Thanks to Joreyna for reading and revising even though you don't find alot of mistakes. It still makes me feel better. Thanks to reviewers. check out thebellacullenproject on myspace it is amazing!

It didn't come back like I thought it would. I suspected that my independent flare would rear its ugly head but, alas, it stayed deep within me. Edward knew it was there, along with my building anger at what I had become. In fact, everyone could sense it. Everyone who was a vampire that is. How long had it been since I wanted my own life? It evaded my mind for days on end, interrupting my train of thoughts and making it all jumbled.

"Perhaps because you are comfortable with us and your sense of affection has finally surfaced." Edward had offered after a strenuous time of resisting the urge to answer me.

I snorted. "Affection? Please." But I was laughing, unable to keep a straight face.

He wasn't laughing. "Well, I think we have given you a break through."

I headed his previous advice and left my worrying at that.

A year passed and we were sophomores. Life was more than tolerable, it was enjoyable. Was it a sin to love my life so much? To love my days that were filled with Edward and I obsessing over the latest Indie bands that surfaced or the classical music that occupied our home's air most of the time? Was it so wrong to love the arguments with him or argue with Jasper whether Lincoln was the best president we had ever had or not? Or the fact that Esme babied me and gave me everything I desired?

Esme gave me my own room, outfitting it in the most modern style, stocking my shelves with the CD's that Edward and I submerged ourselves in, including everything from Italian opera to French techno to American pop. I had a bed at my request though I didn't need it. I would spend hours in it, rolling around in the fluffy purple quilt and inhaling the scent of fresh lilies. My walls were of black and grey, mixing in with the white furniture quite perfectly. My random knickknacks lined the wall from my random adventures with Alice to antique shops. Rosalie found it annoying that I collected random objects, while Edward found it vexing. We all had our own havens and this room certainly was mine. It didn't have to match anyone else's personality except for mine.

Edward came in often to fool around on my computer, shaking his head occasionally at my desktop pictures of Gaspard Ulliel. We chattered about this and that, his memories of his parents and of mine. There was nothing we kept from each other. I often told him which boys at school had the most potential at hotness, sending him into hysterics.

"I swear to you one day Mike Newton will have the ladies swooning for him. If only he changed his spiky hair…"

"He might look to me for inspiration."

"Who would want your messy hair?" I joked but knew that his hair was exactly the kind I loved.

"I know for a fact he is going to change it next summer. He's already debating."

"What about you, Edward? Are there any women who have potential?"

"Lauren. But she is just as tenacious as Rosalie."

And so our days carried on like this with odd conversations strung together by our random thoughts and endless words spoken in our minds.

Summer was terrible for us. I hated going outside and there was nothing to do. So, I ordered armor online and as soon as it came, I was geared up and ready for battle. It wasn't really armor, more of spandex and corsets.

"Are you trying to imitate Underworld to send us into further humiliation?" Rosalie bit out as I came bounced towards the back, two swords raised and pointing them at her playfully.

Jasper, Emmet and Edward were examining them at once with awed silence as I smiled to myself.

"I was taught how to use them at the institute. They're quiet harmless pieces really."

"Yeah except for the fact that they can kill someone." Her retaliation was annoying.

My jaw hardened. "Would you like to see how they're used?"

At once the men answered yes, including Carlisle who had averted his attention from Esme's orders to take them from me.

Alice, Rosalie and Esme were in unfathomable horror as I twirled them in my hands to make them look like miniature helicopter wings. I made my way into the middle, listening for the sounds of any life that might come near me.

"Lilly! Stop it right now!" Esme hollered for the whole town to hear.

I shrugged her off. I wondered if she was more baffled at my swift change from innocent child to sword wielder, or if she really didn't want me to have them in my hands. To a tree I went and my swords hacked away at it, creating a sculpture only the creator could love. It was a gargoyle with only the slightest provocation of happiness.

I jumped up and sliced a small unwanted piece off, only to land in a perfect stance, the swords raised above me head in their newly dulled points.

The men clapped, obviously impressed by my skill. Rosalie shook her head and left while Esme and Alice decided how to get them away from me. We all laughed it off as I threw the swords where no one would ever find them.

We always found odd things to do to fill the time. There were dull moments that would eventually pass unnoticed by our entertaining experiments and adventures. Another year and then…then things changed.

I hadn't thought that life could change for us. I always thought that we would be that way, laughing, singing, dancing, and throwing our cares into the sweltering heat that became our lives.

It was then that I realized why I had felt so happy. It was Jasper who had made me forget my worries. I wasn't mad that he gave me the happiness I wanted, I just hoped it was truly happiness I was granted. I felt a stronger gratefulness towards him and profusely told him this. I thanked him for helping me and focusing his energy on me for the better part of two years. But I told him that I wanted to feel happiness that could only come from myself and that it would take awhile to warm up to it. He understood, and stopped.

Then I could see what was wrong with this little family whom I thought was so perfect. Carlisle and Esme. Jasper and Alice. Emmet and Rosalie. Edward. Me. Edward and I were not connected by ands because…we didn't love each other in that sense. Carlisle had given me to Edward, but just like Rosalie, our relationship was strictly brother and sister. That was all this love could give us. Edward was so alone and when I looked into his eyes, truly looked, I found it. There it was, that inescapable sense of sadness and loneliness. He was alone and I was alone.

That realization was just before she arrived. I remember the day like my own death. And that was exactly what it felt like. The death of our little reverie as a family.

Alice told us she was coming, but neither of us paid that much attention. What was another human coming to town?

The day started normal. Edward and I had been staring intently at our notes, conversing about random things, until he brought up what he'd been reading in everyone's minds during the day.

"There's a newcomer."

"A girl or boy?"

"A girl. Brown hair, pale skin, quiet."

"Have you actually seen her yet or is this just your guess?"

"No, I haven't had the chance to."

It wasn't a huge thrill to us. People came and went all the time but to our peers, it was much different. She was from Phoenix and apparently the only subject on everyone's minds. It was all they talked about. "The Chief's daughter home at last."

At lunch we got our first sighting of her and her abnormal beauty. I couldn't quite place it, but there was something about her that made my heart jump out to her. She seemed to not fit in with those ridiculous conformists she was sitting by. She would fit much perfectly with us quiet beings.

"You know that's impossible."

I frowned at him. "I guess your right."

If that was his choice, then so be it. I would ignore her and wouldn't change her. Alice left without another word to us and I was about to follow when her voice caught my attention. She had turned to the annoying little priss next to her and directed her question.

"Who are they?"

Her question seemed to come into Edward's ear for he looked up at her. I told him to not look but, alas, he never listens to me. Jessica, the priss, giggled to herself. "That's Edward, Emmet, and Lilly Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one on the left is Alice Cullen; they live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife."

It was hard to decipher what she was thinking because her face was difficult to read.

"They are…very nice-looking."

There was no doubt. She was fascinated with us just like everyone else.

Jessica giggled again. What an annoying girl. "Yes! They're all together though—Emmet and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they live together."

They drabbled on a bit on where we came from, who were the Cullen's and that we were all adopted. I allowed my eyes only turn to her for a mere second before they flipped away. That was all it took for her to ask a question about me.

"Which one is the girl with the long, wavy, brown hair?"

Jessica's quick glance was on me and off like a quick burn. "That's Lilly Cullen. She's the newest adopted child and probably the most normal. She's the only one that isn't awkward around us."

Us. Jessica had separated us without even realizing it. None of them knew what we were except for the fact that we didn't mingle. There was us and then there was them. I looked up at her face again. She was watching me with deep curiosity, her eyes a bit wide as I peered at her.

"Stop!" Edward yelled at me and my eyes were on the wall in an instant. That only drew attention to Edward. She asked about him, her wonder with him even deeper.

'That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him."

I had forgotten how attentive to Edward Jessica was. I held back a laugh while Edward yelled at me to quit it. But her voice brought me back. "Why doesn't he date the other one since all of his other siblings are together?"

Jessica shook her head. "If you really want to know, ask him. I have no clue, but he does."

"No thanks." Was her immediate response.

We all stood to walk out the door, our not one of our eyes meeting with her. Onto my next period, one I didn't have with Edward, I went. That was when things went wrong. Terrible. Unbearably…boring.

I felt it in my gut as I bounced the basketball with no effort. Something was wrong, frighteningly wrong. I wondered what it was, this feeling that I had. Carlisle in trouble, possibly? No, I wasn't as close to him. My eyes widened in terror. Jasper had bitten a human! People knew! In my mind I could picture blood and guts everywhere, a horrible image I might add, his strength uncontrollable to those who were beating him off with their chairs. But I couldn't leave and go help him because deep within me I knew it wasn't him. It was Edward.

The bell rang and school ended. Into the car we went only to find Edward escaping the grounds quicker than he ever had. Down the highway we flew and I was almost positive the tires weren't touching the ground. "Edward, what is it?" Alice asked first, having enough guts to ask first.

He held his nostril as if some agonizing scent flourished within them. He pulled over to the side of the road and ordered us to get out.

"But—"

The snarl that came from his throat was unlike any other I had ever heard. I almost fell out of the car, staring at him with befuddled anger. We watched him from the side of the road as his tires spun, kicking dirt up onto us, and disappeared down the road.

It only took us a minute to get home yet there was no sign of him. Every room went under inspection, Esme trailing us in hysterics. "Why would he leave us?" She repeated over and over as we quietly soothed her. He left everything in his room untouched. He hadn't even come home.

Once Carlisle came home in Edward's car, he was hammered with our questions. "Why do you have his car?"

"Where is he?"

"Is he gone forever?"

Carlisle put up his hands in a calming gesture. "He came to me at the hospital, and told me his was going up to Alaska."

I grimaced.

"But why?" Esme's hand went up to her throat and I saw the very human characteristic of her motherly compassion that I adored.

"His exact words were 'The scent is too much. I'll kill her and ruin everything.'" He eyed us over, scanning our faces. He found what he was looking for, the verification to why he had left. "Isabella Swan's blood is exactly his type. I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about, Emmet."

We all looked to Emmet whose eyes agreed with us in one sweeping glance.

"That's all? Just because he smelled a woman with his exact type of lust for blood, he runs away?" Esme began to weep in her own way, her eyes filling with an unmistakable amount of mist and the sigh that escaped from her lips were echoes that bounced off the walls and reverberated inside our heads. Into Carlisle's arms she went.

"You don't understand. You should have seen the look on his face."

"I wish I could have! Then I could have stopped him from being so irrational."

I had been silent this whole time, taking it all in and breathing it out. It was because of Jasper, I knew. He was giving me peace. I sighed to myself and fell into Esme's arms to comfort her.

The next day, at lunch, I could feel the heat of her gaze on us as she watched us, looking for him. She was anxious, nervous, confused, and bewitched by us. This continued day after day. The rain poured, my mind boggled in and out of consciousness. I was completely and utterly bored out of my mind and it was no help that everyone was glumly dragging their feet.

Then he came back and I was more pissed than ever, but I got over it.

We were in my room, him franticly twitching on my bed while I did hand stands against a wall. "What is it about her?" I asked, feeling what little blood I had rush into my brain.

He looked at me with a seriousness I had never seen on his face before. "I can't explain it. It's her blood…it intoxicates me to the point of rushing from a room. And yet I want to stay with her. I can't read her thoughts or her expressions. She's…she's switched off while everyone else is switched on."

I nodded, listening to the strained emotion in his voice. I didn't know exactly how I felt about this Bella Swan, but she seemed harmless.

"She is harmless, but we are dangerous. I could kill her with one squeeze of my hand."

"Then don't touch her."

"You're being very insensitive."

I glared at him, my anger spiking. "Maybe it's because I don't understand why you have to be obsessed with her. Bella Swan is just some weak human who is of little importance to us."

He growled under his breath at me yet it didn't surprise me that time. "It's not like I can help it. Unless you want to move…" He trailed off to let that thought seep into my mind.

My eyebrows furrowed. "No, no I don't want to move."

His smirk was on his face again. "Besides, I'm not the only one being marveled at by a human."

"Rosalie has an admirer. Go figure."

He shook his head.

"Alice?"

"Nope."

"It can't be Esme…they don't even know what she looks like!" I giggled to myself, twirling in sudden circles about my room, the blood gushing back down to all my organs except for my dormant heart. "Then it would be a first for a man to love another man in this town."

He shook his head. "No, Miss. Oblivious. You." Nothing moved. "Heath Collins? Remember him?"

I fell down in a very ungraceful way only to be met with his roaring laughter. I stood up too quick for human eyes and glowered at him. Heath would talk to me every moment that he could, but his conversation was never important enough to remember. "So what if people are interested in me? That's as it should be."

Again, a shake of the head. "It's not interest, its admiration mixed in with curiosity and sprinkled with fascination."

"So what you're saying is—"

"He's going to ask you to prom."

"PROM?!" My scream could be heard throughout the house, bringing Esme to the door in a flash and crushing me into an iron hold.

"What's happened?" She directed her question at Edward whose laughter was chocking him.

After his bout of laughter, he explained what had me in such a tense worry. "Heath Collins is going to ask her to prom and has an extreme fascination with her."

Esme pushed me back with the widest grin I had ever seen on her face. "You better accept."

"What?" I asked in a daze.

In waltzed Alice, a large flash of her teeth in a smile coming towards me. "He's going to ask you in a month and is planning as of this moment how to do it. He's torn between holding a boom box over his head playing a song he wrote for you or embarrassing you in front of the entire school by playing the song over the intercom."

A thought quickly settled over me. "I will have to say no then."

They all glared at me. "Why?!"

"Because! I would be a hypocrite to go with a human when we are warning Edward to stay away from Bella Swan!"

Esme threw her head into a fierce shake. "No, no…there is no danger in it because Alice is certain that no matter how hard he tries, you won't like him. Plus, he is not where you path lies."

"But, isn't it wrong to lead him on?"

Alice was too willing to answer first. "Let him have his fun and then tell him." She was apparently all for this excursion.

I whined at them to please not press me into this but they wouldn't budge. Alice would answer for me if I refused to acknowledge him.

"Isn't it dangerous? I could want his blood." Fear was the last thing I needed at the moment.

"As of late, your blood lust is dull. You feed once a month and are the most comfortable around humans."

I scoffed at the ground. "Speaking of a month…come on, Edward. Let's go hunt."

Edward's appetite was disgusting, and while I watched him suck the life out of a mountain lion, I commented on it. "Drinking a lot of blood, aren't you?"

He needn't wipe his mouth as he rose from the limp body. Not a speck had been spilt. "I'm being cautious."

I nodded, following him through the trees. "Explain to me again why it is you are so attracted to Bella?" I twirled around a tree, a bit unnerved by the thought of a human asking me to prom. I needed him to speak to get my mind off of Heath.

"She has a scent…I can't explain it. Just wait, you'll catch a whiff of her and even your dull lust for blood will flower."

I shrugged. "I suppose." I kicked a few leaves across the ground. "I was supposed to be for you, wasn't I?" I hadn't known the words came out until they were spoken. And yet I was glad they did.

He didn't answer.

"But it didn't work. Just like it didn't work with Rosalie because we're only connected with sibling compassion." I broke a branch and held it up as I would a sword, pointing it at Edward's marble chest. "But that's just as well for I wouldn't have you even if you wanted me."

He laughed at this but it was on the floor and forgotten the next moment. He broke a branch himself and poised it at my chest as well but I was too tense to fight him. The whole prom ordeal was bugging me.

He veered off to the left, towards home, without one single comment on my thoughts. "We should get back."

"No comments on my blaring thoughts?" I had caught up to him then and linked an arm through his. He shrugged out of it, hurting me far deeper than he could see.

"I would be a hypocrite call you out when I have my own human problems." His words were bluntly falling with tremendous speed. "Lilly, I'm so weak. I can't even hold my composure around her. It's appalling!"

I didn't reach out for him again and I doubted if I ever would again. He was breaking away from me, reaching for something were I couldn't follow him. I held back the sobs that threatened to come when he looked at me. "Have I hurt you?"

I put a thick veil over my thoughts, shielding them with my worries of prom. I gave a flamboyant smile. "Of course not! And don't you ever think you are weak because that growl you gave me last week was not even close to weakness."

It had worked. The veil evaded him. "I suppose your right. I guess on Monday we shall just have to see what happens."

However thick my veil was in front of Edward, it wouldn't last for long. I made us walk quickly, lying about some alone time I wanted at home when in truth I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible knowing that soon, somehow, I wouldn't be able to.

I left him in the front room and up the two flights of stairs into my own room, sinking onto my bed with a sigh.