Chapter Eleven

Sleep-Deprived

Hermione didn't sleep. She wrote out solutions to her cases and tried new spells on the Horcrux book. She had hexed the thing even. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. It would never die. She had to start thinking of a safe place for it, someplace no one would ever find it.

Without slowing she cleaned. Her house was spotless by dawn in time before she went into work. It was the weekend, a Sunday, but she didn't care. She dropped off her cases to her sectary and walked away without an explanation. She didn't go into her office, she went straight to Harry's. She knew he was working on finding more information on Malfoy's death, he was working tirelessly too.

She heard her mousy secretary call after her and she didn't stop. After three years she should know what to do with the folders. She didn't have the patience while she felt so disconnected.

Everything was a blur, she felt numb, and heavy. There was no telling what she looked like. Must have been worse than the night before. She felt worse, but at least she wasn't feeling.

She knew the way to the Auror's department so well that in her sleep-deprived state she made it right outside of his door. She bumped into nearly twenty people on her way. She barely listened to the complaints. She was too focused on walking straight, on keeping her eyes open.

She knocked twice and thought she heard the words "come in," but she couldn't be sure, she had instantly dazed off in the second she waited. She welcomed herself in anyway.

The moment Harry saw her he leapt out of his seat behind his desk. He said her name, among worries, and led her over to the desirable couch in the corner. She was right, she must have looked as bad as she felt.

She could've slept. If she leaned she could've lied down and closed her eyes. She didn't. What she came to discuss was too important.

"Haven't you slept," he sighed.

"No," she answered after a moment's pause. She wasn't sure if she fell asleep then, but she shook her head to rid of the fog. "Um, I need to talk with you about hiding the book. It needs to be somewhere completely safe, Harry. Where no one can reach it."

"You're giving up?"

Tears flooded her at his question, the words, "giving up." She never gave up. But she was. She was doing exactly that. Then a horrible thought came to her. If she wasn't who she pretended to be for all those years, who was she? What was left of her? The lies and betrayal? Was that who she became?

"I -I can't d-do it!" She pulled at her tresses maddeningly as she bent forward. "It w-won't d-die!"

He rubbed her back. "Let me have it. I'll work on it for a while. If I can't destroy it I'll give it to Ron. We'll find a way."

"And if we can't?"

"Then we'll make it impossible to reach. We'll figure this out, Hermione."

A surge of gratitude filled her and she threw herself on him. She hugged his neck, weeping into his shoulder. He held her quite tightly but she didn't mind. She was safe, while Harry was with her, she was safe.

"I love you."

He exhaled a trembling breath. "I love you too." He kissed her hair. "I really do love you."

"I'm tired..."

"Sleep."

"So much to do..."

"No, go to sleep, love. You need rest."

Despite the feeble protests that she was trying to give she felt herself being lowered, and weight being shifted. Not being able to open her eyes to see she felt that he was leaving her. She gripped his arm desperately. She couldn't explain why, but she didn't want to be alone, and at the same time to ask him not to call her "love". "Stay, please," she begged instead.

"Really?"

"Please."

"Okay, okay. I'm here." the weight returned, his body next to hers. He stroked her hair, the knots tugging themselves free.

She slept. She was safe. Safe from the book, the letters, Malfoy's death, Theo's sudden appearances, safe from the chance that another war would come. Nothing could happen to them. It was over.

"Please, don't do this," she begged Malfoy in their empty classroom, the stars shining out of the arched windows.

"Didn't you see the Mark, Hermione? I have no choice. He'll kill my family."

"We'll find a way."

"You promised."

"Please, Draco -"

"It's not easy... Doing something like this on your own. I wanted you to know, to stay far away tomorrow."

"You're going to leave me?"

"Do me a favor, remember tonight the way we are. Not as a Slytherin and Gryffindor,, or a pure-blood and Muggle-born, but as us. I want you to remember me this way, no matter what I will be made to do."

She laid her head on his chest, his heart sped up at her contact. She held him close, feeling his nose in her hair. "You'll always be Draco to me."

"One more thing."

"Anything."

"Don't think for once in your life that I don't care for you," he declared, staying away from the words they never said. "I will... For all of my wretched life."

"I will always too. No matter what."

"My final breath will be to you and anything we could have had."

"Don't talk that way, we'll be fine. We have to be."

He pressed his lips to her forehead. "I do, Hermione."

***

"Hermione? Hermione. Your mobile is ringing."

Groggily she woke, Harry a blur before she blinked and wiped her eyes. She hadn't noticed before, working in a stupor; he didn't look well himself. He too, had bloodshot eyes, his hair sticking up much more than usual, and he looked thinner. She almost reached out to see if she could feel his ribcage. It was like he was back to living with the Dursely's.

It sent a pang through her. Not only did her promise with Malfoy had her killing herself, but Harry as well.

He was holding out her phone, it ringing shrilly. How she slept through that she couldn't imagine. She took it from him, and saw on the caller i.d. that it was Tony. Her heart jumped in her throat, for what reason she didn't know.

Hurriedly she slid it open. "Hello?" Her voice was horridly scratchy. She coughed lightly to clear it.

"Hermione! Where are you at?"

"What do you mean?"

"We were supposed to have dinner today. I'm outside your house now. I've been worried."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Tony!" Next to her Harry perked up, listening closer. "I forgot all about that. I had to see a friend," she saw out of the corner of her eye that Harry darkened. "I'm so sorry, I'll be there soon."

"I'll be waiting."

She had hardly clicked the phone shut when Harry asked, "who's Tony?"

"An old friend."

"I've never heard you talk about him."

"From my childhood. It turns out he's a wizard." She didn't want to talk about him. Harry was looking as though she had cheated on him and it irritated her. It wasn't the time. "I have to go. Thank you, for everything."

He nodded but appeared to be deep in thought and she took that distraction to kiss his cheek and leave. On her way to the lifts she ran her fingers through her mane and cupped her hand over her mouth to sniff her breath. Everything was okay. Once she was home she would put on a pot of coffee. That would keep her alert.