Bella.

Days, months, years? Time wasn't anything I was grasping at the moment. The knowledge of just how long I have been writhing in my own agony wasn't in my possession. But I couldn't focus on that. The only thing that I had the strength to observe, to feel, is the excruciating torture that was my transformation. I could feel the blood leaving my body. Slowly, but disingrating by the second. The fire that I had mentally prepared for wasn't anything like I had predicted. The stories and explanations I had been given by Carlisle and Edward seemed like fairy-tales compared to this.

"She doesn't deserve this."

My body twitched excitedly at the sound of a voice. My hearing, which had been disabled due to the ferocious flames that engulfed my ears, was returning to me. The sounds of heavy footsteps could be heard, along with slow breathing. I was beginning to pick up things that humans would have neglected to hear. Everything was becoming so loud. But despite the eagerness to listen to everything around me, there was only one thing I wanted to fill my ears right now. And that would be the deep, velvet, comforting voice of my Edward.

"She'll be waking up in three minutes. Please call Emmett, Rose and Jasper up here. I can see that she won't take this easy," I heard Alice announce. Alice! Oh how wonderful her voice sounded after these past three days! As she predicted, the pain was dissolving quickly. It was lingering in my chest, where I could still feel, and even hear my heart thumping wildly against my ribcage. A warm hand touched my fingers, and I immediately melted with joy. But these fingers did not belong to my love .. they were bony, and I could feel the texture of the nail polish that was neatly painted upon the fingernails. I frowned.

"Rose won't come. Bella's not her favorite vampire at the moment." If I weren't so happy to be waking up, the comment probably would've hurt my feelings. But I was about to open my eyes. I was about to see Edward, embrace him, kiss him, and begin our eternity together. How could anything destroy the contentness and happiness that was quickly taking the place of my dying heart?

Speaking of my heart, the thumping had increased. My entire body shook with a tremble as it rumbled rapidly in my chest. This was it. The last trace of humanity was about to leave my body. I would be an "official" Cullen in just seconds. I couldn't help but shiver as my breath left my lips. I was breathing heavy, trying to gasp in oxygen as my throat suddenly felt dry. A hand gripped my fingers again, and I had prayed it was Edward's, but I felt the same smooth texture of nail polish. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel any disappointment right now, but I did. Where was Edward? Why wasn't he caressing my hand? Why wasn't I hearing his magical voice?

I gasped as the rhythm of my heart raced faster, if that was even possible. I arched my back, and felt my toes curl in sudden pain. Faster, faster, the thumping continued to speed up. My fingers curled into fists as I instinctively tried to pound at my chest. I felt warm hands holding my wrists down onto the bed beside my waist. I screamed loudly, but instantly regretted it, for the rawness of my throat had returned as well. I gulped, trying to moisten it, but my mouth was dry. My heart was pushing harder now against my ribs, and I could almost hear the bones rattling from under my skin. Faster, faster.

And then it stopped.

My fingers and toes relaxed themselves, and the pain quickly scampered from my body. My mouth was dry, but it was over. After three days of endless suffering, screaming and hurting .. it was done. I inhaled a sharp breath, and winced as the chilly air entered my shriveled throat. I listened for voices, but it was surprisingly quiet, with the exception of the loud gusts of wind that blew forcefully against the window from outside.

"Open your eyes, Bella," a loud, but musical voice cooed to me softly. I followed their instructions, and let my eyelids flutter open. I gasped. As I stared at the ceiling, I could make out every spec of dust, every dent and chip that had damaged the texture. I turned my head, facing the person that was grasping my hand tightly. I was met with the familiar concerned gaze of my new sister, Alice. She smiled at me, but with my new vampire sight, I caught the flash of sadness that illuminated it. I frowned, but continued to stare at her. If I had thought she was gorgeous as a human, well .. I don't think there was a word for what she could be described as now. I smiled at her, but she didn't return it. I opened my mouth to greet her, when I heard someone quietly clear their throat. I lifted my head, and saw Emmett and Jasper standing by the door, grinning at me. I turned to the left, and saw Carlisle standing by the bed, Esme behind him with her head on his shoulder. The corners of mouth fell. I opened it once more, but only one name escaped my dry throat.

"E-Edward?"

I could see the shame that crossed every single one of their faces. It was the exact shame that had been there at my birthday party, when Jasper had tried to attack me. It was the same shame that they had when we had returned from Italy, as they pleaded with me to forgive them for leaving. Something was wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. And the fact that Edward wasn't sitting beside me sent a panicked jolt through my body. Alice grimaced as she stared at my face, and that right there gave me my answer. Something had happened to him. Someone had hurt him. The possibility of my love being .. No, I couldn't even think of that.

"Is he hurt? Where he is?" I demanded hoarsely, now ignoring my protesting throat. I felt a wave of calmness spread over me, and I cringed in anger. Jasper took a step back, and sighed apologetically. Alice's fingers held mine tighter, and I returned the favor. She winced, and I immediately lightened my grip, forgetting that my strength exceeded hers as a newborn.

"Bella, Edward .. left," she explained, the volume of her voice set to a whisper. But I could hear every word as if she were screaming directly into my ear. And every word sent a hit of emptiness to my chest.

"What happened? Where did he go?" I panicked, sitting up and leaning closer to Alice. She bit her lip, and adverted her eyes to the gold comforter that was sprawled across the bed. Carlisle took a step forward, and I looked at him hopefully. His face was just as pained as Alice's.

"He's perfectly fine. But he .. he had to leave for awhile. Your transformation .. your insubordination to his decision to keep you human was too much for him. He didn't want to stay here."

He didn't want to stay here. He's angry at me. He didn't want to stay with me.

"He'll return with time. He's just taking a small break from Forks," Carlisle added gently. Taking a small break from me. He doesn't want me anymore. Alice's grip tightened, and I stared at her wild eyes. She was murmuring something, but I couldn't hear it. I could give her the attention to know what she was telling me. All I knew was that Edward was gone. He had left me .. again. He promised he wouldn't. Her hand reached up to my face, and she gripped my chin with her warm fingers. She pulled my face to hers.

"Bella, listen to me, things will get better. Please don't-" I pulled away from her grasp, and jumped to my feet. The pain of the transformation was miniscule compared to what I was feeling now. The contentness and happiness that had covered my heart, was now being replaced by emptiness and pain. This entire transformation was for Edward. I did it so that we could be together for the rest of forever. But now, my reason for eternal damnation was gone, and I was here, to live in this pain for the rest of my existence.

I quickly made a run for the door, but Emmett and Jasper grabbed my shoulders roughly. Their arms slithered around my body, holding me tightly. I cringed, and pushed as hard as I could. I heard Jasper whimper loudly in pain as I shoved my hard shoulder into his side. He dropped his arm, and I scrambled out of Emmett's lightened hold, down the stairs and out the back door. Before I knew what was happening, I was in the forest. This new speed was exhilarating. It wasn't until now that I realized why vampires never hit anything as they ran. To a human, the run would cause their vision to blur, as everything whirled past them. But as I ran, everything was visible. I could see every blade of grass, every piece of bark on a tree, everything.

I stopped when a sweet aroma filled my nostrils. I whipped my head around, and sniffed as the mouth-watering scent lingered in the air. Something inside of me pulled towards the trees, where I witnessed a buck sniffing at something hidden on the forest floor. The monster that had just been born inside of me launched forward. The buck barely had time to react as my strong hands snapped his neck, and I lowered my mouth. I hungrily ripped at the fur and flesh, and let the warm crimson liquid flow down my throat. As I finished, I pushed the dead animal away from me with wide eyes. I was trembling as I stepped backwards away from it's corpse. I stumbled back, and allowed myself to fall on the ground.

Warm arms constricted around my body, and I immediately dug my face into Alice's body, sobbing into her shoulder. Though I produced no tears, I let the choked sounds rip throat my throat. She rubbed my back soothingly, but it didn't help the pain. I cried out, grabbing onto Alice for support. Her hand flew to my hair, where she stroked it in a feeble attempt to calm me down.

"It hurts, Alice," I mumbled miserably. She held me tighter in her arms, and shifted so that she was sitting next to me. She rocked us back and fourth as I continued to dry-sob into her shoulder.

"I know it does, sweetie," she whispered into my ear as her fingers softly untangled my hair. We sat like this for what seemed like hours. We sat in silence. She held me in her arms, and I clung to her for dear life, afraid that if I let go, she'd disappear just like Edward. She held me while I cried. I cried for Edward, I cried for that poor buck that I just murdered, but mostly, I cried for my future. It was now broken, as was I.

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