A/N: I would like to thank jls4438 for giving me my very first review! Thanks so much for reading! Uhm I had asked if people would like Edwards point of view also. Instead of just bella. So I decided to give it a try. Let me know what you think. And if you don't like it I have another chapter 3 in my head that I can write a different way. I know its kind of twilighty. But just read, you'll be surprised. lol
Chapter 3: Lifeless
EDWARDS POV
UGH I signed this is as hopeless as the last time. Why am I hear? I had left for a reason, I was no good for them, I was no good to anyone. Not even myself. I couldn't even track Victoria. I growled at the thought of her. I started shaking my head, this is insane I cant stay here this isn't my home. Not anymore, I don't have a home. But Alice, Alice made me promise to come visit, and I did, I didn't stay long. Enough time for them to see that I was, o… well, to see that I was still here, and alive, or as alive as a vampire can be. But never more than that.
I didn't want them to feel pity, or feel sorry for me, and they always did. I can hear it, even if they tried to hide there thoughts it always played in the background, and I could hear what they thought of me, what they thought I looked like. Hell that's what it was I looked like hell. I felt like hell, and they knew it. But there was nothing they could do. Nothing anyone could do. I did this to myself. I left for a reason, and I wasn't going back. I made a promise. 'It will be as if I'd never existed.' I shouldn't exist, I want to die, but I knew the minute I thought about it, or planned to do it, Alice would see, and she'd stop me. It was stupid to even think about, I could go to Italy, and beg. I pushed the thought away. I can do this, I thought, I can go in, say hello to my family. Stay the night, and leave. Go back to my life. Or well you couldn't even call it a life. I had no life anymore, I left my life back in forks, with, I shuttered to even think the name. Bella. My Sweet clumsy Bella.
If there was even a chance I thought just one chance, she would take me back any at all that Bella would take me back, that I could make her happy, I would have taken it. But I couldn't, all I ever enforced on her was pain, day after day minute after minute, I risked her life. First James, and then from my own family. I knew Jasper felt guilty, when I would visit he would try his best to avoid me, so I wouldn't be able to read his mind I wouldn't be able to see how bad and hurt he was that. He blamed himself for me leaving Bella, he blamed himself for me being so unhappy, so not me. I was lifeless. And he felt my emotions, and told himself it was his fault. But it wasn't his fault. If it wasn't him, it would have been someone else. I mean everyone is curious about all of us, 'vegetarians' and they'd be double curious that we had a human around with us. What did James' coven call her, a pet. that's it we had a pet. I mused at the thought, if only that were true, this wouldn't be so hard.
Bella was so much more than a pet, she was so much more than just a regular human. She was my Bella, my love. My soul mate, as Alice told me the day I told her we had to leave. I was never scared of Alice in my life. But the day I told her we were leaving forks leaving Bella, she was scary. I had never seen rage in her eyes before. 'She is your soul mate Edward, you cant leave her!' Soul mate, ha I laughed at the thought as if I had a soul. 'Edward don't be selfish, she knows what shes getting herself into, she chose this, she wants this! She loves you, don't do this to her, don't do this to yourself' I hated her for trying to make me change my mind, cause she knew exactly what to say to make me do it. I didn't listen to her after that I just ran, and knew she couldn't keep up. If only I would have listened to her. She was right, it was true. I did this to myself, I had no one to blame but me.
I was lying listlessly on my couch staring at the ceiling. Like I had for the last 3 days, I hadn't moved once. I didn't feel like moving, I had no need. I could hear them outside my door, but they never dared come in. Sometimes I could hear one of them sit outside in the hall by my door. Someone was there right now. Probably Alice. Not wanting me to be alone. But I was alone. I had my family yes, so technically I wasn't alone, but I felt alone, without Bella there was no need for anything else. Life for me was over. Alice had convinced me to come back to live with the family 3 days ago. No, convince wasn't the right word. She had conscripted Emmett and Jasper to forcibly remove me from my rat infested attic. I had been wallowing in my own misery for so long I didn't have the strength to fight back. I hadn't visited in to long. According to her it had been over 3 months since I last visited them. It couldn't have been, had I really stayed away for 3 months. I must have, or she wouldn't have freaked out so much. I usually had to visit at least once a month, she wanted more. But that's all I would allow myself to do is stay for a day or two a month and then leave. I couldn't put them through the pain I was in.
But really I had just put them through more. Alice got mad when I said I wasn't staying she forced me to see the things she thought about, she thought about everyone. So I agreed to stay, only because I saw what I had done to my family. They never smiled, joked, or even laughed. Emmett didn't do much except watch TV anymore. And he didn't even really watch, it just stared at it blankly. Carlisle worked obsessively, he wasn't home much, Esme never stopped cleaning and she looked horrible she looked like someone had died.. Jasper spent as much time away from the family as possible hiding from their emotions. It was to much for him to bare. And even Rosalie threw constant tantrums, and Alice rarely shopped. My idiocy had sucked the life from not only myself but my family, who had loved and cared for me for eighty years. Ironic. In my self imposed exile I had managed to become the thing I feared the most, a monster.
I heard a bang and it shocked me out of my self loathing. I heard someone running, and then I heard yelling. I sat up.
"Alice, Alice?" Jasper was yelling, they were in front of my door for yelling. Why were they yelling. I ran to my door and wrenched it open annoyed. And then it hit me. The end of Alice's vision swirled in my head. Bella falling into the water and not coming up.
She gasped the same moment I collapsed to the floor with a thud.
"Alice please tell me that's not real. Tell me that's not happening!" I pleaded with her. I looked into her eyes and I knew the truth.
"I, I, Oh no, I don't know when but we have to do something Edward, we have to go back!" she shouted at me I was shaking my head. We couldn't go back, what if she changes her mind what if I see her and I cant leave again. What If I couldn't, I already knew the answer, I wouldn't. I wouldn't leave again.