Chapter 9: Fights and Worries

It was nearly five in the morning when James finally apparated home. He'd walked back to Potter Manor around two, stumbling drunk, and taken a potion to sober him up. He'd slept there for a couple of hours, then come home to get ready for work. He had to be in at seven.

As he slowly pushed the front door open to his home at Godric's Hollow, James uttered a silent prayer that his wife would be in bed asleep, but that was too much to hope for. He saw her, drowsing in the armchair near the long extinguished fire. He sighed deeply, mentally hitting himself over the head again. He'd talk to her after work and straighten things out.

James walked into the kitchen and started to make a pot of very strong coffee to get him through the day.

Lily woke to hear someone rummaging around in her kitchen. Acting mostly on instinct, she grabbed her wand and snuck into the hallway. She peered around the corner into the kitchen but couldn't see anyone.

"Who's there?" she called, wand drawn, leaping out from the shadows. James turned around so fast that he banged his head on the cabinet above him.

"Oh, bugger!" he shouted, grabbing his head in pain. "Damn, you scared the hell out of me," he said, looking at Lily in annoyance.

"Oh," she said flatly. "It's you."

Lily turned and walked out of the kitchen.

James sighed. It appeared that he wouldn't be talking to her after work. It would have to be now, or she might change the locks on him before he managed to get home. He followed her back to the sitting room.

"C'mon, love," James said softly, trying to hug her.

"No!" Lily shouted, her fury bursting forth, bright and hot. "Don't 'C'mon, love'! You left, James! I told you that I was pregnant with your bloody child and you left!"

"Oh, you knew I was coming back, Lil!" James replied, annoyed that this was being so blown out of proportion. "I told you I'd meet you at home."

"Yes, I knew you were coming back. I knew that you'd meet me at home, until it got to be midnight, then one in the morning, then two, then three! What the hell was I supposed to think? I started to wonder if there'd been and attack, if you'd been killed, even!"

James opened his mouth only to realize that he had no response to that.

"I see you're perfectly fine, though," Lily snapped. "Now I can kill you myself!"

"I wasn't leaving you!" James shouted back, now angry.

"Well, it sure as hell felt like it!" Lily shouted. "I don't understand you, James. You said we'd be together through the hard times and the easy things! You said that in your wedding vows, James! Why? Why did you have to run off with all of your stupid little friends instead of coming to me? Why couldn't we have done this together?"

"I-I just couldn't deal with all of it. I'm eighteen years old, damn it! You're younger than I am! We're not ready to be parents, Lily!"

"Well, we're going to have to be. This child is coming whether you like it or not, James!" Something suddenly faltered inside of her, the fire associated with an argument left her eyes. "Unless," she said softly. "Unless you don't want the baby…." She let her words hang in the air for a moment. James stared at her in shock, the sadness in her eyes and voice breaking through his anger and frustration.

"You-you're not talking about…" he broke off, hesitant to speak the words.

"Aborting the baby?" Lily was crying now, tears falling slowly down her cheeks. "I-I don't want to do it, James, but I will. I will, if that's what you want." She sounded so broken that James almost stopped her right there, almost pulled her into his arms, but her next words stunned him.

"I l-love you, James. I'd d-d-do anything to stay with you. So, I'll go and have the baby aborted. I'm s-s sorry. So s-s-sorry," she was sobbing in earnest now, and James did go to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her tiny frame.

"You actually think that I would really leave you?" He asked, rubbing slow, soothing circles over her back.

"I though y-you had," Lily replied, clutching his shirt in her fist.

"No," James said. "No, no, no. I would never leave you, Lily. Never. I love you." He sighed, resting his chin atop her head. "There's nothing you could ever do to make me want to leave you. Nothing." He emphasized the word by dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

"Really?" Lily sniffled, looking up at him, her eyes guarded.

"Really," James promised. "And I don't want you to abort this baby, Lily." The shock in her eyes broke his heart. "I can't believe you would even think that I would want that," he added, his brow creased. How could he have been so stupid, he wondered. He had left her, no matter what he said, he couldn't make that go away. He had hurt her, hurt her so badly that she was questioning his feelings for her, wondering if he would want her to kill their child. He was a bloody idiot!

"I-I don't know," Lily said softly. "When you didn't come home, I just thought that it was because of the baby and that if I didn't have the baby, you would come back." It sounded stupid, now, even to her own ears.

"I'm sorry," James said softly. "I'm so sorry, love-" He cut off quickly as Lily pulled out of his arms, sprinting for the bathroom. James followed to see her retching terribly into the toilet. He knelt down next to her and pulled her hair back with one hand, rubbing her back and shoulders soothingly with the other. When she finished, he handed her a bath towel to wipe her mouth.

Lily leaned into him, needing his warmth and comfort. She buried her face in his neck, and James leaned back against the wall, holding her.

"It's okay, love," he said softly, still rubbing her back. "I'm here, now, okay? I promise, I'm here for you. I'll never leave you again."

"Promise?" Lily murmured weakly.

"I swear, I will never, ever leave you alone again," James promised, squeezing her tightly. "I love you, Lily. And I love this baby." He pressed his hand gently against her stomach. Lily closed her eyes, leaning into him even more fully.

"Don't you have to work?" Lily asked him softly after several long minutes had passed.

"I'm too hungover, and you're sick," James replied, grinning slightly.

"You're not hungover in the slightest, and I'm not sick; I'm pregnant," Lily replied.

"Yeah, but Moody doesn't have to know that, does he?" Lily laughed as he kissed her softly. They spent the rest of the day together, talking about the baby, talking about the things they should have discussed the night before, and holding each other all day long.

Lily's first Healer's appointment with Alice was scheduled for the following day. Alice was not exactly overjoyed by Lily's condition.

"I just don't understand how this happened. I gave you muggle birth-control pills, and you were using contraceptive charms, right?" she asked, concerned as she examined her friend.

"Contraceptive charms?" James asked, blankly.

"I've used them…well, at least, I've almost always used them. I may have forgotten once or twice," Lily said with a slight blush.

"Well, it's no wonder, then," Alice said reprovingly. "Didn't I tell you that your body needed time to recover before having a baby, Lily? I told you, I know that I told you, that it wouldn't be safe to have children for two or three years after a serious attack of Crucio Renovo like you experienced."

"Why did I not know any of this?" James asked, reaching for Lily's hand, concerned.

"I didn't want to worry you," Lily muttered, squeezing his hand gently.

"I asked you, love. I asked what you were doing for birth control, and you said that it was taken care of," James muttered, frustrated.

"Well, it was! I was taking the muggle pills, and I was using the charms! I just…forgot…once," Lily muttered with a blush.

"How can you forget something like that?" Alice exclaimed, exasperated.

"Well, if you must know," Lily snapped in return, "It was the night after James and I had that horrible fight over that stupid woman in the office. I was a bit emotional that night, if you can recall, and it sort of slipped my mind."

Alice glanced at James, who looked just as stunned as she was.

"Well," Alice said after a long and uncomfortable pause. "I suppose that means that we know you're about one month along, now." She smiled with a confidence that she didn't feel. "You haven't had any problems with CR in a couple of weeks, and you're healthy in all other respects, so I don't think that there should be any problems, but I want to see you weekly, just to be cautious."

"I see you just about every day, Ally," Lily said.

"I mean that I want to see you here."

Lily sighed, petulantly. She hated St. Mungo's. It always felt strange to her, like she was being held captive there.

"Fine."

"So," James said as they walked from the apparition point to their home in Godric's Hollow.

"So," Lily repeated.

"Why didn't you tell me that we weren't supposed to get pregnant?"

Lily looked up at him, trying to decipher his tone. He didn't sound or look particularly angry, but he certainly wasn't happy.

"I don't know," Lily said softly. "I didn't want to worry you. I thought that I had it under control."

"Obviously not," James replied.

"Well, obviously, no." They walked in silence for several long moments.

"I could have helped, you know," James said finally. Lily looked at him, questioning. "I could have helped you to remember. Plus, there's other spells that I could have used, for extra insurance." Lily remained silent, not looking at him. "I mean, if it's dangerous to your health-"

"I'm fine!" Lily snapped, pulling her hand out of his and stomping ahead.

"I know that!" James replied, jogging a bit to keep up with her. "I'm just saying, you could have shared this with me, then maybe we wouldn't be in this position!"

"Position?" Lily repeated, incredulously, turning on the spot to face him. "Position? You're calling me being pregnant with your child a 'position'? I'm happy, James! I want this baby! I want to bear your children! It's part of what I'm meant to do, and I know that! I want to start a family with you, to raise a child in a home with love like the love I never got to experience after my parents died! Don't you understand that?" She was so angry that she felt tears pricking her eyes. Besides, who was he to lecture her about talking when things went wrong? He was the one who'd run off and drunk himself half to death after she told him she was pregnant!

"Of course I do," James said softly, his eyes softening as he looked at her. "I'm just worried about you, alright? It's my job to worry about you. It's what I do, love." He stepped forward, taking her hand in his. "I want to have children with you, too," he said softly, bringing the knuckle of her right hand to his lips and kissing it gently. "But, I'm worried about the toll that pregnancy might take on your health right now. We're young, love. We have all the time in the world to have our family."

"We already do have a family," Lily replied, taking one hand from his and placing it against her stomach. James smiled, looking down at it.

"I know," he said, placing his hand over hers. "But, you can't blame me for worrying about the timing of all this." Lily nodded, and James pulled her in for a gentle kiss.

"It's going to be alright," Lily said softly. "Alice gave me some prenatal vitamins and she prescribed several potions to help keep the baby healthy. We're going to be just fine." James nodded, taking her hand again and walking toward home.

A/N: Okay, so it's a little bit short, but at least I updated quickly this time!

Please review! As always, I don't care if you just say "Cute story! I like it!" or "Crappy story! I hate it!" (Although I'd prefer option one of these examples :) but please drop me a review to let me know that you've been here and are reading. I respond to all reviews that I can, even anonymous reviews, as long as I get your e-mail.

Love from,

Lyny Angell