THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN BY INSTANT CLASSIC SUPERSTAR PAC.
Rated-R-Enigma A/N: Well, after reading this chapter, I've got to say this is the best chapter of the entire story in my opinion and I'm sure all of you guys will agree. I definitely recommend checking out some of Instant Classic Superstar Pac's stuff, he is one of the greatest writers on this website. So please go on to his profile and check out some of his stuff, you won't regret it. ONTO THE STORY!
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September 26, 2007.
He turned off the DVD player and let out a sigh.
Standing next to his Precor elliptical exercise machine in the pool room of his home, Adam Copeland had just finished watching a certain piece of the WWE's Ladder Match DVD that was released earlier this year. Specifically, he had gotten out the second disc and watched the Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match from WrestleMania X-Seven. The third time he and Jay had beaten Matt and Jeff Hardy along with the Dudleyz, Bubba Ray and Devon, for the World Tag Team Championships at a big stage in a triangle match involving those three weapons. The time Amy had interfered for the Hardys, little Spike Dudley had interfered for Bubba Ray and Devon, and of course Adam and Jay's old friend Terry Gerin, better known as Rhyno, interfered on behalf of the two Canadian winning blondes.
That was one of many classic and timeless matches in Adam's history. There were so many old friends and rivals in that… including two of his best friends and the woman of his dreams… seeing certain moments from that match, including the time Amy jerked him off the ladder and smashed him face first into it, and especially the ingenious victory tactic he and his best buds used to get the title back to the incredible Edge & Christian. It usually lit him up to watch these fantastic three-ways, especially this match in particular. But there was a huge difference between "usually" and "always", and the difference was found in points in his life that were like this.
About a year… no, more accurately, 13 months ago, he was with Amy Dumas. Lita. The woman of his dreams. And between the huge burial attempt underneath the weight of Matt Hardy and friends' vindictive wrath, the sophomoric and tasteless STD jokes that John Cena and Paul "Triple H" Levesque just loved leveling on her, and all the blind bionic sheep that followed all three of them right along in blasting Adam and especially Amy everywhere the duo went, they had overcome everything together in what was then the past 16 months, emblazoning a short legacy for themselves as the R-rated Couple. They were the first to attempt live sex in the middle of a ring on national pro wrestling television. They were the ones who vanquished Matt Hardy from Raw when he was basically hunting their heads and trying to take them to hell. Amy was by his side at New Year's Revolution 2006, when he cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase in the most ingenious moment of all time and in one huge step leap-frogged his way from challenger for the Intercontinental title to new WWE Heavyweight Champion, his first world title reign ever. Ironically, that moment, his greatest success, had been one of the rare nights the fans were totally the lovers' side.
By that 16-month point, August of last year, they'd stuck it to the sheep and their vitriolic "heroes" to the absolute best level they'd ever achieved thus far. Despite the likes of Rob Van Dam and Hunter entering the title picture and John Cena being the usual adrenaline-warrior joke that he was, Adam had won back the WWE Championship and defended it once against Cena in the embarrassment's own damn hometown. Meanwhile, Amy was the Women's Champion, and clearly showing her dominance over pretty much all the new thoroughly untalented bitches that somehow had the nerve to come and stain the WWE. The only ladies worth a damn in the ring other than Amy anymore were Trish Stratus, Mickie James, Lisa Marie "Victoria" Varon, and Melina Perez - and the latter two weren't even getting taken that seriously anymore either.
The best part of Adam and Amy's reign together, though, was not that they were taking over the WWE. Nor was it that at the same time, Jay, who was among the few true friends they knew they still had, had instantly reshaped the world of TNA Wrestling via a four-month reign as the NWA World Heavyweight Champion. Rather, it was the fact that Adam and Amy knew for a fact that they had each other, that they loved one another, that they honestly would never leave each other high and dry even if their lives depended on it. Considering all the horrible treatment that they'd been subjected to at the hands of so many of the fans and their favorites, the fact that they were even able to last so long together, let alone rise above it all to rise to become the first couple since Stephanie and Hunter to reach the Lovers' Pinnacle of WWE, was truly a testament to how much Adam and Amy indeed loved each other.
Both Amy and Adam lost their titles at Unforgiven in Adam's hometown of Toronto, which was also the hometown or the woman who beat Amy, the retiring Trish. He wouldn't be champion again, but he was happier for her sake because she would become Women's Champion one more time… before that night where she was thoroughly humiliated on her way out, before she had to send in to Vince McMahon that letter of resignation which marked the end of her WWE career. That damned letter that he understood all too well that he was the cause of her having to send. That damned letter that he loved her too much to keep her from sending. That damned letter that, effectively, because they couldn't manage the courage to try to wing it long distance, essentially meant goodbye to their relationship. That damned letter that stuck him with the guy they'd made friends with a month earlier to try to end the legend of DX - the Legend Killer himself, Randy Orton.
And then came the beginning of his downward spiral. The second Adam and Randy's championship aspirations got ahead of both of them following the end of DX, their individual goals came before the team. Rated-RKO quickly disbanded and crumbled underneath its own heat. He didn't have Amy anymore. He didn't have his best friends anymore, as at that point Jay and Travis Tomko were both gone to TNA. He didn't even have that little pretty-boy sidekick prick Orton, whose career he picked up from the road to the gutter. He had no one. No reason to smile. No reason to care about anybody or anything but himself and his desire to be a world champion. He even ended up getting destroyed by Jeff Hardy breaking a freaking ladder with some prodding from Matt - at WrestleMania!
So eventually came the week he ran into that fool Kennedy, who was going around barking up how he was gonna cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase at WrestleMania 24 to win the next world title. He had been sick and tired of hearing the loudmouth, so he'd goaded him into putting the briefcase on the line in a match, then beat the holy hell out of him as he was coming out. Like an idiot, Kennedy still wanted to go through with the match, and thus charged his way right into Adam's spear and pin. From there, Adam took a trip to Smackdown, waiting for Undertaker and Batista's cage match to finish before cashing in the briefcase. He didn't expect the extra assist from Mark Henry offering to destroy Taker, who wound up keeping the belt by virtue of a draw, but he took it in stride, savoring the opportunity even more, before cashing in this briefcase and cashing it on the Undertaker in a duplication of his brilliant move from the past to win the World Heavyweight Championship.
While normally he should've been ecstatic that he was now the world champion again, Adam somehow found himself a hell of a lot more withdrawn and protective of the strap rather than joyous of being champion like last time. When he first celebrated it, and pretty much all throughout the entire reign, he usually looked more angry than anything. One could chalk it down due to him understanding the meaning of Champion Equals Target, or of having won enough World Championships that the novelty of it just wore down a bit for him. But this was everything he'd ever worked for, this was the World Championship. This was the stuff of dreams for any wrestler. Yet having it almost never made him smile.
Anyone who's known Adam for a long time could obviously tell why that was. It was because unlike the last couple of times he'd won world titles, he didn't have Amy by his side anymore. The redhead that had supported him through thick and through thin for almost a year, who'd been his inspiration for being the Edge that he was for much longer than even that, who had been there to kiss him and light up his life and bring everything into glorious perspective for him in his previous title reigns, was now gone from wrestling, and gone from his life completely. Every time he thought about being champion reminded him of this, and it almost made him cry. But at the same time, being the best his way was all he ever wanted as a wrestler. So he invested his energies as champion into protecting his spot, in the hopes that it would distract him from and eventually make him forget about Amy. But then, thanks to an attack from that same big red demon who he'd saved her from by loving her whether Matt liked it or not (clearly the answer was not), Adam ended up tearing his pectoral muscle and being forced to relinquish the World Heavyweight Championship.
For two months, he couldn't do anything. He was worthless. He was now collecting dust bunnies, on top of having lost the company of everyone he'd ever cared for except for Jay and Tomko a couple times each month. Of course, Jay called him every week, obviously, of course, but that was usually right after TNA Impact, and mostly to either brag or complain about how the exploits of himself, A.J. Styles, and Tomko had gone as the Christian Coalition. Just last week, in fact, as he was starting to get off his short plane flight to Birmingham for another checkup with Dr. James Andrews, Jay had called him to complain about Samoa Joe and Solofa Fatu Jr., the latter of whom used to be in WWE as Rikishi, stating that the two large Samoans had "combined their collective tribal fat to stand in the way of the Christian Coalition yet again". It had put him in the good spirits which a good night's sleep and a checkup with Dr. Andrews later had inspired him into calling Amy to meet up with her at the bar they usually went to when they were in Atlanta. They had another go-to bar in Adam's adopted hometown of Tampa, Florida. But that wasn't important at the moment. What was important was that finding out Amy was now driven into the arms of some guy in a band that she didn't even love just because he wasn't around was enough to completely crush him and to kill his good spirits. Even she had never called the entire time he was out with injury - it was as if she'd given up on him for a time being. And now he knew that she'd moved on. Away from him. Without him. Because he wasn't there.
For the past five days, this was all doing nothing but eating away at him. He didn't blame her at all, though. To blame her would be to completely destroy any and all chances of ever getting himself back up again. It was when all the hatred that swirled around Amy just because she'd turned to, leaned on and fallen for the blond Canadian had finally become too much for her that everything had started falling apart for Adam. Slowly but certainly, everything that he'd ever strived for, everything that brought a smile to his face, everything he'd had even just thirteen months ago… the friends, the title, the realest woman in the world… all of it was suddenly getting taken away from him. It was virtually all gone. Even Jay, A.J., and Tomko, the only people still there to bother talking to him, were somehow more concerned about being the Christian Coalition than about being his friends - which he couldn't even blame them for, as none of them were even wrestling in the same company as him any more. He seriously almost contemplated retirement from the wrestling business because all this was getting to him. What it mostly came down to was losing Amy. Feeling that he would never have her to hold in his arms, to kiss and fuck passionately, to whisper sweetly back and forth with, to be real with, to laugh and joke with, to smile with, to love… that had become it.
Usually when these retirement contemplations hit him over this time, they always faded from his mind because he was too proud to ever give those haters the ability to say that the Rated-R Superstar, and the Rated-R Couple in itself, couldn't even beat them. But now that there was no more Rated-R Couple, now that the girl who had inspired him virtually his whole WWE career and helped him to be the Rated-R Superstar that won world titles had totally left his life… well, he couldn't help but think it was over. He couldn't help but to shed a tear. He couldn't help but to be hearing that Fuel song "Wasted Time" ringing in his head. How did that song go again? Oh, oh yeah… "Aah, here comes alone again, Cause everything's broken, Everything's vacant, Everything's wasted time again… Sentiments hopeless, Innocence jaded, Everything's wasted time again…" And he could help but to be convinced in his mind, even if only for a second, that he had wrestled his last match in World Wrestling Entertainment as its World Heavyweight Champion in a non-title loss on Smackdown against "the Animal" Dave Batista.
Then suddenly, his cell phone rang to the tune of his entrance theme song, shaking him out of his hopeless reflections. He snapped his head in the direction of the left pocket of his jeans, where he had placed the phone. After taking the phone out of his pocket and opening it, he looked at the caller ID, only to find it say "WWE Friday Night Smackdown".
'Great, so now that idiot Teddy Long finally calls to rub it in on me that I'm hurt! No… wait a second… the idiot took the heart attack I thought for sure God had reserved for me, so it couldn't possibly be him… okay, then who the hell is this!?'
"Damnit!" Adam screamed, angrily pacing over to the wall and kicking it to no effect, before taking a deep breath and answering the phone. "Hello?"
"Oh, hi Adam!" he could hear coming from the other side. He just couldn't believe who from, though, and not for any good reason.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a second… who is this again?" he asked, just to make sure he had the person he thought he had.
"It's me! Vickie Guerrero! After Teddy Long suffered his heart attack during his wedding with Kristal, Vince McMahon has decided to appoint me the new General Manager of Smackdown! So that makes me your new boss now!" the shrill-voiced widow of the late great Eddie announced, totally ringing Adam's ears. "So, it's been two months since you were injured. According to your doctor's note, you should be returning to Smackdown after four months, meaning there's two more months to go…" Way to go, Adam thought as he halfheartedly listened to this. New General Manager and already you've restated the quite gapingly obvious. "…how's that pectoral muscle coming along now? Are you on schedule?"
'So, she was named the new GM after that heart attack, and now she wants to check up on her show's most valuable Superstar. Okay. I can play this game.'
"Well, if you really wanna know, it's been out of a sling for about 20 days now, so I think I might actually be a small bit ahead of schedule," Adam replied. "But obviously, as you know, I'm still in no condition to wrestle again." 'Plus,' he internally added, 'I still have no choice but to hopelessly watch as band geeks named Phil, petty little problems with Samoan wrestlers, and giant meat-headed monkeys who don't belong in the same industry as me, taking away everything I've ever lived for. So if you really want a digest, my life still sucks.'
"I know that all of this must be very hard for you. I mean, you were the World Heavyweight Champion, and now you're just sitting there at home, watching the man who you once vanquished from championship contention living your dream," Vickie sympathetically reminded him, as if he needed any further reminder of either Batista or that big Indian tree who can't even hoist a title in the air upright ever being champion after him. "You're a great asset to Smackdown, and I wanna see if I can help to get you through this."
"If you don't mind me asking, how in the world can you help me?" Adam then asked her, getting extremely skeptical and uneasy about this. She then asked the question that would officially set into motion the events which would later make him wish to death that some attractive actress such as Jennifer Love Hewitt could've been the Smackdown General Manager.
"When and where can I get together with you next week?"
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October 17, 2007.
It's been three weeks since Vickie first called him, and this was basically their third date. That is, if you could call hanging out at a local park, joking all the long way, and hopping around like children even worse than DX would a "date". Fortunately, it wasn't really all bad. So far the conversations had stayed professional, jovial, and/or casual, Adam taking the opportunity to take out some of his frustrations through turning on the ego into overdrive and ribbing pretty much everyone else on Smackdown, most of whom couldn't even light a candle to him in the ring or in life. Plus, thankfully, she'd never hit on him during this time or made advances for any physical contact other than hugs at the beginning and end of these meetings. He still wasn't convinced that she was just here to show that he had a friend in the boss, but this was good enough that he could go along with it and have some fun with it all just long enough to discover what her true purposes were.
"This has been so fun, Adam," Vickie told him as they were not just walking along under the sunlit afternoon Florida sky. "Just relaxing here, together in this park… it really takes a lot of the stress out of everything, doesn't it?"
""Yeah, I'd have to agree," Adam replied, though he couldn't help but wonder if the use of "together" in that statement implied anything or not. "It's actually been really fun. Better than I expected it to be." He was actually part honest about that, though the reason for it had purely to do with him being able to get out and somewhat vent.
"Thanks, Adam," she said, her voice getting a little low as if she was suddenly becoming sky. This, along with the fact that she'd stopped walking, drew his curious gaze and subsequent halt as well, obviously. "Listen… I have something to tell you…"
Now Adam furrowed his brows in suspicion, sensing that whatever was going on was finally about to be revealed. 'Hold on a second, Edgemeister. Here it comes.'
"Adam Copeland…"
'Okay. Speak up. What executive punishment can you level on me that's even capable of putting me down any further than I've already been?'
"…I love you."
"What?" he blurted out in immediate shock. 'She loves me? What the hell is this about?'
"I know, it's so sudden. And I know that I am your boss, and that despite the fun we've been having, you still can't wait to go back to the ring and you probably don't have the time or the patience to deal with me," Vickie started, trying to make this sound like some emotional sudden plea that she couldn't hold back any longer.
'And sucking at that,' Adam noted. 'She could at least learn to talk so she doesn't sound like she's remembering lines.'
"But I remember when I was still Teddy Long's assistant, watching you in your unbelievable reign as the World Heavyweight Champion," she resumed her clearly rehearsed and scripted rambling. "I know you stole the championship from the Undertaker. And I know that you when you beat Dave Batista three times and took him out of contention to your title, that you did it not by domination and pinfalls, but through divine genius. And honestly, I admire you for that. I started looking at you differently from then on. I see a man who is witty, charismatic, funny, who has huge conviction, and who knows exactly what he's doing. I have never been so wowed by a man before, and Adam… Edge… I-I just really wanted to get to know you. And I figured that your life wasn't really that eventful after your injury, and just wanted to be able to do something. That's why I called you that day three weeks ago."
"What about the fact that I'm a Superstar on Smackdown? The very show on which you're the General Manager?" Adam questioned her immediately, just to see how many of her bases she had covered. Not that she knew this, as she was so busy tooting the horn of her "love" for him that she failed to realize he didn't believe it at all.
"That doesn't matter to me, Adam," Vickie continued, barely sounding a little more genuine. Wow, so he might've pinched a nerve. "After these last three weeks, I know that you're the man for me. I may have loved before, but the day you and I first began laughing across the playground like when I was a child, that's when I realized that this was the first time I've ever truly known love. We've had a blast so far, and I don't care if I'm the General Manager on the show you wrestle on. If that makes me loving you wrong, then I don't wanna be right. I'm not asking you to automatically run me off into the sunset and marry me. I'm asking you to just give me a chance."
After listening to her, he couldn't help but to keep staring at her wide-eyed in disbelief. She, his boss, Vickie Guerrero, was actually trying to tell the Rated-R Superstar that she had been reduced to falling in love with him, yet that she still felt she was good enough for him to give her a shot at love. First of all, that story was already outlandish in itself. Secondly, looking into her eyes he couldn't tell if he even saw a single trace of real within those puppy dog eyes, which meant it was painfully obvious that she was just turning on the charms. As if that didn't make things unbelievable enough, amidst all the clichés and I-have-nevers and the horrible vocal speech tone which at least partially sounded like she was making a bad sales pitch, she also made the one mistake which took all credibility away from her confession: she completely forgot to even make a blip about Eddie on this the one subject where she absolutely should've mentioned him.
He seriously felt like putting his hands on her shoulders and saying to her, 'Gosh, Vickie! Your delivery is terrible! Who in the hell is this bad practice for cupid confession supposed to be intended for anyway?' If this was either himself or Jay from the old "reeking of awesomeness" Edge & Christian days, there is no doubt she would've heard that exact question and bawled away with her pride shot. But, he's had enough experience in the WWE to know that putting a boss down coldly, McMahon or otherwise, was never a good idea for one's career. Besides, he owed the hag (believe it or not, she was actually only 5 years his senior despite looking twice his age) some debt of gratitude for getting to go out and do something to take his mind off of Amy if only for awhile.
"Hey… hey Vickie, can I be honest?" he asked to begin his say, having now decided to just throw caution to the wind.
"Yes," she replied, though it sounded more like she was asking him back.
"I can honestly say without a doubt that you are the best thing going on my life right now," Adam continued. That wasn't a lie, but the implication this gave to Vickie, that she had him hooked now, was definitely misleading.
"Oh, Adam," Vickie now started crooning with a huge beaming smile on her face. She was so blatantly and badly playing the lovesick puppy role that he couldn't help but ask himself if she was being so terrible on purpose. 'Oh, well. Too far to turn back now. Maybe some good can be made of this.'
"And you know what? To tell you the truth…" he added, stopping right in his tracks and being caught up in thought. He just realized just exactly what was bound to happen today, and his mind's eye had to get to work quick. 'Okay, so at this point I know what this obviously leads to. But there's no way to kiss that relic without barfing up my lunch. So what to do? Pretend it's Amy? No. That plan only works partway. Imagining someone else in Vickie's place is a good way to stand it all, but thinking of Amy would just hurt too much to bear without breaking down and that kills my legend just the same. So who to imagine here? Hmm…'
"What is it?" the waiting-tested Vickie asked, stirring him out of his thoughts as he sharply turned her way.
"Oh, it's you," he realized. "Sorry, Vickie, but just gimme a sec, okay? I'm trying to figure out just how I'm gonna say this."
"Okay," she gave in, ready to give him all the time in the world. 'Good. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! Who to imagine in Vickie's place so kissing her doesn't result in me binge vomiting… well, the divas all basically either suck, can't stand me, or both, so they're out of the question… the Christian Coalition would kill me if I imagined any of their wives… and it's not like I can call them to suggest any actresses they like… wait a second, that's it! A.J. already has! I remember he once talked about this show called Charmed, about a bunch of witch sisters, and I think I remember the four women that played them. Let's see… oh, just hold on a second.'
"To tell you the truth, I think that, uh…" Adam continued and stopped again, purposely gapping his thoughts for Vickie to know he was still on earth. 'Rose McGowan… no, she'd be more Jay's cup of tea. That Holly chick… sadly, I don't even know enough about her to remember the rest of her name, even though she was pretty good. That leaves only two… Shannen Doherty… whoa, she's perfect! Sorry, Alyssa, but Shannen's more of a go-getter in my opinion. Plus what Vickie's wearing right now is so easy to see Shannen in this whole thing has suddenly become easy. Okay, Adam, you got your target, now picture her there… keep going… okay, come on, mind's eye, get to work… just a little further… perfect! Here it comes.' So now he had fully braced himself to say the following:
"I, I think… that I love you too, Vickie."
"Oh, my god, Adam…" she now swooned once more, before the two slowly embraced and then locked lips in a kiss which to Adam seemed like it was taking an eternity. Fortunately for Adam, his secret mental image of Shannen Doherty in every facet of Vickie's place was still vivid, fresh, and strong, so he could get into it convincingly enough without turning bulimic. Once they severed the connection, Vickie smiled at Adam, which he reciprocated for face value.
"Check this out," Vickie then said, before bending down and picking up a large pebble.
"What are you doing with this?" he asked, curious as to what crazy idea she had in store for him now.
"Just watch," Vickie replied as she started using the pebble to draw a heart shape onto the large wooden pole they were standing next to at the moment. She then drew an 'E' for 'Edge', a '+' sign under the 'E', and a 'V' for 'Vickie' underneath that, from top to bottom inside the heart, before turning to him and smiling at her handiwork.
"Is that for us?" he then asked, to which she unsurprisingly answered with a beaming yes.
"Do you like it?" she replied beamingly with a question of her own as if seeking approval.
"Uh, yeah. I think it's awesome," he replied, to which the two were once again grinning from ear to ear. His grin was totally face value, though, and he was sure the same was true of hers as well.
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October 22, 2007
Adam was seated on a sofa in his home, patiently waiting for something to happen… specifically, for a certain trio of gentlemen to come by. They had agreed to meet him inside today at 5:00 in the afternoon for their second of two monthly visits to his home, yet at this point it was 5:13 and still no sign of them showing up. Just a couple minutes ago, he started asking himself mentally, 'When the hell are these guys gonna show up?'
And just at this point, he heard what sounded like an engine pulling out. 'Finally,' was the word that went through his head as he got up off the sofa and headed towards the door. Surely enough, out front, there was a black Porsche Cayman S, and its engine had just been turned off just a few seconds after he got out. Once he was about ten feet away, the driver's door opened, followed closely by the front passenger's s door and the back right door. Of course, the driver was Jay, the front passenger was Allen Jones (who they just called A.J., which especially went in hand with his TNA Wrestling ring name of A.J. Styles), and of course, the big tattooed and bearded "problem solver" who Adam and Jay had been hanging around for over three and a half years, Travis Tomko.
"Hey, Classic, what's shakin?" Adam greeted his best pal as they exchange a handshake and shoulder bump.
"Victory," Jay stated. Adam knew what he was talking about, too: between A.J. and Tomko having been presented with their newly-won TNA World Tag Team Championship belts and Jay beating one of his top rivals to come one giant step closer to number one contender for the TNA World Heavyweight title, one could say that last Thursday's Impact episode boded very well for Christian's Coalition.
"So, A.J. and Tomko. You guys are now the TNA World Tag Team Champions," Adam noted, which was painfully obvious especially as A.J. and Tomko both sported their championship belts on their shoulders even here. "Congratulations, guys. You really earned it."
"Thanks, man! That means a lot," A.J. responded giddily.
"A.J., calm down," Tomko chastised him for what seemed to be the millionth time before turning to Adam. "Anyway, that's right, man. We're so honored to be hearing that from ya."
"Hey, it's the truth. But guys, this is not what I called you over to talk about, so if you guys would follow me inside." Adam offered as he turned in the direction of his door, "we could get started."
"Yeah, sure thing," Jay stated, putting a hand on Adam's shoulder as the fearsome foursome made their way towards the front door of the home of Adam Copeland.
Less than a minute, once all of them were comfortably seated in what Adam appropriately calls the "sitting room, he began to explain himself. He didn't have to retrace the steps of the last four weeks too much, since he'd already indulged Jay with the details as they happened over the phone over this time, and he had no doubts that his childhood friend had told A.J. and Tomko at least something about the situation. After all, there was no way the Instant Classic could keep this from his two sidekicks, seeing as how ten days ago, he'd made a remark to Adam over the phone about letting himself be romantically strung along by the General Manager, only to be rebuffed with clear indignation and disgust at even the thought of romancing the Vickie, right within direct earshot of an apparently widely-grinning Tomko.
"Well, guys, I'm sure you know about the whole situation between me and the Smackdown General Manager," Adam started, taking a short pause to look at the nodding A.J. and Tomko. "So, uh, let me just get this out of the way. You see, uh, Vickie… has successfully charmed her way into becoming my girlfriend."
"What?" Tomko nearly shouted in disbelief as A.J. couldn't resist snorting in hysterical laughter at what he'd just heard.
"She came on to you when you had your guard down, didn't she?" Jay guessed in question form, being the only one of the three who managed to keep a level head about this. Adam, appreciative of Jay's solidarity, nodded. "How's Amy gonna take this?"
"Don't even remind me about what Amy would think right now. I'm still throwing up from everything that's happened this past month as we speak," Adam sternly remarked, his voice suddenly becoming more serious to reflect the situation.
"Edge, Christian, what are you guys talkin' about? Amy? Who's she? Somebody you guys used to know, or-"
"You're a real idiot, man. it's Lita! Remember?" Tomko answered A.J., condescendingly interrupting his inquiry.
"Oh… oh yeah," A.J. slowly remembered. "But hey, I was actually thinkin', and I just realized somethin'. Edge, are you sayin' that you're with the General Manager now?"
"Uh, yeah. Though I can tell you right now it's a move that I've already started to totally regret. Yeah," Adam replied somewhat self-scathingly.
"You can actually take serious advantage o' this! This is perfect!" A.J. shouted out, totally unexpectedly.
"Yeah, perfect to ruin his chances at ever having a moment of peace! I mean, what the hell is this!? How does the great Adam 'Edge' Copeland go from somebody who's totally hot in so many ways, only one of which is her looks, to some fat banshee? She looks like Queen Sindel from Mortal Kombat would look if she'd lost her powers, became a lazy bum, invested in some fat-giving pills, dyed her hair brown, and got her face flattened about 500 times a day for three years straight! How the hell does anybody kiss that relic anymore without either seeing Shannen Doherty in her place or throwing up right in the middle of it and suffering a severe case of food poisoning!?"
"Check!" Adam exclaimed between exaggerated coughs, raising his right arm with the index finger out. A.J. started laughing, until he noticed that Adam had retained his position a few seconds later, and it slowly dawned on him.
"Wait… you're serious?" A.J. realized aloud, still not completely believing it.
"About what?" Adam asked back, finally letting his stance go.
"You mean to tell me, that you seriously, kissed the GM, and you had to visualize Shannen Doherty in her place in order to do it?" A.J. asked again, as if he still needed to process it.
"Yes, now will you quit repeating it like a broken record?" Adam demanded, now losing his patience with the hyperactive knucklehead super-athlete from Gainesville. But that didn't help, in fact it only made things worse. A.J. had fallen into such a hysterical laughter about it all that he completely forgot the reason why he'd first said that this new development was perfect.
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October 24, 2007
Awaiting Vickie's presence outside a restaurant, Adam stood up and checked his watch, deducing that his new "girlfriend" of sorts was late, which allowed him to think back a little bit on why exactly he was here in the first place.
He'd actually gotten the idea from Jay's Coalition, when they visited him a couple of days ago. He remembered that it all started when Jay made a wisecrack that he would've had to visualize Shannen Doherty in Vickie's place in order to even tolerate being with her or kissing her without regurgitating three weeks' worth of food. Okay, so that wasn't exactly Jay's joke, but it sounded cool.
Anyway, the visit soured a bit from there as far as Adam (and probably only Adam) was concerned, as right after inadvertently confirming that Jay's joke was actually truth, he was subjected to what seemed like endless hours of jokes and ribs being made at his expense for a time. Once he'd gotten tired of it enough that he was gonna kick the Christian Coalition out of his home, something else seemed to have dawned on Jay, which he went on to tell Adam in very little time: the one really good thing about this arrangement was Vickie was the Smackdown General Manager. And she wasn't exactly one of the most virtuous managers there ever was. So obviously, she would happily, willingly, grant Adam what practically amounted to a free ride, provided he could get back in the ring and simply be Edge upon his return, to the World Heavyweight Championship.
Right after Jay finished his thoughts, A,J, had vocally realized that this was what he'd been talking about when he previously called Adam and Vickie's new relationship "perfect". It wasn't until that point that the cocky Canadian realized that Jay, A.J., and Tomko had understood his predicament, even better than he'd originally thought they would. And he agreed with them with every fiber of his being on the conclusion that the only reward that would make things right, the only redemption token that would amount to anything out of this train wreck that his romantic life had become, would be if he could and did leapfrog Dave Batista and the Undertaker for the World Heavyweight title.
And so, finally, as if on cue, at the end of his road of thoughts, Adam was suddenly stirred by the sound of his current "girlfriend" calling his name and approaching him.
"Sorry I was late, baby, but I just had to check in with my nanny and make sure my daughters were taken care of-"
"Relax, honey, okay? It's okay," Adam calmed her down, with arms on her shoulders. He noticed that she was dressed in a beautiful little black dress which would've made Shannen Doherty, or better yet, Amy, look like a total goddess. Immediately remembering what a lifesaver the Shannen imagery idea truly was, he took it in full stride.
"I took the liberty to actually go inside and have our table served in advance before you got here, seeing as how I had ample time on my hands," Adam told Vickie charmingly as he took her hand and led her inside through the double doors of the diner, then through the halls and the tables in order to get to a table with two filled plates opposite one another near the table. He even did the whole gentlemanly thing of taking the chair out for her to sit down before taking a seat himself, all of which caused Vickie to swoon over him even more.
"Vickie, what you told me about a minute ago- it just got me started thinking for a second. Shaul's birthday was some ten days ago, wasn't it?" he actually inquired, trying to start conversation more than anything else.
"Oh, yeah! I almost forgot to tell you that she'd already hard some things and started asking about you," Vickie replied pleasantly, only to find this whole thing interrupted by the "esteemed presence" of a waiter arriving over them to present his handiwork.
"As you can see, everything is on both your plates just the same as you specified, Mr, uh… Copeland?" the waiter stalled, struggling for a way to address the Rated-R Superstar which wouldn't anger him by endangering any secret affair that may or may not be going on here.
"Just call me Damon Hardcastle," Adam said irritably, as he was none too impressed with this fumbling man.
"Oh! Sorry," the waiter apologized in shame, complete with a sheepish grin disgracing his features. Adam felt like slapping him in the face right there for being such an idiot, but he would have to hold back for the lady in front of him. And if he couldn't imagine it was Shannen Doherty's face and body in front of him rather than Vickie's own, he probably wouldn't see a lady in front of him to hold back for.
"Okay, well you know what? I say thank you," Adam replied, the words coming as a surprise to himself even with the jilted tone they took. "Thank you for actually getting it right the first time instead of making me have to go over things with you 59 thousand times for hours on end like some other restaurants I've been to. Now, if you would please step out of my face so that I could enjoy this dinner and conversation with my date tonight, it would be greatly appreciated! Got it?" Turning on the asshole was so easy, and fun. Even easier and even more fun was seeing the unfortunate idiotic victim quivering and nodding in forced agreement despite Adam not even having a gun on his person, let alone forcing it to the guy's head. "Good!"
And predictably, the waiter backed away and scurried on along to the next table to the prodding of Adam's hand waving him off.
As Adam and Vickie first enjoyed their meal, interjecting comments and playing off one another here and there, then continued their conversation about issues such as her daughter's seventeenth birthday, leading Vickie and Adam to reminisce about their own seventeenth birthdays as well as how each other's lives were going at the time, and even went on to discuss happenings on Raw and TNA surrounding two former tag team championship partners of Adam (Randy Orton and Jay), the conversation eventually shifted to where one thought it would go.
"Speaking of championships, Adam, I know for a fact that you would absolutely love to be a World Heavyweight Champion again," Vickie stated, extending a quick segue to Adam.
"Oh- hey! Lucky me; I was actually gonna wait ten more minutes before I got to that," Adam replied wittily without fail.
"Well, I have nothing else to talk about right now, unless you wanna talk about Christian's Coalition for ten more minutes," Vickie pointed out.
"Fair enough," Adam conceded, while internally realizing that said Coalition she just mock-segued to was absolutely correct about her. "But wait a second, hold on. What are you saying? Do you already have some kind of a plan cooked up or something?"
"Well… actually… yeah. I do," Vickie replied. "But I don't wanna tell you here. I want to discuss this plan for a championship somewhere more… private."
"Ah, so you're going for the Cruel Intentions bribery effect to try to feel like you're in control a little bit, huh?" Adam coyly guessed, playing right along with her.
"Well, there's that, and there's also the fact that I don't want the details to get spoiled by some creepy night-stalking Undertaker lover hiding out in here," Vickie stated, that answer clearly reminding Adam that if there was one positive to having Vickie around, it was that she was no fool. Innocence and naiveté about this relationship were nowhere on Vickie Guerrero's person. She knew exactly what she was getting into, what she was doing, and it seemed here as if all along, she had just wanted to be part of a scandalous love affair that spat in the world's face with incomparable indecency and nepotism. This only made things work out better in his favor in terms of getting the title, plus she wouldn't bother trying to catch if someone else was running through the processes of his brain as he looked at her. This could actually go somewhat swimmingly. Except for the private moments where he would find himself wishing Amy had been the General Manager of Smackdown. Those reveries never took it easy on his heart.
But he shook off that notion as soon as it crept in, taking a box out of a pocket in his suit coat that had actually been bulging, and showed her a beautiful 18-karat golden necklace which sent her marking out.
"Oh, my, god! You actually bought this for me!?" Vickie cried out, clearly not even trying to hide the fact that she was uncontrollably swooning right now.
"Yep. Cost me a pretty penny, too, but it was all worth it," Adam answered, buttering her up as he got up and walked around the table to get behind her.
"Oh, Adam…" she dazed off, as if swimming in a deep blue sea of reverie about his love - 'Wait a second, though, I thought she wasn't naïve about this!' - as Adam shrugged off whatever worries he may have had about this and opened the necklace up wide so as to fit it around and down her head so that it landed on her almost bare shoulders and barely fully covered chest. Vickie then turned around and looked above and behind her, to which both she and Adam grinned (though by now he had already turned on his mental image of Shannen in her place) and not too long after fell into what Jerry "the King of Telemarketer Turncoats" Lawler would probably take to calling a two-tongued tango.
CHAPTER 34
R-R-E A/N: TO ALL PEOPLE READING (even the one's who subscribe, alert and favourite this story but never ever review) REVIEW THIS CHAPTER!