AN: Thank you for your kind reviews! Sorry it's two days late. It was going to be a day late anyway since I hadn't finished in time, but then my laptop was stolen, so luckily I got it back and was able to post, today. Enjoy!
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Chapter 4
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"…Hiro-san… up to now, I've kept quiet about a lot of things that bother me… but… you once said that if things are getting to me and stressing me out, I could talk to you about it… does that still hold true?"
Silence was Nowaki's only reply…
…
…
…
…Because he was looking into a mirror, practicing various dialogues in his head, and aloud, mentally preparing for what his lover had in store for him.
"…Hiro-san… something's been bothering me, lately… please don't think badly of me, but I really feel it's something I should get off my chest… nn…" He lowered his head with a sad sigh. "Hiro-san… don't talk, just… listen… uuughghghghguguh…" He sank to his knees, head lowering. "Hiro-san… we've been together for seven years- why can't I talk to you, casually?!"
"Why? What do you need to talk to me about?" Hiroki entered with some groceries.
Nowaki stood, nervously, heading into the kitchen to greet him. "Hiro-san, when did you get home?"
"About two minutes ago." Hiroki started putting things away. "What have you been keeping quiet about, up to now?"
Nowaki flushed, deeply. "Hiro-saaan, you should have made your presence known!"
"Well, I thought about it, because I could use the help getting everything in, but I thought you could use some more preparation time."
Nowaki sighed. "So, you seem to be in a good mood… did something good happen at work?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary… but my favorite instant ramen is on sale at the Queen's Kumaya, so I got a bunch."
"Ah… the simple pleasures in life." Nowaki chuckled.
"Quit stalling. What did you want to talk to me about?" Hiroki asked, putting some of the rice away.
Nowaki sighed. "…Hiro-san… I was wondering-"
"Ah, is Keiji here, or did you take him back?" Hiroki interrupted, opening another bag of instant ramen.
"…Uh… no, I took him back." Nowaki replied, fumbling with the letter in his pocket.
"Sorry to interrupt. I just had to make sure." Hiroki stated.
"…Why's that?" Nowaki blinked.
"…Because I thought you might have gotten very attached to him… I don't know… you uh… really like children… but obviously, we can't keep him here, that's illegal."
"…" Nowaki frowned. "I know that, Hiro-san…"
"…So? What's been bothering you? I'll 'not talk' and 'just listen.'"
"Please don't make fun of me." Nowaki sighed.
"Spit it out, already."
"Hiro-san… the thing is… I want to have the kind of talk where we sit down and talk…"
"…Oh… can I grade papers?"
"No! When you work, you don't pay any attention, at all!"
"I pay some attention!" Hiroki argued, picking up a quart of milk and putting it in the fridge.
"…What's the milk for, Hiro-san?"
"…To drink."
"You almost never buy milk."
"Yeah… my mother is coming over, this weekend. She'll probably want to bake something, so-"
Nowaki's eyes lit up like a thousand stars in a midnight sky. Hiroki let out a soft groan in anticipation.
"Hiro-san?! Your mother is coming HERE?!!"
"I spoke with her this afternoon, yes. She's claiming that she's separating from my father."
Nowaki's smile faded, completely. "What?"
"She's just trying to get a rise out of him, don't worry."
"A rise?"
"Yeah. He won't pay enough attention to her, and might start eyeballing some new pop-star on TV or something, so she'll leave for a few days until he calls her to come back home, because he misses her and bam. Everything goes back to normal."
"Really? That must be stressful for both parties." Nowaki frowned. "They should just be more honest with each other."
"I used to think my mother just used that 'separating from my father' excuse to check up on me… I'm starting to think it's true, again."
"…Hiro-san… your mother doesn't know about us, still?" Nowaki frowned.
"Nope." Hiroki put some rice balls in the fridge.
"…When are you going to tell her, Hiro-san?"
"I'm not." Hiroki huffed. "That a problem?"
"…You really love your mother, don't you?"
"So? What's that have to do with my personal life?"
"But she's family…"
"And? I don't tell her everything about my job, or everything about my friends, or everything about the books I read. Why should I tell her about my love life, anyway?"
"…Because she's family…"
"What do you know about family, anyway? You grew up in an orphanage." Hiroki muttered. "You never had to worry about what certain people would think about you or how things you liked or did would have an impact on other people. You want to tell my mother that her one and only son, who she's always begged to give her a grandson, has been taking it up the ass since before he was living on his own?! You go ahead and do that, Nowaki!" Hiroki turned to glower at his lover, but Nowaki was looking away, dejectedly.
"…What?!" Hiroki huffed. "If it's about that orphan stuff I said… don't take it the wrong way… you're lucky to never have had to put up with that kind of thing. And because you are the way you are, I guess I'm glad… for whatever it was that made you turn out the way you-"
"I'm sorry, Hiro-san." Nowaki interjected and Hiroki blinked.
"Hah?"
"I won't interfere when it comes to your family matters… I'm sorry."
The sad look on Nowaki's face made Hiroki snap out of his childish moment and he reflected for a moment on all the thoughtless and inconsiderate things he'd just said…
"…I'm sorry, too." Hiroki sighed, annoyed. "…You may not have had to deal with family to where you had to be careful about hurting their feelings… whereas I did… but at least you're good at taking other peoples' feelings into consideration, before blabbering on about something, when you don't really mean it… unlike me…" He averted his gaze, pitifully.
"…You don't mean it then, Hiro-san?" Nowaki perked a bit.
"…The thing is…" Hiroki leaned against the fridge with a sad sigh, bending his legs and resting his arms over them as he sank to the floor. "…Eventually, I guess she'll put two and two together… and the truth to it is… when that happens, it'll be more painful than if I just told her before- or if I would just tell her, now… and at least if I say it to her… even if it's a disgrace to my family… at least I'll know I chose to tell her, of my own volition…"
"…Hiro-san…" Nowaki smiled, lightly.
"But that won't happen…" Hiroki frowned, lowering his head. "…Because I'm a coward… and I love her… and I don't want her to…" His voice broke off and Nowaki knelt down, wrapping his arms around his lover.
"…I wish I had just told her from the start… if I had… it's not like she's the type to just sever all ties with me… she'll still care about me… but what I'm afraid of is… that my revealing who I am… who you are… might tear a rift… and that that rift might become something very ugly… I don't want to hurt anyone… I don't want anyone to be hurt or angry just because I love you…" Hiroki inhaled deeply, then sighed, slowly, trying to calm himself.
Nowaki hugged his lover tighter. "Hiro-san…"
"…To me… what you and I have is precious, and beautiful, and good… I don't want to have any negative thoughts or feelings about it just because other people frown on our relationship- on the love we have… for each… other…" He deflated, flushing furiously before swallowing, fearful that he might actually tear up due to the importance of such a conversation. He was certainly relieved that his face was buried in his knees so Nowaki couldn't see how red his face had gotten. "But if I keep making up excuses and rationalizations, or lies, I'm really only palliating the situation…" He buried his face in his arms.
"Then just tell her."
"I can't do that!" Hiroki looked up, on the verge of tears, before burying his face in his arms again.
"Well, then… don't…?"
"I also can't do that!" He looked up again, then planted his face back between his knees.
"Hiro-san… if you're worried that they won't embrace you… I'll always stand by your side…" Nowaki placed his hand over Hiroki's, gently.
"It's not about me… I know you'll always be there for me…" Hiroki muttered, annoyed. "…But if my father and mother disagree and become angry with one another… or if they both embrace me and the rest of my family treats them as outcasts… I don't know what will happen… but no matter what, I know something bad will happen!"
"Hiro-san… if it troubles you that much, forget I said anything… you've obviously given it a lot of thought, and you know your family better than I do… I shouldn't have said anything." Nowaki whispered, placing a hand on Hiroki's head. "Like you said, I don't know anything about family…"
Hiroki blinked, looking up for a moment. "…Wh… what did you say?"
"Eh?" Nowaki blinked, then the door bell rang.
"Hiiirooo-chaaaan!" The two heard Hiroki's mother's feminine voice chime from behind the door. "Are you home?!"
"…You don't know anything about family? Is that what you said?" Hiroki whispered.
"…Ah… yeah… we should get the door, Hiro-san… If you want to go wash your face, I can stall for you… I thought you said this weekend, though…"
"…Nowaki…"
"Hiro-chan! I know you're here! I can see your shoes!"
"…I'll answer the door." Nowaki kissed Hiroki, gently, on the forehead, rose, and headed to the door.
"Nowaki," Hiroki stood to follow him.
"Welcome." Nowaki opened the door with a smile.
"Ah! Kusama-kun! I'm sorry! I thought Hiroki was here!" Hiroki's mother exclaimed, placing a hand to her cheek. "Is he not home, right now?"
"He's washing up-"
"Ka-chan, are you staying the night?" Hiroki asked, taking her things, suddenly.
"Ah, Hiro-chan! Are you offering to let your mother stay the night?!"
"Under some conditions." Hiroki muttered, heading inside. "Come inside."
"Hiro-chan! It's so much cleaner than last time!"
"…This is a new place. You haven't been here, before." Hiroki huffed.
"Oh, I love what you've done with the window!"
"I haven't done anything to it! In my last living room, there was one on the opposite wall… is that what you're referring-"
"Oh, wow! What an enormous TV! Hiro-chan, do you really even watch the TV? Your face is always stuck inside a book!"
"It's for Nowaki."
"Ah, so Kusama-san is still your roommate?" His mother smiled, energetically.
"Yes." Nowaki smiled. "My room is down this hall, if you'd like to see-"
"No, he's not my roommate." Hiroki snapped, and Nowaki's eyes widened as his mother blinked, then ran off, squealing, when she saw some random piece of upholstery to comment on.
"…Mother." Hiroki glowered.
"I'm sorry, Hiro-chan, you were saying you and Kusama-kun are no longer roommates? That's so sad!" She felt the fabric, appreciatively. "Where will you be staying, then, Kusama-kun?"
"Ka-chan. Nowaki is my lover."
"Is this faaaaaake----?" His mother trailed off, blinking, before looking at her son, confused. "…I'm sorry, dear, what was that?"
"…Nowaki isn't my roommate, ka-chan... We're lovers."
"…" She blinked, stunned, looking from her son, to the man who apparently slept with her son. A few times. For a minute or two, straight, before Hiroki got irritated.
"So if you want to stay, that's fine. You can stay in my room, and I'll sleep with Nowaki, like I usually do. But if you've got a problem with it-"
"Hiro-chan…" His mother interrupted, standing, slowly. "…Can you please… just… slow down a little?"
"Hiro-san, I think it's a good idea, too…" Nowaki stated, nervously.
"…First of all… if this is a joke-" His mother began, but was cut off:
"What makes you think I'd joke about something like that?" Hiroki asked.
"…Oh…" His mother sat down on the couch, slowly. "…So… is it true, Kusama-kun?" She looked at him.
Nowaki nodded, unsure as to why Hiroki, who had been so adamant about NOT revealing their relationship, only minutes prior to this stunning revelation, had so suddenly shifted gears.
"…Lovers… as in…?" His mother seemed to struggle to grasp this concept.
"As in, we're practically married." Hiroki told her. "I only have one lover. Nowaki. And I'm his only lover, too. And we're both perfectly healthy. And we're both very happy, too. We love each other, very much… and so, my only condition is that if you can't accept that-"
Nowaki's eyes widened as Hiroki's mother's hand collided with her son's face.
"Hiro-san!" Nowaki gasped, nervously; unsure of what would or wouldn't be appropriate at the moment. He'd never had parents, so he felt quite out of place.
Tears stung in the corners of both of the Kamijou's eyes. Hiroki's from the harsh slap, his mother's from the emotional slap.
"…Do you know what I've gone through?!" She snapped, suddenly. "…DO YOU?!"
Hiroki slowly looked at her, confused, and a little hurt.
"…People said little things… here and there… dropped comments and not-so-subtle hints… insults… stabs… and through it all, do you have any idea what I've done?! Each and every time?! I defended you, stood up for you, denied allegations that were absolutely revoltingly besmirching, and I've waited! You have no idea how patient I've been! You really think your own mother didn't know from the very beginning?! You think I don't know my own son?!!"
Hiroki blinked, a bit, still very VERY confused as he felt his burning cheek.
"…So don't insult me by insinuating that I would ever, EVER reject you! I love you! And I knew you, before you even knew yourself." She snapped. "…And of course I'm so very, very, overwhelmingly happy… that you're healthy… and happy… but I'm still really PISSED OFF that I had to wait until you were THIRTY YEARS OLD TO FINALLY HEAR YOU TELL ME!!!"
"Twenty nine and seven months…" Nowaki chimed, nervously.
"…You… knew… what? For how… how… lo-" Hiroki gawked at his mother.
"Since you started bringing Akihiko-kun home."
"…" Hiroki's face flushed deeply and he glanced from his mother to Nowaki. "Uah! Don't listen to her! She doesn't know what she's talking about! I only brought him home so we could read or write or hang out- we never did anything- err- especially not in my parents' house!"
"Of course not." She huffed, placing her fists on her hips. "I like to pretend that my Hiroki saved for marriage." She clasped her hands together, placing them against her cheek and giving off a distant-look.
"…Not… exac-"
"SAVED FOR MARRIAGE!"
"YEAH, OKAY, OF COURSE I DID!!! Tell her I was a virgin when we met, Nowaki." Hiroki nudged Nowaki, annoyed.
"You really weren't??"
"Ah-!" Hiroki gawked at the completely sincere look of shock and surprise on Nowaki's face.
"Well, you two have some catching up to do. I'll just go make myself comfortable in my temporary living quarters, then." Hiroki's mother headed to Hiroki's room without another word.
"…Hiro-san, does it hurt?" Nowaki asked.
"Of course not, I already told you, I wasn't really a virgin when we met!"
"… What?"
"…What're you talking about?"
"…Your face."
"…Oh… No, it doesn't hurt."
"…"
"…"
"…What were you talking about?" Nowaki arched a brow.
"…Anyway… finish putting the groceries away, I'm going to shower." Hiroki snapped. "…If I break down in there, just leave me be, got it?"
"Hiro-san?" Nowaki grabbed Hiroki up by the arm. "…Why did you do that? Just now? What is it about what I said that made you tell your mother?"
"…Because you said you didn't understand what having a family is like… but I have a family, and you're my lover, so by all means, you should start understanding, better. My family should be your family."
"…The only family I need is Hiro-san." Nowaki smiled, though he was deeply touched by his lover's kindness.
"…Yeah… well… now I can pawn them off on you. Besides… I already knew you liked them."
"…Hiro-san?"
"Mm?" Hiroki tried to move, but Nowaki wouldn't let go of his face.
"…You're not a coward at all, Hiro-san. I think you're very, very brave."
"…" Hiroki blushed, annoyed. "Quit dicking around! I'm taking a shower! … Coming, or not?"
"…I'll talk to your mother for a bit."
"…Kay." Hiroki muttered.
"Hiro-chan!" His mother came back out, practically crying. "…I'm sorry I hit you…"
Hiroki's brow twitched. "Then don't do it in the first place."
"Pooor Hiiroo-chaaan!" She draped her arms over his shoulders and hugged him to her chest, rubbing her cheek against the top of his head and he sighed, just letting her do as she pleased until she released enough girl-hormones or whatever the hell made her so psychotic.
"Can you cut the menopausal crap, mom? I need a shower, and your estrogen hormones are starting to stick to me and junk."
"MEAN Hiro-chan!" She whined, cuddling into his chest, happily like a cat rubbing against its beloved human's body, affectionately. "You should ease your mother's troubled heart by reassuring her that you love her and accept her apology!"
"Why? The next thing you'll do is whine about how you'll never have grandchildren."
"WAAAAAAAH, it's true!" She pretended to cry, pulling away and balling her fists at her eyes.
Nowaki placed a hand on her shoulder.
"There, there… I feel saddened by it, as well."
"Yeah!" She hugged him, too, blushing lightly and Hiroki noticed instantly and glared, pulling his mother away from his lover, though he wasn't quite sure which he was instinctively trying to protect. "Break it up! And don't go talking to him about children, he was just about to finally admit to me that he wants some, even though it's impossible!"
Nowaki burned crimson from head to toe. "Hi-Hiro-san! How-How did you-?!"
"Ddduuuuh, why would that revelation suddenly arise?" Hiroki huffed. "Maybe due to one Keiji-kun?"
"Who's that?" His mother's feigned tearful face completely vanished, to be replaced with a look of curiosity.
"Another orphan from Kusama orphanage who ran away. We've given him back by now, but he reignited Nowaki's desire to one day have children." Hiroki sighed.
"…Hmmm? Is he adorable? I so want a grandchild!" Kamijou-mama complained, clasping her hands together at her breast and glancing off into space, in merriment at whatever fantasies crossed through her mind.
"Well, I'm going to go shower, you two can fantasize about the impossible, together." Kamijou snapped, turning.
"That's fine! Kusama-kun and I will share lovely stories about Hiro-chan!"
"Enjoy your shower… Hiro-chan." Nowaki smiled, and for the first time in his life, Hiroki sensed an aura of evil to Nowaki's otherwise seemingly pleasant smile.
"…I'll skip it." He snapped.
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Hiroki made his way to work, about two weeks later, his materials stuffed under one arm. The news indicated that It might rain, so he had an umbrella ready in his hand in case it began pouring. He had been asked to bring an important book he'd borrowed six months ago and promised to return… but hadn't, hoping Miyagi would forget.
The bastard hadn't.
So, if the book got damaged, Hiroki would likely be killed.
His thoughts shifted, suddenly to Keiji and those large eyes of his… so innocent yet defiant… Lately, the kid got into his head, a lot…
Nowaki was acting a tad suspiciously, too… He hadn't severed all ties with the kid- he'd helped him with his first day on the paper route and had even bought him a nice bike to make deliveries easier. Though he may not admit it out loud, Hiroki had found it quite admirable that the prepubescent boy had promised to pay Nowaki back for the bike and wouldn't take no for an answer.
That kid would grow up to be an amazing person…
Smiling, lightly, he stopped at a crosswalk and reflected on the past week's worth of events. His mother had found out about his sexual orientation… though, evidently she had always known… But she claimed his father probably wouldn't believe her if she told him and that this is the type of thing Kamijou should come out and tell his father on his own. (His mother probably just wanted him to come visit… he had a sneaking suspicion his father already knew and believed his mother, based on a phone conversation he'd had with him when his mother headed home.)
He felt a drop of rain hit him on the nose and he hurriedly opened the umbrella and threw it up over his head to protect him from the onslaught of water that crashed down from the skies so suddenly. He smirked, proud at having reacted so quickly.
Once inside, he shook his umbrella out and closed it up. Heading to his office, he was stopped only about ten times by students who had last-minute questions pertaining to the test he intended to give, today.
When he finally reached his office, the door was closed and the lights were off- but the door wasn't locked, oddly enough. He turned on the light and jumped, startled, when Miyagi glanced over his shoulder to peer over at him.
"Why are you sitting in here with the lights off?!" Kamijou bellowed, annoyed.
"Shhhhh…" Miyagi snapped, turning back to what he was doing and pulling on a pair of sunglasses.
"…Are you hung over?!" Kamijou whispered, in a scolding tone as he closed the door behind himself.
"Of course not!" Miyagi snapped. "My eyes are just sore and my head is pounding because I had too much to drink, last night."
"…I hate working for you." Kamijou muttered.
"A kid left a note for you." Miyagi told him, raising a letter which had obviously been ripped open, read, and put back into the envelope.
Hiroki fumed. "YOU OPENED A LETTER TO ME?!!"
"No… it came like this." Miyagi replied, honestly. "It was that little kid you and your husband were walking with, the other day… the one with the dark skin and those fox eyes."
"Fox eyes?"
"I saw a fox, once, and its eyes looked like that… oh- they look like the eyes of those dinosaurs from those dinosaur movies…"
"…YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A CHILD!"
"What?" Miyagi huffed in a whiny voice when his assistant snagged the envelope from him, furiously, "I think they're neat!"
"Hmpf!" Hiroki pulled the letter out, eye twitching, reading it over. "…Ah, he apologizes in the content of the letter for having left it for me in an opened envelope since he'd forgotten to put something in-HEY!" He pulled out money, annoyed.
"AH-!" Miyagi gawked. "A kid is paying you?! You're not allowed to have more than one job when I'm your boss, Kamijou! I see how it is. I'm not working you hard enough!!!"
"NO. That is not true at all." Hiroki snapped. "None of it! This isn't for a job- my stupid husba…" He trailed off, face turning crimson at how easily he had nearly managed to call Nowaki his husband.
Feeling as though he'd put a quarter in a gumball machine and received a cake instead, Miyagi decided he was good for the day and hurriedly grabbed up his things, heading out the door to wait in his first classroom for his students.
Hiroki grabbed him by the back of his shirt, furiously.
"Before you dismiss yourself, I need to talk to you about the test!"
"Ah- I'm canceling mine."
"What?"
"I have a dentist appointment."
"WHAT?! When were you going to tell me?!"
"When I found out, apparently…"
"…You're not drunk, you're in pain…" Hiroki noted. "…What's wrong? Don't brush your teeth enough? Smoking causing gum disease?"
"…That's what my lover is afraid of, apparently, since he made me a fucking dentist appointment, thanks. No matter what mean things you say to me, you STILL almost called Kusama-kun your bewoved hubby."
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND GO TO YOUR DAMN DENTIST APOINTMENT!"
"Uuugh… don't yell, my head is pounding…"
"Hmpf!" Hiroki plopped down in his chair after Miyagi had left, pulling out the letter and frowning at the contents. The child had obviously gotten help from someone with the letter- or perhaps he'd made use of the easy to read dictionary Kamijou had given him a week or so ago as a congratulatory gift for having completed one week of work without wanting to give up.
Kamijou Hiroki and Nowaki,
I wanted to thank you for all you've done for me up to this point. (Scribble scribble). So far I've tried my hardest but I've found myself in kind of a rough situation… (Scribble scribble scribble). I'm going to continue trying to become successful like the both of you, but in order to focus on what's important, I need to (scribbled through: get rid of) eradicate any distractions that get in my way. (Scribble). Thank you for the bike, and for the dictionary. You two are very kind and I find myself thinking of you fairly often, lately. I hope that one day, when Arisa and I have about fifteen children, we can be parents as good as you guys would be, if you were allowed. I apologize for any burdens I may have placed on you guys, and I hope you're both doing very well. I'll send you a post card from Osaka! Take care and be safe. It's getting colder outside, so be sure to keep warm.
Forever in your debt,
Yamaguchi Keiji
P.S. I apologize for having ripped open the envelope; I wanted to add that you probably won't be able to get a hold of me for a while. Kamijou-san, please take good care of Kusama-san, and don't let him try to come after me. Just tell him the good stuff up there in that other paragraph, please. I'd use another envelope, but this is the only one I have, sorry.
…
Why was the brat going to Osaka?
Sighing, Hiroki leaned back in his seat, thinking. The kid had the newspaper route for two weeks, tops… had he just made enough for a trip to Osaka, returned the bike, given the return money to him, and headed off? How long did he have to catch him?
And with Miyagi gone this afternoon, he'd have no choice but to cover for him, so how and when would he go about telling Nowaki?
Lunch was his best chance…
Sighing, he picked up his cell and texted Nowaki, instructing him to meet him for lunch to discuss the letter he was about to fax over. Then he headed to the faculty copy room to do as he'd promised.
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AN: Another chapter completed. Look forward to the next. Please don't forget to read and review. If you have any questions or wish to discuss the content, please feel free to check out my livejournal- listed on as my web page under my profile. Thanks for reading!