A/N: Sorry for the really really really long wait. Your reviews were amazing! Thanks so much! I hope to UD more. I'm seriously going to try. I'm gonna try to write a little everyday and see where it takes me.

Short chapter, but kind of emotional….

Placebo

Summary: Lucas never wanted this for his children. He wanted them to have a mother that loved them, and would never hurt them. He knows deep down that only one woman can give them that. He also knows that that said woman would give him his lifelong happiness. Love.

Chapter 2: What's Left of Me Part 1

Watched my life pass me by in the rearview mirror.

Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer.

I don't wanna waste another day stuck in the shadow of my mistakes.

Lucas has been upstairs for about twenty minutes now, still trying to calm the esthetic young girl down. Haley had come downstairs ten minutes ago, completely oblivious to the situation. The girls decided to wait until Lucas came downstairs before they would leave. Now as they sit and wait, Brooke began to watch a movie with Noah. Peyton could here as he tried to explain the characters to her in a very precise manner.

Peyton and Haley were in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea in silence. The cries coming from upstairs had died down. It was only about five minutes later they heard Lucas come downstairs. He turned the corner from the hallway to the kitchen and paused when he entered. He hadn't expected for them to still be there. He ran his hands over his face and proceeded to the cupboard.

Peyton watched as he got out a glass and began to fill it with water. She noted the redness of his eyes and the tear stains on his face. Haley too had her eyes locked on him as he turned around so his back was toward them to put ice-cubes in the glass. Brooke walked into the kitchen once she heard him make his way downstairs, taking an extra glance back down at the innocent blond boy watching the movie.

"She's got a fever." Lucas spoke very slowly as he was getting the ice into the glass. He rubbed a hand over his tired face again before turning back toward them, leaning back against the counter. "I-" He cleared his throat before continuing. "I have to call the doctors to make sure it's not a symptom of her medication." No one said anything, so he turned back and grabbed the glass of water and began to make his way out of the kitchen. Before he got out the door, he turned back to the girls. "You guys should go shopping. You don't have to stay here because of me."

Haley was the first one to speak. "Lucas-"

He knew what she was going to say by the look she gave him. "No, go on. Go have fun. There isn't anything you guys can do here." They all gave him a look that said they didn't believe him. He gave them a sad smile. "I'll be fine. Trust me. It's okay, go." Then he walked out of the room.

They sat there a few moments. "Why do I not believe him?" Brooke spoke.

"Because he's not that good of a liar." Haley said as she got up to put her cup into the sink.

They all sat in silence for a few moments, too lost in their thoughts. "You guys should go, I'll stay here with him." Peyton spoke for the first time. They looked at her; she couldn't really read the emotions on their faces. "It'll give me time to catch-up with him." Peyton concluded. Half of that was true. The other half of her wanted him to talk to her like they could before all this happened. It's been about two years since Lucas closed himself off from all them. He would tell them everything they wanted to know, except things that involved him and his feelings. She knows he blames himself for what happened, but he shouldn't. She can tell that this inwardly battle he's fighting is slowly killing him.

Haley and Brooke didn't want to leave him, but they both knew Peyton wanted some alone time with him. Haley went to grab her purse while Brooke went over to Peyton. She bent down to her eyelevel and said, "Call me if you or Lucas needs anything. Okay?"

Peyton nodded and gave Brooke a hug. Haley came back through the kitchen briefly hugging Peyton while Brooke peeked her head through the living room doorway, "Bye mini-Luke." She smiled at the young boy as he ran up to her and gave her a hug, and then went towards Haley. She rubbed the boys head and said a 'bye' as they made their way out the door.

Peyton felt a tug on her shirt and looked down at Noah. He put up his index finger and motioned her for her to come down to eyelevel. When she was, Noah looked back toward the stairs as if making sure the coast was clear. He said really softly. "Why is daddy sad?" They way he said that almost broke Peyton's heart. He was being so innocent, and you could hear such care in his voice.

"Why would you say that?" Peyton finally found her voice after a moment.

"He dosn smile no more." Noah looked down, unsure off himself.

"He…He doesn't?" It wasn't a question, not really anyway. She knows Lucas smiles, but there all fake.

"No real ones…" Apparently he knows it too. People should give him more credit. He's almost exactly like his father in so many ways. He can tell when people aren't being truthful, but never calls them on it unless it's appropriate. He knows what people are felling, and tries to make them feel better if they're down. It just how his is, he has a heart of gold.

"Come here buddy-" Peyton picks him up and walks into the living room. She sets him down on the couch, laying him down and gets him a blanket hanging off the back of one of the chairs. Peyton comes back over sits down on the couch, while the little boy puts his head on her lap as she puts the blanket over him. They sit in silence as they watch the rest of the movie. Peyton gently strokes the boy's hair with her fingers as she watches him slowly fall asleep. She knows that it's the only way to put him to sleep. It calms him down and makes him feel protected. Lucas does it too while he reads him books before bed. Peyton saw him do this when they came to visit for Christmas last year. He told her it was the quickest way to put him to sleep. She's done it ever since.

"You know, he loves it when you do that." His voice disrupted her thoughts.

She smirked, "Like father like son." Lucas looked down and blushed slightly. The tips of his ears going red briefly before he glanced back up at her and smiled. It was the truth. She would do that when he was tense or stressed. It happened a lot last Christmas. So they would sit down in the living room sitting by the fire watching the kids play games or on Christmas morning, opening up presents. He would lay his head on her lap closing his eyes; taking in everything. He'd take in the sounds of his children laughing, the smells of a home cooked meal they all helped prepare. The sounds of a truly happy family. She would stroke his hair, making him forget the pain of life. Even if it was just for a second, he took as much time as he would get, and just be happy. Whether he would admit it or not, the only time he was truly at peace was either with his kids or with her.

"Wow. Did Lucas Scott actually smile?" She just had to continue teasing him. He looked too cute the way he was blushing.

"Maybe…" He continued to smile as he shoved his hands into his pockets. A habit he had when he was nervous. He walked over to the other side of her and sat down. Slowly putting his arms behind her. Holding her close.

She smiled as she looked up at him. Then spoke, "You know, if I didn't have him sleeping on my lap I'd be yelling at you right now."

He knew she was serious, but she kept her town light. "I know."

Still trying to keep her tone down, "You could've at least kept in touch. I wouldn't have judged you."

"I know." Of course he knew.

"Did you at least keep in touch with someone?" She didn't want him to be completely alone. She knew that when he went back to Seattle, he didn't have anyone.

Lucas nodded his head. "I kept in touch with my mom." She looked confused.

"But I talk to your mom every-"

"Every week. I know." He finished. "I called her every chance I got, which wasn't many."

"She never told me. I asked her, but she never said anything." She was a little upset that Karen didn't tell her.

"Don't be mad at her. I told her not to tell any of you that we talked. I didn't know when I was coming back. Or if I was coming back."

She sighed, rather dramatically in Lucas' perspective. Peyton then looked up and studied his face. "You look pale…" She touched his cheek with the palm of her hand. Her hand slowly trailing his dark whiskers from the bottom of his neck to the top of his jaw. "When was the last time you ate?" He looked away. She grabbed the other side of his face and turned him to face her. "Lucas Scott, when was the last time you ate?"

She feared his answer, so didn't wait for one. She took her hand away from his face, grabbed a pillow that was on the other side of Noah. She lifted his head up slowly, laid the pillow under his head and was off into the kitchen.

Lucas was right behind her after he made sure Noah wasn't awake. "Peyt-"

"No Luke, I don't want to hear it." She was in the refrigerator looking for something to make him. She pulled out cheese and butter, and then turned back to him. He was leaning against the archway that divided the kitchen from the living room. "Last time I saw you, I told you to take care of yourself. Clearly-" She pointed up and down his slightly skinny frame. "You didn't." She finished as she pulled out a loaf of bread, which she started to butter four pieces.

"I told you not to worry about me." Lucas said as he pushed himself off the doorframe and closer to her.

"Damn it Lucas! I always worry about you." She turned toward him and walked until she was as close as she could get to him. "Can't you see? I lo-… care about you so much!" She grabbed his cheeks and made him look at her. He did, right into her tear stained eyes. "Why can't you see it? Why do you keep pushing me away?" She looked deep into his eyes, and she knew what he was thinking. He always had that look when he was thinking about it. She knows that look. It's the look he's had for the past two years.

Lucas pulled away from her grasp to get some space between the two of them." It's not your fault Lucas."

"I know." He nodded as he looked outside the nearest window.

Peyton shook her head, "No…. No I don't think you do." She walked back up to Lucas, and made him look at her again. "Say it." She demanded.

"Say what?" He pretended to play dumb, hoping she would drop it.

"Say it's not your fault."

"Peyt-" He pleaded. He tried to get away, but she wasn't budging.

"No! Lucas, say it. 'It's wasn't my fault." She repeated. He stayed silent. "Say it!" She demanded again, more forceful.

She watched as a lone tear worked his way down his face. Her tone softened considerably. "Say it." More tears flooded their way down his face. He tried to close his eyes, but they just kept coming. "Luke. Lucas…" He opened is eyes. "Say it." She pleaded once more.

"It-it's…."He stopped there, once more pleading with his eyes to Peyton, begging her not to make him do this. It didn't work. "It's- not- not…my f-fault." He whispered and closed his eyes once again.

"Say it louder." Lucas shook his head frantically and whispered an almost mute, 'no'.

"Lucas say it louder."

"No."

"Lucas. Say it louder!"

"No!"

"Say it!"

"It's not my fault!" He just about screamed. "It's not my fault! It's not my fault!" He stepped back from her. "Is that what you want to hear?" She'd never seen him this angry, and if she was being honest, it scared her. "It's not my fault! Do you feel better that I said it! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

He stared to pace. "It's not my fault!" He mocked. "I may have said it, but it sure as hell doesn't change the fact that it is my fault! Every time my daughter wakes up screaming, it my fault!" He looks at her and stares right into her eyes. "Every time my son asks where his mother is, it's my fault. Every single time they ask 'why mommy had to hurt them', or 'why didn't mommy love us'. 'Where we bad?' Or, you know what, this is my favorite. 'Why me?' 'Why do I not have a mommy like other kids have?' You know the kind, the ones that actually love them'.

"Lucas-"

"No, Peyton. Just don't. Okay." He looked down defeated. "Just don't." He said as he walked out the back door.

I've been dying inside, little by little

Nowhere to go; I'm goin outta my mind.

An endless circle runnin from myself until

You can gave me a reason for standing still

AN: Tell me what you think. More reviews seem to help me write faster…. also good music. But that's not the point…Please REVIEW!!