A/N: Hey! I decided to update as fast as I could since SonnyWithAChance really wanted me to ;) So this chapter is for ya! Well I'm pretty excited for this weekend's episode of SWAC :] It looks good. I would watch it on YouTube, but last time I checked it was in Spanish and I don't feel like reading subtitles. Bleh. I'm lazy. Sue me. Oh and out of curiosity, what would you guys do if Tiffany Thorton and Sterling Knight ever dated? 'Cause that fun interview they did together sparked some Tiffany/Sterling lovers. Ha. I can't see them together though. They're like siblings! (Plus, I want Sterling to myself xD)
Chapter Three
Tents Are Evil
[Chad's POV]
How to pitch a tent by Chad Dylan Cooper.
First, you find a chair to sit down on (because CDC does not stand when he doesn't feel like it, and he does not sit on filthy dirt either). Then you promise some idiot an autograph if he or she sets your tent up, along with the air mattress, pillows, blankets, and your luggage inside, all ready to go once you step in. After that, you find your amazingly hot girlfriend, sit her on your lap, and endlessly make out with her while the sucker continues to fix your tent and your girlfriend's losers of a family chases deer, or goes bear watching, or whatever the hell those people do during camping.
That might have worked in California, but I guess it's different her in Wisconsin.
"Ugh, how the hell do I work this thing?!" I mumbled, frustrated. Every part and piece of the tent was sprawled in front of me with the exception of two bendy metal sticks that I was holding in my hand. Apparently, they were supposed to connect somehow. Where the heck is the instruction manual when you needed it?! I flipped the stick over and the damn thing smacked me in the face hard. "Oh fu—"
"Hey, Chaddykins, do you need help over there?" I heard one of Sonny's brothers (Ben, I think) mock me. He and the rest of Sonny's crap for brains brothers laughed at me, looking like they're having the time of their life. Ugh, losers. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't have girlfriends. It looks like they spend their spare time acting like buffoons.
As much as I wanted to give them the finger or curse out colorful words out at them, a strong gust of wind blew and the rest of the sticks that held up the tent charged towards me. (I swear, the world just hates me today.) Most of them hit me on the legs (who knew metal hurt?!), but one skid off my shoe and somehow hit me right in the balls. Um, ow! Great, I now had bruises on my legs and on my groin!
"Oh, shit!" I whispered in excruciating pain, trying to make sure that the adults didn't hear me curse. I bent over, attempting to decrease the unbearable sting. Devin, Josh, and Ben's laughter doubled, almost to the point where they could hardly breathe—let alone function. Ugh, if I wasn't in an agonizing state, I would have given them a piece of my mind!
"Oh my gosh, Chad, are you okay?" Sonny asked worriedly. Oh God, please don't tell me that she actually saw what happened to me. I think I'll die if she did. I looked up to see Sonny bent down in front of me, her hand on my arm. "You have to be careful. It's pretty windy here." She said, trying to fight a smile. Dammit, she did see.
"I think your brothers planned it." I muttered, furiously shooting a glare towards their way. "They're out to kill me or something." Sonny giggled and glanced at her brothers whom were still laughing like maniacs.
"Guys, stop laughing please." Sonny pleaded nicely—with sugar lumps on top. In a heartbeat, their laughter stopped. (I think these guys love their little sister a little too much.) Instead of howling, they were smirking tauntingly at me, probably laughing violently in the inside. Ugh, the humiliation was still the same.
"I think I'm too injured to set this up. Can you do it for me please?" I asked sweetly, turning on the Chad Dylan Cooper charm. Hey, maybe my pain could get me out of pitching this stupid tent. Sonny smiled at me, placing a small kiss on my forehead. Maybe the world doesn't hate me today!
"Okay—"
"Sonny, can you come over here? I need your help unloading the rest of the stuff." Connie called out, completely ruining my one way of getting out of doing this work.
I groaned. Okay, it was official: the world utterly detests me today.
"I'm sorry, Chad. I gotta help my mom though. There's probably an instruction manual inside the box or it's printed on the side. You can do it. I mean, you're Chad Dylan Cooper." She said, offering me an apologetic smile. Sonny pecked my lips before skipping off to her parents to help unload the rest of the crap smelling car.
I reached out inside of the box and grabbed a small guidebook. I flipped through it, ignoring the long and complicated instructions and headed straight for the easy pictures. I glazed upon the pictures to find that they were not easy but completely complex. I ended up staring at that one page for a long time with a beyond confused look plastered on my face while trying to figure out what I'm even looking at. I threw the book down in frustration and groaned, giving up. Why is pitching up a tent so freaking hard?! They look so easy on TV, it's not fair!
I sat down and picked up two of the deathly sticks. I held it carefully while facing away from the wind. (These things could hurt someone!) I started spinning them on my fingers. Hey, if I can't set up a tent, might as well wait for someone else to feel enough pity on me to do it for me. While I absentmindedly spun the sticks, they collided and ended up connecting. I raised an eyebrow in shock. How the hell did I do that?
I slowly pulled the sticks apart, thinking that I might break them. I looked on the bottom to see that there were holes there. I rolled my eyes and groaned inwardly. I can't believe I missed that—for a whole hour! God, I'm an idiot.
"Ooh, looks like you've finally connected them! See, my Chad can do anything." Sonny smiled, handing me some bags of mine. She bent over and sat down next to me on the dirt (I know, me—sitting on dirt?! Well these people weren't smart enough to bring chairs so I had no other choice). "Now all you have to do is slip them through the holes in the tent! I'm sure you can figure out which one." She said brightly.
"Can't you just do it?" I whined, handing her the stick. "You know that I don't pitch tents, babe."
Sonny giggled and ruffled my hair, giving the stick back to me. "I still have to unload the rest of your millions of luggage, Chad. I'll help when I'm done." She promised. Sonny quickly jogged back to the car, leaving me in this mess.
I have to slip the stick in the hole? (That's what she said.) I grabbed the flimsy tent and searched for the hole. I found a small tunnel looking thing and placed the stick inside. Miraculously, it fit! I think I could get this done by dinner—which happens to be in thirty minutes.
…
Okay, I can't get this done by dinner. I stared hopelessly down at the rest of the sticks with an unknowing look on my face. I bent down and picked two random sticks and attempted to connect them. As I was about to succeed, I felt something—or someone—pounce on my back. I was instantly pushed onto the floor, my poor beautiful face scraped against the dirt. (If this is Melanie, I'm going to cage her!)
"What the heck?" I said, standing up. I found two chubby arms wrapped around my neck for support and heard girly giggling. (Ugh, I think Melanie is a psychopath. What girl in her right mind would randomly jump on a person's back?! Even if I am Chad Dylan Cooper, it's still not right!) I immediately grabbed the hands and pushed her off my back. I winced to hear a loud crack and crying. I spun around to see some four year old kid wailing fiercely. I swear to Christ, her vocal chords can knock anyone out.
"Chad, what did you do?!" Sonny scolded, rushing over to me and the kid. She picked the little girl up and hushed her. "Shh, it's okay, Grace. Chad didn't mean to. He's sorry." She cooed, rocking her back and forth. Sonny sent me a deadly glare once Grace quieted down. Oh crap. Cue the yelling girlfriend. "What did you do?!" she repeated in a hushed tone.
Crap. I guess another one of her thousands of cousins is joining us for camping as well.
I heard the three morons snickering at me again. I bet you they told this kid to jump on my back so I'd get mad and throw her off, ergo the tears and more embarrassment. The second I pitch this tent up, these guys are so getting it. But in the meantime, I had to give the best excuse to my seething girlfriend (who was seriously pissed).
"She's the one who pounced on me! I thought I was under attack or something!" I said, trying to defend myself. Okay, maybe I was being a little bit too overdramatic, but I will not get blamed for this! It's this kid's fault! If she didn't jump on me she wouldn't be crying! She's the one being an idiot, not me!
Sonny rolled her eyes. "Come on, Grace, let's go back to mommy!" she said in a cheery voice. "Oh, Chad, I think you should hurry up with the tent. Night's almost here and we're having dinner soon." She called out before returning that stupid four year old to her mother.
I sighed and stared helplessly at the clutter laid out in front of me. I looked up at the sky, sensing the cold winds that were going to rush through the campgrounds tonight. I knew that I was not going to sleep with Sonny's male half of the family, but at this rate, I probably wouldn't set the tent up by the time night falls. And it looks like all the jackets I packed up won't help me stand through the awaiting harsh winds tonight.
I repeat: I hatehatehate camping.
"Hey, do you need any help?" a voice asked me. I turned to see Sonny's other cousin, I think his name was Travis. Well, he doesn't look like he wants to kill or humiliate me.
"Actually, yeah, I have no idea how to set this up." I admitted.
At least declaring defeat to this guy was better than admitting it to the three bozos—who probably wouldn't stop laughing until eternity met its end. Gratefully, Travis didn't laugh at me. Instead, he nodded and began to help me out wordlessly. In a matter of seconds, my tent was finally set up. I think Travis is probably going to be the only family member of Sonny's that I will actually tolerate.
"Thanks," I smiled, nodding my head in appreciation. Travis smiled back and shrugged.
"It's alright. I've noticed that you were having trouble so I thought I'd help you. And I'm sorry for my cousins' immature behavior. Don't worry, they do that all the time to people they don't like…oh, no offense."
I laughed. "They didn't like me? Oh, I would have never guessed." I joked.
"Well you should cut them some slack. It's either teasing you every second possible or scaring the crap out of you for dating Sonny, so I'd be thankful that I was made fun of instead of pummeled. They're just harsh on you because Sonny's their baby sister and you're her first boyfriend. Plus, you got that rep of yours."
I rolled my eyes. "It doesn't even matter. I don't like them that much either." I said, shrugging nonchalantly.
Travis laughed and glanced at his mom whom was over at the grill. "Well I gotta help with the dinner before my mom burns this whole campsite or worse—our food. God, she's like a walking disaster."
"Ha, I have a mom who's just the same." I said. We nodded at each other before Travis walked away.
Alright, my tent is finally pitched. Now I just have to unload my stuff and I'll be all set!
I turned to grab my bags and frowned that all of them were gone. I swore I saw Sonny handing the rest of them over to me while Travis fixed my tent. I spun around in a 360, wondering where the heck my luggage was. If an animal took it, I don't think what I'll do! All of my vital necessities were in there! My comb, my facial care, my hair product, my MIRROR! How can Chad Dylan Cooper look amazing without a mirror at his hand 24/7?!
I ran up to my girlfriend worriedly. "Sonny, do you know where you put my bags?!" I asked frantically. I have never been so freaked out! All of my personal belongings were lost somewhere in the middle of freaking nature! Some lunatic could find them or worse: the animals might make their mark on them…oh God I need my suitcases now!
"Chad, I handed them over to you minutes ago. They're supposed to be right next to your tent." Sonny said calmly. "And why are you hyperventilating?" she asked, smiling in hilarity. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my breathing rate. Melanie and Grace giggled carelessly at me, probably amused at my hysterical state. Ugh, if Sonny wasn't right there I would have yelled at them.
"They're not there, babe." I said, attempting to sound more serene than I actually am.
Sonny glanced behind me to check if I was right. "Whoa, they have disappeared. I'm sorry, Chad, but I have no idea where they went. Maybe someone took them." She said. She then frowned and groaned silently, as if she knew who took them. Oh, I think we're on the same page on this one. Christ, those three idiots took my freaking bags! I'm going to murder them if any of my stuff gets wrecked!
"Guys, give Chad's stuff back." Sonny begged, jogging over to her brothers. I followed behind her, sending burning glares towards her brothers.
"What? We never took Cooper's stuff." Devin said incredulously. "Why would we ever do that?"
"Hmm, I dunno. I mean, taking his stuff is just juvenile." Josh said, playing along.
"That's just absurd." Ben finished it off with an obviously faked innocent look.
Worst. Actors. Ever. I have never seen people create such a terrible lies in my whole entire life.
"You better give me my suitcases or else I'll—" I started, but Sonny grabbed my arm and prevented me from going near her brothers.
"Chad, I'll handle this." She said in a quiet voice, kissing my cheek to ease me down. She walked over to her brothers and began to talk reasonably with them. I stared at the four siblings, my anger bubbling inside of me. I just wanted to cut Sonny's brothers throats, ferociously run them over with a bulldozer, then feed them to wild animals! And I will do that if they don't give me my freaking suitcases back!
"Chad, I know where they are!" Sonny said, smiling at me.
I sighed in relief. Oh thank God or else I might have gone berserk.
"Where did they hide them?" I asked.
Sonny bit her lip and giggled nervously. "Well…um…they're in that tree." She laughed, pointing at the tree above us. My eyes flickered up into the tree where I saw my suitcases lazily hanging upon each branch. I narrowed my eyes at the three morons before walking up to the tree. I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. "At least they didn't throw them in the lake…" Sonny said, smiling at me.
Oh yeah, 'cause that definitely makes me feel better. (Note sarcasm.)
I glared at her and she immediately shut her mouth. "Well, I guess you have to get them for me." I said, shrugging.
Sonny looked at me as if I was crazy. "I'm sorry, what?" she laughed, thinking that I was probably joking with her.
"You have to get them for me." I clarified slowly.
If she seriously thinks that I'm going to risk ruining my custom made jeans from Milan, my designer shirt that cost me five hundred bucks, or my precious face from just climbing a tree, then Sonny probably doesn't know me as well as she thought. Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't do trees, let alone climb them. (I should probably add that onto the list of the other stuff I don't do.)
"Really, Chad? Really?" Sonny asked. She placed her hands on her hips and gave me an irritated look. "It's just climbing a tree. It won't kill you." She assured me.
Ha, and you also told me that I'll have fun camping.
"Babe, I don't do trees." I laughed, giving her a knowing look.
"Oh, well you better start 'doing' them if you want your stuff back because I am definitely not climbing that tree for you." Sonny said, poking me on the arm.
"Ugh, fine, but if I do not come down unharmed, I am definitely pressing charges on your brothers." I threatened.
Sonny rolled her eyes and walked away, leaving me and this fat tree. I grabbed the trunk of the tree and heaved myself up. I wrapped my legs around it and pushed further. I grabbed the nearest branch and let go of the trunk. My legs swung around aimlessly around while I held onto the branch for dear life. Okay, maybe climbing a tree isn't as hard as I thought. (It's definitely easier than setting up that damn tent.)
I lifted myself up and sat on the branch, reaching out for my first suitcase. I quickly grabbed it and dropped it down, wincing when I heard it land with a loud thump. (If anything breaks, I think we'll have a bigger problem here.) I crawled over and grabbed my second suitcase, easily pushing down to the floor. Okay, one more suitcase to go and I'll be ready.
The last suitcase was all the way at the top of the tree. (How the hell did those jackasses manage to throw it all the way up there?!) I climbed all the way up to the top branch where my final suitcase rested. I grabbed it effortlessly and smiled. Ha, the three morons lose again! In your face, suckas!
As I was about to drop the suitcase, a bee began to buzz in front of my face. I groaned and swung my suitcase around, trying to shoo the bee away. Apparently, it made the bee even angrier and the freaking thing stung me in the arm! "Ow!" I yelled, dropping my suitcase to grasp my arm. I then lost balance and ended up falling eight feet down. "OW!" I wailed once I hit the floor.
I'm in effing pain! Eff that effing tree, and that effing bee, and especially Sonny's mother effing brothers! Ah!
"Oh, Chad," Sonny said, bending down in front of me once again. She gave me a half concerned, half annoyed look. I shut my eyes tight while adding pressure onto my arm. Funny, I think I heard three moronic guys laughing. Huh, I wonder who that would be. (More sarcasm. Yay.) "I told you to be careful around here." Sonny sighed, helping me sit up.
"It was the freaking bee's fault!" I protested. "The damn thing stung me!"
"Don't worry, Chad, it's only going to hurt temporarily." Sonny promised me. "Do you want a kiss to make it feel better?" she asked, giving me a small smile. Before I could answer yes, she kissed my arm and my cheek. "All better, baby?" she asked.
"A little," I answered.
Sonny smiled and me and threw her arms around my shoulders. "I'm sorry that my brothers are being jerks to you. They're usually really cool and funny." She said. I tried not to roll my eyes as she defended her brothers. I wrapped my good arm around her back and rested my chin on her head.
"They just better be thankful that I'm not allergic to bees or else I would have definitely sued them for their welfare." I muttered angrily.
"Dinner's ready!" Connie announced.
"Come on, Chad! Travis cooked up his best hamburgers!" Sonny said eagerly, pulling me up. I gave Sonny a small smile and followed her to the picnic table. I stared down at the grilled and greasy food, an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Just staring at it made me want to hurl.
Oh God. Now I have to eat the thing these people call food. Help me.