Bella.
In the beginning, when Edward would mention or refer to the monster that was inside of him, I always bit back the urge to argue. I still have to deny that no part of him includes any trace of a monster, but for the first time, I knew what he was talking about. As I crouched down to my knees, and my eyes locked with the mountain lion that was perched lazily upon the boulder in front of me, I could feel my vampire senses kicking in.
This had been my first proper hunt since my transformation. I didn't want to count my first depressing kill of the buck, or the numerous amounts of deer that Jasper and Emmett forced down my throat. This was the first time I was making a proper effort to "eat". I heard rustling behind me, and I snapped my head back in a defensive gesture. I saw Emmett crouching behind a bush, grinning at me.
"Go for it, kid," he mumbled softly. I smiled, and turned my attention back to the over-sized feline in front of me. He laid peacefully on the boulder, his tongue lapping at the fur between his large paws. He was completely oblivious to my presence. I crept forward on instinct, my foot accidentally breaking a thin stick that was mixed with the ground. I cursed to myself quietly, and watched as he leapt from the rock, surveying his surroundings for a possible threat.
"Wait until his back is turned. He won't be able to put up as much of a fight," I heard Emmett whisper quickly. I nodded. I waited until the animal took a few steps forward. His head swung around, and I ducked back farther between the trees. He turned his focus to another part of the forest, and I felt everything fall into place. Without realizing it, I was lunging forward. Something inside of me was awakening, as I struggled to keep the large beast secure in place.
"His neck, Bella!"
Hearing his words, my hands flew to the lion's neck. I grasped it tightly, and without hardly any effort, heard a sickening crack under my fingers. I immediately loosened my grip, and watched as the body fell limp in my arms. I gulped down the guilt. I had this pep talk with Carlisle before I left. He was worried that I would feel like this. And I hated to admit it, but I did. This mountain lion probably had cubs to protect. And who knows if Rosalie or Emmett hadn't already devoured them? I heard a loud sigh from behind me. Esme stepped beside Emmett.
"You're thirsty, Bella. Go ahead. I'm sure you've got this part down perfectly by now."
I couldn't help but to laugh lightly at her words. For the past two weeks, I had been allowing the boys to do the hunting for me, while I simply sunk my teeth into the flesh and drunk. It had been so easy. And guiltily, I was kind of starting to enjoy it. I opened my mouth to say something, but the pain in my throat was raw, and the scalding feeling was increasing by the second. I lowered my head, and without hesitation, sunk my teeth into the walls of fur and flesh.
I let the blood trickle down my throat, and sighed at the relief and pleasure of the soothing that came with it. The burning pain dulled immensely. With the back of my hand, I wiped my chin, trying to rid myself of any spilt drops of blood. Emmett laughed loudly.
"What do we do with the body?" I murmured, staring down at the lifeless corpse at my feet. Emmett was already scooping the dead mountain lion into his arms. I backed up to stand next to Esme as he placed it on the ground. He lowered himself, and his hands began pounding at the dirt. I was confused, but when dirt began to fly, I realized what he was doing. He was burying it. Hm, well, that made sense. Guess it would get a bit suspicious if they just left the corpses all over the place.
He lowered the body into the deep hole, and within seconds, had the dirt piled back up. He grinned up at us as he clapped his hands together messily, brushing away the soil on his hands. Esme rolled her eyes.
"He could've done that a bit neater," she scolded, glaring at him. He laughed again. Another rustle was heard, and we all turned our heads to the left. Rosalie was entering the clearing, mumbling to somebody on her cell phone. When her eyes landed on me, her words quickened, and she closed the small phone.
"Who was that?" Emmett asked, as he draped his large arm around her shoulder. She smiled, and shrugged it off.
"Carlisle. He was just telling me that Alice and Jasper are back, and-"
"They're back?" I yelped. My outburst startled the three of them, but I couldn't help it. Excitement was building inside of my body, and the anxiousness of seeing Alice again was hardly bearable. They laughed at my behavior, but I didn't mind. Lately, things had been getting easier for me. After awakening and enduring the first few hours of vampirism without him, I thought the pain would never dissolve. The family was helping me, though. My family.
And things were getting better every single day.
"Shall we?" Esme asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I grinned. Alice would be delighted by my progress! Even if she had already seen it in her visions, I'm sure seeing it with her own eyes will be much more rewarding. I nodded to them. They began to run, and I followed. Even for a newborn, I still wasn't as fast as I should be. Unfortunately, I don't see that changing in the future. If I couldn't be clumsy, I was slow. It really wasn't fair.
The house came into view, and I noticed that Rosalie, Emmett and Esme had stopped, but I didn't. I was surprised with myself at how excited I was to see Alice, but I didn't let that slow me down. My legs kicked faster as I neared the front door. I could smell her wonderful scent now, mixed with Jasper's. I ripped open the front door, and opened my mouth to shout her name, when I smelt it.
Another scent. A scent that was strong, but not new. No, definitely not new. I had smelt this countless times before. This heavenly, over-powering cologne that I basked in when I curled up on the couch. My favorite scent in the world. His scent.
I skidded to a halt. I looked around, and noticed I was in the living room. I could hear heels clanking loudly against the tiles in the kitchen. They were coming closer. Alice's aroma swept over my senses, and before I knew it, I was being constricted by two, small but strong arms. I smiled against Alice's shoulders. She pulled away quickly, and immediately reached down to touch my new necklace.
"Do you like it?" she asked, her voice laced with hope. I couldn't help but grin at her. Rosalie and Esme had confessed that the entire thing was Alice's idea. She had drawn it out, and they had it custom made for me. It only made the necklace that more meaningful. She traced the outline of the heart-shaped charm with her pale finger, still examining it.
"I love it! Thank you so much!" I wrapped my arms around her once more, and she squealed in happiness. That's when I smelt it again. It was so strong now. So close, that every time I breathed, it made me dizzy. My hands balled up to fists as I dropped my arms from Alice's shoulders. She looked confused. She glanced behind me, and her face softened.
"Alice," I whispered, closing my eyes. I knew it was him. I felt her hand on my arm, and I snapped my eyes open. She nodded as she locked onto my gaze.
"Please turn around, Bella. Please," I heard a deep voice beg gently. I gasped at the sound of it. I had lived without that voice for far too long. As a human, his voice was my favorite sound in the entire world. As a vampire, it was .. beautiful. It was enchanting, enticing and inviting. My fingers unraveled themselves, and I turned my head slightly. I caught of a glimpse of his tall figure standing on the opposite side of the room.
"Turn around, Bella," Alice whispered, but her voice was demanding. She grasped my forearm, and twisted it so that my body followed suit. I gasped once more when my eyes landed on him. I didn't care if I didn't have a heart. Whatever took it's place was melting quickly, as I drank in his essence.
How many nights had I lay on that couch, wrapped up into a pathetic ball, daydreaming that this moment would happen? How many times had I closed my eyes and visioned his face? I thought for sure that even in my head, I had his face memorized perfectly. But now, as I stared wide-eyed at my flawless angel, I couldn't even fathom how I had survived off of just memories. I could see everything with so much more clarity. I saw every freckle, every contour of his face, every speck of topaz that blessed his beautiful eyes. I saw everything, and after 26 days of not seeing his face, it was like falling in love all over again.
He wore a similar expression to mine as his eyes studied me. I watched as his eyes glazed over mine, falling to my lips, and trailing down the rest of my body. Disgusted. He must hate the sight of me as a vampire. I was everything that he didn't want me to be, and he was probably listing my new flaws in his head. I closed my eyes, and took a step back.
"Please, Bella!" I opened my eyes, and he was standing closer. His hands were extended in front of him, like he was reaching for me. He took another step, and I became wary. Do it. He's come back. Hug him. Kiss him. Enjoy him. This was what you wanted, I kept telling myself. My body trembled as he took yet another step closer to me. I watched his eyes. He was taking slow, husky breaths, and I couldn't help but inhale the scent of his breath. It was another thing I had been deprived of.
I felt Alice's hand nudge me forward, and I stumbled closer to him. He stared down at me. I watched as he gulped, and raised a shaky hand to my face. I closed my eyes as his now warm hand touched my face. My heart was slowly piecing itself back together at just his touch. I melted into his palm. I remember this feeling. This feeling of perfect being perfectly content. It was the best feeling in the world, and I lived happily with it until .. he left.
I snapped my eyes open, startling him. I grasped his hand, and despite the electricity that coursed through my body, I yanked it away from my face. His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. I wanted to grab him, hold him and assure him that it was okay. I wanted to assure him that I was okay, and we were okay.
But we weren't.
Still aware that the front door was wide open, I took a step on my heel and turned quickly. I moved so quickly out the front door that I wasn't aware I was running until the scenery turned into a vibrant green. I stopped suddenly, collapsing on my knees. I leaned forward, and pressed my cheek to the cold soil of the earth below me as my head swam with thoughts.
He was back. Why had I run? I knew I wanted him. I knew I still loved him. So why did his presence upset me?
He'll leave you again. You're afraid. You don't trust him.
And I dug my claws into the soil as the realization sunk in. I didn't trust Edward.
Edward.
I hadn't moved. I hadn't blinked. I hadn't taken a single breath. I was paralyzed to the spot where I stood. My hand was still raised from where Bella had smacked it away. The feel of her fingers on my skin still tingled. I couldn't think of anything. Except her. My Bella.
Oh, my beautiful Bella. I didn't think it was even possible for her beauty to enhance, but somehow, it had. Every part of her took my breath away, even the frightening crimson eyes that were slowly fading. I had felt a surge of joy knowing that she had stuck to an animal diet, but I didn't expect anything more. Bella wouldn't subject herself to that. Well .. willingly, of course.
But for now, my focus was on other things. I was trying to soak in everything that had just happened. She had been right in front of me. I was so close, and .. she ran. She ran away from me. Just like before she had been bitten. The pain inside of me was building, and I felt myself slowly falling apart. I deserved it though. I deserved every second. And I wouldn't blame Bella at all if changed her mind about me. About us.
Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't see it happening like that.
I glanced at Alice, unaware of the painful grimace on my face. She frowned, and stepped closer. I lowered my arm, feeling defeated. I shook my head, and closed my eyes. Suddenly, I wished I was back at the apartment in London.
Just give her time. She wasn't expecting you to be here. She was excited for Alice's arrival. I didn't look up at Esme, but her words stung. She was excited to see Alice and Jasper, but not me? Things had definitely changed, and I knew it was my fault.
I had destroyed everything.
I really was a monster.
Okay, I read your reviews, and I definitely agreed. I didn't want Bella to fall into his arms, and have them announce their love for eachother. I like the strong Bella I have created as well. So, I hope I did good with this. I wasn't going to do anything hasty, and have her hate him, because obviously, she doesn't. But I do agree that she needed to have some trust issues, so that's exactly what I did. I appreciate the reviews a lot. Tell me what you think! I always consider your input when I write the chapters. Thanks!