Chapter 2: Jump

I sat there on the beach thinking over every word, every memory. Trying to suppress the demons that haunted me, and wished for my end. Wished for my demise I tried to find out what I was going to do when tomorrow finally came. I didn't want to think about it anymore. But I had no choice. I had to find away to keep the monsters at bay. Keep myself from returning to that shell, that scared everyone I loved so much, that scared Charlie, and Renee, and even myself. Apparently I didn't do a good job of hiding the fact that I was empty, a hallow shell.

"Bella, Bells" I heard shouting, as my thoughts were interrupted. I didn't mind. Anything to forget. I saw Jacob come running toward me. I smiled. "What's wrong?"

"What are you talking about Jake?"

"You, It took you like forever to realize I was calling you, I said your name like 6 times"

"Oh." What could I say to that? 'Oh sorry Jake I was to busy trying not to sulk and turn into the shell again'? Mope. that's better, I remember Charlie using that, 'Moping would be better-that would be doing something. you're just … lifeless, Bella I think that's the word I want.' Lifeless I was, and I'm not even sure that holds any light to what I really was.

"Bella? Bella, are you listening to me?"

"What? Sorry Jake I'm just not, in a good mood right now. I'm sorry if you want I can go home and you can call Quil and Embry." I smiled faintly.

"Not a chance, I told you today was your day, no pack, no patrolling, they can handle patrol for one day with out me. I haven't been much fun lately, I know, I'm sorry, but we still have to find that bloodsucker Victoria."

"Oh I know."

"Is that what has you all worked up? Victoria? Don't worry about her Bells, we'll get her."

"Have you found something new?"

"No she's still no where to be found, she disappeared again, hopefully for good." I knew it wasn't for good, and I could tell Jake new that too. His eyes lowered when he said it. This past year, She's been back, trying to get me, because of James. She would try to get through to forks, to me. But the pack would hold her at bay, she would weave in and out of the boundary lines. Although they didn't matter anymore, the Cullen's weren't in forks anymore. And when they'd get close to getting her, she would disappear, sometimes for weeks on end. But she always returned.

"Yeah, Wishful thinking, she'll be back though." I frowned.

"And we'll be waiting." Jake smiled at the thought. "As for today, we have better things to worry about. I have a plan for today that your going to love!" he was just twitching with excitement, and it got me wondering, a little excited. I shouldn't be excited. I shook the thought away.

"Bella." he said softly. Here it comes. "What's wrong, and don't lie to me and tell me its nothing I can tell, Bella I know you. Something's not right. You haven't looked like this since…" There it goes, it clicked in his head. Like the switch of a light bulb. "It's 'him' isn't it?" he knew I didn't like the name said, I don't know how he knew but he knew a lot about me, and what I needed. "Tomorrow, it'll be.." He stopped when he looked at my face. And he put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. I smiled up at him.

"So what are we doing today." I asked him as I pushed him away gently and smiled again.

"Well… what did I promise you I would take you do, but I didn't ever get the chance, and you almost killed yourself trying?" My smile vanished. He was talking about when I almost jumped off the cliff. Into a hurricane. Of course the entire pack new, they saw it through Jack. And they all had the same conclusion, I wanted to jump into the hurricane, I wanted to drown. I wanted my life to end. Even though that's not was I was thinking. I wasn't really thinking at all. I was just doing. Looking for the voice. But sometimes I wondered if my subconscious wanted it. Wanted to drown. I told them over and over again that I didn't know, and that was so far from the truth, but sometimes I wondered if I was just ignoring the truth. Thank god they didn't tell Charlie. He would have been furious!. And I would never of heard the end of it.

"Bella, did you hear me? I'm not going to keep talking to you if your not going to listen, or answer or even show that I'm talking to you. I bet I could call you a retard right now or say your in love with Quil and you wouldn't even hear me." he smirked, and I hit him, hard.

"Ow, I heard that!" I said as I glowered at him.

"Well, what do ya think?"

"I think it's a great idea! Can we do it from the top?" I asked, I was actually excited.

"Uh no." He saw my face drop to a pout. "At least not the first time. Show you the ropes, and how to do it first. That sound fair?"

"As fair as I'm going to get I suppose." I grinned.

We finally got to the lower outcropping part of the cliff, I already had some cuts and scrapes on my hands and knees. Jacob just laughed at my clumsiness. And helped me as much as he could.

I didn't realize how high it was. I could hear the ocean beneath us, the calm wind blew my hair all around my face. I sighed.

"Scared? Jacob grinned.

"No, I.. just nervous."

"Least your not jumping into a hurricane this time."

"Ugh will everyone please just forget that? Will I ever be able make people realize I wasn't trying to kill myself!" I shouted.

"Bella I was joking, I know you weren't trying to, you know."

"I'm sorry its just, lets get this over with so we can go to the top."

"You just said you were nervous about jumping from here and you want to go to the top?" he looked puzzled. I just laughed. I was laughing, I smiled, no matter what the situation I could always be myself with Jake, I couldn't not be happy. He grabbed my hand and squeezed. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." he backed me up, and laughed, I guess I had a smirk on my face. I could feel it.

We started running, and we took a leap. I heard Jake laugh. We were falling, plunging, and I was screaming. The water was icy as we sliced through. I was breathing deep. And trying to resurface. And Jacob pulled my arm up and we were out. I took in a deep breath of fresh air. As he pulled me toward the shore. We both plopped down in the sand. He was still laughing. "So how was it? As good as you thought it was going to be?"

"Yea, it was great." I lied, I didn't hear what I thought I would, what I needed to hear. I needed that voice. I needed that soft velvet musical voice. "Lets go to the top." I exclaimed as I stood up and started walking

"Are you sure, you don't want to try the outcropping one once more?" he said as he caught up to me.

"Nope, top, now."

"Uhm if your sure."

We got to the top faster, less climbing over or in my case stumbling over rocks. Just a small trail. The ocean sounded further away. The wind wasn't as bad as it was up here. I smiled into the sun and took in a deep breath.

"You ok?" Jacob asked me as he grabbed my hand.

"Yes, are we going to run?"

"Uh we can, I usually just jump, but we can get a running start if.."

"Yea lets run" I said cutting him off as I led him back away from the cliffs edge.

"Bella?" He looked nervous, serious, what should he be nervous about? He's done this before.

"What is it Jake." Now I was nervous.

"I, I just wanted to do something before we, you know in case we don't make it." He grinned. I wanted to hit him for scaring me like that but I held it in. and just glared at him. He laughed, and then we were both laughing.

"No I'm serious though."

"Ok, what is it Jake?" I asked, and then realization hit me as he wrapped his arm

Around my waist. And leaned forward, closer, to close "Ja.." I tried to protest, but I was to late. His lips met mine, his warm lips, were on mine in seconds. They weren't the cold hard lips I grew to love, they were soft, and warm, to warm. I was to shocked to move, I didn't know what to do, I tried to think of what I should do, pull away, smack him, shove him away. And before I could do anything he let me go. He saw surprise, shock on my face, and took it the wrong way. I tried to shake my head but before he could even see he was dragging me toward the cliff, we were running we were close to the edge when it hit me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" The soft velvet voice hit me with so much force it knocked the wind out of me. After that, after Jake kissed me, it was still there, it came out of the silence. I fell backward, and landed on my butt. I caught myself with my elbows. As I saw Jake leap off the edge. And I realized my feet were hanging over the edge. I scooted myself back. I sat there memorizing the voice I so lounged for, the voice I hadn't heard in over a month. Memorizing the music, memorizing it all taking it in.

Bella, BELLA??" I heard Jake below yelling. "Are you ok?"

I pulled myself to the edge and stood. "Jake?"

"What happen are you ok?"

"Yea, I, uh, I tripped." we were both yelling over the noise of the crashing waves.

"You want me to come back up and get you?"

"NO! I'm coming." I needed to hear that voice again, I needed to her him.

I stepped out further to the edge, keeping my eyes focused. My toes were over the edge. I waited, I held my breath. Waiting for it, it wouldn't catch me off guard again.

"Bella" I smiled. There it was, the voice I needed. My smile grew as I lifted my arms up in the air, about to dive.

"Bella don't be stupid what the hell are you thinking?" I heard the voice, he was angry. I flung myself off the cliff. A scream escaped me again. I hit the water, to hard, it felt cooler than the last time. It knocked the wind out of me, and I took in gasp of air, only It wasn't air. The salt water pierced my throat, it felt like knives in my lungs. Oh no I was really going to drown. I couldn't breath, it was happening I was really drowning. I just let it come. At least they couldn't all say I did it to kill myself. This wanst suicide this was just a happy coincidence.

A/N Please review, tell me how im doing, what you like, what you dont like. tell me if you would like some one elses point of veiw, like edwards also. im thinking of added his point of veiw on things to, but im not sure. so let me know!:)

this is my first fanfic so please be gentle.