and gag. I started to look around the room to find Tanya still lying on the bed, not looking like she'd been sleeping the entire time but as if she'd woken too late to move out of bed. The worse was seeing the flames surrounding her bed, like a steal cage holding a tamed beast, like the flames somehow knew to surround her body on purpose.
"Tanya! Tanya, please wake up," I yelled out, hoping for a sign that she was somewhat still concious. Not hearing her answer back, I panicked as I began to look for an opening through the flames and decided then, that I would go through fire for the woman I loved just to save her from this inferno. As I started, I heard a whimper outside the door, an unmistakable cry that belonged to my daughter, Bianca.
"Daddy, where's Mommy? I'm scared, Daddy. What's going on?" Bianca cried as she stood at the threshold of her bedroom. Her little hand held up a piece of clothing up to her face, to cover mouth and nose from the smoke, her body trembled with fear. Yelling at Bianca to not move from her spot, I tried to figure out what to do next, whether to jump over the flames that surrounded the bed and grab Tanya and risk not only myself and my wife, but also our child if we didn't make it out. Or tell my daughter to run outside ahead of us -but the fire might be worse downstairs and she wouldn't know what to do- or grab my daughter and bring her outside and come back for my wife -at least my daughter would be alive if anything should happen...
I decided on the latter and ran down the hallway, wrapped my arms around Bianca's body and sprinted down the stairs at an inhuman pace, out the door and towards the sidewalk to place her there. "Stay there, Bianca," I warned, turning to run back inside, when I suddenly felt like I should've at least kissed my daughter, in case we didn't make it out in time...
No thinking like that right now, Edward!
Again, at inhuman speed, I ran through the front door and up the stairs to rescue my wife, when the sight before me caused me to stop instantly. The flames seemed to have gotten angrier, like wanting sweet revenge on something awful that I must've done to cause this hell on Earth, hell on my life. But then, as I remembered the decision I made earlier to save Tanya, flames parted like the Red Sea, inching against the walls along the hallway and inside the bedroom walls. It was like someone was allowing me enough space to run towards my soot-covered wife. I picked her up in my arms bridal-style, though my right arm screamed in pain from earlier. I couldn't wait to get out of this hell. Finally making it out of the house, I threw myself onto my knees towards the ground, with my wife on my arms. I could faintly hear sirens in the distance which were probably called in by my neighbors as they stood outside my fence.
Finally outside in the open air, I sucked in as much clean air into my lungs as possible, the faint breeze causing me to shiver a bit as it hit my sweat-drenched skin. At that moment, I felt the tears running down my face, realizing that I must've been crying the entire time without noticing. But looking down to my unconcious beautiful wife, the tears begin to spill non-stop, my arms pressing her body tightly into me. I don't want to let go.
Please Tanya. Please, wake up, baby!
I held her face up towards me, caressing her cheek, watching her trying to grasp for air through her beautiful full lips which were slightly parted, her eyebrows creasing a bit. Her beautiful strawberry blonde hair falling over my right shoulder. I heard my name as I sobbed loudly over my wife's body and I remembered about Bianca. Searching for her by the fence where I left her, I saw Alice, holding her and Jasper standing over them, consoling them. To my left, my father's car screeched to a halt behind my car and he ran towards to assess the damages on us.
"Edward, I'm here. How's Tanya?" Carlisle asked hurriedly. Looking down at my wife, I can tell that she had difficulty breathing, had a few burn marks throughout her body, her hair and pajamas are burned out in certain areas, while her entire body is covered in sweat and soot. Her eyes are flickering, and she's noticeably uncomfortable.
"Dad, please help Tanya. Please, please help," I begged Carlisle, my right arm still killing me under her body, but refusing to let her go when the paramedics who arrived soon afterwards tried prying her away from my arms.
"Edward, you're gonna have to let go, okay? We need to take care of her at the hospital," Carlisle calmly instructed. Grudgingly I let go, wincing from the pain as she was lifted from my arms and placed on a stretcher. Carlisle and one of the paramedics noticed my reaction to the pain but I waved it off as nothing, still in shock of everything that's happened.
How can my entire world be turned on its axis in just a matter of moments? Just earlier today we were making plans to go to the beach tomorrow, spend it with my family, and watch the sunset afterwards. The lives that we've been building since the commencement of our relationship, the years we've been together, the trials and the triumphs, the sicknesses and the celebrations, everything, all gone in a heap of smoke. Why? Why us? What did we do to deserve this? Why is this happening to us? What are we being punished for? So many questions and not one answer. As I kneel here on the grass in front of my house, I looked around to see the firemen trying to contain the fire consuming my house, the paramedics and my father desperately working on my wife, the neighbors' faces twisted in shock and awe, and I feel like I'm completely powerless, having nothing more to give.
I feel numb.
But I can't feel numb. I can't afford to feel numb right now. I have to be strong. I cannot gamble with our lives to be numb.
Bianca.
I searched for her small face through the crowd, finally connecting our gazes, I stood up to run towards her. I surveyed her small body for any signs of injury, and threw my arms around her, holding her tightly against me, grateful that she's not hurt in any way. I reluctantly pulled away from her to look into her eyes and tell how much I love her, but her expression seemed off. Distant. "Baby girl, are you okay?" I asked. The only answer I received was a tear rolling down her cheek to which I responded with a more eager embrace. "I love you, baby girl. Okay? Don't ever forget that."
I had no more time since I needed to hop onto the ambulance which carried Tanya, my father stood by it to accompany me as well. I turned towards Alice who was sobbing into Jasper's chest. "Alice, please stay with Bianca. Take her to your house, and I'll call you with word of Tanya," I said.
As I turned to run, I felt tiny arms holding onto to my leg, holding on to dear life. A loud cry spilled out of Bianca and my heart broke for her. I understood that she didn't want to be away from me. Both of her parents were leaving her behind and she did not want to be by herself, no matter if she had family with her, especially after everything that had happened. But it's not good for her to see her mom lying on a stretcher with tubes and God-knows what else. She's witnessed enough heartache to last her the rest of her days. I didn't want to be away from her either but I did not want her seeing her mom that way. Alice and I tried to extract her from my leg, explaining to her that she needed to go over to Alice's, but she would not budge. She finally relented when we'd agreed to meet at the hospital. At least she could see me there.
With a quick kiss on Bianca's cheek, I sprinted into the ambulance and sat right next to my father who had been pumping air into Tanya's lungs with a manual ventilator. I held on to her hand, rubbed it, caressed it, held my lips against it as I closed my eyes to block out all the annoying beeps, trying to will her back to health with my contact. In no time we arrived at the hospital when Tanya was being pulled away from me again, but I held on to her hand, running along with the staff towards the operating room in which they were going to place her in.
"Edward, you can't go in there. Please stay here..." Carlisle started but I was not ready to let go.
"No, dad. I have to be there. I have to go in. I need to know what's going," I countered, angry that my own father would deny me this one thing. Carlisle motioned to someone behind me, and started walking towards the operating room. I felt strong hands pull me away but I did not want to leave her side. "NO! I'm not leaving her."
"Son, you have to stay here. You know that. I'll be back as soon as I have news," Carlisle said as he walked into the double doors.
"Edward, come with me. You heard your father. He'll take care of Tanya," whispered Jasper into my ear, tugging at my arm. Grudgingly, I pulled away from Tanya's hand and just stood there facing the doors in which my wife was taken into.
Rationally, I knew all I could do is wait. I would be nothing but a hindrance. But what if that was all the time I had with Tanya? What if this was it? No more of her sweet scent upon my face. No more of her warmth pressed against me as we made love. No more of her amazing ability to calm the storm in me when I became irate. No more of her touch, her lips, her heart, herself. Tanya is self-less, intelligent, caring, an amazing wife and mother. Without her, there's no more me. Without her I would cease to exist.
No, I can't think that way. I have to stop thinking this way. She'll make it. She has to.
I walked over to the waiting area which was occupied by several people who were ailing or injured. I saw an empty chair and placed myself into it.
"Edward, do you need to talk?" asked my brother-in-law, Jasper. He was a therapist at the school we both worked at and always seemed like one of the best people to open up to. But right now, all I wanted to do was be with Tanya. I wanted nothing else than for Tanya to be okay. I didn't feel like speaking to anyone, especially Jasper, no matter how much he would help me through this. I brushed him off, and he walked away to where Alice held Bianca across the room from me.
I watched as my sister held Bianca and was grateful for her presence. I don't know what I could do if I had to handle this on my own. I didn't know if I was in any condition to be a father to Bianca in this moment. All I could do right now is pray. Pray that Tanya would make it through. Even if it took time to get back, at least she would be with us again. I hadn't prayed in so long and didn't know if there was a proper way to do so, but if I had to promise to be a better husband, a better father, if I had to give up my music, if I had to...I don't know, whatever. As long as Tanya could be here with us like she's supposed to be, I'd give my own life.
Please, God. Don't take her away from me. Please, please, please....
As moments passed by and I sat at the edge of my seat, rocking back and forth because keeping still would drive me crazy, I kept praying. I kept holding on to memories of Tanya in hopes that it will help her come out well. I remembered the first time we met, back in high school. Her older sister, Kate had just moved them from Alaska to start their new lives after the death of their mother. Along with their other sister Irena, they'd come here to start over. Kate was the adult and guardian over her two sisters, working as massage therapist, which is how she met Garrett. Tanya was a junior and Irena was a senior, but they both seemed far more advanced than a lot of kids their age. Tanya took on honors programs and Irena was already receiving college credits while still in high school.
I met Tanya in my english class and hit it off right away. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. Still is. And as time went by, we grew closer, starting our relationship and held strong even through the time we were separated from each other because we attended different colleges. We still loved each other unconditionally. But I always knew that she was the glue that held us together. Tanya knew how to tame the beast inside of me, and still manage to love me with patience and respect. Respect that I returned to her in full force because I always had a reverence for her, with the way she loved me, with compassion, she demanded that respect and I would be ready to give it to her.
I heard the doors open and saw my father walking towards me, his face red and a bit swollen, staring straight into my eyes. He didn't need to tell me anything. I knew in an instant. I knew my whole world had shattered. I felt a great chasm in my chest and all I could do is give up and fall to the floor as a sign of surrender. That's it. Everything is over. Nothing else mattered.
Love, life, meaning...over.
"I'm so sorry, Edward. There was nothing we could do for her. I'm so truly sorry, son," Carlisle sobbed, crouching down towards me, holding me tight like when I was a boy. The instant he held on to me, I wept loudly for the whole world to know my pain. I needed to let it all out of me though I knew the sorrow would not let me go. "The smoke was too much for her lungs and she had been hanging on by a thread for too long after that."
"Ooooohhh, no! No, Tanya, nooooo! Why, baby? Why?" I wailed so loudly that my throat hurt, not caring about the pain of it because I would rather go through physical pain for the rest of my life than to have to endure this. I would go through physical pain forever if it meant that Tanya could come back to me.
My father held me close to himself sobbing over me, the way he used to comfort me as a child. When I would fall and scrape my knee, he would hold me and tell me everything would be all right. Carlisle would clean it up, put a bandage on it and kiss it to make it better. And I would believe my father when he'd tell me everything would be all right.
But this time he could not say those words to me. He couldn't bring himself to tell me this as he cried against my shoulder. Carlisle was an excellent father to me and to Alice. Knowing he gave so much to us, reminded me of how I needed to be there for my daughter, Bianca. If I became a shell of a person for everyone else, my daughter would not be affected by that. Bianca deserves a good father like Carlisle was to me. She would be the reason I would still exist in this world. For Bianca.
As I looked up to search for her in the room, I was assaulted instantaneously by her, jumping into my arms and holding me as tight as her small body could hold me. In return, I held her to me to the point in which I could never let her go. I will protect her, and guide her the best way possible as my dad did for me. And I would teach her and remind her about her mother every chance I got. Because Tanya deserves to be remembered by her daughter. Tanya deserves to be set as an example as she was an amazing woman, wife, and mother. I would be the one to do this for Bianca.
Bianca is my life now.