A/N: Hey guys! Wow, it's been a while since I've updated, hey? Sorry about that! Please don't kill me! Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews, I really appreciate it! I've been thinking that I'd like to go back over the chapters and change some stuff, but I'm not going to delete it all or anything. Each one should still flow on from the next! As it stands, of course, I still have plenty of stories which I have neglected to update for a very long time, and I am truly sorry for that. First year of college (year eleven in Australia) is pretty hectic, and I only really was able to get around to this because of the holidays. No excuses, anyway. I'll just organise my time better and this time it wont take me five months to update! Oh dear me! Please review - flames, constructive criticism, The Love - whatever you want to send my way, I greatly appreciate it! Thank you all again for reading and reviewing like the lovely people you are!
"Crap, crap, crappity crap."
"What's the matter?" Ginny asked, twirling a lock of red hair around her finger as she watched Hermione pace.
"Oh nothing!" Hermione exclaimed sarcastically, pulling her own hair as though she wished it would all just fall out.
Ginny raised an eyebrow.
"Hermione."
"Whhaaat?"
Hermione had her eyes closed in despair, so she didn't see Ginny's eye roll.
"Tell me what's wrong."
Hermione groaned and flung herself melodramatically onto the bed.
"I don't know. What's going on with me, Gin? I feel like a completely different person. All I think about is getting revenge on Draco and…"
Ginny frowned.
"But you got revenge on him. What's the matter now?"
Hermione muttered something under her breath and Ginny gasped.
"No way! You don't! You didn't! That's just insane! And, well…it can't be... just…just try to forget it, ok? It's the only way to move forward, I reckon."
"But dance lessons are today, Gin! What am I gonna do?"
Ginny bit her lip and then breathed deeply as she tried to calm down.
"Erm."
Hermione stood up quickly and then proceeded to jump a hole in the floor.
"Exactly! That's exactly it, Ginny! 'Erm.' Oh, I'm so dead."
She flopped back onto the bed and made despairing noises.
"Alright, alright." said Ginny, standing up and pacing herself.
"Here's what we're going to do. I'm gonna…I'm gonna go. And you're gonna…lie there and pretend to be sick, and I'm gonna pretend not to know you. Ok? Bye."
She started to walk out the door but stopped when she heard a particularly distressed sound coming from Hermione's bed.
Ginny moaned and walked back to the bed, where she put a hand on Hermione's shoulder.
"Oh, calm down. I'm not leaving. We'll just have to get you ready, ok?"
"But I don't want to go! It'll be so humiliating!"
Ginny looked suddenly stern.
"Hermione Granger, you will get out of bed this instant and put on some sexy clothes or I will disown you."
Hermione, looking unnerved, pushed herself off the bed.
"You know, if you hadn't been talking about sexy clothes, I might have sworn that your mother just took over your body."
Ginny waggled her eyebrows and said in a would-be mysterious voice;
"My mother may have possessed me after all, Hermione. You'll never know."
Hermione grinned as she pulled her hair out of its band.
"So your mother talks about sexy things? That is an extremely disturbing thought, Ginny Weasley, and not one that I wish to dwell on."
Ginny stuck her tongue out good naturedly as she rummaged through Hermione's wardrobe.
"Boring, boring, quite dull, uninteresting, rather revolting, tedious, tiresome, totally lacklustre, dreary; urgh, wherever did you find this? At a troll transvestite's garage sale? Oh, don't look at me like that. You know I only say it because I love you or whatever. Blah, stupid, ugly, horrible, awful, dreadful, yuk. Well, I see you took my advice when I said to get a new wardrobe. This is on a whole new plane of horrendous."
"Thank you, Ginny. You're so good at making me feel better."
"I know." said Ginny cheerfully, ignoring the sarcasm in Hermione's voice. "I'm really rather brilliant."
Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Oh, look!" exclaimed Ginny, holding a skirt out in front of her, "It looks like a baby threw up on it! How delightful!"
Hermione grabbed it off her and put it carefully back in her wardrobe.
"If all you're going to do is insult me Ginny, I'd rather you left."
The look Ginny gave Hermione gave new meaning to the word remorseful (i.e. she wasn't).
"Oh, come along, Mopey Mildred. You'll just have to come to my room and see if we can't find something jaw droppingly fabulous for you to wear. Which we will. Seeing as it's my wardrobe and I have impeccable taste."
Hermione let Ginny drag her down the stairs and out into the corridor.
As they
reached the Fat Lady, a sound not entirely unlike a cough sounded
from behind them. The girls looked around, and, seeing nothing,
turned back to the portrait.
"Chast-"
The Fat Lady cut Ginny off quickly.
"Girls, I think someone's there. You shouldn't say the password just yet."
A smooth voice, undercut with an almost laugh, sounded from behind them.
"Darling girl, I can already guess what the password is. After all, as unfortunate as it may be, all Gryffindors seem to practice it. That and an ungodly sense of loyalty. Of course, neither ever went well for me when it came to relationships. So."
Hermione looked around in shock to see one Draco Malfoy leaning up against the wall. Ginny was gaping at him.
"Would you stop sneaking up on me like that, ferret head? It's extremely disorienting, not to mention unwelcome."
Draco feigned shock as he blew his hair out of his eyes.
"Unwelcome? Now don't you think you're being a little harsh?"
Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.
"I am not. How would you like it if a great big blonde parasite walked up to you all the time making comments about your parentage, lack of fashion sense, hair product and dentists?"
Far from being stung by these comments, Draco looked amused.
"I'd feel happy in the knowledge that this fine specimen was taking an active interest in my-"
"Aha!" exclaimed Hermione, pointing a finger in Draco's face. "So you are interested in me!"
Draco looked bemused. "Nothing of the sort, Miss Granger. Your strange ways are slightly fascinating, to be sure, but only as one finds a drunken ant fascinating."
Hermione tried to think of something cutting to say to this but all she could manage was a slight spluttering and then; "Drunken ant?"
Draco remained cool, tapping his fingers against the wall.
"That would be correct. Fascinating creatures when drunk, ants. You should watch them sometime. Did you know that an ant which sees a drunken ant lying in the gutter (they do that) will only carry it home if it belongs to its nest? If it's a stranger ant, he'll kick it in the balls and steal its girlfriend."
Hermione and Ginny both stared at him, dumbstruck, as he fiddled with a lock of blonde hair, seemingly oblivious to the way they were looking at him.
"You…you…I…"
Draco looked questioningly at Hermione, who was struggling for words.
"I…you are so strange." she managed finally.
Draco shrugged. "Possibly. Anyway, I've been looking for you."
"Y-you have?"
"Um hmm. Minnie wants to talk to us about something."
Both Hermione and Ginny looked confused.
"Who's Minnie?" Hermione asked after a moment.
Draco rolled his eyes.
"McGoogles, simple. You know? Reckons she's Scottish but totally isn't, is constantly threatening to make her hair fall out by sheer force of bun, can turn into a cat? Any of this ringing a bell?"
"McGonagall?"
"That would be twenty five points for the lady with the beaver teeth!"
Hermione huffed angrily, her hands fisting.
"They are not beaver teeth, you great bully!"
Draco looked completely free of any concern as he drawled; "Uh huh. And I'm not the sexiest man alive."
Hermione snorted in a very unladylike manner. "So, you've finally realised it? Congratulations."
Draco's lack of concern disappeared rapidly in a cloud of bristles. His eyebrows drew downwards like a little storm cloud.
"Excuse me? Was that meant to be a joke? Because it was not funny on any level."
Hermione smirked as she inspected her fingernails.
"I found it funny."
Draco's eyes narrowed.
"Well, that's because you're a bitch who has no life, nor sense of humour."
Hermione raised her chin defiantly.
"I have more of a life than you do, Loner Larry. And I'll have you know-"
Draco interrupted her, bristling madly.
"Oh really? Well, at least my two best friends didn't-"
Hermione cold demeanour vanished as she pointed her finger in Draco's chest, her nails digging into her other palm so hard that they turned her skin white.
"Oh, don't you dare, Malfoy! Don't you dare!"
Draco, happy to have finally gotten a response, played to her, looking utterly innocent.
Only his eyes, glittering wickedly, gave him away.
"What? What am I daring? Because I'll dare it!"
Hermione's jaw was clenched, but she managed to say her next sentence through gritted teeth.
"And if you do, I will hit you so hard your manwhich'll come out the other side!"
The blonde boy grinned. "Heh, manwhich."
He looked severe again. "You're a manwhich."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "You don't even know what a manwhich is."
Draco looked sulky. "Yeah, I do! I have one! You don't, because you're a loser!"
The brunette tossed her head. "Because I'm a girl, you mean. Imbecile."
"Dickmuncher."
"Neanderthal."
"Eat snot, you revolting butt monkey!"
Hermione performed a fantastic feat of eyebrow gymnastics.
"Oh, because that's real mature!"
Draco pointed a finger in her face, poking his tongue out to demonstrate exactly how mature he really was. Short answer: extremely.
"Ha! You couldn't come up with an insult!"
"I can too! You're a smelly, misguided dick for brains who gets jealous of things which turn him on! Like naked hamster molesters!"
Draco tried not to look taken aback and failed miserably.
"What the hell? You idiotic, unwashed arse! Bow down before me, for I am your master!"
Hermione, unable to come up with a stunning rejoinder, settled on startling him with her imaginative verbal abuse.
"If you were my master, then…then…get away from me, you wrinkly, mindless noodle brain!"
There was a short pause in which Draco attempted to digest the insult and come up with an interesting one of his own. Hitting upon one he found suitably brilliant, he made his special 'epiphany' face.
"Oh, quit being so idiotic…you moronic necrophiliac!"
Hermione, so disgusted by his choice of insult, had to lower her voice for the first part of her retort.
"I don't like dead bodies you disgusting fascist dickwad!"
Draco quivered imperceptibly, wishing he hadn't heard her say 'dick' so many times. It was more than any man should have to bear. Powerless to stop himself, he voiced his opinion on the matter. Unproductively.
"Stop saying dick!"
"Dick, dick, dick!" Hermione sung childishly, dancing around a shuddering Draco.
"Guys!" interrupted Ginny, looking extremely bewildered.
Two irritated faces turned to her at the same time.
"What?"
Ginny looked awkwardly between them. Draco was glaring sulkily at the floor as if it had done him some great wrong, and Hermione, who had only moments before been dancing around him, looked mortified at her behaviour and was refusing to look at anyone.
"I…uh. Shouldn't you go? If…If McGonagall wants you?"
Draco shook himself and smoothed his hair down, standing straight again, but still refusing to meet anyone's eyes.
"Yes, good point, Weasel. Come along muddy. We have things to do. No time to be wasted on pointless chatter etcetera."
Hermione growled under her breath but turned around anyway.
"Bye, Ginny. I'll see you later. Can you pick some clothes out maybe?"
She
looked a little sad as she followed a regal looking Draco around the
corner.
Ginny watched them leave, feeling a little dazed.
"This day just seems to swing from one extreme to another. I don't really think I am fond of it."
"So what did McGonagall want, anyway?" Hermione asked eventually, Draco's long strides meaning that she had to turn her walk into a little skipping-run to keep up with him.
Draco looked back at her with a barely perceptible
sigh and then turned around again.
Hermione tried to sound
suitably displeased but was a little too breathless for it to work
out as well as she had hoped.
"Oh, so that's how it is, is it? You're going to ignore me now? How very mature of you!"
Draco rolled his eyes, knowing that Hermione couldn't see it, and walked a little faster. Breath coming in little gasps, Hermione managed to keep up with him with only a large amount of difficulty.
"Fine! I'm- a- very- patient- per- son. I- can- wait!"
"Sure you can." Draco muttered under his breath, shaking his head slightly.
"I- can!" Hermione retorted, having heard his muted slight and having been exceedingly offended by it. She skipped a little as the blonde boy strode further up the corridor. Short legs were a terrible curse.
"Can't- you- go- any- slower? The- world- isn't- going- to- end, you- know- ow!"
Draco exhaled noisily and turned around, watching Hermione as she attempted to pick herself up off the floor. She let loose a string of expletives as her foot caught on her shoelace and she went tumbling to the floor again. Draco leant against the wall, fighting with amusement and exasperation as she growled loudly.
"Can't you get off your perfectly honed arse for once and help me up?"
Draco raised an eyebrow, smirking as amusement won.
"And why would I want to do that? I much prefer you on par with my boots. I think it is very fitting. And my arse is perfectly honed, isn't it?"
He looked fondly at said arse and then back at Hermione.
"You know, you're very lucky to have seen it. Most girls would kill their grandmothers for a tiny peek of it, and you, dear girl, were in a position to give it a good old squeeze! Not that you did, mores the pity. Such chastity from you Gryffindors is sometimes beyond all endurance. Still. You saw me in all of my perfectly honed glory, and I'm sure it was a rather brilliant experience for you. Life must only have gone down hill for you from there."
Hermione's eyes tightened and she pushed herself up, stalking over to him in a very threatening manner. If it hadn't been for the back to front robes, Draco might have been intimidated by her. As it was…
"Do you know, Draco Malfoy, you're quite right!"
Oh yes, and there was her finger in his chest again. Pleasant girl.
"My life has been going steadily downhill since that moment!"
Fingers. Stabbing. At. Chest. Quite. Painful.
"And it is your entire fault!"
Pain! Pain! Pain! Ah, sweet fingernails!
"I think I liked you better as a ferret."
Yes, those were definitely going to leave bruises. How fantabulous.
"Well, dearest one, I must say I think I liked you better when you were not near me."
Hermione huffed, folding her arms and looking moodily the other way.
"Can we go now, please? McGonagall is waiting for us."
Having gotten sulking down to a fine art, Hermione turned on her heel and strode determinedly up the corridor. Draco grinned and strode after her, safe in the knowledge that he could still piss her off extremely well.
"Stop stalking me." Hermione threw back at him, her face stormy.
Draco sighed exasperatedly as he quickened his pace minutely.
"Granger, we're going to the same place. I could hardly call that stalking."
Setting her face into something that resembled a two year old child's at the mention of bedtime, Hermione kicked the wall in aggravation, upon which she let loose another stream of expletives and kept walking, limping slightly.
"Well, I can and I will. Now stop stalking me or I'll tell on you."
Draco rolled his eyes, feigning horror at the thought.
"Oh no! She'll tell! Everybody, quickly, we must away!"
Hermione snorted, refraining from kicking the wall again only because she knew that the wall would remain unharmed and she would probably have to go to the hospital wing with broken toes.
The two kept walking at a steady pace, Draco matching Hermione's only because he knew that walking alongside her was tantamount to sticking a spider down her top, which was always fun.
After a moment, Hermione said in a sniffy voice "Do you even know where McGonagall's office is?"
Draco sighed. "Yes, Granger, I do know, funnily enough. Seeing as we're to meet McGonagall in her office, and she is hardly the type to wait around outside for us to turn up, is she? No. She told me where to go when she told me to get you."
Hermione sniffed. "Fine. You're just so unorganised normally, that's all. And we seem to be going around in circles."
Continuing the long tradition of not
speaking to one another, they rounded the corner.
After another
minute or so of silence, they reached McGonagall's office and
stopped outside.
"Well? Are you going to knock?" Hermione asked Draco, gesturing exasperatedly at the door. Draco scowled.
"I shan't. I'll get splinters in my knuckles, and I just got a manicure."
Hermione spluttered vainly, trying to keep her laughter in.
"You did not!"
Draco looked furious.
"Just because you neglect your personal hygiene, that doesn't mean everybody else does. I have a reputation to uphold!"
Hermione rolled her eyes, still smirking.
"As what? Gayest man in Britain?"
Draco sniffed, looking away.
"You're just jealous that I could get any man I wanted. If I wanted."
Hermione raised an eyebrow delicately as she knocked on the door.
"Yes, of course you could, Malfoy. And it's so lucky that, seeing as I've already told my whole House that I saw you snogging Blaise Zabini."
Draco turned to her, eyes wide.
"You saw that?"
Hermione's intake of breath and eyes wider than saucers seemed to tell Draco that he may have made a tiny blunder.
Before either could say anything, the door opened and McGonagall steered them inside.
"It has come to my attention that there have been several incidents involving you two in the past week. Would either of you care to explain?"
Draco tried to feign indifference to the fact that Hermione was still staring at him open-mouthed, and cleared his throat.
"Uh, yes. Slight misunderstanding on the part of all who are not me."
McGonagall raised an expert eyebrow.
"Oh? Do go on."
Draco cleared his throat again, trying to ignore Hermione, whose stare was beginning to get on his nerves.
"Uh, yes. Er, you see…there was an incident, involving Granger and I…and, well, you see, it was all just a big misunderstanding, and uh, you know, we've had a nice chat…over tea and whatnot…and, uh, we're now great friends. Aren't we, Granger? Granger?"
He slung an arm gingerly over her shoulder, and she seemed to come out of her shock.
"You're gay?" she cried, eyes still wider than anything that could be considered normal.
McGonagall sighed, massaging her temples. Kids and their sexualities.
Draco groaned, retracting his arm. "Granger, no. I'm very confused. And if you tell anyone, I swear to God I will do things to you with pumpkins that you never thought possible and dear Lord you will wish you never knew were possible…"
He vagued out for a moment, shuddering as though remembering something horrifying.
Hermione blinked and then rubbed her head.
"Er, no. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."
Draco glared anxiously at her and then turned toMcGonagall again.
"You see? Great friends."
The professor sighed again, not looking up.
"Alright. But if I hear of any more of these incidents taking place, I will have to punish you both very severely indeed. Do I have your word that you will be on your best behaviour from now on?"
The two students looked at the floor.
"Yes, professor. Absolutely."
"Of course, professor."
"Good. Now, the dance lesson for this week has been cancelled, so I would like you to inform all students who were to be taking part."
Hermione looked relieved.
"Oh, thank Merlin for that…" she muttered. Draco looked at her.
"Why are they being cancelled?" he asked, his gaze returning back to the girl beside him suspiciously.
McGonagall folded her hands on the table and looked at him sternly.
"It seems that there was an incident last week. As no-one has been willing to tell us who was involved; we have closed it for all participants. It pains me to do so, but I will not have disrespectful students ruining the experience for all others. And as I cannot take these students from the class, I had to cancel it for everybody. I know that they will be upset, however, that cannot be helped, seeing as-"
"It was us, professor." Draco cut in, looking apprehensive.
Hermione kicked him under the table.
"Oh?" said McGonagall, not looking in the least bit surprised.
"Er, yeah." Draco said, rubbing the back of his head embarrassedly.
"Um. It goes back to the misunderstanding, see? Uh…we were…erm…very disrespectful?" his voice lilted up at the end, as if he wasn't quite sure whether they were or not, or perhaps if McGonagall would hit him.
Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Yes," she cut in, unable to let Draco ruin her completely. "It was incredibly disrespectful, Professor, and an incident that we are both extremely ashamed of. We would be very grateful to you if you would punish us so that we could learn our lesson."
Draco stared at her in disbelief. What in the hell was she playing at? She didn't really think that McGonagall would fall for that, did she?
McGonagall looked thoughtful.
"I'm glad to see that you understand the full severity of this incident, and that you are willing to be punished. Therefore, I will leave you both with a week of detentions and twenty points from your respective houses. I hope that you will be on your best behaviour starting now."
Draco turned his disbelieving stare to McGonagall. She had just eaten it up! As if what Hermione had said wasn't a load of utter bullshit! What the hell?
He opened his mouth to say something and Hermione kicked
him again.
He glared at her and she smiled innocently.
"Alright," McGonagall said, waving them away, "inform professor Flitwick that the dance classes will be taking place this week in light of your confession. You will not be permitted to take part, however."
Hermione nodded, smiling, and dragged Draco out of the room.
As soon as the door had closed behind them, she leant against the wall, sighing.
"Wow, that went so much better than I thought it would!"
Draco looked at her as if she had just sprouted horns and started singing show tunes.
"What are you on about? We have detention for a week and we had twenty points taken from each of our houses!"
Hermione snorted, looking at him as if he was stupid.
"Malfoy, we could have been expelled. That was probably the lightest punishment anyone has ever gotten away with."
Draco rolled his eyes and leant against the wall next to her. But not too close.
"So,"
said Hermione slowly, looking over at him coyly, "you like the men,
then, Malfoy?"
Draco grunted angrily.
"None of your business, Granger."
Hermione grinned, looking as though she had just found out that there was a Heaven on earth, and she was going there for a holiday.
"Oh, really? Well, maybe so, but I think it should be the business of every girl you have ever slept with…" she let this hang in the air and Draco grabbed her, shaking her a little harder than was strictly necessary.
"Fine! Fine, you know what? Ok, I like guys. And girls. I'm bisexual. I'm very confused! So sue me!"
Hermione laughed, pulling herself away.
"Malfoy, Malfoy, Malfoy. You really need to get a hold of yourself. I'm not going to tell anyone your dirty little secret. Yet."
Draco narrowed his eyes at her.
"It's not dirty." he said finally. "It's perfectly natural. I'm seventeen. I'm confused."
"As you have mentioned various times in the past ten minutes."
"Well, you haven't gotten it into your thick head yet, have you?"
Hermione smiled at him.
"Whatever. Anyway, we need to tell Flitwick that the classes are back on, and then I think you and I should have ourselves a little chat."
Uh oh!
What's happening here? I'm not so sure myself, dear ones, so we
will just have to wait til next time (which won't be in five
months, I promise. Lets cut it down to four, eh? Heh, no seriously
folks, no killing, please. I'll update as soon as possible.) Love
you all! Please review!
Your, icefirelioness