*Author's Note: Okay, I'll stop these notes soon. Yes, the chapter name is a spin-off of the Avenue Q song. No, sadly, I don't own that either.

I tapped the door lightly, waiting for an answer. A moment later, Columbia's head peeked out, staring at me.

"How old are you, kid?"

"Just turned eighteen," I replied. Erica took me to see the movie as part of her grandiose birthday gift to me. On the actual day, last Tuesday, she gave me the black messenger bag with the props already inside of it. She attached a card which read "Crawling somewhere on the planet's face, / A virgin named Kaydence who deserves a taste… of forbidden fruit!" I smiled, remembering how I almost suffocated Erica after figuring out what all of it meant, hugging her to death.

"Good, then," Columbia replied, cutting my thoughts off, "'cause otherwise I don't know if I'd let you in."

"Why? Are you watching some adult version of Sleeping Beauty?" I teased, taking note of her Mickey Mouse ears.

Columbia smiled devilishly, opening the door wide open, gesturing for me to come in. "As a matter of fact, yes," she said as I walked into her room. "Only this time, the princess is awoken by the evil queen – or maybe king? – pretending to be the handsome prince. And, trust me, he knows how to break the spell."

"What's the spell?"

"Purity."

She pointed to the small television against the wall, and I heard Frank utter a cross "Nothing. Why, do you think I should?" I walked slowly towards it, standing between it and the couch sprawled in the middle of the room. I stared. A horrified and somewhat confused Janet hid behind Frank's towering body.

Oh dear.

I sat down on the couch, my eyes never leaving the screen.

"Promise you won't ell Brad?" she could hear the crackling speakers pick up Janet's voice. Frank leaned further in on his prey.

"Cross my heart and hope to die…"

As the two chuckled, I caught myself exclaim, "Holy freaking cow!"

"Oh, come on," Columbia whined, "they haven't even started yet!" I just shut my eyes.

They flew open a moment later when I heard the door burst open. Magenta stood in the doorway, carrying a bowl of popcorn. She looked at Columbia, then at me, then back at Columbia. I stared back at her, then at Columbia, then back at her. Columbia's gaze jumped between Magenta and me. Silence filled the room. The only audible noise was the occasional moaning and squealing from the television speakers.

Columbia leaned toward me, not taking her eyes off of Magenta. "If I was you," she rasped, "I'd get out of Mag's seat."

I slid forward slowly, my butt hitting the floor hard. We all continued staring at each other.

"Magenta broke the silence. "Who iz zees?" A threatening finger pointed to me. "And vhat is she doing here?"

Columbia's mouth dropped. "Um… this, here," she started, extending her arm to me, "is Kaydence. She's spending the night here, with me. Her escort ditched her at the last minute, so she's stranded here." I turned to Columbia, slightly raising an eyebrow. She looked at me, smiling and nodding urgently. I already received the message.

I turned back to Magenta. "Yeah... yes, he did. He did leave me here. Columbia was nice enough to give me the room across the hall," I echoed confidently.

"You poor thing. That is no matter." Magenta smiled. "We'll fix you right up. You'll be better in no time at all… Kaydence, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She chuckled. "Oh, no need to be formal with me, sweetheart." She entered the room and plopped down in the seat I once occupied. Columbia stole a handful of popcorn out of her bowl and popped a few pieces into her mouth. Magenta tapped my shoulder and tilted the bowl toward me, silently offering. I took a few pieces. I looked back at the television.

"Where's Frank?" I asked.

Columbia gasped. "Oh!" she squeaked. "He must've moved onto the next room already!" She jumped up and ran to the television, quickly hitting a button that changed the channel. Brad's bed came onto the screen, as well as a brilliantly disguised Frank (as Janet) running into the room, freaking out over how "they" were going to destroy the couple. She cracked up as she fell back onto the couch. "It's so funny! That's exactly what she sounds like!" She howled with amusement. Magenta joined in, though not quite as rowdy. I tittered myself, though I was laughing more at Columbia than with her.

"Well, all right, but you have to promise to not tell Janet," Brad said.

"On my mother's gra-…"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Frank!" I hollered at the television, sending me and my two new friends into a rage of giddy laughter.