A/N: I'm churning out chapters like McDonald's hamburgers! School starts this upcoming Monday, so I promise this won't last long ha ha. Thanks for the lovely reviews for last chapter, and thanks for your guesses. I am so proud to have such clever readers - some of you were close, but only one of you hit the nail right on the head! However, I won't award the "cookie" until the very end as to not spoil anything. I don't usually write smut, so I'm sorry if the last chapter was kinda...poorly done. I apologize in advance for any butchering of the Japanese language. Not my native tongue. On to numero 7!

Chapter 7: Discovering Yuri

Samus pushed open the heavy doors of the Smash mansion's main entrance. I suppose tonight wasn't a total failure, she thought. At least I narrowed Link down to completely obtuse or exceedingly gentlemanly. Or in love with Pit. Or in love with someone else entirely. Hmmmm, I guess tonight wasn't successful at all.

She rounded the corner towards the stairs and read headlong into Princess Zelda.

"You missed quite a mission tonight," Samus said dryly.

"Oh," said Zelda, and absorbed the sight of Samus in a dress.

"You look very pretty," she said curtly, then seemed to panic. "You know...from one girl to another...as a friend tells a friend. I assure you the men probably see you in a much different way."

"Thanks?" Samus said, unsure what that was all about.

"I just meant that you look attractive, not that I was attracted to you," Zelda said, straightening her dress.

"I didn't take it that way, but thanks for clarifying," Samus said, and started to head up the stairs. "If you want to rejoin us, we'd be more than happy."

"Well, I have plans now," Zelda said. "I have a date with...a boy."

"Ah," Samus said over her shoulder.

"Not that dating a girl isn't fine, too, if that's your fancy!" the princess added hurridly. "Just...not for me. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. Have a good gay. I mean day. Night. Have a good night."

Samus was confused. She had never seen the princess so out of her element. Maybe Kirby's food is finally made someone lose it. I always found his cooking to be a bit questionable. The...well, what exactly was Kirby? Samus settled on a piece of bubblegum. The piece of bubblegum adds his fellow Smashers to the pot whenever possible! Stupid final smash...

Peach was already back from her rendezvous with Pit by the time Samus got back to her room. The Mushroom Princess was giddy.

"It was a total success!" she gushed. "By the time I was through with him, he was offering to buy me dinner and fly me around in the sky!"

"So you and the prepubescent boy really hit it off then," Samus said wryly. "Congratulations."

"Well, I think we can cross that pairing off," Peach said triumphantly.

"Doesn't explain Link's behavior, though," Samus said as she crossed off the pairing on the poster board and wrote 'unsolved mystery' next to the Hylian's name. "Who's next?"

Peach turned to the computer, "Let's see what we can find."

She searched as Samus changed into her familiar zero suit. The bounty hunter could finally relax now that she was back in-character.

"What's the difference between blue-colored story titles and purple-colored story titles?" Peach asked.

"Purple-colored ones are links that we've already been to, stories that we've already read," Samus said.

"Are you sure? I don't remember reading some of these," Peach said. "Zelda must have been doing some extra research. Oh look! She read a romance story about you. It's called Royal Secrets. That's odd, you're not royalty. And it says it contains yuri. That sounds Japanese or something. Maybe that means 'alternate reality.'"

"Maybe we can ask Marth," Samus offered, sounding skeptical. Peach's guesses as far as fan fiction goes were usually way off base.

Marth was reading 10 Easy Steps to Master the English Language in the study when the two girls walked up to him.

"Marth, can you translate something for us?" Peach asked sweetly.

"Yes, Purinsesu," he said. "Marth can try."

"I need to know this for...a future trip to your country on royal matters. So please get it right," Peach said authoritatively. "What does yuri mean?"

Marth's jaw dropped and his book fell to the floor. He looked from Peach to Samus several times.

"Nanra ge-mu...explain amata...toppyoushimonai joshi...ese Marth knui," he ranted.

Samus and Peach backed away slowly, catching an occasional "henteko joshi."

"I don't think it means 'alternate reality,'" Samus said to Peach as they retreated back to Samus' room.

"I guess we'll just have to read it and find out!" Peach said.

Samus opened the story.

"Let's see, what do we have here," she muttered, and read bits of Royal Secrets aloud out of habit.

"Samus was new to the Smash Mansion…was intrigued by the mysterious Sheik she saw training…Well that's silly, of course Sheik is just Zelda's disguise…when match day came, Sheik was no where to be found. But a statuesque princess that Samus had never seen before was present…You mean to tell me that I had never seen Zelda the entire few weeks I had been at the mansion?'" Samus shook her head. "Where is this going?"

Samus scrolled down the rest of the page, skipping lengthy paragraphs detailing matches and fighting techniques. She grew increasingly more uncomfortable with the story's style. Every other line seemed to describe her and Zelda's physical features with painstaking specifics, such as the hunter's "defined, athletic body" and...other body parts...that were "perky and full" and the princess' "smooth, creamy skin" and "long, slender torso."

"'I think I have feelings for Sheik,' Samus confessed to her best friend one dark, cold night,'" Samus read. "'That's impossible,' Zelda replied. 'Because I am Sheik.' And with a flash of brilliant, white light, the lanky, bemasked Sheikah had replaced the noble, feminine princess. Another flash, and Zelda was back, hands folded and looking slightly sheepish. Samus gawked for a second, and their eyes met. Ice blue and sea green. 'Does that make me in love with you, then?' Samus whispered, and without thinking she leaned forward and kis-' Wait - WHAT?!" Samus stopped and re-read the line. "Holy shit! I - Enough of this!"

"Wait!"

Samus jumped. Peach had been deathly quiet, and Samus had forgotten she was sitting next to her. She turned and looked at the princess, who was leaning on the edge of her seat.

"Keep reading," she breathed, barely moving her mouth, as if the slightest movement would cause the screen to go black.

Samus cocked an eyebrow and turned back to the story. It went on to paint an illustrious picture of the ensuing, graphic love scene that took up the greater part of the chapter. Samus felt a bit nauseous.

"This author sure loves to use descriptive adjectives," she said through gritted teeth.

From there, the story unveiled a series of trials for the new couple. First, unreceptive fellow Smashers. Second, a suspension from the tournament for breaking the no-romance rule. Third, the agony of hiding their relationship from Master Hand and all other wary eyes. Needless to say, each chapter was riddled with explicit intimacy. This author must be a guy, Samus thought cynically. Every problem is solved by sex.

The story eventually ended happily. Samus took a deep breath and tentatively looked over at Peach. To her great surprise, the princess was crying.

"That was incredible," she sobbed loudly. "Poor you! Poor Zelda! You two have to put up with so much. I am so sorry that it has to be that way! I support you!"

She threw her arms around Samus.

"Oh, I just want you two to be happy!" she wailed.

Samus squirmed out of Peach's dead-lock embrace and sighed, "Peach, it was just a story. Zelda and I aren't really an item."

Peach dabbed her tears and sniffled, "Yes, sorry. I just got caught up in all the emotion."

Samus stared at the computer screen, "Well, this might explain why Zelda was acting so weird. She probably freaked out and thought I felt that way towards her or something crazy. Better go clear that up!"

Peach nodded and blew her nose into her handkerchief.

.....

Samus found Zelda in her room, knitting furiously, and knocked lightly on the open door.

Zelda looked up and almost dropped her knitting needles in surprise.

"Come in!" she said, her voice strangely high.

Samus suddenly felt uneasy and hovered in the doorframe. She didn't blame Zelda for acting on edge. Seeing the Hylian after reading such a descriptive story felt like an awkward "morning after." Samus sat on the edge of Zelda's bed. She swore she saw princess shrink away slightly.

More silence.

"What are you knitting there?" Samus said lamely.

"Oh, just a pair of earmuffs for Link!" Zelda said, her voice still falsetto-high.

Samus fought the temptation to point out that the Smash grounds had a controlled climate to prevent matches from being cancelled.

The silence was deafening. Samus almost laughed out loud after thinking how much this situation paralleled to her failed "date" with Link.

"Okay, Zelda," Samus began. "I think we both know why I'm here."

Zelda's eyes widened. She clutched the rudimentary earmuffs to her chest.

Samus exhaled loudly, "Alright, maybe not. I'm here because of that story - you know which one I'm talking about - that we've both had the - er - pleasure to read. And I just wanted to tell you that I don't feel that way about you, so there is no need to worry."

She smiled meekly, patted Zelda's knee, and stood up to leave, "So, I'll see you around?"

She was just walking out the door when she heard Zelda softly say, "That's not what I was scared about."

Samus whipped around, "Say what?"

Zelda looked like she was in pure agony, "I might be a strong fighter, but I come from a very sheltered lifestyle, Samus."

Samus scanned Zelda's room and saw framed cross-stitches of horsies and hearts, a silver tea set, a hand-made quilted comforter, and an etiquette book. "Mmm hmmm," she managed.

"I never knew any of these other romantic possibilities, and I'm scared that I might secretly feel that way! I mean, you are very attractive," she blushed deeply. "You're also a very worldly person, Samus. How can I know for sure?"

This is that damn fan fiction all over again, Samus thought. Oh well, screw it. She sat down next to Zelda. She leaned forward and pecked the princess innocently on the mouth. Wolf happened to walk by at that exact moment and howled his approval. Samus rolled her eyes.

"Did you feel anything?" she asked.

"No," Zelda said apologetically.

"Problem solved," Samus smiled. "Peach and I are brainstorming our next mission. Care to join?"

"Sure," Zelda said, looking happier than she had in a while. "But - Samus?"

"Yes?"

"Can we stay away from the yuri?"

"Hell yes."

Another A/N: Sooo congratulations, theorganizedmess! You win a cookie! Just imagine the biggest, gooey-est, most perfect cookie in the world. That's my cookie to you. Ta-da! Also, I am sorry to anyone who is disappointed that I don't actually write the love scenes in these "fan fictions." Although that is a central part of the story, it's not the story itself. Plus, I don't write yaoi/yuri, so I wouldn't even do it right haha. Thanks to all of those who do write that, though. Your stories have been my research! :) Anyone have any over-done pairings the girls should investigate? (Don't worry- Ike/Marth is in the works!)