Chapter 10

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Sam, oblivious to the directions his thoughts were taking, continued thinking out loud. "...can't figure out is how you got it. I mean..." She blushed. "We've never..."

"Well, not never, Carter."

"Okay, but the Broca thing happened two years ago, Sir." She paused, then tilted her head at him, offering a shy smile. "I'm, um, pretty sure I'd remember if we'd ever done anything else...Jack."

Jack just stared at her, stunned. ...Pretty sure I'd remember...remember.... He counted backward from their last mission departure date, then closed his eyes, letting out a loud groan. Yep. Uh oh.

"Sir?" Sam half-rose, her hand going quickly to his cheek. She bent low over him, her expression frightened. "Are you okay? Jack?"

Jack shook his head. Damn it. I should have known something like this would come back to bite me in the ass. He looked into Sam's eyes and immediately knew he had to tell her. He knew he was scaring the crap out of her. "Carter...Sam. I'm okay. Just..." He took a deep breath. "I, um, think I know how I got it. From you, I mean." He watched as Sam blew out a breath, her eyes still warily searching his face. "Really. Sit for a second, okay?"

Keeping his voice low, Jack began. "Remember the loop? The time thingy? We were in there for what? Three months? Well...what would happen if...if you got sick, or something...would it just...reset each time the loop did?"

Sam sat back, her face a study in concentration as she tried to puzzle it out. "I...I guess so. I guess, well, everything resets, doesn't it? I mean, for us, we went to bed one day, woke up the next, worked...over and over. But, when we fixed it, then...wham...to the rest of the galaxy it was three months later, but for us, it was just...another day later. Right?"

"Jeez, Carter, you're asking me?" He offered her a lopsided grin, then cautiously took her hand in his. He was getting to the tricky part. "Anyway, remember after...when we were having breakfast and..." Oh, this was harder than he'd expected.

"When Daniel asked...oh! And you...you got this funny look and..." Sam thumped backward into her chair, her hand suddenly limp in his. "You didn't."

Grinning at her sheepishly, Jack just nodded. "I did."

"Where?"

"Lips."

"Jack."

"Control room." When her eyebrows shot up he hastily added, barely remembering to keep his voice low, "I resigned first!"

"Oh, so that makes it okay?"

"It was better than okay!" Jack realized he sounded defensive, then figured he might as well spill it all. "I didn't...well, it took me about five or so loops to realize that I had this...opportunity...if you will. So, I...um..."

"Where else?" Sam's eyes were intent on his, her gaze narrow and sharp. She didn't look angry, exactly, just...calculating.

"Hmm? Oh. Um. You lab. My office. Um...Daniel's office. The locker room." He grinned at that particular memory, reliving another time in the locker room that they both remembered.

Sam's voice, though still quiet was dry as she asked him, "Anywhere else?"

Jack shrugged. "Well, yeah. Once I realized...I mean, c'mon, Carter..., er, Sam. Three months! Three months! That's ninety-days, give or take, after I figured out that...well..." Carefully watching her, he finally asked, "Are you...mad...Sam?"

"It was only...lips? Nothing more?"

"Nothing more. I swear. I...anything more seemed wrong, Sam. Like I was...taking advantage. Er, well, more than I already was, I mean."

Sam sat quietly for a long moment, her fingers once again idly playing with his. While he was confessing she'd been remembering. Mixed with her delirious memories during their recent illness were flashes of conversation. Half-remembered words flitting in and out in a parade of images. Now, with his admission, more images were added. More feelings. More...

Worried now by her continued silence, Jack lowered the bed and rolled onto his side, pulling Sam's hand closer. He tentatively reached out and touched her cheek. "Sam? I'm so sorry, I­–"

"I'm not mad," she whispered. "I'm...sad, I think."

"Sad?" Jack was puzzled.

"I..." She glanced down at their intertwined fingers, then closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. "I guess..." She took a deep breath and, drawing on her incomplete memories of their time on P7C-726, plunged ahead. "It's just so hard. You know? We can't talk about this...we can't do...what we want to do. Or, at least, what I want to do.... And now.... I'm sad that I don't remember. I can't even remember what you said to me when we were sick. I know...I mean, I think I know that you said...that you...."

Jack tugged her closer, until his forehead was touching hers. He nodded, confirming her unfinished sentence, then lifted his head slightly to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I know."

Sam leaned back and looked into his eyes. "See? You remember that too." Another image flashed across her brain and her eyes widened. "Yellow shirt? Black beanie?"

Grinning, Jack leaned in and dropped a kiss on her nose. "You do remember!"

With a soft sigh, Sam shook her head. "No, not really. I have had...flashes...dreams, but...I thought..." Now a blush quickly rose up her neck and face. "Never mind."

Deciding not to push his luck, Jack held back his instinctive reaction to tease her about her dreams. "What about P...wherever we just were? Do you remember anything else from there?"

"Some. I...remember being really tired. Then when we stopped and...oh, God. I said something to you...and Teal'c and Daniel were there too, weren't they? Something about...snuggling?" Sam slipped her fingers free of his and buried her face in both of her hands. "Oh...please tell me that's from a dream."

"It is, but not one of yours." Now Jack couldn't fight the grin that ran across his lips.

"Colonel..." She glared at him briefly and then covered her face again, whispering, "Jack..."

"Okay, I'm sorry." He reached out and pulled her hands away from her face. "Sam. Sam, look at me." She slowly opened her eyes and lifted them to his. He hated seeing her like this, so... unsettled... uncomfortable. He hated that she couldn't remember the things he did. What they had shared, so briefly while he was looping. Mostly, though, he hated that he couldn't show her, again, how he felt. That they had to...put off...what they felt. "You were sick, and Daniel and T won't think anything of it. It'll be okay." He waited for her nod before he continued. "And...I know we don't talk about...the other...because, well, because."

"Because we...can't." Sam's eyes were still on his, wide and blue and incredibly beautiful. "I know."

"It's not because I don't feel...that I don't want...."

"I know," she said again, and this time she dropped her gaze away. After a minute she met his gaze again. "You know that we really crossed that line a long time ago, though, don't you?"

"Um...no. I'm pretty sure I'd have remembered that, Carter."

"No...yes. I mean..." Sam blew out a breath. "The whole reason for that regulation is to prevent personnel from forming close, personal...intimate...relationships." She shrugged helplessly, offering her hands in a sort of 'oh well' movement. "Oops. I'm pretty sure we broke that particular rule about three and a half years ago, aren't you?"

She watched as he thought it through and then looked closely at her. "Are you saying that since we've already broken the rules..." He didn't finish his thought, but Sam could see he was troubled by that line of reasoning.

"No. I'm not saying that at all. What I'm saying is that...we don't have to have had sex to have crossed the line between the professional and the personal. It's not about the sex. At least for me." A tiny smirk crossed his lips and Sam had no doubt as to what had just crossed his mind. She leaned close and whispered, "Oh, don't get me wrong, Jack O'Neill. That part would be nice too." Her voice dropped and her eyes fell to his lips. "Very nice. But, in one way I'm glad we haven't," she said returning her gaze to his, clearly struggling to articulate something important. "I'm trying to figure out how to say it. It's not just that. The sex. With me. For you. It's...all of it. And...even though we've pretty much killed that regulation, it's important to me that we don't...that we keep...not until...." She shook her head, clearly frustrated. "I'm sorry, this probably doesn't make much sense to you, does it?

Reaching out he pulled her hands close, pausing to press a kiss to her knuckles. "Shh, Sam. I get it. I know." He met her gaze. "You're right. We have...I mean...yes. You're right. And...I agree. About the other." Jack held her hands close to his chest, thinking. Finally he said, "I should have taken steps to remove you from my direct chain of command years ago. But, I guess I'm selfish. I...damn it, Sam, all other things aside, I really like you. You know? I like working with Major-Doctor Sam Carter. Again, all other things aside," Jack squeezed her hand for emphasis, "you're really the best Second with whom I've ever worked, and a damned good friend. I didn't want to lose that. To change that. I told myself that was enough...for now. That the...other things...I wanted, that I hoped you wanted too, could wait."

"But, that said..." Jack shrugged. "I know you don't remember, but I want you to have something...us to have...this." He took a deep breath. "We...we have to keep this," he gestured between them. "To ourselves. We both know that. But...Sam...I meant it, you know. What I said that night. In the tent. After you woke me up. I love you."

Sam sucked in a breath and tightened her fingers on his. She blinked back tears, her blue eyes wide with surprise. He looked away for a moment, to make absolutely certain the observation deck and cameras were blocked by the curtains. Satisfied, he gave her a tug, turning his body at the same time and quickly pulling her toward him. His move caught her off balance and she ended up with most of her upper body sprawled across his chest. "And I know what you're saying. About it being more than just the physical. It's always been more than that for me. I really do...love you."

"I...me too."

He felt her whispered comment as much as heard it and he smiled. A rare, wide-open smile that was echoed by the woman lying across him. Very slowly he raised his head, his eyes on her lips. "But...there's something to be said for the physical too. And this," he whispered, "is for both of us. So we both remember." Gently at first, then more firmly as he felt her respond, Jack rested his lips against hers, offering her his heart.

His pulse soared as she tentatively opened her mouth and he felt the faintest brush of her tongue sweep across his lips. With a muffled moan he released her hands to slide one to the back of her neck and up through her hair, the other moving around her back pulling her more firmly against him. He felt Sam's hands slide up his face and he fought down another moan at the sensation of her fingers in his hair. Her lips were soft under his. Pliant. Warm. And oh, so tender. Together they explored, tasting and nipping until the need for air finally forced them apart.

Sam let out a long breath and laid her head down on his chest. Jack automatically wrapped his arms around her, caressing her soothingly as they both caught their breath. He could feel her heart fluttering against his chest and knew that his own was beating in kind. After a long moment he smoothed his hand down her back and supported her as she pushed herself upright, sliding back into her chair. Reluctant to break their connection, he kept her hand in his, waiting for her to regain her composure. When she met his gaze again he simply tilted his head, silently asking if she was okay.

She answered with a warm, loving smile of her own. She chanced a glance over her shoulder and brought his hand to her lips for a quick kiss, then released his hand with a final squeeze. "Very nice," she said, a sparkle in her eye as she repeated her earlier comment.

While Jack missed feeling her hand in his, he knew she needed that space between them. He knew he did. That once again she was helping him with those boundaries he had a hard time maintaining. He was grateful that for just a moment she had been willing to blur the lines, to forget. Just as he was grateful now that she firmed them up again. They took turns keeping things even between them, and right now, it was her turn. "Think you'll remember that one, Carter?"

"I do."

"Hmmm. I like when you say that." This time his voice was serious, his brown eyes intent on hers.

"Sir."

"In time, Sam. In time." He brushed a hand across her forehead, smoothing back her tousled hair, the gesture quickly becoming a caress.

Sam smiled at him again, nodding as she acknowledged what he said. What he'd promised. Satisfied that he'd understood what she was trying to say, she yawned and pushed herself upright. "I think it's time for a nap." She flashed him another wide smile and turned, making her slow way back to her own bed. As she left, Jack couldn't suppress the small chuckle at the sight of her...interesting...attire.

"Sir?" Sam looked over at him as she crawled back under her covers.

"Nice boxers, Major. How are you going to explain them to Hammond?

Sam blushed and grinned at him again. "Oh, I'm not worried, Colonel. I figure you're gonna have a tougher time than I am."

"Whaddya mean?"

Sliding down into the bed, Sam folded her hands behind her head and looked over at him, a hint of mischief lighting her eyes. "Well, Sir? First there's the whole 'how did we both manage to get a disease spread only through...close...contact."

Jack shrugged, shifting to mirror her pose. "I'm not worried. I can tell Hammond privately about the, ah...looping."

"Then there's the question of my underwear."

"You have a problem with my boxers, Carter?"

"No, Colonel. But I'll bet Hammond's gonna want to know how, A, I got into yours, and B, what happened to what I was originally wearing?"

Jack's good humor faded as he watched her close her eyes, a soft smile still on her lips. She, as was usually the case, was correct. He had a feeling Hammond wasn't going to be satisfied with a simple "I was really, really sick," this time. Maybe he could convince this new doc to put him into a coma. Just for a little while.

Maybe until Cassie graduated from college.

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End...save for the epilogue.

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