Another preview chapter of:
Bad Religion
By Ryu no Sendo Tenshi
Chapter 1: Ode to Jashin!! Or; How did Naruto come to love Jashin
--
Religion played a role in the subplots of all the societies in a universe.
Religion gave people the hopes of somebody one day saving them from the Hell describe as the Earth. People came up with these different religion for many reasons. They thought it was right, that devoting themselves to a high being, their salvation would come... or some "lesser" people just... "thunk" it up in a dream. That is if "thunk" is a word. Religions, religions, one of the things that became so powerful under a little time like three millenniums.
Religion was the thing that fueled people especially these two here.
--
No amount of faith was the same in the mind of young Naruto Uzumaki as now.
If anything, with the trouble happening in his life, Naruto didn't even believe in a god or a higher being like most ninjas, who called out "Kami" ever time they went to battle. Some didn't belief in God like him, being more to the Atheist side but Naruto wouldn't be too shocked that there was a god out there. He surely did believe that there was the Death God, the Shinigami as that the contributing fact to the sealing of Kyuubi in his body. His personification of a subject such as "God" was a being of either no existence or an existence made to cruelly play games with human life. This "God" or "Goddess"; Naruto wasn't into the society's view of a male god; could be all-knowing but evil and disturbing like society's view on the "Devil" or rather "The King Of Makai". Makai, was described as a fiery, burdened underground place where all demon laired with the King. And guess what? All the villagers was saying to him that he belong there because, in fact, he was the nine tailed fox, Kyuubi.
Now, Naruto wasn't a dumb boy, never. He didn't even believe that there was a demon inside him and not because of being dumb or oblivious to the "Sealing of Kyuubi" but rather... denied the demon's existence. See the whole Atheist movement?
Kyuubi would sneer and drear inside the mind and body of our young hero. "Child, I'm am true. My existence is in you and nobody, not even you, can deny it!!"
However, Naruto did and went on with his life, concluding that he went insane after all the beatings on him that were desperately not justified.
"Yoooou pitiful human."
"I'm just insane, I'm just insane." Naruto would repeat this manta in his little yellow head and went on being happy-go-lucky. After last night with Mizuki and the whole going "badass" on him, leaving Mizuki severely bleeding and on the bring of dying, Naruto was tired. Sometimes, he would stumble and almost fall blindly, before realizing this and get up in time before falling harshly to the ground. He felt drunk, not that he has ever consumed an alcoholic beverage but drunkards usually stumbled and fell like what he was doing. He was trying so hard to stand straight but it prove fruitless.
And also the cause of this fatigue was his constant feeling of training... or rather his insanity was making him do this.
"You dare stain your lips as tell me that my presence is just your sanity lost?! I wish I can rush from my cage and swallow your soul!! Damn that insufferable human that is the Yondaime."
Naruto shook his head as in pain although he was not. Soon this voice will go away, soon...
Naruto dragged himself to the academy, trying to carry himself to his seat in class. When he opened the doors into the academy very roughly, looking terrible to his classmates, everybody turned as soon as they heard him come in. When Naruto passed by a row, one of his classmates named Shikamaru Nara struck a conversation with him, lazily.
"Hey, Naruto. You forgetting or something? You failed didn't you? Aren't only passing students should be here today?"
But Naruto, not really think Shikamaru existed, pulled up a prompted middle finger as he stumbled to his seat, which was next to Sasuke Uchiha. Sasuke Uchiha himself looked at Naruto with some interest.
"Didn't you fail, dopey?" Sasuke huffed.
Naruto looked at him with soulless blue eyes. "Fuck off, Sasuke and move over right now 'fore I kill you."
Sasuke moved over even after Naruto said that. Just like Naruto-- he was tolerant sometimes and others, he was really weird. Naruto fell next to Sasuke and sighed as he closed his bloodshot, redden and sleepy blue eyes. Even the chattering of conversation from his peers could not stop him from...
"SASUKE-KUN!! I'M HERE!!"
...from sleeping...
Naruto jumped up and looked to the entrance with everybody else. There stood the loudest, rowdy bunch of enemies ever, Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka.
"You GOT to be kidding me." Naruto mumbled. Even though he had the biggest crush on Sakura Haruno and a smaller one on Ino Yamanaka (probably because of her looks, blonds was really attractive to him especially because he was one), he could not even begin to say he hated when they screeched 'Sasuke-kun!!'.
Now why could be like weird but kind and reliable Hinata Hyuuga? She was pretty and quiet who was the only girl who didn't scream that emo's name all the time. Actually, he heard her say "Naruto-kun" under her breath all the time.
Naruto sweatdropped. Okay... back to Sakura and Ino.
'What the hell they see in the onyx bastard? Come on, his hairdo isn't even cool!! It looks like a rooster's ass!! What, they want boy who rather slit their wrist and write depressing poetry than go out with the Naruto?!' Naruto exclaimed in his mind because he really didn't have much strength to talk out loud.
"You humans suck!!"Kyuubi popped rather randomly in the background. "Especially your human girls. So filled with that things, what's it called 'Emotions'? A true demon doesn't need 'emotions' to fight!! You should follow my example, boy."
'...WHY MUST I BE INSANE?!' Naruto said inside him. 'Why am I always talking to myself or rather, why does my conscience talk to me?! Waa!!'
"..." Kyuubi, for once... stayed quiet and offered no response.
Naruto growled out loud, Sasuke hearing it and looked at Naruto with a questioned face. 'Since when Naruto growls?'
Sakura jumping down at Sasuke with Ino on her tail, looked at Sasuke with an lovingly face. "Hi, Sasuke-kun!! How are you doing today?" Sakura cooed.
Sasuke just grunted and stared into space. Naruto was promptly snoring like a lawnmower. Ino spoke for Sasuke. "Sasu-kun don't want to speak to you, forehead!! Right, Sasuke?" She softly added in the end to Sasuke, batting her eyelashes.
Sasuke offered nothing else but a grunt. Sakura growled and almost launched her forehead into Ino's face. Her teeth bared near Ino's face. "What you said, Ino-pig?!"
Another student in the crowd whistled out loud as he stood. He had a gray blue jacket on and held a dog in his taloned hands. "Hey, there's going to be a big cat fight. Ino 'The Screeching Bat' Yamanaka versus 'Mountain Top' Sakura Haruno. I got money on Sakura cracking Ino in the face with her big ol' forehead!!"
"SHUT UP, KIBA!!" Sakura and Ino tag-teamed the mutt-smelling, aspiring ninja.
"Can both of you... SHUT UP ALREADY!!" A voice screamed out. Sakura and Ino turned their heads like wheels and looked for the source. Naruto Uzumaki. "Sasuke doesn't want to speak to the both of you and I just want some fucking sleep!! So please, sit your asses somewhere else and stop fucking screaming!!"
"..." Everybody's conversations end. Everybody quieted down and stare at Naruto Uzumaki. Never in their lives did they believe they see the day Naruto was irritated by Sakura Haruno, his crush, who he would act funny with like a loyal puppy around. A day indeed. Either they were staring at Naruto very unbelievably or really had a state of shock on their faces. Classic.
"..." Ino and Sakura looked at Naruto with wide anime eyes. Never would Naruto ever say something like that to them. Their shock had gotten even more larger when Sasuke actually nodded!!
Standing there, almost smacked out of reality, the two girl never heard Iruka Umino come in and annouce the teams.
"Team 7! Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha. Teams, report in tomorrow in designated room numbers, dismissed!"
--
"I can believe this, this... this travesty!! My container doesn't deserve such a weak team!! He deserve the best and the best only!! How do you expect to become the strongest if you work with incompetent weaklings such as these two?! The first one, the pink haired-harpy's screech can only kill the strongest demon possibly me and that black haired boy who makes everybody believe he's suffering but that just overly done melodramatic teen angst!!"
"I want to go get some ramen but I don't have money." Naruto sobbed to himself, just ignoring the demonic voice scowling on Naruto's team arrangement. "WHY MUST I BE PLAGUED?!"
"-And that damned, FOUL, smell of those humans make me want to puke!! Argh, snarl, gargle!!"
"I wonder if I could get some training before I go and buy lunch? I think so." Naruto continued to push the voice back into his head.
"My container deserves the world and I deserve the world also!! Right, container? Container?"
Naruto skipped, jumped and hopped down the road, promptly ignoring Kyuubi and the villagers' glares and nonplussed staring at him as he skipped, jumped, hopped. "You know, so soon, I will become Hokage and if any soul will try to stop me, so help me anybody, I will kill them!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!" He laughed maniacally and soon enter an euphoric world of him being the ruler of all of Konohagakure and the ruler of all flavors of ramen. "YEAH!! THEN, I WILL HAVE ALL THE FLAVORS OF RAMEN!! FROM OF MISO, TO CHICKEN, TO BROCCOLI, TO THE SUPREME-FLAVORED ONE,TO ALL 367 FLAVORS I CAN THINK OF!! MWHAHAHAHAHA!!"
His insane laughter created a tidal wave of fear and screaming. People almost had strokes when hearing the boy cry of killing and eating! "Oh my god, the Kyuubi is going to kill us all!!"
"What?! NO, I JUST STARTED HAVING MY MID-LIFE CRISIS, I CAN'T DIE TODAY!!" A older man with his white hair already thinning, hollered and ran around in circles. "I WANT MY MOMMY!!"
"Mommy, why are we running?" A young, naive girl said to her mother. The mother kept holding on to her child and then exclaimed back. "Because, honey, the Kyuubi is coming back to kill us all!! Come on we're getting out this hectic village."
And now, it came with more screaming, yelling, more fearful cries. It was so loud, Naruto was brought out his perfectly (destroyed) world and noticed people acting like raving lunatics. "Um... why is everybody jumping around like there's a new ramen sale, 67 percent off?"
"Because of you container!! You created this ruckus here. NOW, USE MY GODLY DEMONIC POWERS TO SHUT THEM UP!!" The demon itself cried anxiously to shut the "fleshbags" "pie-holes" up. However, it forgot that Naruto didn't believe in demons.
"Hmmm, you know, I think this has to do with me somehow."
"NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!! WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?!"
"Nah, why would they do that because of me." Naruto ignored Kyuubi again. "My conscience is really idiotic to think I, innocent Naruto J. Uzumaki, created this entropy here."
"And I wonder what the hell the 'J' stood for? Jackass maybe?!" Kyuubi roared to Naruto, still not getting the point that Naruto would not believe that there is a demon inside him.
"Aww, that guy just jumped off the building after writing his will. How sad."
"Oh, I give up. Wake me up when you realize that there is a presence in your body that willing to give power to destroy! I'm going back to sleep for another ten years or so. Maybe longer until this idiot believe in me!!" Kyuubi huffed and with that, fell back into the sleeping realm, where it dreamed of humans like his idiotic container taking power without no further excuses. "Man, I wish that Namikaze sealed me into an Uchiha. At least their power hungry and would of took the power without any hesitation." It lastly mumbled in his sleep.
--
(In the chambers of the Umbra of Naruto "Jackass" Uzumaki)
The mind of any person, even a fool like Naruto, things were altered to fit what the controller of the mind believed in.
Naruto wasn't so much a person in-tuned with his mind; explaining his intelligence, Kyuubi thought; so, it left him mind simple and clean. A dark place with sewer like things, the ground filled with dark, dirty and murky streams of waters with a forty-foot caged with a blood red fox's abode inside with a "tag" on it. In short, this little "tag" was really a cage seal that relinquished any escape power left in the malicious demon. That Namikaze was a genius...
Or a pure idiot. Why you ask this?
His son was not suppose to be this idiotic.
Kyuubi was a very impatience demon to begin with. It would do what It liked. If It felt like chewing on some taste "fleshbags" (or humans to some who don't get the "demonic dialog" of Kyuubi), It would. If It felt like their skins were getting stuck to its always-white fangs and their red, chunky flesh troublesome on it gums, it would use any poor tree as a toothpick; it wasn't like Kyuubi gave a shit about global warming or nature. If It felt like crashing in a village and just lay down on it like a crash pad of his, it would and not a soul, human, demon, or god could tell him otherwise. And why was it going to do this? Because It felt like it, that's why!! It was the King of All Demons, Its power rivaled that of the King of Makai and It would show why It deserve the title of "Master of the universe"!!
Just as soon as It escape this blasted seal!!
What was this Namikaze, a prodigy of Earth, an angel who was sent down to give him divine punishment... or was it Makai-sama's demonic servant to make sure nobody could test his power. Yes, that's it!! It was the King of Makai who did this to him and the Namikaze bastard was the Juubi in a humanly form. Ooh, fuck that Makai bastard and fuck that pesky Namikaze!!
Kyuubi knew it was the laughing stock of Makai. (1) It could already hear that damn tanuki laughing his sandy, saggy ass of with that puny tail flocking in the air while that damn fire-breathing hacking fireball from her belly. And then, the turtle spinning in its shell, the rooster bastard chuckling, the wolf fucker wagging his tail in pleasure like a little puppy, the weasel cracking jokes about this travesty, the badger laughing his ass off with Shukaku and Its greatest adversary laughing it up like it was destiny. (2)
Ooooh, It would be destiny for him to get revenge. So much revenge like JELLY!!
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I WILL SLAUGHTER ALL AS SOON I GIVE MY KIT THE POWER OF KYUUBI NO KITSUNE, THEN MY REVENGE WILL BE EXACT!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ...as soon as he start believing in me! But how to do so?" Kyuubi questioned Itself. Naruto was too simple-minded or too complex to trick into being given the power to rise to the top of any food pyramid. (Food pyramid?)
Naruto would listen to a demonic god so... wait... there lied the solution to this dilemma!!
"Naruto Jackass Uzumaki, even you will give in to Kyuubi no Kitsune and only then, will we rule the world... well, mostly me. Now, I will sit here and laugh my eyes out. Here I go!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
--
"Naruto..."
"Huh? Who said that?" Naruto woke up from his little dream of being Hokage, ruler of ramen and ruler of all the pretty girls in class (which included Sakura, Ino and even Hinata). "Who's there?"
"Naruto, it's me, silly." A very feminine disembodied voice's giggled as it also broke through the ears of Naruto out of nowhere. Was it coming through his window, his sealing, his floor, under his bed?!
"Who are you?! If I know you are, I wouldn't forget you." Naruto declared. "That's my word, believe it!"
'Oh god with that "Believe it" crap, I need more cool as lines!!' Naruto said. 'I don't think they sell them anymore around here.'
He could feel the voice's face converting in a pout. (WTF?) "Naruto, hun, you ignored me many of the times before."
"Wait... are you my conscience?"
"No, Naruto, I am a presence of different kind. I am the Ky-- urr... Biuuyk and I have a problem." The voice sounded like it came from a state of depression and was starting to go back into it.
"What is it, Biuuyk? It's alright, I'm here." Naruto said, trying to comfort her. "Tell old Naruto what's wrong."
"Well, it's so sad to say. I don't want to trouble you, Naruto-san."
"Call me Naruto-kun."
"Naruto-kun, you are so kind and you just met me."
"Well that's what heroes do, Kyuu." Naruto gave the voice a real thumbs up. "Now come on, spill me your story."
"Well..." The voice melodramatically "sniffed" (if that was realistically possible). "It started twelve years on October 12th. It started as a good day, I was just traveling on a road and then, suddenly, a dirty looking man with golden eyes, pale skin and sickly purple eyeshadow popped out of existence and took me by the hair and d-dragged me to who knows where." The voice started, adding the stuttering to make the story seem more heart whelming.
"Go on." Naruto said.
She, the voice sniffed again. "And then, he started doing some weird hand seals saying, 'Boar, Dog Boar, Tiger' and cried out 'Karadaen'you no jutsu!' and then, I found myself trapped here, in your mind."
"My mind, but how?" Naruto said, now shocked, weird out and confused on how she go inside his mind.
"Oh, umm... urrr... well, I don't know exactly but I think he claimed and took my soul and implanted it in your body when your body. That would explain your seal."
"My seal?" Naruto asked.
"The black fiery-looking spiral on your navel."
"Oh! I thought it was some fine ass tattoo I don't remember getting but your story sounds accurate."
"Yeah... and now, I can't escape. I tried everything but I fear of hurting you."
"Hurting me? Explain."
"Well, if I leave your body, you will die and I don't want you to die, Naruto-kun. You don't deserve that after all the times you carried me as a burden." She said with sadness poisoning her voice.
"No... it's not true. I should of listened to you early. You was trying to contact me and I was foolishly try to ignore you." Naruto said with some blame. "I should have listen to you."
"No Naruto, there is another person inside you. Or rather... a demon."
"A demon?" Naruto blinked. "I thought they weren't really."
"Oh, they are, Naruto-kun. The demon's name is the Great, fabolous, stronger than ANYBODY... umm...It's name is Kyuubi no Kitsune and It's trying to take control of you."
"No way!!" Naruto said shocked.
"Yes, my pet-- my friend, hehe. It's trying to get out but the hero named Minato Namikaze, the fourth Hokage, sealed inside you explaining why the seal holds up. It holds both of us and mistakenly thinks I'm evil."
"How terrible!!" Naruto said, almost crying for her. "Is there anything I can help?"
"Yes, there is something you can do for me, young hero. You must combine my power with yours. My power is pure and good and so is yours. With the forces of good join together, we can kill the demon and free me and you can live your life, with me."
"Yes, that' what I will do!! Don't worry, Biuuyk-chan, I will save you from that demon." Naruto declared to her. "You betta believe it!!"
"Thank you, Naru-kun and please, call me Bi-chan. You deserve at least that. With you, we can stop that beast and rule... save the world from Its evil. We will be unstoppable!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Naruto started laughing to. "You're laughter is contagious! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
And soon, Naruto and Kyuu- I mean Bi-chan, laughed out loud to the world. The evil that was Kyuubi would be extinguished from this world.
"Woo... that was some good laughter."
"Yes, I agree, Naru-kun. By the way, can you I ask a question?"
"Yeah? Sure" Naruto asked.
"Have you ever heard of the god 'Jashin'?"
--
Alrighty, I couldn't resist to write another preview chapter of this. I hope you like it because I enjoyed typing this.
1) Makai- Hell
2) Tanuki- Raccoon dog
Notes: In number 2, it was the obvious reference to the tailed beasts. All the describing of all the demons comes from one f my stories, "Juubi". So, I hope it wasn't too confusing. If you don't know who "Bi-chan" is, than you're an idiot. I will answer any reviews that say "Is Bi-chan an OC?". Anyway, please review, much appreciated if you do. Thanks.