A/N: Whew! Writing this chapter was strange for me. I wrote the end first, then the beginning and middle, and joined them up. I like it a lot, and hope you do too.
The ending is not super happy. The next chapter is an alternate ending to this one, hopefully a little nicer. I do love my boys and want them to be happy, after all.
Warning: Cussing and pre-slash.
Disclaimer: I do not own Scrubs. I do however now own seasons 6 and 7 on DVD! Woo! Gawd, I hate Kim. She ruined everything.
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His Limits -- His Solution
Carla sighed. "Perry, will you shut up and just watch the show? Some of us are trying to pay attention. Anyways, you already said you liked it, so you can cut the crap anytime now."
"I know I said that, Carla, it was two minutes ago. But if these morons don't quit bungling all over the crime scene I'm going to have to rescind that. Nonono, don't touch that -- oh, my gawd. Did they specifically choose the densest people they could find on the street, or do they grow 'em themselves? Seriously, these kids have "interns" written all over them." Perry knocked back a beer, having switched to the coarser stuff now that he was blissfully inebriated. "Oh come ON, stop tromping all over the evidence! Son of a—"
Elliot poked him in the shoulder with the open end of her beer bottle. "Do you always talk to the little people in the television like that, Dr. Cox? 'Cause you know, they can't hear you." She unsteadily leaned toward him a bit, holding herself up with a hand on the empty couch space between them.
With a grunt, Perry gently pushed her shoulder until she was upright. "You're in my bubble, Barbie. And no I don't always do that. Only when the people on it are incredibly stupid or I'm incredibly drunk."
A guffaw escaped Turk. "Y'all heard it here first, ladies, the invincible Dr. Cox has proclaimed himself Incredibly Drunk! Sir, whatcha gonna do next?" Turk also used his beer bottle to gesture at Perry, this time in a mockery of a microphone.
Perry leaned in conspiratorially. "I'm going to get myself another one." He lurched up, heading toward the kitchen when a familiar figure stumbled out of the adjoining bedroom. "Ah, Sleeping Beauty has finally decided to make her grand re-entrance. Welcome back to the land of the living."
JD groaned, rubbing his eyes. His hair stuck out wildly. "Nnngh. What time is it? Is it tomorrow yet?"
"Only been five minutes since you disappeared in there, genius. Glad to see you at least didn't fail your mission to reclothe yourself." Perry subtly looked JD over. His new t-shirt was rumpled, but he could clearly see the bright, smiling, yellow sun displayed on it along with the text "A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine." Mouth shut, mouth shut, keep your damn mouth shut. He rummaged through the refrigerator, searching for a suitable brand of beer. "You thirsty there, Little Miss Sunshine? There's still a little more of this frozen toucan piss in the blender."
"Yes, please." A stool scraped against the floor as JD fell onto it, sitting across the kitchen bar from Perry. He leaned heavily on the counter, resting his elbows on it while propping his head up with his hands. "Why're you drinking beer now? Scotch bottle's almost empty."
"Well ya see," began Perry, nodding in the direction of the other three, "I know exactly how much I can drink before I start acting like a complete idiot, unlike those, well, idiots." He and JD watched as Carla and Elliot giggled uncontrollably at Turk as he continued to hold his beer like a microbottle (beerophone?) while singing something that sounded strangely like a sea shanty. "Look at those fools. Do you think they can remember exactly how many they've had, or, hell, what they've had? It's a science, really, what I do. I walk the fine, fine line between totally in control and really blindingly drunk. "This right here," he said while waving the bottle in front of JD, "is it for me tonight." Perry set it on the counter, turning back to the blender.
JD pushed the bottle around the counter, watching trails of condensation evaporate. "What happens if you have another one, if you… cross the line?" he asked quietly.
Keeping his back to JD, Perry poured from the blender into a clean glass. His eyes focused on the stream of icy liquid; it popped out in his vision in sharp relief against the blurry glass and countertop. Sliding the full glass across the counter, he plucked the bottle from JD's hands and replaced it with the drink. "You don't need to know that, Newbie. Not going there tonight." He watched JD warily as the younger man began to drain his glass at an alarming rate. You were always planning on going there though, weren't you, Newbie?
Taking a breath, JD paused in his gulping. "Ow. Brain freeze." He glanced at the scotch bottle. "So you're not going to finish that…?"
"Are you serious? You do recall that his never ends well for you, right?" Quirking an eyebrow, Perry nevertheless handed over the bottle.
JD dumped the rest of the scotch into his glass, splattering drops of the dark liquid across the counter. "I know."
Perry sighed. "I can hear your liver choking now."
"Um, that would assume that my liver has an esophagus and/or trachea, which it doesn't." JD dragged a finger through the drops, connecting the dots. "It'd be weird if it did, though. It could like, cough the alcohol back out into my intestines. I could drink all I want and I wouldn't ever get drunk. But that'd kinda defeat the purpose, huh?" Raising his finger to his lips, he tasted the scotch. He only looked mildly disgusted. "Ew. Hope it's better in our new little concoction. Bottoms up, I guess." The glass remained as it was, on the counter, JD's finger slowly circling the rim.
Goddamnit. Stupid fucking kid, always needing me to make decisions for him. What the hell does he want me to do? Mock him until he drinks it? Make him stop?
No, you complete and utter jackass! He wants to talk to you. Stop being a snarky son of a bitch and listen to him.
"So," Perry began, clearing his throat, staring impassively at the damp countertop. "Carla told me you had a rough day."
JD's eyes snapped up to Perry's face, searching for a clue to the reason for his interest. "Did she tell you why?" he asked cautiously. His hands gripped the glass tightly, poised to tip it to his mouth.
"Nope," Perry half-lied. He sipped the remainder of his last beer slowly.
The tension visibly melted from JD as his shoulders slumped. He took a tentative sip of the drink, analyzing the taste for a while before swallowing it. "Not horrible," he mumbled, offering the glass to Perry. When it was declined, he elaborated. "I uh, came to a realization today."
Perry's eyes flicked up to JD's, genuine curiosity masked with automatic false derision. "Sounds earth-shattering."
JD sighed, looking away. "Kind of. Dan had surgery yesterday."
Momentary dread gripped Perry. Oh shit, if something bad happened to Dan, Newbie would be liable to crack wide open into a million pieces. He waited a long minute before urging JD to continue. "And?"
"He, uh." JD laughed, but it wasn't his usual happy-go-lucky outburst. It was rough, and forced, and tired. "He had a vasectomy."
Perry cringed slightly. He knew exactly how that went, having undertaken that procedure himself. The memory of it almost made him want to cross his legs and wrap his arms around his midsection. It also made him uncomfortable, contemplating having a conversation about that sort of thing with the kid, but he knew he had to forge ahead to uncover what was eating at him. He prompted him again. "Is he ok?"
"Oh yeah, sure, he's just fine. Peachy, in fact."
Frowning, Perry eyed JD. I'm practically begging him to have a conversation with me, and he's seriously going to play hard-to-get? What a girl. Fine then. You're gonna owe me now, Carla. "Okay, help me out a little here. Your brother had surgery that will not only significantly improve his rollicking Casanova lifestyle but will also be like dumping several gallons of sweet, cleansing chlorine into the gene pool, or at least skimming it with one of those nets on a really long pole. He's apparently recovering and is just super dandy. So all of this makes you upset why, exactly?"
JD stared into his melting drink, looking like he would like nothing more than to jump into the dark liquid and swim far, far away. "No more Dorians," he murmured softly, wondering if Perry had even heard him. When the older man didn't reply, JD spoke again. "He's not going to have kids. No one to carry on the name. I told him I was sorry, but he didn't care. Nobody cares that the Dorian line ends with him."
Perry tilted his head, brow still furrowed. He replayed the statement in his head, listening for the unspoken ending. The words echoed in his ears, blocking the other sounds in the apartment from reaching them. The television blared noiselessly. Three mouths in the living room opened and closed, emitting sound that sounded like nothing.
"…the Dorian line ends with him."
Huh. So why does the line end with Dan? That implies that JD's chance ended earlier than that. As far as I know, even though I joke about it often enough, the kid's got all his parts in working order. So what does that leave? Why is he sorry? Does he have such little faith in himself that he'll never have a solid enough relationship to base a marriage on? Come on, has he ever once seen Jordan and me when we were together? Guess that's gotta be it, though.
"Newbie," Perry ventured, "you're being ridiculous. You'll find someone. You will. Just give it some time, don't give up like that." Alright, if he doesn't eat that father-son crap up, I have no idea what his problem is.
Much to Perry's puzzlement, JD said nothing. He drained the rest of the lukewarm scotcholada in silence, not daring to meet Perry's gaze. He turned the glass over and over in his hands, seemingly looking for something he couldn't find. Perry watched him silently dismiss his friends one by one as they came by, saying good night. Turk clapped him on the shoulder, earning no response. Carla's touch was ignored, and she cast a worried glance at Perry who could only shrug in return. Finally Elliot sat with him at the counter, trying to engage him in bubbly inebriated banter, but JD only nodded vaguely, unhearing. She briefly placed a hand over his, eventually flicking the lights off and trudging through the front door when he didn't react.
Minutes passed. Perry was thinking about giving up the chase and going out to his car to sleep when JD finally piped up.
"I think I need to sit down," he said.
Perry sympathetically almost-smiled. "You are sitting down, kiddo."
JD nodded. "I know." Pushing the stool back, he stood and moved uncertainly to the couch. He sank into the warm spot that Elliot had vacated, resting against the back cushion, staring intently at the flashing television. An exhausted sigh escaped him.
Perry followed him instinctively, settling into the place he had been earlier. He was now openly worried, even more so because of JD's disinterest in his concern. His right arm lay along the back of the couch, hand just behind JD's back. On any other day JD would simply lean backwards into the free hug that awaited him, but tonight he sat like stone staring straight ahead. The kid was being so incredibly enigmatic, but Perry was certain he was close to cracking the case.
"I told him I was sorry…"
Sorry for what? For being an idiot when it comes to women? What the hell is up with you, JD?
"…the Dorian line ends with him."
Ghostly blue light from the television flickered across JD's face, drifting up Perry's arm and wrapping him in a prickly, otherworldly feeling. To him it looked like someone else's hand reaching out, dangling perilously close to the man next to him. He wiggled his fingers experimentally. Yep, it's mine alright. So, he's obviously not getting this thing you're trying to do. I suppose it's time to take your sole act of kindness of the year and wave it in front of his face like a flag. Go ahead.
As he took a deep breath, Perry's thumb moved, almost of its own accord, and brushed once lightly against JD's shoulder.
The response was instantaneous. JD's eyes went from heavy-lidded and glazed to wide and riveted on the television, his body rigid as though any movement might break whatever spell had just been cast. His hands gripped his own knees, fingers grasping at the denim and squeezing until his knuckles turned white. Amazingly enough, though, JD didn't utter a single word or even a noise. He just sat there, facing forward, waiting.
Oh. OH. The Dorian line ends with him because… because of me?
Perry also stared straight ahead, body practically frozen. In his peripheral view he could see JD trying his hardest not to respond to his touch. He frowned slightly, his inner voices arguing over what to do.
Knock this shit off, Per. You're toying with him. This is absolutely beneath you.
Get over yourself already. The kid needs someone, he needs you. Give him a fucking hug already. Men hug. Whatever.
Look at him, though. He's so damn needy. If this is the reaction you get from barely touching him once, imagine…
Oh HELL no. You are not going down that path. Not now, not ever.
Yeah, it's probably for the best not to anyways. Christ, Carla would flay you. Gandhi would break every single bone in your body, twice. Elliot would… pierce straight through your eardrums and skewer your brain with her voice. In other words, you'd be dead meat there, Perry.
But you know he wouldn't say anything. He'd never dare, not if it was you. You know how he feels now. Do something. Do anything. Just stop being an asshole, sitting there like you don't give a shit and killing him slowly with your apathy.
His thumb swung back and forth slowly, sweeping through the air like a pendulum poised to slice. In that moment he felt it was an instrument of chaos about to sow discord amongst idyllic lives. Perry saw all of the possibilities laid out before him, stretching like forking roads that cleaved through rolling green pastures. But he was in complete control. He knew exactly which path he'd take, exactly where it would end. He knew when to say when.
Perry Cox knew his limits.
He swallowed once, hard, and grazed JD's shoulder once more with his thumb.
JD's eyes fluttered closed as he carefully tilted his head to the left, capturing Perry's thumb between his shoulder and cheek. Perry could feel his slow, rhythmic breaths as they played across his hand, soft and warm. Even softer and warmer, surprisingly, was JD's cheek. It was almost unbearably smooth, leading Perry to guess that JD had shaved not long before he had arrived. A cool feeling spread outward from the pit of his stomach. It was nearly time to end this… whatever this was.
Nearly time, but not quite. A little more wouldn't hurt (Hurt who, exactly?) too much. So Perry in his infinite and all-knowing wisdom turned over his hand, palm up, cupping JD's face almost tenderly.
Then Perry's tenuous control was immediately ripped from his grasp. JD released his grip on his own knee and reached unhesitatingly to wrap his slender fingers around Perry's wrist. His eyes had snapped open, luminously reflecting the light from the television, as he stared bewildered at his mentor's hand for the second time that evening. After a long moment realization registered in JD's eyes, and Perry felt that cool, uneasy feeling rising. He didn't know if he liked the look on the younger man's face, but he stayed stock still, pulse quickening slightly with anticipation. Seconds or minutes or hours ticked by as JD contemplated the hand in front of him, until finally his eyes slid shut, eyelashes glimmering in the dim light.
"I'm sorry," JD whispered, pressing his lips to Perry's thumb.
His eyes stretched wide in shock, Perry could only stare as he careened down a path that he hadn't foreseen taking. He felt detached again, hovering above incorporeally and watching JD kiss a hand that wasn't his, mildly horrified but unable to act. He tried to grab hold of one of the fleeting thoughts ricocheting around his brain, hoping to use it as an anchor to pull himself back down so that he could take charge again. The closest he got was deciding that they were sitting far, far too close together.
JD apparently disagreed. Swiveling fluidly on the couch, he threw a folded leg up between them and shifted several inches closer, facing Perry without opening his eyes. Both of JD's hands were around Perry's now, and he drifted from finger to finger, grazing his lips across the tip of each before moving on. He punctuated each kiss with the faintest sigh of an apology.
"Sorry." His index finger. "So sorry." Middle. "So," ring finger, "so," pinkie, "sorry." He rested his forehead reverently upon Perry's palm for a moment, murmuring his atonements.
Perry's breath caught in his throat. His chest burned with something unknowable and his arm tingled obscenely from the dark, unkempt hair brushing across it. The realization hit him that JD wasn't apologizing to him; rather, he was apologizing for him. His stomach pitched and he felt momentarily dizzy.
Forgive me, JD, but I think I'm the sinner here.
As though to prove that thought wrong, JD parted his lips slightly and moistly kissed the vulnerable underside of Perry's wrist, leaving a warm, wet spot that cooled slowly under his breath.
Oh shit, that was the line. This is too much you idiot, too much! Perry fought wildly to return to his senses. By the time he had done so, JD had trailed similarly intimate kisses up his arm, coming to rest at the crook of his elbow. The younger man seemed to be paused again, waiting for a signal to continue. His nose barely skimmed the tender spot, almost nuzzling it.
That signal never came.
Perry gently, almost reluctantly, turned his arm over, effectively cutting off the path that JD was taking. The soft underside of his arm and palm gave way to corded muscle, a thickly veined hand and rugged knuckles. He laid his hand on JD's shoulder, squeezing once, and withdrew his limb from reach. He didn't see JD as he deflated, sagging against the back of the couch, and he didn't hear JD as he raggedly exhaled the deep breath he'd been holding. He simply stood, crossed behind the couch on his way to the door, pulled on his jacket and opened the door.
"I'm so sorry," JD whispered hoarsely, eyes fixed on his own hands resting in his lap.
Perry didn't hear that, either.
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A/N: JD's shirt can be found here. .com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/sciencemath/abd4/ -- Also, the show they're watching is Murder, a show on Spike TV that lets regular people solve staged crimes. I tried to fit the title in, but I couldn't do it prettily. Oh well.
Next chapter: the alternate ending.