Love's Misconstruities
Chapter 4
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto called, running toward the pink-haired girl who stood leaning against a tree outside of training area number three.
"Naruto, thanks for coming."
"Sakura-chan, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? And why all the way out here? Could it be that you wanted to be…alone with me?"
"Well, actually…" Sakura began before realizing what he was implying. Before Naruto knew it, he was lying on the ground, holding his head.
"Ah…Sakura-chan…you're getting stronger…"
"Arg, Naruto! Forget it! I was hoping you'd be able to help me, but I guess I should have asked Lee-kun," she baited, turning away from him and starting to leave.
"Eh? W-w-wait! Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined, chasing after her. "I can help! I can help! What is it?"
Sakura suppressed a grin before turning to face him, replacing her expression with concern. "Well, I wasn't sure who to turn to when I found out…" she began, playing the helpless damsel in distress.
"Found out what?" the anxious boy interrupted.
"I'm getting to it!" Sakura shouted, breaking her façade.
"O-okay…" Naruto cowered.
After a deep breath, Sakura cleared her throat and continued. "Tsunade-shishou was suckered into buying a jug of elixer not too long ago. She was told it would reverse the aging process and to drink a little bit every day until she ran out. He said that, at first she would start to look older, but that by the time she was half-way through it would kick in and start reversing. This way she wouldn't have to use her age-defying jutsu anymore."
"Typical Oba-san. But why tell me? I know she's a renowned sucker."
"Because, Naruto, I think that the merchant meant her harm! Maybe he was an assassin from another hidden village. It could be a plot to sabotage Konoha! Think about it. I've seen her without the jutsu, Naruto. She's more than half-way through the jug and the effects haven't reversed, they've just gotten worse! Tsunade-shishou is as old as Jiraya-sama. If she keeps taking the elixer, she could die from old age! And think what would happen to Konoha if the Fifth died!"
"Uh, did you try talking to Oba-san about this?"
"Yes, but you know how stubborn she is. She refuses to believe she was tricked so she's content to keep on taking the elixer! If we don't do something, Konoha will be in trouble."
"Mm! We should tell Kakashi-"
"No!" Sakura hastily shouted.
"Eh?"
"I mean, uh…Tsunade-shishou would just order him off on a mission if he approached her about it. The same with anyone else. This has to be done covertly. I think the two of us can do it."
"What do you have in mind?" Naruto asked skeptically.
"We're going to steal the elixer."
"Huh? That's it?"
"It's more difficult than it sounds! Tsunade-shishou keeps it hidden in her office, in the bottom right-hand desk drawer."
"If you know that, why don't you just take it?"
"Naruto! If it were that easy, I wouldn't have asked you! I need you to steal it while I distract Tsunade-shishou. I'll call her out of the office while you break into the drawer. But you have to be careful! This is the Hokage we're talking about. Who knows what kind of wards or traps she's placed on there. I need your help, Naruto. Can I trust you to do it?"
"This whole thing sounds kinda weird, but… Mm! You can count on me!" Naruto proudly stated, grinning widely and giving her a thumbs up.
"I knew I could!" Sakura grinned back before turning around and whispering under her breath, "Phase one: mission successful."
"Huh? What was that, Sakura-chan?"
"Oh, eh...nothing! C'mon, Naruto! There's no time to waste!"
Perching outside the Hokage's office window, Naruto waited patiently while Sakura lured her mentor out of the room. When the coast was clear, he made his move.
After a thorough inspection of the desk, he disarmed a blatantly visible ward, performing the proper hand seals to deactivate it and then slowly peeled it away from the targeted drawer.
"Heh. Oba-san's not as smart as she thinks." He opened the drawer and found the jug, just like Sakura had said. "Sakura-chan's going to love me for this!" he snickered to himself. He closed the drawer and was suddenly knocked on his rump by a small explosion. A moment later, thundering footsteps could be heard charging down the hall until the door to the office slammed open.
"Shizune! I knew the invisible seal would work! How dare you steal…my… Ahhh! Naruto?!"
"Heh heh...heh…O-Oba-san… Um…this is…uh…"
"Give that back!" she began, storming toward him. Before Naruto could argue, his feet were carrying him out the window. "Uzumaki Naruto!!"
A fierce chase was soon underway, but it wasn't long before Tsunade had cornered her wayward genin thief.
"You give that back to me right now, Naruto, and maybe I'll just beat you senseless instead of into a bloody pulp!"
With no options left, Naruto didn't seem to have much of a choice.
'I've tried my clones, she creates just as many. She just dodges my Rasengan, and I'm in the middle of the village so I can't summon Gamabunta… I can't let Sakura down! Looks like I have no choice…' Naruto thought before finally deciding on his course of action.
Tsunade watched in horror as Naruto began chugging the contents of the jug.
"Ah!! My precious sake! Naruto no baka!! That was a gift! Do you know how rare that is?…WAS?! How much it was worth?! I'm gonna send you back to the academy starting tomorrow and make you-"
"Ugh, you're too loud, you old hag! Sheesh," Naruto said, plugging his ears and beginning to stagger.
"O-old…what?" the woman before him asked, her eye twitching.
"You 'eard me! Stupid, ugly ol' hag who needs ta shuddup!"
"Na-ru-to!!" That was all Tsunade would take. She charged at him with the full intention of putting him in the hospital.
"Oh, you wanna play it like that? Heh. Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Suddenly, the streets and rooftops were filled with drunken clones of himself. "Everyone! Create a diversion while I escape!" Naruto ordered.
"Eh? What for?"
"That's no fun."
"Yeah, who hic put you in charge?"
"I'm hungry!"
"I'm gonna go an' get some ramen!"
As the clones argued amongst themselves, Tsunade began to tear through them.
"This party blows."
"Yeah, I'm outta here."
The surviving clones and Naruto soon started to evacuate the massacre, finding more interesting things to amuse themselves.
"Looks like things are going according to your plans, Shikamaru. You may be smart after all."
"Shut up, Temari."
"How were you able to anticipate this outcome out of all the possibilities?" Gaara asked, intrigued as he watched the orange masses rage through Konoha.
"Eh, I didn't exactly predict this outcome. First, I knew that I'd have to create a diversion; something that I could use to send Hinata and Neji on a fake mission and split them up. Then I'd have to get Hokage-sama out of the way in case word got back to her that there was a mission underway that she hadn't assigned. Knowing this, I contacted Sakura. She volunteered to help me with the distraction and I suggested we use Naruto as her accomplice, thereby killing two birds with one stone since he was a part of my plans to begin with. I figured I wouldn't be able to include him in our plans directly because he'd manage to fowl it up somehow, but if we didn't include him he'd probably manage to screw it up somehow too. So instead I decided to put his talents to use."
"Talents?" Gaara asked.
"Naruto is unpredictable. That, and he's the number one ninja of surprises…and mischief. Whatever the outcome, Naruto would have done something big and disruptive, but I had faith that he wouldn't do anything too major, like destroying the village. Now, I'm not so sure. We'd better hurry and eliminate some of those clones."
"Gaara, go and take your position," Temari instructed.
"I'll go to the Hyuuga estate," Shikamaru said, taking off. Gaara followed him off the back of the mountain and Temari jumped from the face of the cliff, using her fan to glide down on wind currents.
"Hm. Time to have some fun," she chuckled, the sun setting at her back. "Good luck, little brother."
Hinata and Neji were sparring in the Hyuuga main house's courtyard when Shikamaru approached.
"Neji! Hinata!" he yelled. They paused to stare at his figure which was running toward them with much haste.
"Shikamaru, what is it?" Neji asked, wiping the sweat from his brow.
"Orders from Hokage-sama. Naruto's out of control and the village is being overrun with delinquent clones of himself."
"Eh?!" Hinata gasped.
"No time to explain. Hokage-sama wants you, Neji, to head north and try to find the real Naruto. Hinata, you head south and do the same. If one of you finds him, apprehend him and get him to dispel the jutsu."
"What about the clones in the meantime? Shouldn't one of us work on dispersing them?" Neji asked.
"No, we've already got that covered. All the available genin are dispatched throughout the village doing that. You two stand the best chance of finding the real Naruto with your Byakugan."
"Even with the Byakugan, it is difficult to tell the difference between a clone and the shinobi creating it because the chakra is distributed evenly." Neji explained.
"Yes, but Naruto is drunk. Er...don't ask how... Anyway, the chakra is probably not spread evenly. Just try your best. Now, go! Quickly! He's already eaten probably a quarter of the food in the village and we've gotten reports that he's invaded the women's bath house!"
"Hai!" the two yelled, jumping into action.
"She's all yours now, Gaara," Shikamaru said, smirking to himself before going to join Chouji and Ino.
Translations/Term Definitions...in no particular order:
- -shishou: A bit different from sensei which can mean 'teacher,' shishou means 'teacher' and/or 'master.' It seems to me that shishou is the more respectful of the two.
- Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu: Naruto's "Mass Shadow Replication Technique"...or however they translate it in the dub.
- Byakugan: The eye technique of the Hyuuga clan. A bloodline limit which allows the user to see the opponent's chakra and tenketsu, or chakra holes.
- Sake: A traditional liquor made from rice which is popular in Japan; pronounced "sah-kay."
- Naruto no baka: A translation would be, "Naruto, you idiot!"