A/N: Sorry it's taken a while to update. I moved back to school and had to take a few days to get unpacked and settled in. To top it all off, my computer screen functioning went AWOL, so I am mooching off the university computers for now. I promise to write as soon as possible though! Thanks for the reviews. It's great hearing from all of you! P.S. Any misspellings, God-awful grammar, sappy endings, crack!pairings presented in the "fan fiction" selections are intentional. I also apologize if any stories with these titles/exact plots DO exist. I promise I pulled them out of my head. Any resemblance to real fan fictions are PURELY coincidental.

Chapter 3:You call this romance?

Mario knew something was up, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Peach had the habit of serving him breakfast in bed on Saturdays, complete with a pitcher of orange juice, cereal, milk, fresh fruits, and his favorite, cornetto. Afterwards, she would read him a selection from Morgante, Mario's favorite Italian classic, and they would discuss the happenings in Mushroom Kingdom.

This particular Saturday morning, however, the princess stumbled in his bedroom and practically threw the tray on his lap. She then picked up a book on the bedside desk, opened it up to a random page, and sped-read, "'I'll think of it all tomorrow, at Tara. I can stand it then. Tomorrow, I'll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day.'"

She then slammed down the book and announced, "Father's approval rating went down by 3.7 points. Goombas want more labor laws."

By the time Mario could even blink, she was out the door. He looked at his breakfast. The orange juice was poured in the cereal bowl while the cereal was crammed in the pitcher. The cornetto was burnt beyond recognition. He glanced over at the book she had dropped on his bed. It was Gone With the Wind.

"Mamma Mia! Where's the fire?" Mario wondered, grumbling down the stairs to make his own breakfast and do his own reading.

...

"Sorry I'm late!" Peach yelled, running through the door. "I hope you didn't start without me!"

"Well, I wanted to, but her royal highness over here declared we had to wait for you," Samus said bitterly.

"So what's our strategy here?" Zelda asked, gesturing to the fan fiction homepage.

"I say we read every single one!" Peach proposed, and Samus moaned in protest. She was not one for romance stories, let alone 873 of them.

"Ohh! That one has Kirby and Jigglypuff! That's adorable," Peach squealed.

Zelda clicked it.

..."No!" Kirby screamed as he stepped in front of the Pokémon. "You can't keep her!"

"Why not? I captured her fair and square," said the Pokémon Trainer.

"Because...because I love her!" Kirby declared. "And I think she loves me back!"

"Is this true?" the Trainer asked Jigglypuff.

"Jigglypuff," she answered.

"Oh, Puffkins, you DO care!" Kirby exclaimed and ran toward her in slow-motion as music swelled in the background. By the time he got to her, Jigglypuff had fallen asleep.

"Who am I to separate true love?" muttered the Trainer and walked away.

The two lived happily ever after and made tons of pink babies that could self-inflate and turn into sleeping rocks.

"That...was...beautiful," Peach said, blowing her nose loudly. "What a happy ending!"

"Are you serious?" Samus asked, incredulous. "That was terribly unoriginal and out-of-character! If Kirby ever talked like that, I'd die."

"Ugh! You just don't have a heart," Peach spat. "Right, Zelda?"

"Um...it was kind of…uninspired," Zelda sniffed, but Samus swore she saw the princess covertly wipe away a tear. Traitor.

"This one looks promising. IkexZelda. IkexSamus. Which femme fatal will win the prince's heart?" Samus read.

"Ikex? Apparently someone doesn't use 'spell-check' or 'spacebars,'" Peach tutted, proud to have used two "computer terms."

"No, I think the 'x' stands for a pairing. I think Ike is paired with Zelda and I, and he has to choose between us," Samus explained.

"Oh that's utterly obvious," Peach said wisely. "Zelda is a princess and therefore must wed a prince. Ike has to pick you, Samus. You're both just commoners, no offense. There's no point in even reading this story."

"And what's Link, chopped liver?" Zelda asked.

"Well, I'd consider 'Hero of Time' a close match to royalty," Peach smiled kindly.

Satisfied, Zelda turned her attention back to the list of stories.

"'Show me ya Movez!' Wat hapens when cap. Falcon n Peech hav 2 much sugaa!1!?/ They get hyper n play Truht or Dare! Sry its so random my friend and I were s;ap happy!!" Zelda's eyebrows flew up. "Dear me."

"PEECH!?" The offended princess screamed. "How hard is it to spell my name? I'm a fruit for Tabuu's sake!"

"Well, that's exactly what I do when I have too much sugar," Samus laughed. "Play 'Truth or Dare.'"

Halfway through the story, Zelda pushed her chair back and sighed in frustration. "I can't do it anymore. I honestly feel like I'm losing intelligence."

"Oh come on, Zelda! It…has its moments," Samus insisted.

Zelda cleared her throat and read a passage aloud:

"'Peach i think it was a bad idae 2 drink al those cokes!!1!!1!' facon said, sarting to get more and moore gibberty.

'Cap'n we should play Truther Dare!' Peach sad giggling uncentrallably."

"How do you possibly 'sad giggle'?" Samus wondered aloud.

"Or how on Hyrule's green fields does one get 'gibberty'?" Zelda added.

She continued:

'O bother I'm no good at tat game! but nething for you princess! U go frist! Truth or dare?'

'Turth1'

'k Do u like lucaro?' falon asked hopefuly

'no way!! Gross! bless me pink pearsoul he isnt even the sam spices!' Peach bellowed."

"'Sam spices,'" Samus pondered. "Never tried those before. I wonder if they go well with pear soul…"

Peach, however, was not amused.

"I cannot believe this nincompoop writer thinks I talk like that! What am I, Irish? 'Me pink pearsoul'! And look at the rest of the story. Suddenly and with no plot development, I dare Falcon to kiss me and we 'sart makeing out 4 da rest of teh day and mario cathes them anda cries.'" She took a deep breath and continued ranting, "But, apparently, he takes one look at Daisy – who is there out of the blue – and discovers that she is his 'tru luv and hawter then pech.' The end."

"Are there any good stories on this?" Zelda wondered, her spirits a bit dampened.

"Oh I'm sure there are. There's nearly 900 stories – not everything we read is going to be gold," Peach assured.

"Or silver…or bronze…or any precious metal…" Samus muttered.

"Let's move on," Zelda said. "How about 'Aether Unsheathed'? It features Ike and Marth 'slash' and battling 'hordes of foes, including the fiercest of all: the Enemy of Desire.'"

"Ooooh, sword slashing! Sounds heroic!" Peach breathed. "And then they have to ward off all of their adoring ladies!"

"And it's rated 'M,'" Samus added. "So it's probably written by an adult for mature audiences. No more 'lolz!'"

With new confidence, the girls clicked the link and began the saga that was "Aether Unsheathed."