This chapter is unfortunately Lucien-less, but he will be making a swift return within the next two! Expect Vicente in the next one! Your reviews make my day, people, so I will give you the teensy hope that Mary might find her match in battle: I am currently fleshing out an OC to be the Anti-Sue of the story… or, if I like her well enough, she will get her own story eventually.
o.O.o
We-are-family! I got all my sistas with me!
o.O.o
Having been pre-informed about the arrival of a new sister, Ocheeva was determined to give a good and welcoming first impression. She knew only too well that newcomers were usually quite intimidated by this sudden change in their life, so she hoped to make it pleasant and friendly, especially since Sisters were somewhat rarer among the Brotherhood nowadays. But they usually lasted longer than Brothers, she was proud to say.
Besides, Lucien was known for having a good eye for recruits, despite the recent whispers of murder amongst their own guild. Hopefully, a new recruit would erase the suspicions that their own sanctuary was somehow being targeted. Moments before Mary arrived, the Argonian was reading Lucien's latest letter. She frowned a bit; the previous correspondence hadn't been exactly informative about the nature of this new recruit, mentioning only that she was a mer with an easily memorized voice and long hair. Ocheeva assumed that it meant that she was unremarkable physically, which could be a great plus for her; the harder an assassin was to spot, the better for them. And even when the Speaker dropped in once in a while, he had been very vague, hinting that she would know her when she saw her.
She had been occupying a chair next to her brother's favorite seat when the Sanctuary door opened and light footsteps were heard. Obviously, it was the new girl, the Argonian thought, and rose to her feet to go greet her. It seemed that her walk was light and subtle, which could be another good thing for her…
"HELLO-O? SPECIAL DELIVERY FOR THE DARK BROTHERHOOD! IS ANYBODY HOME? HELLO-O?"
…that is, until she took a deep breath and allowed her voice to echo loudly throughout the underground Sanctuary.
Ocheeva stopped in her tracks and blinked once, twice and then again, just to be certain that her eyes haven't failed her entirely. What waltzed through the Sanctuary door didn't resemble her mental image of the new recruit.
She had been expecting a modestly-dressed middle-class Altmer mage or a light armor-wearing Bosmer woman with a bow swung over her shoulder. Lucien would have certainly specified if she were a Dunmer and made sure that they were prepared for that. Instead, a girl that seemed to be sixteen in human years and acted just her age. She was dressed in the frilliest pink monstrosity of a dress that made her look like a very large birthday cake with excessive icing. She had no visible weapon on her, save for the little white bunny that was absent-mindedly chewing on one of her overly puffy sleeves, baring positively lethally-sharp-looking teeth.
And perhaps the overly decorated tiara that sat atop her fluffed platinum blonde hair. Somewhere in the Land of Oz, Glinda the Good was calling up her loyal lawyers and trying to sue Mary Sue for stealing her look. Useless, really.
Then, the terrifying amount of war-paint on her face that made her look like a cross between a raccoon and a pop diva moved into an expression of surprise and the girl yelped with surprise and joy, naturally remaining as heroic as it was required from a perfect protagonist such as her.
"Ohmigod, Barney!" she gasped out excitedly, looking at Ocheeva with wide storm-grey eyes. Elsewhere, the weather announcer was saying that it would be very stormy in her eyes for the next few days. Currently, they were gray, but not boring ordinary grey, but metallic grey like sharp steel, showing the keen intellect behind them… or, at least, a keen fashion sense and knowledge of children's programs in the alternative reality that is Earth.
Ocheeva raised her eyebrows slightly. She was used to various reactions, but certainly not this. Argonians were a fairly common race here, near the eastern borders of Cyrodiil. "I beg your pardon?" she asked, forgetting her well-rehearsed welcoming speech and warm smile.
Mary approached with clicking sounds of her sparkly shoes stolen from Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and the sounds of the frantic typing of the author, trying to make a decent description of the moment. Somehow, Mary didn't even look like tripping over the hem of her longish long dress. Moreover, she looked like the embodiment of a graceful blonde… cake.
"Poor Barney, what have they done to you!" she said tenderly, her warm eyes swimming in tears to cool off somewhat. A few more minutes and they would have resembled fried eggs, which was hardly attractive. Mary sighed dramatically, maternal feelings of compassion taking over. "I'm against giving spray paint to kids – this is what happens when parents aren't attentive. I should know… I'm practically an orphan myself. Raised by the creatures of the wild…"
"You must be the one Lucien told me about." Ocheeva rudely interrupted before Mary could start retelling all of her gloriously extraordinary back-story. She was beginning to understand what Lucien had meant by the last letter. She couldn't imagine why such a creature had been picked as a member of the Brotherhood. Was she capable of anything other than making ridiculous small talk? "Isabellaanastasia, is it?"
"Just call me Mary Sue, please. Mary to you, dear." the lovely cake-girl twinkled, putting any star to shame. She winked friendlily, trying to encourage Barney not to be so sad. Then, she remembered… that Barney was a boy! And this… eh, person… sounded more like a girl. And she had come to introduce her… what was it that Lulukins had said? "Ooh, I remember now, you're that person my dear Lucien told me to see!" Mary corrected herself, not even bothering to apologize, knowing that she would be forgiven immediately anyway. "Morcheeba, right?"
The Argonian flinched. Compared to this walking blonde cake, one would think her name was easy to remember. "Ocheeva." she said curtly.
"Right, right! Just so you know, it's such a cool name!" Mary beamed at the assassin, not even bothering to remember the correction. She remembered only the names she created when it came to women. "Sounds Latino, which is very in these days, you know! Totally hip. I'm sure we'll be best friends…"
"Yes, well, let me welcome you to the Dark Brotherhood." Ocheeva continued, viewing them becoming friends as very doubtful. If she wasn't in a position of leadership, she would have stopped trying to make a good impression by now. Judging by her way of ignoring stealth, this little girl was bound to get caught or killed on her first mission. Still, the Argonian enjoyed welcoming Sisters home; she didn't have a chance to say that too often nowadays. "It is always a pleasure to welcome another Dark Sister into our ranks. Truly, the Night Mother smiles upon her trusted daughters!"
Mary stopped beaming for a moment, giving the slightest grimace that didn't ruin her make-up at all and looked utterly charming on her, scrunched-up face and all. "Yeah, about that, I think the name is pretty sexist. I mean, what sort of name is "the Dark Brotherhood"? It's kinda creepy, not to mention totally sexist! Besides, it makes us sound like some loony psycho death cult." she laughed, sounding like a chorus of off-key crying angels.
"I… see, Mary. It seems Lucien was correct about everything he said and wrote about you." Ocheeva worded carefully. She understood now; this loon had somehow accidentally killed someone and the Listener's famed sense of humor was on the loose again. Oh, joy.
At the mention of Lucien's name, Mary immediately brightened up like a thousand Christmas lights. "Ooh, he spoke about me!" She made a noise that scientists usually identified as a "squee"; a high-pitched, girlish wail that managed to shatter anything too weak within a large radius. "What did he say? Tell me, tell me everything! He didn't think I looked fat in that in that white nightgown, did he?" Mary was suddenly a bit worried about that – it wasn't her best outfit! She needed to ask him later! "I know white makes people look fat, but I can't help if it looks sweet and virginally perfect on me!"
"Well, I assure you, you will not be having that problem much longer." Ocheeva privately thought that the gift would be utterly wasted on this brainless twit, but it was customary to offer enchanted armor to a new member to enforce a feeling of kinship. The armor would magically shrink or enlarge itself for the person; everyone, save for Gogron, wore it when sent out on a mission involving invisibility and complete stealth. "As a new member, please accept this gift from your new family. A unique set of armor, lighter than normal leather and black as the Void."
The armor was beautiful in addition to its practical nature. It was symbolic and a true relic of the Brotherhood. Everyone kept theirs, even if they didn't use it very often. It showed that they were truly part of the Family.
Mary took hers and unwrapped it and gave it her most critical CosmoGirl eye. It was figure-revealing, though it didn't have any kind of neckline. And it was black. All black. Well, the rest she could handle, but the color would need fixing. But she knew better than to complain, especially when Ocheeva was being so nice to her despite her horrible spray paint incident.
"Thankies! This will be great for super spying missions! How did you…" She gasped when she equipped her armor with a flash of Su power. It fit her perfectly and actually accented her curves… though it could be simply because it was designed for a person with a normal body, not ridiculously oversized breasts. "Lulu knows my measurements already?" It was the only possible explanation! At least, in her mind… "Isn't he incredible? He's really got a good eye, but then again, he picked me, didn't he?"
Ocheeva decided it would be better not to reply to that. Maybe this was some sort of assassination assignment, luring the target into a false sense of security and then mutilating her completely.
At that exact moment, the tall figure of their resident axe-wielding orc appeared from the corridor leading to the training rooms. Ocheeva was actually glad to see that Gogron was dressed in full heavy armor and had that ridiculously oversized axe of his. Unfortunately, it seemed that Mary Sue was simply too perfect to be intimidated by the sight of a jolly orc with an enormous weapon that could cleave her in two.
"Yes, indeed. Ah, Gogron! Please come here for a moment." The orc spotted them and came, axe seemingly ready. Ocheeva was ready to give her full approval for a hug this time. "This is Mary Sue, our newest Dark Sister!"
Mary smiled and waved. Gogron gave a toothy grin of his own, dropping his axe momentarily.
"Welcome, welcome! I'm Gogron gro-Bolmog, very nice to meet you, Mary!" But unfortunately, as he was about to hug her welcome and likely crush her ribcage, Mr. Fuzzems chose to find out whether the shoulderpiece of the shrouded armor Mary was wearing was as tasty as her dress and crawled up onto her shoulder, thoroughly displeased that he had been forgotten for most of the scene. Gogron, unfortunately sharing the voice actor with the Nord barkeeper from the inn in the second chapter, shared the same weakness for little bunnies. "Golly he's cute! What's his name?" the formerly well-written character cooed at the bunny.
"He's Mr. Fuzzems, my Pet Sidekick!" Mary said happily, glad that someone shared her opinions. Gogron, bless him, was too green and too… pig-like in appearance to be her type, so he rather looked like the Wicked Witch of Oz played by Miss Piggy from Sesame Street, but he certainly seemed to have the right idea about what was cute and thus important in life. "Say hello, Mr. Fuzzems!" The bunny glanced up, apparently a bit frightened by a big orc at close proximity, like any rational person should be and hid behind her shrouded hood. "See! I think he likes you!"
"Ooh, could I pet him? Can I?" Gogron begged, but fortunately didn't jump up and down like a five-year-old, which would have surely made the sanctuary collapse.
"Sure! Here, why don't you keep him for now while I go meet everyone else, huh?" Mary said graciously, ignoring the frantic shivering of her pet bunny. He was just excited about making a new friend!
"Gee, Mary, thanks!" Gogron smiled, grabbing the bunny to play with it. Ocheeva looked mildly alarmed, remembering how Telaendril used to laugh about his previous bunny, but death would likely be like heaven for the little creature, as it would be freed of its owner. "You're the best!"
"Tee-hee, I know!" Mary noted, posing like an anime schoolgirl and winking graciously. "Nice to meet you!"
She was about to flounce off to attack the rest of the sanctuary before Ocheeva stepped into her way. "Wait, Mary, wait! Now I understand what Lucien meant when he told me that you were… capable!" Ocheeva said quickly, searching for the correct word to describe her. "Yes, capable!"
"He said that?" Mary went ooh once more, giving a wonderful impression of a blushing bride or a tomato about to burst. "That's so sweet of him!"
That ranked very high in the Top Ten Words One Should Never Use To Describe Lucien Lachance, Ocheeva thought, feeling sweat on her temple. "Yes, well, Lucien told me to give you a mission straight away, but as a new initiate, you must go see Vicente Valtieri. He handles all assignments for new family members."
"Sure, that's like an initiation ritual to the Society of Perfect Hair, right?" Mary said in a mysteriously wise manner, as if a light bulb had appeared right above her head without looking anything less than perfect. As if it belonged there, really, if only to drop and fall on her head, hopefully making her less obnoxious. Unfortunately, it always vanished into Oblivion before it could complete its Sacred Crusade. "I mean, you might be accepted, but before they let you debate about the particular brands of shampoo, you have to prove your worth to them."
Ocheeva didn't even bother trying to understand that. "Er… yes. Yes, quite like that."
Mary, with her all-seeing eyes, saw right through that pretended indifference. Clearly, the topic of hair was unnerving to the lizard lady, having no hair of her own. She would look very silly with it anyway, but that wasn't the point. Mary felt bad for her! "Aww, don't worry, honey. You don't need hair, you have nice… horns… well anyway, you look good! Don't worry about that!" she said kindly, flashing a smile that was well-suited for a toothpaste commercial. "So, where will I find this Vicente?"
"Looking for Vicente? He should be still doing paperwork." a pleasant female voice noted and a tall Bosmer woman with a bow and arrows on her back appeared, giving Mary a curt smile. "You must be the new recruit. My name is Telaendril, nice to meet you."
"Mary Sue, hiya." The heroin(e) noted, twiddling her fingers as to say hello. She then critically examined the other elf, coming to the conclusion that she wasn't in any danger of being threatened in terms of looks. She eyed the hairstyle of the archer, clicking her teeth somewhat. "Speaking of hair, you should wear yours down, Teli, you have funny ears. Not very attractive, big-ears." she noted conspiratively, patting Telaendril's shoulder friendlily.
The Bosmer seemed to find that amusing, though her nickname less so. "Aren't you a mer yourself, Mary?" she asked logically, pointing out the obvious to someone blissfully aware of it.
"Oh, sure I am, but only part-elven! My Barbie genes made my ears completely human-sized and perfect, only slightly pointed. It brings out my eyes, you see." Mary noted, showing off her Lord of the Rings-esque ears, perfect as the rest of her, looking rather like they were made of wax or foam. Either way, they were perfectly unnatural or unnaturally perfect, the author couldn't decide. "Besides, I have Mr. Fuzzems for cute ears."
"I see. Is that armor you're wearing…?" Mary's armor had strangely managed to change color from jet black to neon pink. Ocheeva almost jumped. That was… well, obviously, this thing possessed some strange powers.
"The color was a bit too drab for my tastes. This looks better, no? I can dye yours, too, if you like!" Then they could be like sisters, Mary thought happily! Well, she would be the beautiful and perfect one, but sisters nonetheless!
The Bosmer took a step back, just in case. "Eh, I think I'll pass…"
"Suit yourself." Mary shrugged prettily. "Well, where should I go, then?"
"His room is just down the hall. No need to knock. Oh, and bring garlic if you pass the kitchens." Ocheeva added, knowing full well the implications of that "He loves it."
"Okay!" Mary smiled, glad that she found such helpful friends and could make someone else happy. "Take care of Mr. Fuzzems for me, okay Go-go?" she told Gogron, waved to the women and flounced off in the general direction of the resident vampire's room.
"Say, Ocheeva… isn't it a bit too early for Vicente?" Gogron asked, looking up from the terrified and battle-ready Mr. Fuzzems momentarily. "I mean, he usually sleeps or does paperwork until sundown… and you saw how he reacted when Antoinetta made garlic soup last time…"
"Precisely, Gogron." Ocheeva said wisely. "Precisely."
Telaendril shook her head, as if she couldn't believe her eyes. "Has Lucien gone out of his mind? I know the Hand has been putting pressure on him recently, but this…" She waved to the spot where Mary had stood.
"I know, Telaendril. But Lucien's letter suggested that Gogron greet her without restraint, which I was about to allow. He knows what that would mean… I rather think this is the doing of the Hand. He looked particularly on edge when he last came to give me instructions." Ocheeva suggested, frowning when she thought about it.
The archer sighed. Hopefully, they would get this cleared up quickly. "I do hope Vicente will understand the situation. I know he hates sending new recruits to their deaths… but in this case, I think it only prudent."
"Yes, that is the correct word. I will try to file an official complaint Lucien will be able to present to the Black Hand. This has to be a mix-up. That… that thing couldn't be one of the Night Mother's chosen…" Ocheeva said, though there was a hint of voicing this as a hope, not a fact.
The Bosmer looked unconvinced. "What if she is?"
Ocheeva shuddered. "If it were so, then the rumored murderer within the Brotherhood might be just a misunderstood soul. However, I think I remember a lovely Daedric shrine on the way to Leyawiin where we could send her by Cyrodiil Express Mail…"