Chapter 27 At the crossroad
Larek was on his way to the training room to look for Rath. He was searching for at least a hour now and he didn´t find him. He thought his friend would be at the shore, where he was almost all the time when he needed time to sort things out just to think about something. But he wasn´t there and at the others places he liked to linger. At the moment he was a little worried about that, because he knew in what condition Rath was and he could be extremely unpredictable if that was the case. What actually meant he needed to prevent him from doing too much trouble or attacking innocent bypasser. Too bad that Larek couldn´t go to Marianna to ask for help, because she wasn´t exactly on friendly terms with Rath and he could guess that she wasn´t keen to search with him. She was probably with Vilandra and told her what Rath did. And he couldn´t blame her. Rath acted really out of line in the meeting and that even trough he had no reason for that. Alright she refrained him from killing this guy, which in his eyes wouldn´t have been so bad. But he understood her motive for doing it. She didn´t want him to act out of an emotion and regret it later, when he thought clearer and realized what he really did. However he understood Rath also. If he would have been in his shoes he would have made the same mistake and killed that bastard without blinking. Through he wouldn´t have done it under the eyes of witnesses. It´s one thing to murder someone, but to do it when three people were standing around watching it? No that wasn´t good. Expect it would have been in a fight over life and death, then it would have made no difference. After all this guy was still in his armour and it didn´t have the crest of King Salems Kingdom on his chest. What implyed that he was from the other side and that meant he was the enemy. Larek shook his head. He shouldn´t think about things that weren´t his problem. When he came out of his thoughts he noticed that Vilandra was heading in his direction really fast and how it looked extremly pissed. Larek observed his escape routes and discovered that there wasn´t even one. He was trapped in the corridor that lead to the training room. The other doors were always locked and there were just two persons with the keys. Unfortunately the keepers were dead and he hadn´t a chance to flee that way. So he stopped in his tracks and waited for the unavoidable.
Vilandra came to a stand just in front of Larek. " Have you seen Rath?".
Inwardly he breathed out. He didn´t even know that he was holding it in the first place. But he was thankfully that she didn´t seem to be mad at him. " I was just looking for him myself. He wasn´t at his usual places".
" Great. If you see him before me, tell him that I want to speak with him. It´s important", without waiting for a reply Vilandra turned around and stomped towards the bed rooms.
Larek stayed back and wiped the imaginary sweat from his forehead. He didn´t envy Rath in the slightest at the moment. He should prepare himself for a pretty uncomfortable talk with Vilandra. She had probably heard what happened in the meeting and wanted to help Marianna. Poor sap. He didn´t want to be on Vilandras bad side, althrough Rath was certainly the only one who could stand up against her. Alright he should finally stop thinking about the problems of others. After all he had his own right now. Namely finding Rath and hamper that he destroyed the remain of the castle. With that thought in mind he continued his way to the training room. But to his disappointment there was nobody present. His friend was official nowhere in this palace and at the spots he usual seeked out when he was upset or confused. What should he do now? Should he send a few soldiers out to find him or should he just wait until Rath decided to come back himself? Thankfully he was spared the hard decision when he saw something that would probably need his help more. Slowly he started to walk in the direction of Marianna, who seemed to be in the process to talk to a few people. To be exact she spoke with three citizen. He couldn´t hear what they were talking about, but it seemed not exactly to be the funniest conversation. When he came closer to them the men were saying goodbye and disappeared. Marianna winked after them and applied her attention to Larek.
" Hey".
Larek didn´t know how he should behave in her presence. " Hey".
" Are you looking for someone?", Marianna felt exactly the same way. She knew that he was Rath´s best friend and would take his side. What wasn´t a problem, after all she would do the same in the exact situation.
Larek rubbed his neck uncomfortable. He felt like an idiot just now. Why was he acting like a teenager who wanted to ask the girl of his dreams for a date?" No. I just wanted to know how you´re doing".
Marianna managed a small smile at that. He was such a sweety sometimes. For the umpteenth time she asked herself why she had to fall for Rath. Larek would have been the better choice. " I will get better", she took a closer look at Larek. " How are you actually?".
" Better than the most here", Larek hated to ask, but he had to. " Did you see Rath somewhere around?".
Marianna was stunned for a moment. Why did he ask her? She was the least person who would know that. " Not since he implied I would play against him".
" That´s not what he said and you know it. He´s just hurting right now and doesn´t know what he´s saying", Larek felt obliged to defend his friend in this cause. He was nasty, there was no doubt, but he didn´t mean half the things he said and will probably regret them as soon as he calmed down. Rath wasn´t a bad person basically.
Marianna really tried to believe it. But she knew Rath really good by now. He didn´t say anything he didn´t mean. Everything he threw in her face wasn´t just a burst of anger or a short circuit reaction. " I felt what he didn´t say and that was more hurtful than the things he actually said. Therefore I made a decision that will be pleasant for anybody".
Larek got pretty worried now. The sadness in her eyes wasn´t just from the loose of her second family or the fight with Rath. There was something else that scared him a little. " What descision?".
" I will go away when the funeral is over. Maybe it is better for everybody", Marianna had made arrangements already. She talked with the person who took care of the burial and by tomorrow evening she would take her belongings and disappear. She didn´t know where yet, but she would find something. Even if she had to sleep in the woods.
Larek gripped her shoulders with both hands. She couldn´t be serious. She couldn´st just bail because she had a little fight with Rath. " You can´t do that. I know you´re upset. But think about what you´re leaving behind".
Marianna tried to break away from his grip. But he wouldn´t let her and just grasped tighter. " And what I´m leaving behind? I just brought destruction and death in this castle. Everybody is better off without me".
" That´s not true. You brought so much joy and laughter. I´ve never saw Rath so happy like when he was with you. Vilandra adores you. And who should laugh about my jokes, even if they´re not funny at all?", Larek couldn´t let that happen. Marianna belonged here and nowhere else. She was part of this family and he knew that the others thought so too. He would do everything in his powers to prevent her from going. Even if he had to lock her in the dungeon forever.
Mariannas eyes filled with her tears and her chin began to quiver. Slowly she lifted her arms and embraced Larek tightly. " That was beautiful. But it doesn´t change anything. I will go and nothing can stop me from it", she pressed him a littler stronger at her body and enjoyed the warmth he gave her. She would probably never feel so loved again and she wanted to soak that up to remember it when she felt lonely. " I will really miss you".
Larek felt like someone was crushing his heart with bare hands. A lump was slowly forming in his throat and tears were threatening to spill from his eyes. " I will miss you too".
Marianna pushed herself carefully from him and looked deep in his tearfilled eyes. " You´re a great person. Don´t let anyone persuade you otherwise", with that said Marianna did something she really wanted to do for a long time, but didn´t because of her feelings for Rath. She kissed him straight on the mouth. It wasn´t long but pretty intensive.
When they both parted from another Larek was speechless for a few seconds, before he realized what just happened. He would have been happy when he wouldn´t know that this was only a goodbye kiss and nothing more. A long while he stared after Marianna, who was walking away from him without turning around. He had to keep her from fullfilling her plan. Now more than ever. She was needed here and she had to see that. But what could he really do? She was stubborn and she didn´t even listen to him. Larek had to think about something really fast, because tomorrow it would be too late for anything. But just when he wanted to visit Nolak, because he seemed to be really fond of Marianna, he detected something that made his blood freezing in his veins and his hair standing up on his neck. Two eyes which were hateful directed on him. Oh shit. Why couldn´t Rath be gone for a little longer? Cautiously Larek walked tardily on the direction of his friend. Maybe he didn´t see anything.
" Hey man, I was looking for you".
Rath raised his right eyebrow at that. His body shifted into a attacking stance and the glare got meaner. " Strange. It seemed to me that you were doing something else. Or do you thought you would find me on Mariannas lips?"
Larek winced under the angry glance. Oh Oh. It seemed that he was in deep trouble. Hopefully Rath would show mercy and let him live. " I know what you´re thinking. But it wasn´t like that. Really".
" Oh yeah. Then explain to me why I saw you kissing my girl just now?", Rath didn´t change his position. On the contrary he appeared more dangerous with his height that seemed to be higher then he really was. Maybe it was a trick of light or because Larek felt really small in that moment.
Larek got slightly nervous and tried to concentrate his attention at something other than the sparkling black eyes that seemed to attempt to burn him to the core. How should he explain that kiss without angering Rath more? " It meant nothing. It was just a kiss under friends. Nothing more, I swear".
Rath stared awhile at his best friend. Apparently he wanted to see if he was saying the truth or if he was lying. Then suddenly his eyes got lighter and his position didn´t appear that threatening anymore. Obviously he passed the lie detector examination. " Why were you nervous then?".
" I knew that you and Marianna weren´t exactly on friendly terms right now and I didn´t know how you would react. She was just saying goodbye to me and I think it was her way of showing me how much I meant to her. Pure platonic of course", Larek was relieved that his friend wasn´t furious at him and he was still alive. But then he regretted the last part when he saw the questioning look on Rath´s face. Oh shit, he forgot that he didn´t knew about Mariannas plan to disappear from their lifes.
Rath felt like someone had sucker punched him in the guts. He knew that he wasn´t just fair to Marianna the last time, but that she wanted to go away because of that? Was that her way to bail from her obligations? " Did she say why she wanted to run off?".
Larek had a pretty good idea why she did that. But he didn´t know if Rath wanted to hear the truth at all. Was it better to know the reason why someone was disappearing forever or was it better to live with the knowledge that you lied to the person you respected? " She said that everybody would be better off without her and that she just brought death and destruction in this castle"
" Didn´t you try to talk her out of that? It´s not her fault that everything is going downhill at the moment".
Larek was startled because of the intensitiy of the words. What did he think he tried to do? Of course he tried to stop her. " I told her that, too. A little more detailed than you. But the meaning behind it is the same".
Rath rubbed his forehead with his right hand. He was so sick of all this shit that was coming his way. How had his father managed this? And why didn´t he ever saw his father losing his patience? " Alright. I will take care of that later. I have to deal with something important at the moment. But after that I will try to talk to Marianna".
Larek felt a new wave of hope sparking in his body. Maybe Rath had more success to stop Marianna from doing something stupid. Besides it wouldn´t hurt for both of them to talk about a few things and clean the air from all the negative feelings towards each other. They didn´t had anything to loose anymore anyway. " Good luck with that".
" Yeah. Thanks", Rath lifted his arm as a sign for leaving and made his way into town. He had to talk with a few citizen about the funeral for his family. He wanted it to be over as soon as possible, so that he had enough time to prepare the soldiers for the upcoming war.
Evening in the castle
Vilandra was sitting in front of the mirror on her bureau in her room. She was just looking at her reflection and thinking about all that happened the last 24 hours. Was it just a day ago that her life seemed to be getting better and she finally found someone her parents liked? It felt like a liftime that her life was that easy going and she had everything she wished for. Strange that you know what you had when it was gone.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
The worse part in this was that she could have stopped it from happening. If she wouldn´t have tried so hard to find the right person for herself, she would have seen that something wasn´t right. And now she had to live with the knowledge that she had killed her parents for the rest of her life. She would probably forever hunted from the picture of her death mother lying in her own blood or the sad look of her brother when they waited in the dungeon.
Truth to be told I´ve tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caugth up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Vilandra thought back to the day when she told Marianna about her meeting with Davico or Nikolai how she knew now. Marianna tried to tell her that everything was a bit to fast and in her own way warned her to not rush anything. Why didn´t she listen to her? Why had been the thought anybody could destroy her happiness so impossible to her? She knew that love made blind, but not deaf. Oh god she had been so deep in her fantasies about the rest of her life that she overlooked what happened in the present.
Though I´ve tried, I´ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don´t come round here
And tell me I told you so
Nikolai was a good actor, she had to give him credit for that. He made her feel so loved and desired. Like she was the only woman he could ever love. And he noticed her as a person, not as princess or the sister of the future king or the prospective wife of Rath or even the beautiful daughter of the Queen. He just saw Vilandra. She liked the attention she got from him and it flattered her that somebody so good looking wanted to be with her without really knowing her. That had been the time her alarm bells should have been ringing. Unfortunately they didn´t.
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
Be we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It´s the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear
Vilandra turned her head away from the mirror. She couldn´t look at herself any longer. The person in the reflection wasn´t her anymore. It was the face of a stranger looking back at her and she couldn´t bear the sight. Slowly she made her way to her bed, where she let herself slump on it. With the face in her pillows she began to cry. Cry for all the lost people, the missing opportunities to be with her parents and the loss of her innocent.
Though I´ve tried, I´ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don´t come round here
And tell me I told you so
Another room
Zan was still in the same position Marianna left him that morning. Still in front of Avas bed and still the white dress tightly in his hands. Through his tears were finally tried and the sobs wracking his body had died down. At least for now. His body needed just time to produce more tears he could shed. At the moment every ounce of water was gone. In that place were the pain was before, was just this void now. He didn´t feel anything, everything was numb.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
´Cause I saw the end before we´d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what´s mine by eternal right
Took your sould out into the night
It may be over but it won´t stop there,
I am here for you if you´d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you
I´ve kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I´ve been addicted to you
Why did the attack happen just in that moment when everything went really great for him? He only wanted to marry his soulmate and live a happy life with her. In the near future he would have taken the obligation of his father when he would have been to old to do them. But now that was all taken from him. There was no future for him anymore. Not without his beloved Ava on his side. What kind of life would that be anyway?
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
Zan felt the smooth material of Avas bridal gown. She would have looked absolutely breathtaking in it. He could still remember the day she brought it. She was so excited about it and she told him how perfectly it fitted her and he would love it too, when he saw it on their wedding day. He pictured her smiling face, which was looking at him so happy. The twinkle in her eyes and the rosy cheeks. Now all what was left of her was this dress and the memory of the time they shared together. And the imagination how their life would have been like. Why did the explosion spare his life? Why didn´t it kill him, too. Then he wouldn´t have to live in this hell.
I am a dreamer but when I wake
You can´t break my spirit – it´s my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I´ve seen you cry, I´ve seen you smile
Ive watched you sleeping for a while
I´d be the father of your child
I´d spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We´ve had our doubts but new we´re fine
And I love you, I swear that´s true
I cannot live without you
They just learned a few days ago that Ava was pregnant. They wanted to wait until after the announcement of their engangement to tell the news their parents. Ava was at first a little worried, because they weren´t married and she wanted to let her parents in the belief that their little daughter was still untouched. But the doubt vanished the moment he told her that her parents would be as happy as they were and it wasn´t like they wouldn´t marry soon. At night they laid awake either in his or in her bed and would think about names for the baby. Ava wanted the name of her grandfather for a boy. But Zan was against it. He didn´t want his son to be called Hamlish. He like the name Xandir, however Ava had her objections. She said that it would sound too much like Zan. Strange that they agreed on the name for a girl. Tehela. That was the Antarian word for sunshine. And if it would have been a girl she would have been the sunshine of this family most certainly.
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one to me
Zan pressed the dress tightly at his cheeks and smelled the unmistakable scent of Ava. It was like she would be right here with him. He could still feel how the life drained out of her, how the light died down in her eyes and her soul left her body. In this moment he died with her. A part of him left with her that night, when he held her cold, lifeless body in his arms. He didn´t care about the fight around him or that others died too. He just wanted that Ava opened her eyes and told him that she wouldn´t leave him. She wouldn´t just go away and take his child with her. But that never happened. Her eyes stayed closed and her voice would be forever mute.
And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I´m asleep
And I will bear my soul in time
When I´m kneeling at your feet
Zan turned his head up to the ceiling, like it would be the sky outside. He balled his fist and stretched them upwards. Then he screamed as loud as he could. " Why did you take them away from me? Why didn´t you take me with them? Why?!".
I´m so hollow, baby, I´m so hollow
I´m so, I´m so, I´m so hollow
After he vent his anger he moved to his earlier position and buried his face in Avas dress again. Finally the tears he couldn´t shed a few minutes ago were there again. And in the silence of the room he started to cry once more.
Corridor the same time
Marianna had taken care of all the formalities for the funeral tomorrow. The kingdom knew about it and everybody was welcomed to attent. The soldiers were informed about the procedure and the coffins in the family mausoleum were prepared using. Now she just wanted to look after everyone else before she made her way to her own bed. She was thankful that she didn´t cross her way with Rath today. She hadn´t the strength to get into a fight with him again. She told Larek that he should inform him about the funeral and when he should be there. Unfortunately Rath was busy with the preperation himself and it was a new blow in her face that he didn´t trust her to do that properly. Now more than ever she was determined to bail as soon as possible. She would probably miss everyone, even Rath, but it was the best solution for this problem. She wasn´t welcomed here anymore and she didn´t want to be a burden for anyone. Not as long as she still had her dignity and her pride.
Now the day has come
We are forsaken this time
We lived our lives
In our paradies
As gods we shaped the world around
No borderlines
We stayed behind
No boundaries is something fragile
Marianna stopped at Vilandras bedroom door and opened it quietly. Then she stretched her head through the gap between the door and the frame. There she saw Vilandra lying on her bed and crying on her pillow. Marianna knew how it felt to think you could have prevented something from happening. But Vilandra had to learn that things occur for a reason and nobody could do something against it. Life was like a path. Some parts of the way were straight with no diversion. Then another part was full of curves and you had to struggle to keep on the path. And sometimes there was a point of seperation and you had to choose which way to go. Now Vilandra was standing in front of that and she alone had to decide which way she should go. Either she took the path which woul lead her to the place where she would be eaten up from regret and hate or she took the path which lead her to the place where she could learn to live with her loss and move on.
Well we thought we were gaining
We turned back the time
It still slips away
Our time has run out
Our future had died
There´s no more escape
Now the day has come
We are forsaken
There´s no time any more
Life will pass us by
We are forsaken
We´re the last of our kind
Marianna threw one last glance at Vilandra and then closed the door as quietly as she opened it. Now she move the next room. Maybe Zan was finally feeling a little better. But she doubted it. He was in worse shape than the rest of them. He took the death of Ava harder than the death of his parents. And he suffered like a child that lost its parents and nobody was there to help. It was heartwrenching to see him like that. He was always so joyful and happy. She didn´t know a day he was in a bad mood or was unfriendly to others. But now that was everything taken from him. Marianna was scared to look inside Avas room. She was worried what she would see. With a bad feeling she opened the door and peeked her head inside. The sight was worse than she expected. Zan was just sitting there and didn´t do anything. He stared at one point without it seemed really seeing it. He was probably thinking or the shock was finally hitting him. But then she saw how he lifted his arms and stretched them towards the ceiling. The screaming words that followed were painful and full of hate. Marianna was relieved about it, because it meant that he was in the process to heal. It would take a long time for him, but he made the first step in the right direction. Like Vilandra he was at the crossroad and had to decide which way to go.
The sacrifice
Was much to hide
Our grief just made us all go on
We try to hide what we fear inside
Today is the end of tomorrow
As the sea started rise
And the land we conquered
It just washed away
We all have tried
To turn back the time
It was all in vain
Silently Marianna let Zan grief alone. Now she had to go to the last room on her way. A room she wanted to avoid actually. But her heart told her that she should see after Rath. After all she still loved him, even if he treated her like the enemy. And part of her could understand him. She didn´t react that different after the death of her mother. Just that she was in the castle full of strangers and she didn´t know them then. He on the other hand knew her, more than anybody before and he should be aware that she wasn´t like he saw her at the moment. Cautiously she took the doorknob and pushed it down slowly. When she opened the door finally and looked inside she noticed that his room was still clean and his bed was still made. There wasn´t a single evidence that he was already here before. Marianna was asking herself where he could be. It was late in the evening and he needed all his strength for the funeral tomorrow. But then she thought about the meeting earlier and guessed that he made the last preperation for the upcoming training. Either way she shouldn´t worry about him. He was the least of them who needed her help.
Now the day has come
We are forsaken
There´s no time any more
Life will pass us by
We are forsaken
Only rules stay below
Now the day has come
We are forsaken
Now the day has come
We are forsaken
There´s no time any more
Marianna shut the door and walked the few steps to her own room. She would enjoy the last night there before she said goodbye forever. After tomorrow everything would be different and like she hoped the best for everyone. With that thought in mind she stepped into her room and closed the door tightly behind her.
TBC