Blair Waldorf Journal Entry # 3:
Can't sleep. Thank God today was Saturday, I didn't see any of them. You know, I'm not mad at any of them, Would I have done anything differently if I had been Serena or Chuck or Nate or even Jenny? Dan always does the 'right thing' so that's something I would never do. It's hard to be mad at Serena but it's so easy to hate her. I can't be mad at her though.
The more I distance myself from her the more I can remember the good memories I have when Serena was really my best friend. I can't help but hope that my best friend is still there, and sometimes I can see her, just beneath the surface. And I know she's trapped too and I can see her and hear her screaming my name and I want to help but I know I can't. Even if I tried she wouldn't let me.
I hate not being able to fix things and I hate being someone who needs to be fixed. I'm sick of only being able to recall good memories from the past, none from the present and none for the future and not being able to make any because I'm so down all the time. I guess I really do have a case of the mean reds.
I went to church the other morning out of boredom and boredom alone. I've never been a religious person but I've always thought of it as a nice but frivolous novelty to be whipped out for weddings and holidays. Anyway someone snapped a picture of me.
I haven't heard from my mother in three days, I wonder when she plans on coming home. I've gotten so used to being on my own it's a shame when she comes back!
Blair Waldorf Journal Entry # 4:
Chuck and Vanessa are together. I have to write it down because later when I try and convince myself it's not real I'll look back and see it's true. I saw them after school, they held hands and kissed. I don't know if this is another game to make me or Nate jealous or something like that. I walked past them and just pretended that I am indeed used to that familiar sting of a thousand needles penetrating my chest all at once. No matter how many times it happens I never get used to it. I'm just a better actress now.
I don't even know what to say about this. Am I supposed to say anything? What am I supposed to do how am I supposed to react? I cant feel anything right now, its like when the dentist drugs you, you don't feel good but you don't feel bad. You don't feel anything at all.
Everyone watched me leave, I think they all expected me to have some sort of breakdown but I wouldn't give those bitches the satisfaction. They don't need to know that I shoved my finger down my throat the minute I got home and I don't care if Dorota heard me. Maybe I'll go to bed now.
Serena Van der Woodsen needed to find Blair Waldorf and fast. Unfortunately Lily was not happy about her daughters reent foray into the socialista world and was wondering what happened to Blair. When Serena hinted that they may have gotten into a fight and that she was spending her time with Poppy now, Lily reminded her, not so gently mind you, that if Poppy became the new Georgina then Serena would join her former friend in penance boot camp. That is why Serena needed Blair. Also somewhere deep down, the part of Serena, Blair's best friend, that still remained was worried about Blair considering the recent developments between Chuck and Vanessa.
Serena spotted Blair walking into the courtyard before school; she quickly jumped up to the other girl's side.
"Look we have to at least keep up appearances and I know that you like hate me or whatever, but we should at least have lunch together okay?" Serena said without as much as a 'hello'.
Blair rolled her eyes in agreement and walked away as fast as her legs could take her.
Later that day at lunchtime Blair sat down at a table in the courtyard and was soon joined by Serena who was quickly followed by Nate the Jenny, Eric, Dan, Chuck and Vanessa who dropped by to visit for lunch. Just as everyone at the table was thinking of a good excuse to leave a Gossip Girl blast landed.
Spotted in the Courtyard: The fab four reunited, but where is any superstar quartet without their groupies? And does this mean B has accepted the union of C and V? Are S and B back to besties? And what does N have to say about all of this after being MIA for so long?
Blair slid her phone shut, rolled her eyes and looked away from the rest of the group. Vanessa was the one to break the silence.
"So who exactly are the 'fab four'? I didn't really get that," she asked.
"That would be Blair Serena Chuck and Nate," Eric explained.
The group sat in an awkward silence for the rest of the period, though none of them dared to move until it was time for Vanessa to leave. Blair wasn't the only one to notice that Chuck made no motion to even register that she had left at all.