Chapter 10
Jayne had opened his eyes groggily after what could have been an eternity. And the first thing he noticed was the head resting against his chest.
Madisyn's hair was tickling his face, she had her little hands wrapped around his and had then pulled up under her breast…she'd been really concerned for him. And Jayne couldn't help but smile softly and brush her hair from both of their faces.
But right there in the middle of his happiness, while he was smoothin' down her hair, soft as corn silk, he realized that he was doin' wrong. It hit him like a gorram speedin' bullet.
He was goin' about this whole marriage thing…bad.
Madisyn was young. She didn't have much experience with the world. 'Specially not with his kinda world.
Yeah, sure, of course he wanted her. And he was gonna try and get her to stay with him. But this wasn't the way to do it.
He needed to wait. Let her gain a little more understandin' of the world. Get a little more practice in. He didn't want to press himself on 'er now and then have her resentin' him for it later. What he should do, he decided, was to keep things friendly, let her know that he was around, but not be all…romantic about it. The contrast between her past and his made it all plain; she wasn't used to her menfolk comin' home all bloodied and battle weary. He needed to give her a fair chance at finding her own place in life.
And he could only pray that someday she found she liked life better with him than back on hoity toity Osiris.
………..
She woke up to hands running through her hair. It wasn't a feeling she was used to experiencing. On Osiris people had generally been very proper and had kept out of her personal space.
And of course while she was running she didn't allow anyone close enough to attempt this. But now…Damn, this feels magnificent!
Then she came to and realized where she was and who must be playing with her tresses. Therefore Jayne had awoken already and she'd dozed off.
"Oh!" she spoke a little breathlessly and popped off the table, dropping the hand she'd held captive for so long. The loss of his heat shocked her body, but she quickly heated back up with a strong blush. Why do my hands have to sweat so much! This is so embarrassing! She noticed Jayne wasn't wiping his hand on the sheet so hopefully she didn't get him too awfully sweaty. "You're up." She noted dumbly, unable to think of anything better.
"That I am." He answered with a peaceful drowsy face and a voice deep and rough. Probably from the sleep. She mused, her brain following her mouth's line of stupidity.
"Are you feeling better?" she asked, again at a loss and launched herself away from his bed as quickly as she could without being rude. She busied herself in Simon's drawers and pretended she was looking for something. And that she knew what the hell the things in the drawers were.
"Yeah," Jayne stretched and Madi couldn't help but look over her shoulder toward him. He was practically naked after all. Plus she knew what he looked like without those boxers on and…she just had to appreciate the view. "I'm feelin' a might drugged up, but other than that, I think I'm purty alright."
Madi hummed lowly to acknowledge his reply but didn't turn back to him. Instead she looked out the window that looked up to the walkway above.
"And you? How'd your little nap treat ya?" He asked with a smile in his voice. Madi didn't want to turn around but she had to see what kind of mood he was in to figure out how he meant that.
He was smirking. What does that mean? Does he think it's cute? Does he think I'm stupid?! Am I like an annoying little kid who can't stay up as late as she said she could? What?!
"It was fine. Not the most comfortable position to be in…but, it was fine." She picked up an alien instrument then put it back down after she envisioned what it could've been used for. "I imagine it was better than being in an induced sleep." She finished with her head held high. As soon as she spoke she could feel the tension in the room. If he wasn't careful, hell, truthfully if she wasn't careful…there'd be another yelling match. And while they hadn't had one in days…she just did not want to start that again.
"Well, I don't know. ' Least I was layin' down proper." Jayne rejoined.
Why do we always get on opposing sides of every conversation? Can't we ever play for the same team? Madi's head was spinning. There were too many possibilities buried under each word out of Jayne's mouth. She tried to reply to him in a way that all the bases would be covered but it was exhausting. And she wasn't getting anywhere.
So she decided to joke with him, turn the conversation in a more lighthearted direction. Maybe that'll put things right between us…?
She laughed "I suppose you're right. I should've left you alone to mend."
…………
That was close! Jayne was afraid they'd start fightin' again. But then she'd squared her shoulders like she was settlin' her mind to somethin' and she'd just melted.
She laughed, "I suppose you're right. I should've left you alone to mend." But as soon as she stopped talkin' the laughter faded from her face. "I just…" her voice was soft, quiet, almost like she was talkin' to herself. Or confessin' "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."
Damn! How he wished she were closer so he could touch her. Instead he reached out his hand to empty space before letting it fall back down to the table.
He didn't need to be touchin' her. That'd just forge a more…close…romantic…whatever sort of relationship! And he'd told himself he wasn't gonna do that just yet. So NO touchin'.
"Oh I'm fine Madisyn. You can go on and do your own now. I'm just gonna get a shower and my pay and go to sleep seein's how I'm awake now." He tried to talk like nothin' mattered. Like he didn't care or didn't notice how worried she was. He thought it'd be better to treat her like he had a friend's little sister when they were younger. Or kinda like he treated little Kaylee.
And if Madisyn stuck around (which he prayed to God she would; he'd do absolutely anything necessary to convince her to stay), then maybe someday he start treatin' her like a sweetie, and then…who knew what the future held. But he wasn't gonna allow himself to daydream 'bout it too hard. That'd just muck everything up.
"Oh." She looked like she'd been hit for a second there. Kinda surprised like. But she covered it quickly. Whether she just got over it or hid it behind one o' her actress masks he wasn't so sure. "Well then, uh. Yeah. I just wanted to see you were alright, and now that I see you are…I'll let you go do your own thing. I uh…" She backed away from him, gave him a smile but didn't look him in the face. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought. I'm just gonna go finish my own nap now." And awkward silence hung between them as she got to the doorway.
He swung his legs down off the table and grabbed his shirt from where it was folded on the counter. Was that Madi's work or the 'good doctor's'?
"Yeah," He threw in, hoping to ease the situation.
"Yeah," her reply overlapped his, "I'll just," she pointed out the door, turned and left. Her face had been glowin' so red he could'a used her to signal with. So she had used her actress' front. Interestin'… But then he felt bad for hurtin' her. Gorramit!
……..
Madi was completely mortified. She'd tried to get closer to Jayne and he'd completely blown her off. Shot her down like she wasn't in any way important or even attractive to him.
And Damnit! She knew she was attractive! I mean I'm not a beauty like Inara and I'm not ridiculously cute like Kaylee, but! Men look at me! Men are always trying to take me home from the bar. Even when I take all their money!
God…Why did I let him take me home?
But where would I be now if I hadn't?
It'd been two and a half days since she'd been caught sleeping on him and she still couldn't stop berating herself over it. She thanked God she'd not had to be in a room alone with him since then. And now that she'd been on Serenity for a while and everyone knew they weren't going to get any more scenes out of Jayne and herself, meals weren't always eaten together.
Still, she found herself at that table with him at least once a day. It was like he made a point of it.
And while she just sat there trying not to hyperventilate and putting on her absolute best behavior so as not to do anything stupid, he was cool as could be. Never made an awkward statement…well, never one that was awkward and about them. Lord knew the man said some gauche things.
The worst thing had to be the way he treated her. Inara he steered clear of. He acted, maybe like she was his older brother's girlfriend. And Kaylee he treated like his little sister, or the girl who lived down the street and he had no interest in that way.
And then there was Zoe…she didn't quite count.
But Madi? Madi he treated like…she wasn't even family. Like she was maybe related to a friend but…he wasn't mean to her. He wasn't nice. He didn't joke with her.
But that didn't mean he ignored her.
No, he treated her like a child most of the time. Getting things down from the cupboards for her like she couldn't get them herself. Closing doors behind her. He even served up her plate for her!
But all of this, with hardly a word spoken between them! He'd point at something to ask if she wanted it…
Nerve wracking. That's what this is. It's completely nerve wracking. I've no idea how to act around the man! He's…taking me to bed and then pushing me away. Then we fight and make up and we're friends…And now this. What is this even supposed to be? How do I react? Inara said he wanted me. And she should know. Hell, he acted like he wanted me…but now…ugh! Forget it, Madisyn. Just forget about it, let it work out however it will…
Like that'll happen.
………
Jayne was unhappy.
They'd not made as much as they'd wanted these past couple months.
There was that big dry spell.
Then this little job hardly paid enough to restock his ammo and send home to his parents…
And this whole damn thing with his gorram wife!!
He could tell he was throwin' her for a loop. She was clearly flounderin' and had no idea how to process…
But neither did he! He was just trying to do what was best for her! And he'd figured that that was just protectin' her right now. Her happiness and piece o' mind wasn't as important as her health and safety, now was it?
He'd been makin' sure she was gettin' good cuts o' the food at mealtimes; loadin' up her plate for her and such.
He found himself up and about the boat at night to make sure she wasn't outta bed herself. Not that he could protect and defend her too good if he wasn't sleepin' but…he wasn't sleepin' so well anymore anyway.
But I'm not thinkin' 'bout the why on that matter. A voice sing songed in his head and he nodded in agreement. He'd win her over someday. But he'd give her a little time first.
……
More time went by. Madi was loosing count of the days. They were all the same really. Or at least they all branched off the same tree.
Some days, River was coherent and happy and mischievous, other's she was lugubrious and withdrawn or she'd mutter dire warnings…
Some days, Inara would fight with Mal about her lack of work.
Some days, Zoe and Wash would fight about…plenty of married people sorts of things. Madi tried not to listen too closely.
But basically, Madi woke up. Ate breakfast. Wandered about. Talked with Inara-but not about Jayne. Hung around with Kaylee. Goofed about with Wash (who knew dinosaur toys were so fun?). The Shepherd had been trying to catch her alone and unoccupied the past couple of days but she just managed to get rid of him every time.
Mal left her alone, and Zoe…Zoe was a really nice lady. She clearly was putting some of her maternal yearning on the newest and youngest member of the ship but…well, she wasn't exactly the friendliest person around. She was closed off. Plus, Mal didn't really like Madi, so Zoe steered clear as much as she could.
Madisyn really had the most human interaction at mealtimes. Most of the crew would meet up for lunch or supper. And that was when Madi had to deal with Jayne the most.
Some days he'd tease her like a little sister.
Some days he'd ignore her almost entirely. Just grab her plate, load it with more food than she wanted…at least he'd learned what she refused to eat and stopped dishing it…
Madi was slowly learning to just accept whatever mood he was in and stay quiet. If she joked back with him…they'd start bantering. It would be fun…she'd get her hopes up…and then out of nowhere he'd just shut down. Cut her off completely.
And it broke her heart.
And anyway, Jayne was acting like a complete jerk to everyone lately. So I suppose I should be glad he's not being outright mean to me…
She was getting more and more lethargic with each day and she knew she was depressed. But what could she really do about it?
She tried. She had her bouts of spirit. She'd dance with River and play with Kaylee. She had fun talks with Inara and Wash would brighten her day….but she always slid back.
She was quiet…and that was unusual.
Simon had eyed her a few times as if to ask if she were alright but she waved him off. And he was way too busy with River to analyze Madisyn.
In fact, Simon seemed to be really, really busy with River lately. He was steering her out of the room more often than he used to…And she wasn't playing or dancing as much as she was muttering and being generally dark.
Her friend's descent into…whatever it was…
That broke her heart too.
It wasn't as if Madi had much of a life these past few years but she felt as if her world was crumbling apart…nothing was as it should be.
And there was nothing to be done.
She wouldn't pin all her hopes on Jayne confessing his undying love and pulling her from her melancholy. That was ridiculous.
Besides, it's unhealthy to base your happiness on some guy's acceptance of you. She coached.
Yeah but I don't care!
She felt stupid; like those old timey books where the characters would mope about and act all suicidal until in the end when they miraculously got together…
That's stupid. Things like that don't happen in real life. It would be…stupid! If they did. This whole thing is stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
She sighed.
She wasn't even getting along with herself.
And damn Jayne!
Of course everything came back to Jayne didn't it?
These past few days he was in an even crotchetier mood. He was always testy. Always snapping at Mal and saying rude things to Kaylee and Inara. He was being particularly mean with Simon and River, although Madi could tell he tried not to be in front of her…
Maybe he's trying not to let you see how mean he is to them because they're your friends…because he doesn't want…because he likes….Shut up! He doesn't like me, he doesn't want me. He's a man. If he did he'd be all over me in a second. Lord knows I give him plenty of openings.
Madi was mad with herself. Or at least she wanted to be. She just couldn't work up the energy, she just couldn't be bothered.
But maybe…. A small voice spoke up Maybe I should talk to Simon. He's a doctor…or Inara, she's just as good as a psychiatrist…
Ugh. No.
………..
Jayne was mad as hell.
He'd tried to calm hisself. But as the days went by it just got worse and worse. No job meant nothing to do. Nothin' to do but just sit and think…and thinkin' was bad.
No jobs meant no pay. And no pay meant there was no spendin' of that pay. No duties to fulfill; nothin' to send home…
He never thought about how much o' his time he spent either workin' or usin' his pay from his workin'. He'd always been busy. His pop'd helped him get his first real job at fourteen and since then he hadn't stopped.
Of course there were always dry spells for a mercenary. Even took time off on occasion.
But when he wasn't Merc-ing, he was doin' somethin' else. Workin' a mine. Diggin' ditches or foundations. He wasn't too bad with simple mechanic-in' either. So long as it was mainly heavy liftin' and not so much delicate paint jobs…
But now he had nothin' to do.
So he was in the hold; pumpin' iron. He'd already had a go and his punching bag…had to tape it up some more…
Hell, this id'nt workin'. There was too much movement. Workin' out just got his blood pumping. It'd take a long ass time to get to where he was so bone-tired he didn't care no more.
He needed something…soothing… NOT THAT! His mind had imedietly flashed to stroking Madisyn's hair in the infirmary and holdin' her when she was scared and after they'd…been together.
Damnit! Now you don't even know what to call it?! Jayne Cobb, you was ruttin'. Ain't no makin' love to a woman when you don't lover 'er. And you can't love a woman you don' know! You chun zhu.
Needed something soothing, something soothing.
GUNS.
So Jayne went to his cabin and gathered up a couple that he hadn't gotten round to cleanin' yet.
He wasn't doin' anything big at the moment. Just a couple'a hand guns…maybe a mule. Better take some knives out too. Them's that need sharpenin'.
He had enough room to do it in his cabin. He had a little table they'd fit on. Hell he could do it on the floor…
Dinin' table's got more light. A voice coaxed.
Dinin' table could be occupied. The part of his brainpan that was more his retorted.
Comp'ny could be alright. The coaxer picked back up.
Not 'f it's Madi. He answered.
Well now…The voice was like a damned used 'ship salesman. Thought you wanted to win her in the end's all.
Jayne knew he shouldn't indulge in conversations with himself. Knew he shouldn't be weighing options lest he get all Lai huh ma shi yong tze tian e zoh. But, goramit. He just couldn't resist.
What d'you mean by that, me?
Just that cleanin' and preppin' your weapons is a manly sorta thing t'do. And it might just make her see you as more able to protect her…And that in turn might make her like you a little bit more…might make her want you…
Jayne's head was filled with images of Madisyn's lustful eyes. Her face awash with passion and ecstasy and want…need…
But! No. That's wrong! I said I'd give her time, I'll give her some ruttin' time! She don't need to…see me all…manly and…No! Jayne was torn between what he wanted and what he thought would be the right.
Then that damn honey smooth voice spoke up again, quietly, unassumin' like.
I'm not saying she'll be overcome with desire for you and throw herself on you. Just that, you could start…swayin' her over to you. Women want a manly sort don't they? They want someone who can protect 'em. And you already know Madi likes your protection…
Damnit. He was sold.
Jayne grabbed up his things and headed to the Mess. He wasn't gonna act any different toward Madi than normal. He was just gonna be in a public place where she may happen along an' then he'd be there…he'd not be any different than normal.
Damnit! There she was, in the galley with Doc and Crazy Sister. He hadn't been expectin' her so soon. And he wasn't wantin' an audience.
'Nara and Kaylee were playing Mahjong in the seating area in the corner. They looked up as he came in, 'Nara gave one o' her nods and Kaylee grinned a 'hello'. He just sat down quickly and started his work. He'd eyed Madi t'make sure the Crazy One wasn't goin' too crazy on her.
Damn Moonbrain seems to almost like it when my Madi's around. He conceded with a frown.
No thinkin'. That's the point o' this excersize. You ain't even here to impress Madi. You're calmin' down the only way you know how without blood or trim…Don't think o' trim!
……
Madi had been helping Simon with lunch but then Jayne came in.
He was in a different mood than the last time she'd seen him. He was…more tense; his muscles were bunched in what most have been an uncomfortable fashion. And she saw perfectly how much darker his eyes were as they swept over her.
She shivered. They bored into her and she was awash in his gaze. He scrutinized her, then scanned the room. He sat down and swept his eyes back over her before settling into his work.
"River, you have to eat." Simon wheedling covered exasperation broke her from her musings after a couple minutes. I can't've been out that long. Kaylee and 'nara are still playing… She looked over at Jayne. She'd never watched a man clean his weapons before Jayne.
Hell she'd never seen so many weapons before Jayne.
"It's good," Simon broke back in, "it tastes like-" Madi could have told him how bad it was going to be. She was no master chef and space food was hard to get right. "—it's good." Simon managed to pull a smile that had Madi almost laughing.
"Smells like crotch." Jayne spoke up for the first time and Madi almost died on the spot.
"Jayne!" Kaylee admonished.
"Well, it does." He answered almost sulkily.
Madi just barely stifled a snort. "It really kinda does." She addressed the room but couldn't help glancing at Jayne. She wasn't saying it to prove she was on his side. It was true. It was just funny that the first time they were teamed up together was about food that smelled like sweaty crotch.
Jayne looked up at her but went back to his guns too quickly for Madi to get a read on him. He just gave one sharp nod and started putting a pistol back together.
Thankfully Wash broke the moment just as he usually did. Only this time he wasn't joking. Madi dished up while he tried to convince his wife to go out with him on Ariel.
I wish Jayne was even a quarter as concerned about doing things with me. Madi's thoughts turned dark and wistful, something she hadn't thought was possible until she'd come aboard Serenity.
Knock it off! Just eat your damn food!
So she sat down across from Simon, which put her kitty corner to Jayne. I'm not gonna pick a different seat. It'd be weird if I did. Besides, just because he's not dishing my food doesn't mean we don't sit next to each other. It's a small table and a small crew. We all sit together…ugh!
By the time Madi'd managed to stop feeling like an idiot over panicking over nothing Mal had come in.
"No one's setting foot on that fancy rock. I don't want anyone leaving the ship. Come to think of it, I don't want anyone looking out the windows. Or talking loud. We're here to drop Inara off, that's it."
There were groans from the crew. And Madi included. She'd not had a chance to breath air that hadn't been mixed with Jayne's air in…what must have been weeks. I need to buy a calendar.
"What's the point o' comin' to the Core if I can't even get off the boat?" Jayne contested.
"Could've gotten off with Shepherd Book at the Bathgate Abbey." The Captain retorted while dishing himself some lunch. "You could be meditating over the wonders of your rock garden right about now."
"Better'n just sittin'."
I'm not gonna say it. Madi coached herself. Not gonna say it.
"It is just sitting." Wash answered Jayne for her. And she had to smother another laugh at Jayne's death glare. It spoke volumes of "I know that, idiot." And "I'm gonna kill you later." As well as "Why in ruttin' hell did I have to let words outta my mouth without thinkin' them through?"
The crew switched gears and started talking to Inara about why she had to go the Ariel. Madi'd already talked with her about it yesterday. And it made sense. Companions had to get check ups once a year because they not only have the danger of catching something from on of their clients, but most of them travel around the 'verse. They could pick up any disease really, and without proper treatment could spread it to their clients, who could spread it to their friends and family. Hell, a single well placed Companion could take out most of the Core if she tried. …Or at least if she didn't get her medical exam.
Madi was once again pulled from her musings but this time she didn't smile. Jayne'd just hawked a loogie onto a rectangular…rock-ish looking thing.
Madi's jaw dropped and her face screwed up in disgust. Boys!
Simon exclaimed, and looked like he might puke a little. Which I gotta admit. Makes this just a little better…
"Can you not do that while we're-Ever?!"
Madi wanted to agree but had to hold back her laughter, and vomit, when Jayne just looked Simon straight in the eye and did it again. Simon moved over a seat, away from Jayne, in disgust. Madi dropped her head to her arms and just managed to keep from busting up.
It was gross, but the look on Simon's face was worth it. Her whole body was shaking, she was biting her lips, tears were squeezing from the corners of her eyes. She looked up at Simon to see if he was still making that face but he was staring at her now and shaking his head in disapproval. Which of course, with Madi's half hysteric state, just made her shake harder and wave a hand in front of her face.
The others were still talking though, still on their same conversation.
"Don't you just hate doctors?" Wash spoke from the Mahjong table.
"Hey!" Simon had gotten up from the table after River to put away his bowl.
"I mean, present company excluded."
Jayne snorted and spoke like he was the one with all the manners, "Don't be excludin' people, that's just rude."
Everything was going well, it was a normal afternoon, aside from the fact that Jayne and Madi both seemed to be enjoying themselves…and then out of nowhere the mood changed instantly.
River'd snuck a kitchen knife from the galley and slashed Jayne across the chest. Jayne swiped out at her reflexively and struck her to the ground.
Instantly there was pandemonium.
Oh my God. Was all Madi could fathom.
Chairs toppled, Madi's bowl spilled, the mahjong tiles were dropped. Everyone was talking but Madi's ears weren't working proper. All she saw was Jayne and his blood spilling from his chest. All she could hear was Jayne's breathing, her own heart's stuttering beat. And from far off Zoe's "It's deep."
It was like she was submerged in a tunnel or she was wearing blinders. Her whole life shrank down to this one thing. Please be alright. Please! Oh God…" Madi's panic was back a thousand-fold, yet she sprang into action.
But there was nothing to be done. Mal already had a dishcloth pressed against the wound and he and Zoe were announcing what to do about it. They knew better than she…
What would she do if Jayne were…Nothing's going to happen to him! A part of her tried to override the fear. You've seen the man, he's made of steel. He took a hunting knife to the leg and just left it there to go about his business. He'll be fine.
But with all the blood…he didn't look fine…
Then a warm hand clamped down on hers and she was shocked out of her tunnel vision. She mused for a moment at how cold she felt compared to this new heat before looking up to see where the needed interruption came from.
It was Jayne.
He was holding her hand tight, almost squeezing, and he was looking her right in the eyes. He didn't say anything, but the look he conveyed…
…..
Madi'd gone so pale. And her eyes were so big. Jayne knew she was terrified, but she'd jumped up anyway like she would help and that made his chest swell with pride.
Unfortunately there was nothin' really for her to do. Sure, the cut hurt; it was deep. And he was bleeding a lot. But it wasn't so bad and it wasn't anywhere near life threatenin'. He kinda wished it was worse though. Or that no one else was around. Madi'd feel better if she had some way to help.
'Cause now, just standing there with nothin' to do…the panic flooded her eyes again. She looked like she might…hell, he wasn't a doctor he didn't know, maybe pass out or somethin'.
He'd come out here to sooth himself well, didn't work so well, 'cause now I'm no where near calm, but- now he knew he needed to sooth his wife.
Maybe it was the drink, but she'd hardly looked twice at the men he'd killed when they'd left Beaumonde. But now he'd been injured twice, and each time she'd not looked too happy about it. He couldn't think right now though. Didn't have time to ponder on the meanin' of life, let alone somethin' as complex and confusing as his girl's emotions.
So he did what he could do. He reached out to her, threaded his arm around past Zoe and Mal and grabbed her hand. He held it hard and fast and could feel her pulse beatin' in her veins.
She looked up after a pause and met his eyes. He tried to force a sense o' calm on her just by starin' hard as he could. He tried to push his own feelings into her. Tried to send out a sense of alright-ness. Make he know he'd be fine an' that everthing'd be alright.
And though she still looked worried and scared and confused, the panic went away and he could see her put her head back on.
Mal and Zoe were liftin' him up to his legs now to get him to a bandage and he either had to drop Madi's hand or mow her over.
"It's alright." He tried to make his voice a sort of spell like he'd heard tell of witches doin' back home when he was a kid. Tried to make his words truth and press that truth on Madi.
Then he was swept out the Mess and down past the hold to the med bay.
…..
There was nothing Madi could do for Jayne now. He was in the infirmary with the best doctor in the 'verse. And it didn't look to be a life threatening wound.
So, she went to see River. To see how she could help her old friend.
She was in her room. Madi thanked whoever was listening that the passenger's dorms weren't far from the infirmary. If anything happened or if-Jayne needed her or something…she could be there quickly.
Inara and Book were already there, trying to sooth the girl. But River looked fine, maybe even a little petulant. It was the adults that needed comforting.
"Hey, Riv." Madisyn spoke from the doorway. She wasn't mad at the girl. Something was definitely off with her friend.
"Hey, Mad." River responded in the same way.
"What's up?"
"Not much."
"Shiny."
There was a long pause. Inara and the Shepherd looked between the girls like they were crazy.
Then Madi sighed and entered the room fully, swinging her arms around to clap her hands.
Still no one said anything.
"Ok," Madi couldn't take it. She sat down on the foot of River's bed and addressed the elephant in the room, "so I know he can be an ass. And hell, sometimes I want to stab him to. But why'd you actually slash him?" She ran a hand through her hair and tried her best not to sound too accusatory.
River didn't say anything. Just stuck her nose in the air.
"Was it because he was being mean to Simon?" Inara asked River like she was a toddler who couldn't be understood.
River gave her a 'no, stupid' sort of look.
"Then why?" Madi tried to make her voice sound like she didn't care and if she were talking to or about anyone else it would have worked. Instead it came out a very nearly desperate.
"I didn't like his shirt." River shrugged like it was no big deal.
"Well shit, Riv," Madi wanted to laugh and cry and scream all at once, "I hate a lot of people's outfits! Doesn't mean I set 'em on fire or anything." She searched her friend's face for a hint. Anything. Because if she couldn't help Jayne then she wanted to do something and if she could help River…well, that'd be just shiny.
"Well at least I didn't set him on fire, huh?"
"River, I swear on all that's holy, you light that man on fire and…we will have words. Dong ma? That isn't going to happen. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't maim and injure him anymore. He may not be the embodiment of the perfect husband but I am still married to him and I'd like him in working order if he decides he wants to start playing house, ok?"
River let out a little snort of laughter. "I can see him wearing a ruffled apron. He can be the mommy, build his character."
Madisyn laughed at that, the image of Jayne baking cookies in a floral, ruffled apron…
"Now I imagine that would be pretty character building for him. I doubt he's ever babied anyone."
River and Madi smiled with each other for a moment longer while Inara and Book looked uncomfortable and unsure of what to do and how to handle the situation. But eventually Madi had to bring them back to life. River was messed up in the head right now and if she had fun after doing something bad she might see it as a reward, thus making the bad thing a good idea.
"There has to be more to this than his taste in clothing, River. If that were the case you could have just…poured paint on him or dumped your bowl down his front."
She searched River's dark eyes but she was pouting now and wouldn't answer.
"River," Madi gently cautioned, "if it was just about the shirt then why'd you slash him? Hell, why'd a damn t-shirt warrant such destruction."
There was quiet for a moment more, Book moved as if to speak but Madi laid a hand on his leg to silence him; River looked like she was about to break down and confess the real reason she was so violently upset.
"It's always there." River was almost pleading and she was getting more and more agitated with each second. "The little ends of the roots go everywhere. And they're the ones that take you! There the ones with teeth and you have to smash them!"
Inara's eyes widened as big as saucers. Book took up his bible as if it would give him an answer.
"Shh, shh," Madi tried to calm her younger friend. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She reached up and tucked the hair that perpetually fell in her face back behind her ear, "Mei-mei, it's alright. No one's going to take you. No one's going to take you, and Jayne wouldn't want you hurt."
River was crying with what seemed to be futility. God…what happened to you little spirit?
"They won't stop until they have what was taken. They can't stop."
"Shhh," Madi hugged her closer, "we won't let them take you. It's going to be alright."
…………….
Jayne hated the feeling of the thread tugging through his skin. And he hated the feel of the needle piercing more. It always made any injury ten times worse. But right now he was furious. He'd gone right past pissed as soon as he'd been set down on that table and Madi was out of his sight. He told Mal to go get her, she could handle his stitching and he had to be sure she was alright, but the captain'd refused.
"She's gotta go. Both of them's gotta go. Ariel's as good a place to leave them as any. Might even pick us up a reward for our troubles." He wanted Mal to think he wanted them gone for the same reason he'd always wanted them gone. And he ignored Simon. The doctor could finish his work or not, Jayne didn't care none. All he wanted was a little more gorram safety assured on this boat. He'd told Madi he'd keep her safe and that's what he was gonna do. But if he had to lay out her little friend to do it…Jayne didn't enjoy hitting womenfolk. He'd do it if he had to but it just didn't seem fair otherwise. But that little crazy girl was gonna need knocked out sooner or later, Jayne knew he'd be the one'd have to do it….Then Madi'd get all upset…they needed to get gone.
"No one's getting left." Captain said like it was fact.
"She belongs in a bughouse. You don't pitch her off this boat right now, I swear to you..." Simon kept working but Mal broke his statue-like stillness to come over to them.
"What?" he challenged, "What do you swear, Jayne?"
Jayne took a breath. This was his chance to convince Mal, and he knew just what to say to get the captain to react. To get him to think. "They don't get gone... you better start locking up your room at night. Next time lil' sister gets in a murderin' mood, might be you she comes calling on." This was the main point, Jayne knew Mal'd never let no harm befall his crew that he could stop. And 'specially not the fighters, not the women. "Maybe Kaylee. Or Inara." He couldn't say Madi's name, couldn't bring himself to talk about her being hurt. "You let 'em stay... we're gonna find out."
Jayne saw comprehension and fear for less than a second in his captain's eyes. He wouldn't've caught it if he didn't know the man so well, if he hadn't lived and worked with him for so long. But he didn't get the reply he wanted. "Finish your work, doctor." Mal came to loom over Jayne, to impose on his personal space. Jayne'd seen animals do it before, to prove which one was in charge, and he didn't like it. However, bein' sewed upon and all, he wasn't in a position to stand his ground. "This is my boat, and they're part of my crew." Mal told him, his voice low and dangerous. "No one's getting left. Best you get used to that."
There ain't nothin' to say to that. I spoke my piece…
Don't mean I have to like it.
Simon finished and Jayne snarled and stood as fast as he could. He left without looking at either man, "You owe me a shirt."
He needed to go see Madi. To make sure she was ok and to prove to her that he was alright. But he needed a shirt to do that. There was no need for her to see his fresh stitches. 'Specially not since they'd run outta the clear last week and had to use the black.
He stormed to his cabin as fast 's he could without runnin'. He grabbed a shirt and went right back out the door, headed through the Mess and to the passenger's dorms. He pulled the t-shirt over his head while walking and just got it down where it went as he passed Mal comin' out the cargo bay.
They didn't speak.
Mal went toward the bridge, Jayne toward his girl's room.
He figured he'd check there first, she'd been spendin' more time there alone as of late. He'd been hoping that she was livenin' up at the lunch table, but now…well, a stabbing is enough to put a damper on anythin' really.
He passed 'Nara coming out past the infirmary and nodded a terse greeting.
Just as he was reachin' Madi's door, River's opened and the little blond came striding out with all of her dancer's grace. His eyes widened with rage. And she hadn't even seen him.
She'd been in the crazy girl's room? With her?! No one else was around. It was quiet in the passengers' dorm.
Then Madi looked up and a little smile brightened up her face. Jayne would've appreciated it under different circumstances. But this!
He pulled her into her room and slid the door shut forcefully, never lettin go of the death grip he had on her upper arm.
"Jayne?" She didn't sound scared. Or even really that upset. "Jayne, are you alright?"
"Am I alright?!" He spun back round and grabbed her other arm; they were chest to chest as he hissed in her face. "I came down here to make sure everything was shiny and I see you comin' outta that freak's room! What the hell d'you think you were doin' in there!?" He demanded, shaking her a little.
"She's not a freak!" Madi hissed right back, fire in her eyes. "I don't know what happened to her but it's not her fault! She's been hurt by something and it's not her fault! And what do you think I was doing?! I was trying to make sure my friend was okay!"
"She could'a killed you! You ever thought'a that, daft woman?!"
"She wasn't going to kill me!" Madisyn sounded incredulous and he pushed her hands against his chest to get away from him. Jayne just held on tighter. He had to make her see the risk she'd just run so she wouldn't do it again.
"She could'a! She just pulled a knife on me for no reason other'n'd I'd just kinda teased her brother a little." He crouched down and bent his knees so's he could look her in the eye. He tried that thing he did before in the Mess; tried to force her to see reason. "The girl's off her rocker. She's not safe t'be around." He softened his voice and loosened his grip a little so he didn't bruise her but he still held her close, he wanted her melded against him. He wanted her inside'a him so he could always protect her. "I don't want you bein' round her when I'm not with you. Dong le ma?"
Madi still had her hands on his chest, on was dangerously close to his stitches but he wasn't goin' to protest none, even if she'd slapped him right there. Any physical contact with her was a blessing in his book.
But Madi's face…she was always a delight to look 'pon. And half of her looked like she wanted to just melt into him, which he had no problem admitting that's what he was hopin' for. But the other half…the other half was still mad at him. Real mad too.
But he could tell she knew why he didn't want her to be alone with her friend. He could tell she accepted his reasonin's too. But he could also see she knew it didn't mean she had to take 'em to heart.
"First off-" Madi's voice was dangerously controlled. "You can't tell me what to do. Second, River is not a freak. She can't help that she's…off. Something happened to her and she needs help, not an armed guard. And Thirdly…" She took a deep breath, part of his mind couldn't help but absorb the heat and softness comin' off o' her breast as if got closer to his chest. She searched for words to say. Another number that she was gonna throw at him. Another thing about River maybe, or a denial of the connection between her and him.
Seemed every time they got in a fight like this she had to remind him straight away that he had no claim on her. Had no authority to tell her what to do. And it's not that he wanted authority over her or nothin'. Hell he hated authority just as much as the next mercenary. But he wanted his opinion to matter to her. And he wanted her to listen to what he had to say and consider it. He wanted her to take his orders when her life was in danger!
But she didn't say nothin' like that. Instead, she took another deep breath and she melted.
Not into him like he'd been askin' for. Just kinda sagged on herself. She gave up. And changed the subject.
"Thirdly…how are you? Was it as bad as it looked?"
He knew there'd be no good in goin' back into the fight. He'd just have to make sure to watch out for her a little more carefully.
He sighed and sagged himself and pulled her over to the bed. "I'm fine." He answered and reluctantly dropped his hands from her arms to the bedspread. Hers followed suit and landed in her lap. "It was a little deep but, I got it all sewn up now. And it should be fine in a day or so." He bumped his shoulder gently against hers, trying to turn this whole 'alone in her bedroom after somethin' stressful' thing into a more 'friendly' thing. "Y'need t'stop worrin' so much about me, little one." He pretended to tell her off. "Old Jaynie can take a hit just fine."
He smiled and got a weak little one from her in response.
But he was still scared for her. Anything could'a happened to her while she was alone in that room with the unbalanced girl and he was busy getting stitched up.
"I'm more worried 'bout you, b-" he cut himself off quickly. He'd been about to call her bao bei and put his arms around her.
God how I want t'hold her! He groaned to himself. But you can't. It's not part of the plan.
Madi didn't notice, or at least she acted like she didn't. "You don't need to be worried about River and me. I may not know this new River, but…I don't know. It wasn't you she was trying to cut. She goes into these episodes where…I don't know, she thinks something's after her or something. She's scared. She just needs someone to be with her and hold her and tell her it'll be alright." Her damn heart was on her sleeve. She'd picked up the 'force somethin' with your eyes' trick a lot better than he had.
But there was no way in all the 'verse that he'd let that someone be her. It was way too dangerous.
He ignored the plan and pulled her to him, cradling her head against his heart, resting his chin on her hair. "And that's somethin' her brother can do. 'Sides he's a doctor, he can take care o' her."
Madi'd gone a little stiff but she quickly went boneless and wrapped her arms around him. Jayne just held her for a minute, let her heat sink into him as he rocked them back and forth a little. "You just need to be right here." He spoke softly, almost to himself. He wasn't sure if she'd even heard him until a few minutes later she whispered back; "And where do you need to be?"
AN-OK! Sorry this took longer than I wanted!! The stinking site wouldn't let me log in for two days!!
But it's up now, it's extra long (this was going to include all of Ariel but it's almost twenty pages and I normally only post seven). So, tell me what you think! I haven't edited this whole thing so, uh. Forgive my crap mistakes?
I realize there's a bit of waffling back and forth with the character's emotions but that's supposed to be there, so don't worry. Next up will be the rest of Ariel where Jayne and Madi will either finally come to understand one another and get together or…they'll be driven even further apart. :)
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, you're all amazing and I love my readers!!
PS. I just watched this episode. Anyone else wonder if maybe Book's actor was really on vacation when they had to film this scene? :P
Much love!!
Ceilidh