Chapter Two
I was still naked in the bathroom, cleaning, when I heard the click of my front door unlock.
Now, I always lock my door, but that never halts anyone from breaking in except me. Shoot, I mean to take some lessons from Ranger, but he just smiles at me when I bring up the subject.
So, I threw on the robe I had grabbed when the Peeper had appeared, which was now hanging on the door hook being the only place that had not gotten splattered with hair color.
I went out to the living room slash kitchen slash foyer, my multi-purpose not-so-great room, to make sure it was Ranger. I'd always had Ranger vibes from the first moment I saw him and right now the little tapering hairs behind my ears were humming his tune.
Yep, it was Ranger, leaning against the entryway wall and shaking his head at me. Then, he slowly grinned. I knew I was looking bad with all the splotches of hair color on my legs, but I hadn't had time to clean everything yet!. I thought I might have worked up a small sweat trying to get the bathroom clean before it was permanently stained red! Like usual, I hung my head and felt the corners of my mouth tremble.
"Babe", he began, "Your arms have purple splotches on them. Uh oh, you have some in your hair, too" he backed away like I had just developed Bird Flu or something adding, "What is that stuff, anyway? It's all over your legs, too".
"Hair color," I sniffed. I could feel little balls of weeping begin inside my eyes.
"No tears, Babe," he stared a few seconds and then started to pull me into his arms, attempting to hold me without coming in contact with the purple splotches. I started to giggle and hysterics began to bubble up inside. I swallowed and hiccupped a few times.
"Just breathe, Stephanie, slow count, ten, nine, eight...,"
"I'm ok," I brushed his arm away from me, "I just wanted to get a new look and try some hair color for a change. But, now I don't have any left and I used my last few dollars to buy it, so…" as I couldn't think how to end the sentence, I left it to trail along whatever way it wanted.
Ranger studied my legs, "They still look sexy, even with the purple blobs."
I rolled my eyes and he steered me toward the bathroom.
"Need any help with getting those purple marks off, just let me know." He said as he gently pushed me back into the bathroom and shut the door.
Ranger is always so practical and he knows when to stop harassing me. Therefore, I never can decide if I should throw in the towel or throw it off and grab him and hug him and.. Whoa! Stop that thought, I told myself. When Ranger came around, it was always a temptation. If I could have red hair, I knew I could consider doing those impossible things I never seemed able to do and maybe I could be more aggressive. Red hair, right…
An hour later, I was down in the parking lot, talking to Tank. Tank is one of Ranger's Merry Men, a really great guy with really big, uhm, biceps according to my friend Lula.
Now, Tank is also a huge hunk of male testosterone mixed in with a lot of freak accidents when he's near me. At least, he always says it only happens near me, in his own defense. But, I can't blame him for thinking that, as we have a weird past involving broken bones, gunshots, and food fights that he seems to end up in the middle of even though it was never his fault. And, usually, it was because he was trying to save my butt.
Still, he is always polite to the point that I sometimes think he must enjoy the pain of it all, much like being my mother. Well, not exactly…
Tank was telling me how the Peeper was a real pain in the patootie, though that's not the word he used. I was on a clean sweep of my vocabulary right now, due to a bad case of foul-mouthed attitude last month when several of my FTA's taught me some new phrases that I accidentally used in front of my mother when I slipped on my parents' front porch. I almost did not get dessert, so I made a vow to not use four-letter, or three in this case, letter words for a month.
Maybe that's why I got the hiccups earlier, I reflected.
"So, where is he?" I asked, cautiously looking around. I wasn't in a hurry to get reacquainted with Mr. Peeping Tom.
"Well," Tank started, looking at me, then quickly at his knuckles, "He wasn't cooperating very well, so we took him…"
"You took him to the Batcave?" I asked, incredulous. "You took the Peeper, but not me, Shit, I mean Shoot, why don't I ever get to go?"
Tank looked me over, "I ain't your mama, so you don't have to say 'Shoot' for me. And we didn't take him to the Batcave, whatever that is, we took him to Rangeman."
"Oh," I said, sheepishly.
"I can take you to the Batcave sometime if you want me to, but you should ask Ranger about that." He eyed me suspiciously. "Didn't you ever ask him to take you?"
"Well, a long time ago I did, but he said it would mean, uh, never mind," I said a bit cross with myself. I remembered he had said it would involve a lot of undressing and caressing and messing around. 'Ess' curves for Stephanie, he called them. Hmm.
With red hair, maybe I would demand that he take me to the Batcave!
Could my life be any messier? Hmm, another "ess" curve, only curvier.
We jumped into his new Humvee and rolled down Main to Washington and across town to Rangeman. It wasn't the usual route and I watched Tank closely for any sign of worry that we were being tailed.
He smiled, saying, "Just taking precautions. Ranger has picked up on some unusual chatter on the streets lately. He's not worried or anything, but we have this new company we're doing business with that has him on alert."
It must be big to have Ranger telling his Merry Men to take side streets just to pick me up for a new job.
Today, we were scheduled to review a new client's case. Then, early tomorrow morning, a whole team of us were leaving for the Bahamas. It must be a really special client to need so many Merry Men for one security job in the Bahamas. And I wasn't even sure yet why my special skills were needed for this job. But, whatever, I was ready to fly! I still needed to finish packing, so with any luck Ranger would have some new 'necessities' already packed for me. Especially with my low cash flow at the moment, it would be awesome to get a few 'freebies' from Rangeman.
That got me to thinking about food. Food is the one issue I have with Ranger, his love for 'healthy' foods. Like tofu, for instance. I can stomach it if the tofu has been smothered in something that will cover the bland taste, spaghetti or lasagna, for instance.
I was thinking that maybe I should have Tank stop at the Deli to get some tomato sauce, so I would have it with me, just in case.
Pouting, I remembered that I was broke.
Tank looked over at me, "What's up Stephanie? A little birdie's gonna come and sit on your lip."
I grinned. Tank talking like my Grandmother, now that was a hoot. "Oh, it's just that I was thinking about our meeting and tofu and Ranger. Ya know he usually serves food at these lunch meetings. So, then I got to thinking about getting some sauce to cover up that tofu, then I remembered I am busted, flat broke." I smiled at him and hoped he would take the hint.
"Yeah, he does like some weird foods. " Tank thought slowly. Inside I was saying, "C'mon, Tank, get it, get to it!" I wasn't sure if I was reeling him in or he was just taking me somewhere. Augh! Men could be so slow on the uptake!
"Well," he drawled, "I guess we might have time to stop at this little Deli up here at the corner. I can get us some sauce."
My man caught, hook, line and sinker!
A few minutes later, we were at the counter with our tomato sauce, olives, peanut butter, and bag of doughnuts. Tank had that 'I-am-so-gonna-be-in-trouble' look and I was smiling at him sweet as possible for taking the trouble to get me some comfort food.
The older woman in line behind us spoke up, "Honey, this big guy been beating you up or something? What's with all the bruises on your legs?"
Mortified, I shook my head at her and said, "No, ma'am, Tank would never hit me! It's just hair color."
The old gal just shook her head, muttering something about 'stupid stories I'd ever heard'. I tried to ignore her, but I could see Tank glancing at her and turning red.
Geesh! This was my entire fault for getting him in here first off and now he gets accused of being a woman-beater!
Tank paid for the food and we turned to leave, the old crony shouted at Tank, "You should learn how to treat a lady! She deserves better than you, you big lout! Beating on her, the poor thing and leaving those horrible welts all over her!"
She was in a tirade, the words pouring out of her mouth, and then tomatoes were flying across the store. Splat! One landed on Tank's forehead, then another one right in the middle of his shirt. Soon, there was red everywhere!
Dang! She was a great shot!
We rushed out and slammed ourselves into the Humvee, tires screeching and engine roaring down the street. I swear Tank had the thing on two wheels going around the last corner as I held onto the 'O.S' bar for dear life.
Still in one piece, we rolled into Rangeman and after stopping the vehicle, Tank laid his head on the steering wheel and let out a big sigh.
I started to giggle, soon it was a guffaw.
"Ha,ha,ha," I laughed, "Just wait till Ranger and the guys see you.
Tank did not respond, he just let out another huge sigh, opened the door, and headed inside. I was still giggling a bit when I entered the meeting room. The guys were guffawing at Tank's appearance, all except Ranger. He just stood mesmerized by Tank's red tomato slop in his hair and his shirt, his backside and right on his front, uh, zipper. I tried to stifle my chuckles, but they kept leaking out. Ranger shook his head and walked over to the sideboard where the food had been delivered.
The sideboard held coldcuts, cheese, rye and wheat hoagie style rolls and a variety of veggies, salads and tofu. Looking up, I saw Tank's eyes cut over to the tofu, then to me.
Simultaneously, we laughed. No one could speak for a few minutes for all the teeheeing and bahaaing. Even Ranger had a smirk on his face.
"Ok, so what's up with the tofu?" he said.
New fits of laughter sprouted from Tank and me. I sputtered, "He was buying me some olives, teehee, and some marsh-ha-mallows and peanut but-tahha-ter, and some tomato sauce, bah hah, so I wouldn't have to eat to-ho-fu, then this old woman thought I had bruises all over me from Tank beating on me. She starts yelling at him and pelting him with tomatoes. Hehe, he just looks so funny."
Tony, the newbie, added, "Yeah, he looks almost as funny as you with all those purple spots. Hee hee, hahaaa…"
My laughter died in my throat. I cut my eyes over to Tank, who suddenly looked away.
Some of the guys were still laughing and some were trying to clear their throats and wipe the tears from their eyes. I plunked down in a chair with my bag of food and started taking out my comfort foods. This was going to be a long night.
Ranger leaned down and whispered into my ear, "Babe, I know how to make you feel a lot better about those spots." The guys were all talking, munching and trying to ignore us on the other side of the room.
I whispered back, "Really, and what about Morelli?" I took a bite of my peanut butter, olive and hoagie sandwich, munching loudly.
He touched my ear with his lips and the accompanying tingle sent a shiver swirling around my hairline, "News is that you two are off again."
"Ranger, are you trying to take advantage of me when I am down?" I quietly spewed.
He paused a moment to look into my eyes, "Sorry, I told Tank not to mention your spots nor how bad they look. I'm not trying to do anything except to let you know I am available if you want me. Later, Babe."
Then, he stood and called the meeting to order.
I was a mess, my whole life was one big mess and today it was because of the color red.