Chapter 28 Time to say goodbye

The next day the sky was filled with dark clouds and since morning it hadn´t stopped raining. It seemed like the gods were also mourning and were sending the bad weather as a sign for that. All citizen of the kingdom were gathered in front of the portal and waited until the soldiers would be carrying out the corpses of the royal family. Most of the people were wearing their most prettiest dresses or suits. And despite the freezing temperature and the wetness they all were paying their last respect to the king and his family. Nobody was complaining or gossiping like usual. The place was draped in absolutely silence. At least until the gate opened and the first four soldiers were walking slowly down the stairs with a hand barrow on which King Salem laid. He looked like he would be sleeping. His face was peaceful and his hands were laying side by side on his belly. Women were breaking out in tears and men were bowing out of respect for a great man and a good leader. After that the next four soldiers followed with Queen Lutezia. She was a true beauty even in death. Her expression let her look like she was young again. Shortly after another four soldiers were carrying Mael out. It seemed that the men holding the hand barrow had problems to do so. That was no wonder, after all they were trained from him and everybody of them looked up at Mael. Behind them the other soldier were trailing after. Abidale was lying on the hand barrow like a piece of art. Nobody could see that she was dead. She looked still alive and absolutely beautiful. Then the last member of the family was on her way to her last rest. Ava didn´t lose her innocent and her face looked like a face of an angel. It was so sad to die that young. Suddenly all attention turned back from the dead royals when the remaining survivors of the kingdom appeared in the gate. They were all dressed in their mourning clothes, which entailed for the women a dark blue dress and for the men a dark blue suit. Marianna was holding hands with Vilandra and tried to support her, while Rath was standing a little apart from them. Zan didn´t look really good and it seemed that he was suffering more than the others. Slowly they strode down the stairs, after the hand barrows, which were carrying their family. Every citizen was offering their commiserations when they walked by them. The only person which seemed to react to it was Marianna, because neither Zan or Vilandra were in the condition to notice anything around them. Rath was just walking like a roboter through the crowd with an emotionless expression. The way to the burial ground was long and painful. Every step they came closer to the mausoleum where the family would be buried was again and again a realisation that they really were gone and wouldn´t come back anymore. Zan almost broke down when the arrived at their destination. But thankfully Larek was there to hold his friend. Marianna gave him a grateful smile at that. She had enough to do with Vilandra, which was clinging to her hand like a drowning person. Rath didn´t acknowledge his surroundings or so it seemed. It was like he wasn´t there mentally. Marianna was a little worried about that. The others were at least openly exposing their grief and that was a good sign, because it showed that they were on the way to heal someday. But Rath was repressing his feelings and wanted to be the strong man. He wouldn´t keep that up for long before everything broke out of him. And that was worse than grieving from the start. Suddenly Marianna was thrown out of her thoughts when the priest was starting his speech. Everybody was intently listening to what he had to say. Once in a while some women were beginning to cry out really loud. Even a few men had tears in their eyes throughout the monolog. Zan was trying to keep his sobs to a minimum, which didn´t work of course. Vilandra was crying that much, that Marianna had trouble keeping her up. Marianna herself shed a few tears, but she was scared to open the gates fully. Because if she would, she wasn´t so sure if she could stop anytime soon. Larek was too busy with looking after Zan, that he didn´t really listen to what the priest had to say. And Rath was starring at one point without really seeing anything. He was sad, no doubt, but he didn´t show just one emotion either on his face or in his stance. At the end of the speech, just before the bodies would be bedded in their coffins, Vilandra wasn´t able to hold her weight on her feet anymore and she crashed to the ground. The sounds she was making were painful to listen to. Immediately Larek, Zan and a few other of the men were trying to help her back on her feet. But Marianna put them off.

" It´s alright. I´ve got her". Then she noticed that the priest stopped talking. Slightly embaressed she looked at him. " Sorry. Continue with what you were doing. I´ll just bring Vilandra inside".

Larek saw that Marianna had a bit difficulties with lifting Vilandras weight, because her left shoulder wasn´t fully healed yet and helped them. " Should I go with you?".

Marianna shook her head. " No. I got it covered from here. But thanks for the offer".

Larek stepped back and saw after them, how they made their way to the castle. Then he took his role as Zans shadow again. He was probly the next person who had to be dragged back, judging after the way he stood there. It was just a matter of time.

Meanhwile Marianna had finally succeeded to get Vilandra inside the palace without too much difficulties. Althrough it wasn´t easy to support someone when you just had one arm available. But thankfully she had enough strength in it to make it back and bring Vilandra to the hospital ward immediately. Unfortunately no one was there when they arrived and Marianna didn´t have another choice than seating her on a free bed. After that she fetched a chair and placed him in front of Vilandra, which seemed to be trapped in a uncontrolled crying fit. Carefully she took her hands and stroked them. Marianna wanted to say something comforting, but everything that came to her mind sounded so stereotyped and would probably coming from someone who didn´t know what it felt like to lose everything in just one moment.

" I can´t...it´s too much...bear this", Vilandra decided to break the silence. But it was hard to understand what she just said through her sobs.

Marianna bent towards Vilandra, because she just heared the half of the sentence and it didn´t make sense. " What did you say?".

" I can´t stand this. This feeling. It´s too much for me. My heart can´t bear this much pain anymore".

Marianna get up from her chair and sat besides Vilandra. Sympathetically she embraced her with her unharmed arm and pressed her tightly at her side. She knew that feeling too well herself. " You think that now. But give it time and it will get better. I promise".

Vilandra calmed down slightly. At least enough to speak whole sentence. " I just want to wake up and realize everything was only a nightmare".

" I want that as well sometimes. I want to open my eyes and see my room, smell the scent of breakfast from the dinning room and hear the voice of my mother", Marianna laid almost every morning awake in her bed and imagined that she was lying in her bedroom and her mother would be coming every minute to wake her. Or Lykus was sneaking in to get his good morning kiss. Sometimes she missed the times she spent in her home.

Vilandra faced Marianna a little stunned. She never talked about her life before she came here or her feelings. It was the first time that Vilandra noticed that Marianna was a persons with demons like everybody else. And that made her like the girl all the more. " How long did it take you to make it through this?".

Marianna let a small smile appear. " Honestly. I´m still working on it. But it get´s better everyday".

" I don´t think I can hang on that long", Vilandra couldn´t imagine to endure such a long time with this pain that felt like she couldn´t breath and her heart would be shredded to pieces. She suffered just two days now and it already was too much for her. But to bear that a few months, maybe even years? No, her soul wouldn´t survive that.

Marianna made Vilandra look at her. " Of course you can. You´re a strong person and you will make it through this. Even if you can´t do it alone, you have so much people around you who are willing to help you".

" Thank you. You are a great friend", Vilandra was thankful that Marianna came into their lives. Without her she would have probably already lost her mind this few days. Hopefully she was never leaving this place and they would always be friends.

Marianna noticed how a lump was slowly forming in her throat. Great just what she needed. A reason for her to make the leaving part harder. But like she told, Vilandra wasn´t alone and it wouldn´t be a difference if she was there or not. " Are you feeling better?".

" A bit. Actually I´m tired", all the crying was making Vilandra sleepy. Or the fact that she couldn´t sleep the night before.

Marianna jumped from the bed and pulled her friend along. " Come on. I´ll bring you to your room and then you can sleep".

Without a word they both walked through the door out into the corridor. The palace was strangly quiet and scary when nobody was to hear or to see. The only sound they heared was the clacking of their shoes on the floor. After a while they finally made it to the bedroom and Vilandra didn´t even take the time to undress before she crawled under her blanket. Within a few minutes she fell asleep. Marianna stayed until she was sure that it was ok to go. Silently she tiptoed out of the chamber and tried to close the door as quiet as possible behind her. Then she pressed her forehead against it for a few minutes and let the tears finally flow from her eyes. Why did it hurt so much to leave this people? She knew that she wouldn´t stay here forever and accepted it. But why felt it so wrong to do the right thing? She survived it the first time to lose her home, she would surely survive it this time, too. Yet her heart told her to stay and take the time to heal her emotional wounds. Contrary to her mind, which was urging her to leave as fast as possible to protect the people she loved. Marianna didn´t know to what to do. Should she listen to her heart for the first time or do the same she usual did, namely listening to her mind? Of course it would be easier to leave the feelings out and act purely on instinct. In that case she would have been gone weeks ago actually. But her love for this people let her stay longer and develope a bond to them. A bond stronger than death. It would probably survive the long distance as well. Finally making up her mind to go Marianna wiped her tears from her face. Just as she succeeded to get rid of the evidence of her crying, she heard voiced in the corridor. It sounded like the funeral was over and the others were coming back. Quickly she walked into her room and closed the door. She didn´t want to cross anybody´s path right now and maybe see more reason to stay. Not when she just battled so long with her conscience over this topic. Marianna looked around the room she called home for the last few weeks and thought about what she could take with her. She didn´t want too much, because she didn´t know if she would find a place to stay right away. And she had no desire to carry a heavy backpack on her shoulder the whole time. Slowly she went to the bed and sat on it. She wouldn´t probably sleep so comfortable the next time and she wanted to savor the feeling of the warm blanket and the fluffy pillow. With a heavy heart she pressed her face on the pillow and immediately she smelled the scent of Rath on it. Through he hadn´t slept in this bed the last two days. She missed waking up besides him and see his face first thing in the morning. She missed him period. This tension between them was more than she could bear and maybe it was time to go seperate ways. Possibly someday in the future they would meet and then they could start again from anew. Maybe this was meant to be and it was a sign that they weren´t destined for each other. Marianna shook her head and arose from the bed. She couldn´t dwell on the past too long. It wasn´t good for her and besides she didn´t want to waste too much time. After all she still wanted to pack a few things and give her farewell letters, she wrote last night, to their owners. So she got back on her feet and fetched the backpack out of her closet and started putting things inside, which she thought she would need or she wanted as a reminder about the time here. During her search for everything she found a black shirt wadded in the corner of the room. Surprised she bent down and lifted it up. Jugding after the size of it, this shirt wasn´t one of hers, but one of Rath. Without thinking she put it in her backpack. After that she let her gaze run over the chamber again, to see if she missed something. But when she noticed that she had all the things, she closed her backpack and took the letters from her bedside table. For the last time she memorized everything and went out the door then. Loaded with her backpack, she walked at first to Vilandras room. There she shoved the letter with Vilandras name on it through the little gap between the door and the floor. For a few seconds she laid her hand on the wood and said quietly goodbye. With tears in her eyes she made her way to Zans door and repeated the same there. But when she came to Raths room she heard fast steps nearing her. Startled she turned around and detected that the owner of the said chamber was angrily walking in her direction. Great. Just what she needed. More fighting.

" What do you think you´re doing here?", Rath was pissed, which showed his vein that was pumping strong at his forehead. And the darkening of his eyes that let him look more dangerous than he actually was.

Marianna looked around her. What did it look like she was doing? " I´m going away".

Rath stopped with all his heigth, that was pretty high considering Mariannas small size, in front of her. How could she be so calm about everything. " That´s very easy, isn´t it? Just bailing when it gets tough".

" I´m not bailing. I´m just trying to make it easier for everyone. You made it absolutely clear that I´m not welcomed here anymore", Marianna wouldn´t back down from Rath, no matter how threatenly he seemed he was. Besides it was his fault that she felt that way now.

Rath wouldn´t hold his anger back this time. Everytime they fought she got her way and he was okay with that. But not now. This topic was too important. " I´ve never said that nor did I give any indication that I wanted you gone. That was all your idea".

Marianna laughed out loud. Did he actually listen to the things he said? Now he tried to turn the table and make everything her fault. Again. " If you think so. In fact I don´t care what you think anymore. Let me just go and forget this conversation ever happened".

" I don´t want to forget. And you´re not going anywhere", Rath crossed his arms over his chest and tried to block her way. If she wanted to go, she had to walk through him first. And that was a hard task considering his tall body.

Marianna knew what he wanted to do. But it wouldn´t work. If he wanted to prevent her from leaving she would use her powers to move him if she had to. " Do you think you scare me with your tactics? If yes then I have to disappoint you. I´m not scared of you". To prove her point she pushed him aside and walked past him.

Rath on the other hand expected it and shoot his arm out to get a tight grip on her backpack. With a quick move he pulled it from her shoulder and threw it on the ground a few feets away." And what do you wanna do now?".

" What I should have done the first time. Goodbye Rath", Marianna left the backpack were it was and went away. But she didn´t came far, because at the end of the corridor was a solid wall of soldiers. Everybody standing shoulder by shoulder. There wasn´t a way out of the castle. Marianna turned to Rath and send him a deathglare. Why was he making such a fuss about her dissapearing? " Now what? Do you want to lock me up in the dungeon?".

Rath stepped closer to Marianna. He got her where he wanted her actually. She was trapped here if she wanted or not. " If I have to do that to keep you here. Then yes".

" Dammit Rath. You can´t keep me prisoner", Marianna finally lost her patience with him. It was one thing to go against one person, but she knew that she wouldn´t have a chance against the whole army. He was absolutely serious. Damn.

Rath wanted to smile at the picture of a furious Marianna. She was so damn sexy when she got angry. But he wasn´t finished with his plan yet. " I can do whatever I want. I have the privileg to imprison a person if I think she is a threat to others or to herself".

" Finally you admit it. You think I´m a danger to others. This is just about keeping an eye on me, because I could pass valid information to the enemy, isn´t it?", Marianna was extremely hurt and sad about the accusation. How could he be so cold toward her, after all they went through.

Rath exploded at that. " I didn´t say that", he didn´t came further than that, because in that moment Vilandra stretched her head out of her door and looked at him.

" What is going on here?".

Rath put her off with a wink of his arm. " That´s none of your business".

Vilandra saw the rage in Raths eyes. Something was obviously going on. She turned to the other side and saw Marianna standing there with many soldiers behind her. Oh shit. Rath was laying the blame on Mariannas shoulders and wanted to arrest her. Or why else would he need back up when not for that. No Vilandra couldn´t let that happen. " Rath don´t do it. Please. It´s not her fault. If you want someone to blame then blame me".

Rath glanced at Vilandra like she lost her mind. What was she talking about? " Huh?".

" I invited the enemy into the castle. I didn´t know it at the time, but I was involved with Mariannas brother. And I think he used me for information", Vilandra wanted to draw Raths anger in her direction, because he would be more gentle with her than with Marianna. After all she was family.

Rath shook his head. He had to misheard himself. Because it sounded like Vilandra was the one who brought all this death and destruction. " Excuse me? Did I hear correctly? You had a thing with the enemy?".

Marianna had the feeling to defend her friend in that case. It wasn´t Vilandras fault what happened. " But she had no idea that he was the enemy then".

" You knew about that!".

Vilandra and Marianna both winced at the high pitched question. Maybe they should go in a safe distance before he blasted everything around them. Marianna was the first who dared to move a little back, just in case it could get dangerous. " Yeah".

" That´s fantastic. And when did you plan to inform the rest of us about this important message?", Rath had slight problems to control his powers. He could feel them building inside him and it seemed like they wanted out fast.

Vilandra saw the change in him and placed herself behind Marianna, who was watching with fear how Rath´s hands began to glow in a white light and his body began to emit a unbelievable heat. " Calm down".

Rath stared intently at Vilandra. She was telling him to calm down after he learned that someone he thought as a sister was responsible for the death of his parents and someone who he loved more than anything was keeping secrets from him? " You should be hanged for that. Or at least thrown in the dungeon for treason".

Marianna was shocked about what left Raths mouth. Did he just wish the death to the closest thing to a sister he still had? Didn´t he have a heart anymore? What happened to the person she fell in love? He acted as cold as Khiver had towards her and she knew how hurtful that could be. " How can you say that to her? Are you mental?".

" She was involved with the enemy. That´s a crime against the kingdom", Rath didn´t pay attention to Vilandra nor did he care about her condition.

Marianna had enough from Rath´s behaviour. Someone had to stand up to him. " Great. If that´s the case then you have to arrest me, too. In case you´ve forgot I´m related to the enemy"

Rath didn´t know what to retort to that. He looked at Vilandra, who was crying softly behind her hands and then to Marianna. She was glaring at him like he was the most coldhearted person on this planet. And he couldn´t blame her. He acted like a jerk the last few days. But he couldn´t handle the loss of his family and the obligation he took over from his father. Everything was just too much for him at the moment. So without saying a word he turned around and went to his room. There he almost destroyed the door when he slammed it shut.

Marianna faced Vilandra and saw the sadness in her stance. After all she went through it was no wonder. Slowly she embraced her and tried to calm her down. She was ressuring her that she shouldn´t take what Rath said personally. He was a jackass and would probably feel horrible when he realized what he had done in his blind rage. Over Vilandras shoulder she saw Larek making his way to them. Suddenly a breaking noise from Raths chamber was startling everyone. Immediately she released Vilandra and went to the door. Before she opened it she looked back to the others. Thankfully Larek took care of Vilandra and brought her back into her room. The soldiers had made a hasty retreat also. Now there was just her and Rath. Cautiously she pushed the door open and peek inside. What she saw then made her blood run cold. On the left sidewall was a hole just over the bed. Marianna stepped further into the chamber and saw Rath sitting on the ground with a bloody hand. He had obviously put it through the hard wall.

I can´t remember anything

Can´t tell if this is true or dream

Deep down inside I fell to scream

This terrible silence stops me

" Do you feel better now?".

Rath looked up from his position and Marianna felt really bad for her comment. The sadness in his eyes was unbearable for her. She never saw him this broken before. " What do you want. I thought you wanted to go".

Marianna detected the resigned tone in his voice. Carefully she walked to him and sat beside him. " Do you want to talk about it?".

" About what?", Rath looked at his injured hand again.

Marianna felt that it wouldn´t be too long before everything broke out of him. And she wanted to be there for him when that happened. " Oh I don´t know. Maybe the fact that your family is dead or why your acting so heartless the last few days".

Rath jumped to his feet the moment she mentioned his family. He didn´t want to talk about it. Not now. He wouldn´t stand it. " There´s nothing to talk".

Now that the war is through with me

I´m waking up I can not see

That there is not much left of me

Nothing is real but pain now

" I beg to differ. I know that you´re hurting like the rest of us. But it´s not healthy to keep it inside", Marianna slowly arose from the ground and went to Rath. He wasn´t in control of his powers at the moment, which meant he hadn´t a wall protecting his emotions. Everything he felt now, Marianna could sense. And it wasn´t pleasant.

Rath tried to fight against the tears. He wasn´t allowed to cry. After all he was a man and it wasn´t really manly to show any kind of weakness. " Stop it. Just leave me alone".

Marianna saw that she had him almost so far that it wouldn´t last long before he cracked. She didn´t want to be so cruel, but she had no other choice. He had to mourn and let everything out or he would always carry this hate with him until it would eat him up slowly. And she wanted to prevent that from happening. " No. I´m staying right here".

" What do you wanna hear from me?", Rath turned to Marianna and glared at her. Why couldn´t she let him be and finally go away? He was about to explode and he didn´t want her to be here to see that. " That I´m not up to the pressure? Or that I failed protecting my family? Or that I don´t know why I stand up in the morning?".

Hold my breath as I wish for death

Oh please god wake me

Back in the womb it´s much too real

In pumps life that I must feel

But can´t look forward to reveal

Look to the time when I´ll live

Marianna laid a hand on his shoulder. Partly for letting him now that he wasn´t alone and partly for supporting him to let everything out. " It´s normal to feel that way and nothing to be ashamed of".

Rath couldn´t bear her touch and wrest himself away from her. Then he walked to his window and looked out of it. Maybe she would understand his meaning and leave his room. But when he felt her presence behind him, he knew that she didn´t get it. " Please. Can´t you just do what I say and let it go".

" Why do you fight so hard against your feelings?", Marianna wouldn´t give up now. Not when she finally succeed in knocking a few stones out of his wall around him. He would have done the same with her and he couldn´t expect less from her.

Rath braced his hands on the window ledge and hung his head. " Because I´m afraid".

Marianna bent closer to him. He was whispering so quiet that she almost didn´t hear him. " Afraid of what?"

" Afraid to perish of pain. If I start mourning then my family is really gone and I don´t think I can cope with that".

Fed through the tube that sticks in me

Just like a wartime novelty

Tied to machines that make me be

Cut this life off from me

Marianna could sympathize with him in that matter. She herself thought she was protected from pain if she didn´t think about it too much. But she had been wrong and knew that now. Rath shouldn´t make the same mistake she did, because it wouldn´t help anyone if he tried to throw one´s way around and then he broke down at the worst time. " But mourning means you´re on the way to heal. If you repress everything you will never heal".

" And what would be so bad about that? Maybe that´s my punishment for failing".

Marianna grasped Rath and turned him around. Then she lifted his head with her hand until she had eye contact with him. " Don´t even think that, alright? It´s not your fault. Things happen and we can´t do anything against it. You can´t always save everyone".

Raths eyes filled with tears at that. That would have been something his father would have told him. " I can´t take this pain. It´s simply too much for me".

Marianna slowly pulled Rath at her body and wrapped her arm around him. Immediately she felt him clinging to her tightly. After that the dam finally broke and Rath let the tears fall. Carefully she stroked his back soothingly. " You don´t have to go through this alone. I´ll be on your side as long as it takes".

Hold my breath as I wish for death

Oh please god wake me

Now the world is gone I´m just one

Oh god help me hold my breath as I wish for death

Oh please God help me

Raths complete body shook with his sobs and he held onto Marianna like she was a lifeline. He was glad that she didn´t go away. He hoped that she could ever forgive him the things he threw at her. He never wanted to hurt her actually. If it wasn´t for her he would still be stuck in this black hole in which he couldn´t come out anymore. But she reached out for him and was slowly pulling him out of it. With her help he surely would survive this wounds and learn from them.

Marianna couldn´t hold Raths weight on top of hers any longer and navigated them to the bed. It was a bit difficult, because he didn´t release her. But in the end she managed to get him on the mattress and in a lying position. Finally she got him to ease his hold on her, althrough he didn´t let her go completely. But now she could comfort him and not break her back in the process. Tenderly she caressed his head while he griefed. Every once in a while she spoke encouraging words to him and let him feel that she was here and wouldn´t go anywhere. After a long time his tears stopped and he just fell asleep. Marianna continued touching him through. She watched while he slept and made a promise to him that she would always be there for him and they would let Khivar suffer for this. This was not the end, but just the beginning of a bloody war.

TBC