Chapter 9. Remembering
Edwards POV
Going to Forks…
After I left Bella, I made sure that no one in my family would ever have contact with her again. I made Alice promise she wasn't going to keep tabs on her and everyone swore they'd do what I thought was best. It's been 90 years and I still haven't let her go though. I tried going back to the life I had without her, when she never existed. But to me, it wasn't a life at all. I tell myself everyday that I shouldn't have gone near her. I should've let her live her life without the knowledge of our existence.
There were days when I was so very tempted to go back and visit her. Kiss her, hold her in my arms one last time but I resisted. I missed her so much, I tried so very hard to forget about my beautiful, sweet Bella but she would not be forgotten.
We travelled different places for the past ninety years and my family got back to some kind of normality. But everyone was lagging, trying but failing in being themselves. Alice went shopping but she came back early and bought bare necessities. Emmett joked a lot but he was half hearted about it. Even Rosalie was lacking although she tried to hide it well. Jasper felt the worst about it. Always blaming himself about her eighteenth birthday, how he should've stayed away from her. 'We never would've left if I hadn't…' was his most common thought. I knew why though. Bella, unintentionally, had become part of them all and they couldn't feel right until she was with us. But I would not let her become a nightmare.
Carlisle decided it was time we went back to Forks. He said that we needed to remember the good times we had there so we could have more times in the future. It had been a long time since we went to Forks, but we were certain that Bella wouldn't be there. None of us accepted that she was probably dead; we all lived in our own fantasy that she was off somewhere sunnier, living happily.
It was torture to read my family's minds and know that I'd caused it. Esme's thoughts were heart breaking. She considered Bella a daughter to her, losing her brought up memories of when she was human and had lost her own child. The happiness of her daughter's birth, little Eliza. The panic of hearing the doctors taking her away. The torture of waiting and then the misery of their news. Little Eliza, she had thought, how could you have been taken so quickly? Esme had hung in there for a while. Trying to live on in a world that held no meaning but eventually she broke. Her happiness, it seemed, was somewhere else, taken by death. Esme wanted happiness so badly that she followed little Eliza. Over a cliff.
The memories played in her head, over and over, like a broken record. The most frequent of her thoughts were of her baby's big soft brown eyes. She saw a bit of Eliza in Bella it seemed and she was close to bitter about the fact that the solitude she had been given the first time would not work the second. But Esme could never be bitter. She often apologised to me, saying that it wasn't my fault even though I knew it was.
We touched down in Forks after a nine-hour flight; the thoughts of my family were of remembrance. Alice had seen a woman getting off the plane in a blue gown and remembered Bella at prom. Emmett saw someone stumble down the steps a little and was thinking about Bella's uncanny ability to fall over anything. Jasper was still feeling guilty and Rosalie was busy watching people stare at her, all the while thinking of Bella and her future. Whether she had children or not, a husband who loved her. I wondered the same thing. Bella in love with anyone but me was agony. It helped that she couldn't picture it either. Her thoughts were clouded the most. She did a good job of hiding her true feelings.
My parents were worried about me. Esme gave me a reassuring look as we walked out the doors and into classic Forks weather. Rain. Carlisle has bought back the old house we lived in last time and had it refurnished for our arrival so it felt strangely familiar when we drove back up the drive way and found all our cars, parked in the garage and the house repainted the exact same shade of white it had been during our last stay. Rose and Alice rushed inside to unpack their clothes, while Emmett dragged Jasper into the garage to check out the cars.
Last of all Esme and Carlisle did a tour of the house. Pointless, considering we lived here over ninety years ago but Esme wanted to remember some of the good times since we were last here. I somehow found myself in the living room alone, with a big grand piano. I played a few well-known pieces until my fingers started to play a lullaby. The lullaby I wrote for my beautiful, sweet angel. Bella's lullaby.
The house echoed back the notes and they hung in the air. It was selfish of me to play it, I knew perfectly well it would remind everyone of Bella but I couldn't help myself. I needed to connect with her again. When it was over, everyone's thoughts revolved around her once again.
Edward? We're going hunting, see some of the changes in the forests. Do you want to come? Alice thought and I saw her bounding down the steps. Hunting always took my mind off things. I nodded and she smiled, unexpectedly. I hadn't seen Alice smile like that in a very long time.
The others were already outside, waiting for the verdict. Alice and I came out, everything as clear and crystal as it was during the daylight hours. We weren't far off them though, maybe four hours til our first day. Forks High School began today, of all places we had to go to the one landmark most painful to be around.
Rosalie and Emmett raced down the driveway and off into the forest, Alice and Jasper followed. I took an unnecessary breath and started after them. Forks' forests hadn't changed a whole lot since we were last there but there was a change in animal life. You could smell it in the air; the animals were all frenzied up and cautious. I wondered why as I spotted Alice and Rose off in the distance, racing each other.
Suddenly everyone froze on instinct. A sweet, flowery scent filtered from further east, so familiar it made everyone turn to me. My jaw clenched and I ran to the smell. I caught the barest flash of white skin before the smell, along with two other cinnamon like scents, disappeared into the north. I recognised it. The one that used to make my insides go haywire when she came near. It was Bella's.
Jasper and Rosalie caught up with me first. They took in the surroundings, not missing the deer smell in the immediate area. "Edward…" he started but I was in shock. There was no way it could be Bella. She was gone or dead or married or something. She wouldn't be living in Forks. Much less going in the woods at the age she must be.
"It can't have been her. She's gone. Bella must be at least 108 by now, why would she be in the woods?" Jasper said, trying to reason with me. I could feel calm radiating from him but it did little to my jangled nerves. Half of me was ecstatic that Bella might alive, that she hadn't died or married someone else, but I immediately felt guilty. That was why I'd left. So she could have a chance at a normal, happy human life.
I pitied Jasper. My emotions were a roller coaster right then. Rosalie turned to me her thoughts already bringing an unwanted theory into my mind. "She might've been a-"
"No. Bella is human. She stayed human." I whispered, not letting another theory of Bella's existence enter my head. Jasper nodded. He could tell that I needed her to be human. To know she had been happy. Even if it wasn't with me.
Hey Guys,
There were some questions that you asked in your reviews…a few misconceptions that should be filled in.
First of all:
Wouldn't Alice of seen Bella been changed? Wouldn't see send Edward back to Bella to help? Even if she didn't look into Bella future if she's looking into her own future now or Edwards or anyone wouldn't she see them meeting again if that was them in the forest?
Ooooooohkay then…
Here is the deal:
When Edward left in NM, he didn't want Bella to have anything to do with his world again. So he asked Alice to do him the biggest favour he'd ever asked for. He asked her not to look for Bella. To keep any temptations from him so he wouldn't go back. It worked. But think about it. Even if Alice had blocked out all the nearby futures and possibilities, she'd still be able to see Bella as a vampire, with her in the long run. But Alice didn't think about that because she didn't count it as a possibility. Every time it came up (the vision of her and Bella together and friends); she just thought it was her memory of the first time she saw it. So she dismissed it. That's why Alice didn't know about her change. Contrary to popular belief, Alice's visions (in my story at least) can be interrupted with her thoughts, feelings and memories.
Answer your questions?
Also are you going to bring Jacob in?
XP. Hmmm. I haven't really thought about that yet. I was tossing it over in my head, of ideas involving him and at first I was all for it. But then I started thinking, wait a second, don't Bella and Edward have enough problems to work through without the werewolf? I might put a poll up to get your opinions though…maybe.
And last but not least….
WHERE THE HELL ARE THE CULLENS!!
Calm yourself young grasshoppers! They are here at last!
Also to all my wonderful reviews and reviewers, I love you guys soooo much right now!
A special note to CellaCullen : OMFG!
Thankyou! I hadn't even thought about that yet and as soon as I read your review, the rest of the story started writing itself in my head. Thankyou! Thankyou! Thankyou! Thankyou! Thankyou!
Xoxo
Tress Blues…