Breath
He couldn't breath.
There was air all around him but none in his lungs.
There was fire all over him, but not on him. Burning inside him, making his heart hurt and burning the air. He could feel his heart beating, pounding, slamming into his rib cage. It was beating him from the inside out and he knew that his chest couldn't take any more.
And then it happened. With one last violent thud it stopped. But it didn't stay stopped. There was a hiss and then pain and his body twitched. And his body jerked. And his heart started again.
It started slowly at first. Bearable. But that didn't last. It speed up again. And slammed into him again. And it stopped again. And there was the hiss and the pain and the spasm and the jerk. And his heart started again, and so did the fire.
There was pain and touch and he couldn't move. There was movement all around him, but none from him. There was a familiar touch of comfort that caused him immense pain. A cool softness on his head and a needle in his arm and then ice in his blood. It spread and spread all through him until the fire was gone.
Now if only he could breath.
line
He was never one for showers. He hated them. Nothing could embody his biggest fear better them a metical cage with copper pipes and water. But right now, the shower was heaven.
The hot water was doing wonders for his muscles. The dim candlelight that Emma had insisted on was lolling him into numbness, and the sent of his body wash made him feel clean…even if it was an illusion.
He didn't know how long he stayed under the spray. Long enough for the water to cool. Long enough for his skin to turn pink. Long enough for Emma to get worried. Not long enough to forget anything.
"Brennan, come on, Adam wants to take a look at you…Brennan…" Emma was saying over and over again, knocking on the door. But Brennan just ignored her. Adam could wait until Brennan felt clean.
line
Emma was about to hit the door again when Sam caught her hand.
"Take your time Brennan, just go see Adam when you're done," he said, ignoring the look on Emma's face. He practically dragged the taller girl out of the room and into the hall. And as soon as they were out of earshot of the element Emma tore into him.
"What the hell are you doing?! Brennan needs to be looked at! He can't stay in the shower all night! He might be hurt or reacting to the venom! He can't stay in there all night!"
"No, but he can stay until he feels clean again," Sam said evenly, never flinching or looking away from Emma. He knew that she was angry, just like he knew she wasn't angry with him. This all sucked, it really sucked, and he knew there was a lot of guilt and self blame going around.
If only I had be faster. If only I had been there. If only I had said something sooner. If only I had fought harder. If only, if only, if only….
But you can't change the past with if only, and you can't fix the future with guilt. And Sam knew that if anyone could help fix this it was the red head standing right in front of him.
"Emma, you're a empath, right? You feel everyone's emotions?"
Emma, still a little stunned by Sam's statement, nodded.
"This is going to be harder on you then everyone else because while they're going to be acting 'fine' you're going to be feeling their pain, anger, guilt, and whatever else. Aren't you?"
Again Emma nodded.
"Then right now, you should focus on doing what you need to do in order to brace yourself for that. I know I'm not a part of the 'team,' but Shal trusts me. She trusts me enough that she lets me take care of Jess. Can you trust me to take care of Brennan? So that you can hold it together?"
Emma searched this stranger's face. Locked eyes with him and pushed into his head. He offered no resistance, no walls. In fact, he let her walk right in. Let her see the truth of his words and the depth of his soul. He was not an innocent person, Emma could see that. It wasn't a holy person, or even all that good. He was however honest, and dependable. He did care deeply for Jess and Shalimar, and even Adam. She could sense that he genuinely liked Brennan and her and that he hoped for a friendship between them. She could sense all this and knew that it was the truth.
"You'll take care of him? Make sure he goes to see Adam?"
Sam gave her a heart breaker smile and said, "promise. Go take care of yourself. They're going to need you."
Emma bowed her head and sighed softly before nodding. He was right, this fight wasn't over and her round, the hardest round, was going to start soon. That pleasant thought in mind, Emma went in search of a quite and solitary place to meditate and prepare her mind.
Sam watched her walk away and sighed heavily. He did not envy her, her task, but there was still the matter of the element and that was not a pleasant one.
Line
"What were you thinking? Letting him go off half cocked after…" Adam bellowed.
"I was thinking that I didn't want him running off and doing it alone!" Shalimar snapped back, interrupting her mentor.
Both were seething. Their nerves were shattered after nearly losing Jess twice and now that they were left to their own devices, they went at each other's throats.
"You should have called me, waited for Emma and I to come back! You never should have handled this on your own!" Adam scolded, barley able to control his anger. He knew that this wasn't Shalimar's fault. He knew that he wasn't really angry, that what he was expressing was worry and fear and helplessness. But he couldn't stop, not any more then the feral could.
"Don't you think I know that?! Don't you think I know it's my fault?! But, damn it, he needed this! He needed to find him, to stop him! I couldn't say no, and if we had waited for you then there would be another dead body and another reason for Jesse to hate himself!"
Her tirade finished she turned her back on Adam and looked through the glass doors to her baby brother. He was laying on the med table, paler then a ghost, unmoving, vulnerable, and broken. Her mind screamed that it wasn't Jesse lying there. The sad, decrepit being wasn't, couldn't be her baby bother. But her reality knew there was no sense lying to herself. "Is he going to make it Adam? Is he going to be alright?" and she couldn't stop the tiny child voice that came from her or hide the fear in her words.
From behind her Adam gave a long and tired sigh. He seemed to have aged at least five years tonight, and the normally vigorous youthful scientist was replaced with an old, empty shell. "He'll live. He's stabilized."
The fact that he didn't say 'He'll be alright,' did not go unnoticed by Shalimar.