BIG FUCKING DISCLAIMER:
I don't own it, I don't own it, I don't own it!!!!!! This is just something silly my friend MauMauKa and I came up with… Enjoy!!!
All flames will be used for s'more making!
HOW ROSALIE BECAME A LESBIAN!
It had been a terribly long day, even for them.
After the fateful baseball game and the confrontation with the nomadic Vampires Carlisle had still been hopeful that they would be able to outwit James and his coven, but after having lost James earlier in the day, the tensions rising in the atmosphere were only growing more strained as each mile passed swiftly below the jeep's wheels.
Edward of course, was completely unhelpful with his pensive glares at the brightly lit day and the impatient and unnecessary sighs he released every few moments.
Emmett, on the other hand, was making Carlisle decidedly uneasy as he occasionally drew a breath and released it on his neck.
And then, to Carlisle's utter amusement, he started to sing.
Carlisle tried to ignore it. He really did. But it was impossible. Emmett's slyly cheerful baritone began to drone from the backseat, "The wheels on the jeep go round and round…round and round… round and round… The wheels on the jeep go round and round…"
"Emmet, if you do not fucking SHUT UP I swear to God…" Edward groaned.
"The vampires in the jeep go slurp, slurp, slurp…" Emmett warbled on with an evil smile.
Carlisle spared a quick glance to his oldest son and stifled a smile at the bulging veins and tightly clenched jaw that sparkled brightly with each passing beam of sunlight.
"The victims of the vamps scream help me please, help me please, help me…"
"EMMETT!!! If you value your COCK where it is you will SHUT UP and not think A DAMN WORD or so help me ROSALIE will have bigger balls than you FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!!!!" Edward screamed out, his voice breaking at the end from his frustration.
Carlisle wished suddenly that they had kept Jasper with them so they would have a chance of calming Edward down. He wracked his well developed mind in an attempt to come up with a solution to keep Edward calm and Emmett alive.
Suddenly the idea came to him, "Edward why don't you call Bella and tell her we're coming to her, it might help to hear her voice, Son."
Emmett was suspiciously quiet all of a sudden, Edward's threat having apparently gotten through his thicker than usual head.
Edward quickly acted on Carlisle's suggestion and called Bella, his entire body relaxing as soon as he heard his beloved's voice. Their conversation was short, but sweet and after Edward hung up he seemed to have completely calmed from his previous anxiety.
There was a long pause, and Carlisle slowly relaxed his grip on the steering wheel as he thought the worst had passed. And then… just as he was about to settle down into his seat and relax fully…
"A thousand bottles of blood on the wall, a thousand bottles of blood! Take one down and…"
"EMMETT!!! That's IT you fucking little BITCH!"
"NO EDWARD DON'T RIP IT OFF I DIDN'T BRING MY MEDICAL SUPPLI…Shit!"
And this is how Rosalie became a lesbian.
THE END.