A/n: I want to thank all the people that have read this story, because this IS the last chapter. I would like to dedicate this story to my cousin: Ashley, who is now 23 and living with the long term side affects of an eating disorder she had when she was in High School. This story means alot to me even though it's not that great because i HAVE thought about being to fat and stuff like that ALL the time, but now after writing this story and talking to my cousin about her eating disorder i have changed my views on myself, completely. I hope that people that read this will realize just what can happen when you starve yourself or make yourself purge. Don't give in to peer pressure! Ok i would like to do this whole copy right thing because i had to use a website to make sure i got my info correct, BTW i'm sorry if it isn't all 100 accurate. SO Copyright:
Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'. 33
I wanna be skinny: Part 9
-- 2 years later
I stand in the mirror of my bathroom; the bags still remain under my eyes. My weight is hard to control, one minute I'll be to skinny to function and the next I'll be getting fat.
I wish I could go back to when I was in high school, and hurting myself, and eat like normal instead of purging and not eating enough, because now, my life is a piece of crap to say the least.
Every now and then my body makes me puke up my lunch… or dinner… or breakfast and I most definitely do not like the feeling of it.
I smile and I hate the look, the bags under my eyes get bigger and my teeth are stained.
I put on my clothes, jeans and a tee shirt, and exit my house taking in the smell of the air around me. I sit in the driver's seat of my white BMW and put the key in the slot; I start the car and drive off.
I pull up to the way to familiar school, Degrassi Community School, and park my vehicle in an empty spot. I depart from my vehicle and make my way into the halls of the high school that I once attended.
I hear the bell go off, the bell that I once listened to, and students that are in the hallway chatting it up rush to their classes. I laugh at how much it reminds me of when we went to school here. I walk into the front office and see the same secretary seated behind the desk.
"Hi Emma, hold on just a second and I'll tell Ms. Sinclair you are here" Yeah, I've heard the 'rumors' of Heather Sinclair being the new principal here but I didn't believe it, but now I'm forced to realize that it is in fact true.
The secretary picks up her black phone and dials a number, "Hello, Emma Cameron is here, Yes Ma'm" Yea, that's another one, I'm married to Sean Cameron, I'm not really sure what keeps him, because it sure isn't my looks, but that's okay, as long as he is with me.
"Emma, Ms. Sinclair would like to see you in her office" I nod my head and walk back to the office.
"Hello Ms. Cameron, sit" she points toward a chair, acting all like I'm a kid in her school that's in trouble. I do as I am told and she looks up from a paper she has been writing on.
"We are very happy to have you here today Emma" I get a close look at her face; I think she's had some work done. "I think the kids will enjoy hearing your story, especially since you attended this school, so if you don't mind, please come with me and we'll get this shin dig started" she gives me a warm smile "Yeah, let's do this"
As we are walking out of the office Heather tells the secretary to announce over the intercom that they need to go to the gym. And she keeps on walking, with me right on her heel, as we walk the same path through the hallways that we used to and she hands me a microphone and a chair to sit on.
The gym fills up and the noise of people talking takes over the gym, some pointing at me occurs, probably talking about how bad I look or how they used to know me that I used to go to school here.
"Guys and Girls, this is Emma Nelson, she graduated from here and she is here to talk to you about something that happened in her life, and is still affecting her today"
I talk all about having to stay in the hospital for 2 months, and how it has affected my looks now, etc, etc. And the teens look like they are really getting something out of this, and I'm happy.
After the little ceremony like thing many girls come up to me with tears in their eyes telling me about how they think they aren't skinny enough and I offer helping words, and many tell me that the speech really touched them, and that touched me.
Soon after I leave the school and get into my BMW again, today I don't have to worry about going to work because I took off just to come and give this speech. I transport my way back to Sean and I's house.
When I get in our driveway, I turn the vehicle off and sigh, my life is anything but good.
I go inside and flop down dramatically on the black sofa; I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep.
My body starts to shake making my eyes pop open and I see Sean standing above me. I smile when I see his eyes and leans down planting one right on my lips. "I just thought I would wake you up, so you can sleep tonight" I silently thank him by kissing him again. One simple kiss turns into a full on make out session.
Eventually when stop when we are both gasping for air, "You know what would be nice?" I ask. "What?" he asks back, looking over at me "If we had a baby" he changes his look toward me "Emma" I roll my eyes "I know, I know, we can't" That's another bad thing that has come out of my eating disorder. If I got pregnant bad things could happen like a miscarriage or my baby being still born, and Sean and I both agreed that we couldn't handle seeing that happen. More bad things could also happen, like the child being born with birth defects, and Sean said it wouldn't really matter but it would to me because I would know all my life that it was my fault that the child was cursed with something like that. The doctor said I was lucky I could even have children at all because most people with an eating disorder can't. But in the end, we just couldn't handle it with all the possibilities.
So here I am, sad and depressed because my life stinks, all because I chose to not eat in high school. I would do anything to be able and go back and change everything I did to my body. My life would be 110 happier if I could.