31/12/1969 17:16:00

Side A

Track Two
A Glint of Envy

I suppose I should address my jealousy problem. Well…believe it or not, it's really not much of a problem anymore.

At first, I hated him. Wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. But after some strange turn of events, we became friends. Honest to God, we were. We were always doing things together, and my best friend…well, he was pretty jealous. Throughout the course of a year, the things that I had been known to excel at were slipping away from me. They started going to him. He started to surpass me, get all the attention, and take what I wanted for myself. We started being around each other less and less because I was bitter.

It was when he started getting other friends when I really lost it. When we became friends, he had no one, more or less. I felt like I helped make him who he was. It was my work, and I was getting no credit at all. I finally blew up and told him exactly how I felt. I told him I was jealous of him, that I wanted everything t hat he had. I also informed him of my hatred towards him.

After that, as you can imagine, we didn't talk anymore or see each other much. Nevertheless, I would make wake up a few times a week thinking only about how much I loathed him. I tried so hard to outshine him. He actually caught me a few times, embarrassing me so my hate only grew.

It was just my best friend and I again…which I was fine with. I actually tried to mend the friendship between him and I a few times. But it always backfired. I would find something else to be jealous of, and after that, I wanted nothing to do with him.

After quite awhile of not seeing or hearing from each other, my feelings towards him were more or less indifferent. My hate and jealousy had pretty much subsided. That is, until I found out my best friend had started spending time with him. To me, it happened so randomly…but that's probably because I was too wrapped up in my own world to see it. Too busy with my half-formed plans and ideas that were racing through my mind to pay attention to what was slowly unfolding.

So here I am now…I don't really see much of him anymore.

I don't see much of my best friend anymore either.

I suppose that I'm still jealous…
But the envy is really just an undertone of the apathy.

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