I am so sorry this took way longer than expected to get out. I was sick, then my kids were sick, then drama, then Easter, you know how it goes. But here it is, hope it meets your expectations.
No lemons, sorry, but a lot of guy time with Edward, Emmett (my personal fav) and Jasper. Even a little bit of Rose in there! Please review, I love reviews, every writer does, but I wll keep on with the story no matter what. Maybe I shouldn't say that, maybe I should say no reviews = no story! LOL I love you all. Still looking for a beta! PM me if you want to know the songs I have been listening to for this ch and probably at least the next one too.
Things I own: sleeping pills that make me have crazy vivid dreams every damn night, bat wing earrings, a promise ring from my husband when we were dating. Yes a promise ring, not an engagment ring, thats just the kind of guy he is, and the new Fray album on ITunes! I do not own any part of the twilight saga (hate that name!) but give me ten minutes with Emmett and I would own him! wink wink ;)
Choose wisely ch 7
BPOV
After he dropped me off to get my truck and I drove home, I went straight to my room to think.
What was I going to do about Edward? How was I going to handle this entire ugly, messy situation? It was one of those times when you want to run to mommy or daddy and have them tell you how to fix everything but I definitely couldn't go to them.
I was sitting on my bed but I couldn't sit still. I kept crossing and uncrossing my legs, pulling my knees up to my chest, and eventually I got up and began pacing my room. After quite a while of this my cell phone rang.
I stopped, about five feet away from the desk that my cell phone sat on. I stared at it, knowing it was Jacob, not sure what to do. I knew that if I didn't answer he would try one more time before calling the house phone and talking to Charlie. And since Charlie loves Jacob so much, he would of course tell him I was home and call for me to pick up the phone. Then Jacob would wonder why I wasn't answering my cell. I thought all of this before the third ring of my phone. I decided to answer it, acting normal, well as normal as possible.
"Hey Jacob, how was school?" I answered, hoping I was pulling this off.
"School was all right I guess. People aren't joking when they say sophomore year is a lot harder than freshman year. So I'll be there in about 20 minutes?" He asked.
"Of course" was all I responded. Jacob always came over, or sometimes I went to his house, but there were very few days we didn't see each other since I moved to Forks.
We said bye and when he said "I love you Bells" my heart sank in my chest. I do love him, I really truly do, but I knew I was going to end up hurting him. No matter what, even if Edward and I turned up to be nothing, I knew something inside me had changed and once I figured that out I would have to tell him.
I went to the bathroom to take a minute and make sure I am presentable. My hair was a little messy so I ran a brush through it, brushed my teeth and noticed a stain on my shirt. I went back to my room and changed out of the white t-shirt and grey long sleeve and put on a light purple short sleeve v-neck shirt that Jacob had noted he enjoyed seeing me in once before. Then I remembered last night. Oh My Goodness, how could I forget about last night? Jacob and I had gone so far past our line, and I was suddenly very scared.
Would he expect that to be a regular thing? I hope not. But I knew kissing was inevitable. This entire situation is stressful. I needed to figure out how to act normal. No that isn't right; I needed to be normal, to be normal Bella, just to be myself again. It had only been not even two days but I felt like I didn't even know myself anymore. But I also knew I would figure it out eventually… I hoped.
I did one more check in the mirror and went downstairs to wait for Jake and talk to Charlie some. He always kept to himself, rarely brought up any conversation that wasn't about dinner or Jake, but I knew he wanted me and him to talk sometimes and I tried to remember that.
I sat in the chair I always sit in. Our tiny table in the kitchen was very homey, and older than me by many years.
"How was work today Dad?" I started the conversation off gentle; it's easier for him that way.
"Oh you know speeding tickets, cars getting keyed in the parking lot, oh but there was one exciting thing… over at Newton's Olympic Outfitters there was an attempted break in. Karen thinks it was just some kids but I wasn't going to just ignore it. I even got to use the fingerprinting kit; it has been so long since I have gotten that out." He told me with almost excitement in his voice. Charlie loved being in law enforcement.
"Wow dad, sounds like a big day." I chuckled inside at what my dad considers a good day.
"How 'bout you Bells? How was school? You making friends?"
"Yeah actually I have sort made friends with Alice and Edward Cullen" I told him without really thinking about it. I just didn't want him to worry about me if I wasn't making friends so I blurted out the first people I thought of that I have interacted with on any level more than 'hey aren't you the new girl?'
"The Cullens huh? Well I suppose you could do worse. They have never caused any trouble round here which is good. But they seem a little too serious. Especially Edward, always with that girlfriend of his, if I didn't know better I would have thought they were already married." He offered his opinion about Edward, an opinion that made me feel sad and guilty.
Saved by the bell… well the knock. Jacob was here and he knocked out of courtesy but he always walked in without waiting for an answer.
All of a sudden, in that instant I was scared, terrified. I didn't know how to talk to him, how to act around him, how to even be me around Jacob anymore. Edward had changed everything, all the way down to my home life. I was freaking out; I think I was even starting to hyperventilate. Charlie must have noticed because he shot me an odd look before greeting Jacob.
"Hey Charlie, hows is going?" Jake replied.
Then he looked at me with such love. I felt sick to my stomach I knew there was no way in hell I could talk to him about it, I couldn't hurt him, and so I didn't know what to do.
"Hey Bells, I missed you" and he kissed my check. I pulled in a large breath and decided to just be normal tonight, well as normal as possible.
"I missed you too. You made good time getting here." I offered a comforting smile, more for me than him.
"Yeah, didn't get not even one red light." He answered while putting out his hand, wanting me to stand so he could hug me.
When I stood and Jake wrapped his arms around me, I breathed him in and felt at home while also missing the smell of Edward. He smelled so good, like fresh wood and salt water with a hint of gasoline.
"Let's go upstairs, I have some homework to do" I whispered in his ear. He nodded.
We had barely begun to move when Charlie told us to have some fun. If he only knew about last night. I looked at Jake and we must have had the same thought because we both had the same smile on our faces.
When we got upstairs, I sat at my desk to start my homework and Jacob sat on my bed. When I looked at him he looked confused and I realized I had never sat at my desk while he was on my bed, school work or not. I got my homework together and went to sit by him. He pulled me back to lean against him and began caressing my hair. I got to work and we sat in silence for quite a while.
Then breaking the silence he leaned in closer to me and whispered in my ear, "Last night was… well Bella, it was amazing." Then he placed a small kiss on my ear lobe.
My stomach dropped, my heart stopped and I had no response. Yes last night was awesome, last night. But tonight, thinking about it, made me sick. How could I continue leading him on like this? I am a horrible girlfriend, but I can't bring myself to do the right thing just yet. I am just not ready.
"Bella? You in there?" He said a little louder than normal.
"Sorry, I guess I was lost in thought" I shook my head, trying to bring myself back to the moment.
"Babe, I don't want to question you, but is everything ok?" He shuffled on the bed so we were more face to face and immediately I looked down. I think I thought that if he looked into my eyes he would see the change in my love for him.
"Bella, talk to me, please" he pleaded while using two curled fingers under my chin to bring my face up to meet his.
"I guess… I am just tired. New town, new school, new girl" I said as I pointed to my chest. "It is just a lot to take in. I am trying to make new friends and make a good start here." All of this was true, but they are not the reason for my distance, and I hoped he believed me.
"Are you sure that's all it is? You can talk to me, about anything you know? No matter what it is, I will always love you." He promised.
If he only knew that that statement was the worst thing he could have said. Because I knew I could talk to him about anything, that I could talk to him about this, about Edward. It is because I can't bring myself to do it yet that I am not. I could talk to him but I can't break his heart and that is what I will be doing.
"Jake…" I almost said it there, I almost spilled everything, every moment with him, every moment with Edward, every feeling and emotion, but I couldn't. I needed more time. And with that, with all of my new feelings and problems out there in the air, unspoken but definitely felt, I started crying.
"Bella, baby, please tell me what it is, please" he begged. I knew I was scaring him but I couldn't stop crying. I got on my knees and crawled into his lap. I wanted so badly to tell him. Not because he deserved to know even though that was one reason, but because he is my best friend. I just needed my best friend. I kept thinking that over and over again. I need my best friend, I need him.
"Bella, we are best friends, you can talk to me" he told me as if reading my mind.
But the difference in our statements is the me part. Yes Jacob is my best friend, but was I his anymore? I was going to be breaking him, tearing him down. I knew I was going to crush him. I knew because it was crushing me, but I knew I had Edward to help put me back together. Jacob, he didn't have that. Not only was I going to crush him, break his heart, take away his girlfriend, his love, but I was about to take away his best friend too.
I continued crying, he just kept stroking my hair, and I relished what quite possibly could be the last moment we had as just us, us in love. One of the last moments we would have before he hated me. I knew he would hate me, I knew because I already hated myself.
EPOV
The drive back from our little exercise in the dynamics of Edward and Bella was uneventful. For a while we didn't even talk. When we did start talking it was just chatting, getting to know each other. More about music, T.V., movies, classes, just the regular stuff that two friends talk about. The entire time I was talking to her, all though my words were innocent my thoughts were not.
I kept thinking about her lips, her beautiful succulent lips. They are so pink and pouty and warm. They look warm at least. I kept the conversation going just so I could see her lips move. I daydreamed about the hopefully not far off day that those lips would be mine, and I would kiss them whenever I want to.
After dropping her off at her truck, if you could even allow that hunk of rusted metal the title of a vehicle anymore, I took out my cell phone. I called Tanya's house but not to talk to her, I needed to talk to my boys before I could even allow Tanya to know something was wrong.
Thank God Jasper answered.
"Hey Jazz, I need a pow wow with my boys, be there in five?" I asked him, all though I was already on my way there. No invitation was needed for me at their house or them at mine.
"Yeah that's cool, but Em won't be home for a little longer because he is at football practice." He reminded me, but I already knew that. Bella's lips had just distracted me.
"That's cool, I'll come over and wait. What do you guys got in the way of food?" I asked, knowing they always had better food at their house than I do at mine.
"Ah man, Tanya made these kickin' enchilada things, so good man, I'll get ya a plate ready"
"Thanks, almost there, see you soon" and I hung up.
A couple minutes later I pulled up to their house, checked my car for any evidence of Bella, only her scent lingered.
I hurried to the door, not realizing just how hungry I was till I was on the phone with Jasper. But I was famished. I looked at my cell phone to catch the time and it was after five. How the hell did that happen? This girl is really messing up my head. I even forgot to look at a clock when in her presence. I couldn't decide if that is a good or bad thing.
I walked in without knocking and smelled the enchiladas Jazz was talking about. They smelled heavenly. God I hope Bella could cook, because Tanya is a master in the kitchen and I would miss that.
"Yo, Edward, we are in here." Jasper yelled out.
He said we, Emmett isn't home yet, so Tanya must be with him.
I walked in, distracted by the delicious smell in the air for a minute. Somehow Bella had even messed up my nose because smelling something so delicious just reminded me how much better she smells and I missed her.
I walked up to Jasper and gave him one of those handshake/hug things guys do and he handed me my plate.
I sat down at the tiled bar, next to Tanya, not even sure if I should speak. Then it dawned on me she would want to know where I disappeared to for last period. I had no idea what to say… I would have to come up with some variance of the truth, of course omitting Bella, and tell her that because I wouldn't lie… at least not entirely.
I took a bite and looked to my left, to meet her piercing gaze. She smiled. Oh shit, I was in trouble. I knew all of Tanya's smiles and that smile was her, your busted mister, you better start explaining yourself smile.
I choked down another bite and started talking. She looked smug now, knowing I knew I did wrong and she didn't even have to speak a word for me to start apologizing.
"I'm sorry Tanya, I just felt… I just didn't want to be at school. I only skipped last period, and I basically just drove." That was the almost truth I decided to give her. Everything was right, just the Bella part missing.
"OK" was all she said, and her face changed. She really was ok with it, she didn't want any more explanation, no more details, and this was very uncharacteristic for her.
"OK?" I asked kind of choking on the food in my mouth.
"Yeah, OK" Was all she gave me back.
I turned my eyes to Jasper who was leaning on the stove, his cowboy boots crossed, apparently chewing on something but I didn't know what. I raised my eyebrows, silently asking if he heard that and he raised his back in acknowledgment.
I was scared. Why is she so 'OK' with this? I knew my brain could run like Forrest with this, but I tried to put it away to ponder later so I could focus on my task at hand. Breaking the news to my best friends that I wanted to break up with their little sister.
I finished my plate, grateful for at least one more meal from Tanya, just as Emmet walked in the door. He made his presence known by immediately yelling the most awesome plays they made at practice. I couldn't understand most of his words but caught an occasional 'Ball', 'awesome' and 'blood'. This was all typical beginning of the school year behavior for Em. He is such a football enthusiast. And out of all of us, he is definitely the most athletic. A close second to him is Rose, which is just one reason they made such a great pairing.
"Oh hey Edward" he said as he started eating the enchiladas cold, straight out of the fridge, without using a plate. At least he grabbed my dirty fork. This is also typical Emmett behavior.
"You're here early, did your sudden ditching make you miss my lil sis more than usual?" he asked while rubbing my hair. I hate when he does it, but I don't dare to challenge it, seeing how he is twice my size.
"Actually, I needed to talk to you and Jazz, guy stuff" I added so that Tanya wouldn't even want to be privy to our conversation.
"Ah is it party time again man? It's a little early isn't it?" Emmett asked, starting to get excited.
"Oh, not yet, Em, but soon" I told him, without offering what I wanted to talk about instead and it worked.
Emmett with his dish of cold Mexican food, Jasper and I walked upstairs to their room. They could have had separate rooms but opted to knock down the wall and share one big room. That is how close this family is.
"All right Edward, what is so serious that you ditched school, and came over early to talk to us about?" Jasper questioned?
Emmett didn't look up; he just kept consuming inhuman amounts of food. But I knew he too was very intrigued.
I flopped down on the practically flat, cracked and faded baseball printed bean bag from about ten years ago. Why hadn't they gotten rid of this thing? Could you even buy bean bags anymore? I waited several long breaths before inhaling a big one, enough air to get me through the words I was about to say. I told myself that this would hurt. Knowing I would be letting them down, but also very well because of the probability I would get beat up, at least by Emmett, Jasper knew I could take him, so he may not try.
"All right guys, this is huge, and I haven't talked to her about it at all, and please let me be the one to tell her, but I am going to break up with Tanya. I just… I love her but… it's not the same and I don't want to hold her down and it isn't fair to lead her on."
Emmett didn't stop eating and Jasper had taken a large box down from his closet and was looking through old Nintendo games. Neither one of them stopped what they were doing. Did they even hear me?
"Um, Em, Jazz, did you guys hear me?" I was confused.
Both of them said yeah at the same time, but still kept up their tasks.
So I waited. I guess they were processing, wrapping their minds around it. At least I hope that was what they were doing. I really hoped they weren't thinking of the best way to beat the shit out of me. I hoped but I knew the later was more realistic.
I didn't know what to do. Should I explain more? Should I act as if I hadn't said it? Should I actually ask for their opinions? I just waited.
The bean bag was surprisingly comfortable. I hadn't sat on it in years but chose it today because it was the closest seat to the door, in case I needed to make a mad dash for my life. Now I knew why they still had it. Hmm, I really started wondering if you could still buy bean bags. Maybe I will have to take Bella back to Wal-Mart and see. I wonder how Bella is doing. I wonder if she has seen or talked to Jacob. Would she tell him tonight? Maybe we should have talked about when we would tell our significant others. Would she mention me or just break up with him. Is she ok? I should have gotten her cell number. Wait, does she have a cell phone? If not that won't work, I love text messaging, and would need to text message her during classes. I would just have to buy her one. She wouldn't want me to but I would find some way to make her.
"Dude, Edward!" Jasper yelled. I had gotten so far lost in thought about Bella that the real world had disappeared.
"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind" I told them, which they should know considering what I just told them.
But then again, they said nothing. Had I really gone so far that Emmett and Jasper were speechless and couldn't move to hit me?
"All right guys, I came to you with this first out of respect, and all I get is disgusting chewing noises and 'Mike Tyson's Punch out'?
With that they looked up, actually pausing what they were doing, and Em was the first to speak.
"Man do you realize we are going to be tortured for like a month with Bonnie Raitt?" he asked me, jokingly.
Jokingly? OK maybe they didn't understand that I was serious. Jasper was just nodding in agreement with his brother.
"Ok guys, I am serious here, I am going to break up with Tanya." I stated, very matter of factly, hoping to get the point through to them.
"We know, you already said that" Jazz offered.
"So I thought you guys would hit me, at least try and talk me out of it" I told them my fears.
"Man… I am speaking for both of us here on this I think, but you are our brother. If you need to break up with her, it sucks but we understand. I mean, you two have been together forever, it would be like, fucking insane if you managed to stay together forever. Not saying we are breaking up with our ladies, but you and Tanya have been together way longer than me and Jazz with Rose and Pixie." Emmett actually said, as though he had put some thought into it.
I was shocked. Again Jasper was just nodding along with his brother.
"So no hitting, no intervention type conversation convincing me of what is best for me?" I checked, because I still couldn't believe they were so Ok with it.
"Nah man, just if you could not do it today, Rose is coming over and she owes me some favors" he said with the inflection on favors clearly indicating sexual favors. "And I really don't want her playing the part of the empathetic shoulder for Tanya."
"Yeah, I wasn't going to do it today anyway. I still need to figure out the best way." And then I looked at Jasper.
"Do you have anything to say Jasper, or are your responses limited to head motions?" I teased him.
He looked at me, and then at Emmett and said "Emmett, you know the word 'empathetic'?"
And with that all my fear and anxiety and every emotion experienced with Bella came out in the form of gut busting laughter. I couldn't stop, and after just a few seconds, Jazz joined me. Emmett watched for a bit before turning his attention back to the almost empty cold dish.
After what felt like an hour, our laughing died down. "You two idiots done now?" Emmett asked and I noticed he had finished eating and picked up a controller and started playing punch out.
"Yeah, sorry man" I apologized. "We are just a little surprised, I didn't know your vocabulary had progressed past grunts and football plays" I added.
"Believe it or not, I have a rather expansive library of words, I just choose to keep it simple because I don't want to put too much thought into what I am saying, I just want to be me, gotta represent!" and he pounded his chest with his right hand.
Jazz and I glanced at each other and started laughing again before Em shot us a look we knew meant stop now or my previous fear of being hit would become a reality. So we stopped.
"I'll play winner" I said as Jazz picked up the second controller and pressed start to join in the fight Emmett was dominating.
We played old Nintendo games for hours. The sun went down and we got reacquainted with Mario, Donkey Kong, side scrolling and only having two buttons to push.
When I decided it was time to leave, I handed my controller back to Emmett after thoroughly whipping Jasper in a race. I stood up from the bean bag that I had moved closer to the flat screen. Having a flat screen HD TV did nothing for Nintendo's graphics, but I will admit, getting back to my roots with my boys before jumping trees with Bella was energizing.
"Hey man..." Jasper said while pausing the game. "Are you going to be ok?"
His voice was serious, almost tainted with melancholy. He was actually worried about me. I thought about the upcoming conversation with Tanya and her face. I thought about her tears and how much I would want to wipe them away but that would just confuse her. Then I thought about Bella. I would be able to wipe her tears away after her similar conversation with Jacob, and a smile spread across my face.
Jasper and Emmett's expressions changed from that of concern to confused.
I tried to wipe the smile away, to fake despair, but the thought of Bella had filled me with such warmth that I couldn't hide it.
Just then Rose knocked on the door, while opening it slowly and demanding that "No one better be naked or farting!"
"Babe, can you get me a Coke real quick. I need to pee and I will meet you in the guest room?"
"Sure but why the guest room?" she said while not moving the door any more open. I was hoping that she couldn't see me, and I think that was the reason for Emmett's diversion.
But we were wrong. She caught a glimpse of me and opened the door entirely.
Emmett told her "Jazz is deep into vintage Nintendo and I want at least the chance at you repaying me the favors" Her eyes never left me while Emmett spoke.
"Edward Anthony Cullen! What the hell are you doing up here while Tanya watches sappy chick flicks on the couch all alone?" She questioned, sounding very much like our mother, Esme.
Chick Flicks? Why was Tanya watching Chick flicks? She only watched them when she felt down, when she wanted to cry but didn't want her own emotions to cause the tears. Did she know?
"Me and Jazz kidnapped him to visit old Mario Babe, no worries, we just lost track of time." Emmett explained, saving my ass… hopefully.
Rosalie sighed, closed the door and we heard her footsteps going down the stairs.
"Ok Edward, leaving my sister is one thing, leaving her for another girl without so much as telling us who the other girl is not ok." Jasper spoke, very sternly.
My smile had given me away. I had planned on telling them, but not tonight. I was grateful for escaping the beating of a lifetime and didn't want to tempt fate.
Emmett had an expression on his face that I had never seen. Of course this was a situation we had never been in so I suppose new facial expressions were to be expected.
I took a couple steps closer to them, knowing I had a limited amount of time before Rose and/or Tanya came up here.
"OK guys, your right. There is someone else. First I have to tell you I have not and would not ever cheat on Tanya. This was all completely unexpected, and I honestly didn't even want it at first. But yes, I have fallen for someone else."
"Oh, it better not be that bitch Jessica Stanley, that I will kick your ass for!" Emmett assured me of his intentions.
Jasper knew better though. "It's Isabella Swan isn't it? I knew it! You never, NEVER, want to end lunch early, at least until you were walking with her. I told Alice it was nothing, that you were trying to be nice to the new girl, but I knew it!" He said, with pride, for his noticing it.
In our little group, besides Tanya, Jasper knew me the best. We weren't in any after school activities and at some time in the school year everyone else was doing something. Alice was in drama, Rose in basketball and volleyball, Tanya took a cooking class and Em had his contact sports. Jasper and I had each other. While everyone else was gone, we would hang. At first, when we were freshmen, it was weird. But it didn't take very long for us to look forward to it. We would watch movies that no one else wanted to watch, we would just sit in silence and do homework, sometimes we would even talk about our futures and our feelings. He knows me, and I know him. I should have realized he would catch on to me, but I was too distracted by Bella.
Emmett's face lit up with realization. "Is it?" he simply asked.
"Yes" was all I could muster. The vibe in this room had been all over the place tonight, and it was exhausting me.
"Where did you two go when you ditched?" Jasper asked, man he really does know me.
"We needed to talk about what is going on. We both felt an immediate, undeniable attraction to each other." I told them. They were silent.
"Guys… I love her. I know that sounds crazy but I do. It is a love like I have never experienced and it hit me like a hurricane."
"You love her more than Tanya?" Em asked?
"I love her different than Tanya. I have always loved Tanya, I literally don't remember not loving her, and Bella came along and I feel like she gave my heart a new reason to beat. Sorry for getting kind of mushy on you guys" I told them.
"So let me get this straight real quick" Jasper jumped in. "You love Tanya, but your love for Bella is new and exciting? How do you know it's real?"
"I guess I can't guarantee that it is, but no matter what, my heart and thoughts are with another now, not with Tanya anymore, and that isn't fair to her. Wouldn't you agree?"
They both nodded, seeing it the way I saw it.
"Man… I am glad I am not you" Emmett said and he gave a soft chuckle.
We heard footsteps coming back up the stairs and just listened. They stopped outside the door and waited. I prayed it was Rose and not Tanya.
"I got to go guys, besides Em, you have some business that needs tending to" I joked as I motioned with my head to the owner of the footsteps on the other side of the door.
"That's right bitches; my girl can't stay off my Caa"
"All right see you later" I interrupted Emmett, not wanting that visual of my sister.
I opened the door and was relieved it was Rose, she let me by and I went down stairs.
She was right; Tanya was lying on the couch with a blanket. A half drank chocolate milkshake I assumed Rose picked up for her on her way here, and a dozen used tissues spread on the table and floor around her.
She was watching the new Nicholas Sparks movie. The one about old people falling in love. The one us guys jokingly made gagging sounds at when they suggested we see it one night. For the life of me I couldn't remember the name. But then I thought thank God I don't remember the name, that would make me a pansy.
I looked at the TV. The actors were enjoying themselves at an outdoor party.
Tanya was crying.
"This part doesn't look sad, why are you crying at it?" I asked her.
She sniffled and looked up at me, "I'm not crying because of the movie Edward"
She was stern, she was serious, she was sad.
"Oh" was all my brain could think to say.
Well did you like it? Hate it? What did you think? Any Suggestions? Want to be my Beta? Review me to tell me all those things! Love you all... off to work on chapter 8!