This last year has been very hard. It's now the summer before our senior year and much to my dismay Lilly and Miley are still very much in love.

Just like I am still in love with her. I really don't want to, but it's not like I can just stop loving her. I can tolerate the thought of my two best friends together now. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully accept it. It just seems like giving up hope to me.

I've got a girlfriend now. Allie is a pretty girl and she is very loveable. So why can't I be in love with her instead of Lilly? I like her a lot and I thought the rest would come. That was 3 months ago and there's still no sign of this unconditional love I feel for my blonde friend. Lilly and Miley were really happy for me and Allie. They both said what a cute couple we made and how we finally could do double-dates.

Seeing them all together makes me less sad. The girls became very good friends with each other. Sometimes I dream that it is Miley who's dating Allie. Lilly would be mine and everything would be perfect. But I'm losing all hope on ever being with the love of my life.

I dont't even know if I should call her that anymore. Can someone really be the love of your life if you don't even know what it's like to be with them? I enjoy the time I spend with my girlfriend. She's mine. Finally someone I have all to myself. You don't have to be in love with someone to want their affection. It feels nice to have her close to me. Touching each other or the occasional kiss on the cheek. Allie is not a big fan of PDA, but she would always hold my hand or give me a light peck, when she feels like I could need it.

We're all going to Tennessee this summer. Me and Allie are joining our friends, who are staying the whole summer, for two weeks. Mileys farm is supposed to be great and I can't deny the exitement. This could be great for Allie and I and I'm going to be away from Lilly for the rest of summer. I can finally get over her. It's not fair to Allie. It's not fair that I still think about the blonde when I'm kissing my raven haired girlfriend. Or that I still frequently dream about being with my friend. I really want to get over her. The pain is becoming to much to handle. Watching my two best friends be so open about their love. The happiness is practically written on their foreheads. I feel bad for trying to come between them when they are obviously so in love. Other than me and Allie, they are all for the display of affection. They enjoy being open about their relationship. I can't tell how many times they got detention for making out in the hallway.

They had to be very strong this last year. So many people are horrible, including Lillys parents. Kicking her out on the street at 16. She's been living with the Stewarts for 6 months now. Her parents vever really tried to contact her and seeing her hurt so badly was even harder than seeing her with Miley. At least she was happy with the southern girl. I've never seen her so devasted before. I suggested for her to live at my house but she chose Mileys. Again, she chose our friend and not me. But I understand now. When your hurting you want the person you love most. And I'm not as naive as a few months ago. I know that Miley is the one she loves. The one she longs for to soothe her pain.

Lilly and I are closer than ever before. I don't really know if that is a positive thing. She tells me everything. And with that I really do mean everything. Ever had the girl you love tell you abouth having sex with her girlfriend? Making love is what she called it. Under other circumstances I would find it extremly hot but for me it was just disturbing.

She talks about fights and making up. I really don't want to, but every time she comes to vent about something Miley did, I feel hope. Hope that they'll break up and that Lilly'll be fee again. But the next day both girls always have this enormous smile on their faces and soon enough Lilly tells me how they made up the whole night. Let me tell you something. Lilly and Miley are like rabbits. They do it all the time. Just two weeks ago we were all watching a movie at Mileys house. Which is Lillys house now too. Only thirty minutes into the movie they started to fool around under their blanket. I didn't even need to look at them to know. Just the way Lillys breath hitched now and then and how Allie turned stiff in my arms as she dared to take a peak at them. 10 minutes later we left because Lilly claimed she wasn't feeling well.

We've gotten used to it. That was not the first time something like that happened. By now I learned to read their eyes very well. I could tell in which mood both girls were and I could flee early enough.

Allie and I haven't done it yet. I wanted to but I think it wouldn't be fair if I tought about someone else while being with her for the first time. Maybe this summer. But I need to get over the blonde first. What Allie and I had was really good and it would be even better if she was the only girl in my heart. I need to accept the fact that everything I dreamt about won't come true. My first kiss wasn't with Lilly and my first time having sex will also be with someone else.

And I was right! The summer really did help me to get somewhat over Lilly. The time spent in Nashville was great, but the weeks after that were even better. I could finally fully

concentrate on my girlfriend. And I learned that she is even more amazing than I thought. The girls were right. We really were perfect for each other. We had so much fun and I finally could kiss her and not picture Lilly while doing it. I think she noticed the difference too. She seems more happy now. I'm starting to really fall for her, but I can't say that I don't love Lilly anymore, because I'll always do. But I can accept that she would never see me like a potential boyfriend or potential husband. Lilly and I don't have a future together. Not in a romantic kind of way. I used to think we were meant to be together. That she was my one. And maybe she was but I know now that I'm not it for her. She already has her soulmate. And I'll find mine too. If it isn't Allie it will be someone else. Lilly and I are meant to be friends. And I can settle with that. If I can't have Lilly the way I want I'm happy to have her in my life at all.

I think I deserve to find love. I deserve someone who loves me back. Someone with sweaty palms and a racing heart because of me. Everybody deserves to find true love. And I'm positive that one day I'll find it.

My two best friends already have all that. Some find it early and some a little bit later. The fairytale I told you about was not supposed to come true. That is just the way fairytales are, right? Bedtime stories parents tell their children. Not something you should trust in. Some may think they are living it but every story is different. Every love is different. My love for Lilly was different than her love for me. You just can't make someone love you back. But you should never give up even if it's hard for a while. I've learned that. I'm happy now.

It's just how love is supposed to be. It has to be hard and painful sometimes, otherwise we wouldn't realize how important it really is.

The end is kind of stolen from Ashley Davies. :D You just have to love sensitive Ash.

Thanks for the reviews so far. That was my first story ever and it's kinda short but I plan on posting other things :D It's nice to read your comments and to see that you work

is being acknowledged. I apologize for spelling mistakes and for grammatical errors. English isn't my native language.